


Chipped Mask

by Darkpetal16



Category: Naruto
Genre: Adventure, F/M, Family, Friendship, Humor, Parody, Romance, Wholesome, romcom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 157,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25997515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkpetal16/pseuds/Darkpetal16
Summary: -COMPLETED- Originally posted on FF.net 04-03-2013; completed in 2014.No one just falls into another world. It just doesn't happen. Not normally, at least. Not even rarely. It's an effect, not a cause. And I should have known that. The signs were there. The warnings were clear. I should have paid attention. No one just falls into another world. No one just falls into another world, and returns, I should say. Because I fell. And returning was impossible.OC-Insert.
Relationships: OC/Obito, Original Character / Uchiha Obito
Comments: 17
Kudos: 54
Collections: Into another world





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. This is a work of fiction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. This is a work of fiction.   
> First Beta: featherstofly  
> Second Beta: Lavendor Queen  
> Editor: Sansho
> 
> **Artwork by Saki-Hitsumi on deviantART.**

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Let me make this perfectly clear.

No one simply falls into another world.

One does not lounge about the couch like any other normal day, watch T.V., and suddenly it's the _Ring_ in reverse. There are no erratic pockets of blue portals, or black holes conveniently placed so that they're floating around Earth. A bolt of lightning isn't going to magically flash you elsewhere. When you die, you aren't going to pop back up, _perfectly alive_ in a whole other realm (or at least I don't think you do). The universe will not rip a hole in the fragile dimensions of space and time only to push _someone_ through at complete random.

Whatever supernatural force, be it God, Shinigami, Jashin, or whoever else, will _not_ aimlessly select a normal person to be the first cross-dimensional ambassador without their consent. Two of the listed above actually _do_ believe in free will, after all, and why the hell would Jashin care about an _average_ and _plain_ person? He seems more likely the type to pick some crazed mass murderer with a flair for dramatic deaths.

The point is, _it just does not happen_.

Not like that, anyway.

It shouldn't even happen in the first place, really. It's such an absurd idea that if you personally weren't the one experiencing everything, I doubt you would believe it. It would only be some interesting story to you, correct?

It's not.

To me, it's not.

It's horrifying. It's exhilarating. It's damning. It's _freeing_.

And I got so _damn_ _lucky_ when it did occur to me.

Returning to the point, however; it simply does not _just_ happen. How it decides—how it _begins_ , even now I'm not sure. I've never discovered with certainty the _why_ s and _how_ s. More than likely it was all about being at the right place, at the right time.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

My first encounter with the 'other world' was when I was eight and a half.

I wasn't anywhere special, unlike most stories would typically start off as.

I was sitting right in my room.

Right at my bed.

Right before bedtime.

The lights were off, and doors shut. Toys were put away, and clothes scattered about the floor. The window curtains were spread open, allowing the barest of moonlight to creep into the small bedroom.

I had cracked my window open a tiny portion, and I could hear the crickets singing their muse. My family lived on a farm, in a quiet little town. Papa was a mechanic, and Grandpoppy was a farmer his entire life. When Grandmommy passed away, Papa moved us to stay with Grandpoppy and help tend to the farm.

Papa was a good mechanic, I was told. He could find work anywhere.

I didn't really want to go. I was happy in our apartment, with my friends from school. Change was scary to me, then.

We moved within a week, though, in spite of my protests.

It was hard to adjust to the new life. I had lived in a busy city with Papa all of my life prior to moving. It had been the two of us in that little apartment, with Mama coming and going like the wind. At Grandpoppy's, my room was bigger (which was nice), and I had a proper backyard, but I was lonely.

There weren't many children around. The school in town had been closed down long ago due to lack of students, and I would have to take an hour long bus ride every day to go to the nearest public school. It was daunting, and I dreaded it.

I sat in my bed, listening to the crickets sing. It was so much more quiet than what I was used to. My hands gripped the covers tightly, and my brow furrowed. I wished for something to distract me, or something to help me fall asleep. If I had to spend another night restlessly turning about in my bed with nothing but crickets to keep me company, I would lose my mind!

Then it came; a subtle pressure entered the room, making my ears pop. I jumped at the oddity, and felt my stomach begin to knot with nerves.

Naturally at the time, I had no idea that that was the 'other world'.

"Hello?"

The voice came about of seemingly nowhere. It was a boy, perhaps a year older than I was from the sound of it. He sounded scared, tired and in pain; the voice was quiet and raspy. It was difficult to hear, muffled almost, yet I heard it with clarity through my head. The contradiction struck me as odd, which only heightened my anxiety at the situation.

More than a little scared, I hugged my blankets tighter to me, my eyes darting about to find the source of the voice. I was a child, then. When a voice started talking to me in the dead of night, I got _scared_.

"H-Hello?" I whispered back, fear leaking into my voice. Discreetly, as if I somehow expected the owner of the voice to not see me, I edged my way underneath the covers.

"Is... Is someone there?"

"I don't know," I whispered back, cautiously peeling back a corner of the blanket from my head. If I couldn't see them, they couldn't see me, right? Surely, the blanket would protect me.

"Am I dead?"

My heart skipped a bit and I felt the blood draining from my face. _A ghost?_ Did I have a _ghost_ haunting me? _Oh, please, no!_ My body immediately shrunk back under the blanket again, quivering in terror.

"Are you?" I squeaked, my heart racing. It pounded so loudly in my chest I could hear it.

"Are _you_?"

"If I say n-no, will you go away?"

"I-I don't know how. Where am I? I feel, um, different. I thought, I thought, the rocks," the voice then paused for a long moment before continuing, "I thought I should be dead? Am I not? Am I in the Leaf?"

"I don't know," I squeaked again. "We just moved here! I'm sorry if we moved on your grave, Mr. Ghost! I'm sorry! Please don't kill me!"

"K-Kill you? Wh-Why? I thought... Can you see me?"

I didn't want to even try.

"N-No," I answered instead, not caring if it was a lie.

"I can't see you, either. I can't see _anything_. I can't even feel anything. Are you sure I'm not dead?"

"I h-hope you're not," I whispered.

"I hope I'm not, either. That would _suck_. But then, being alive would kinda suck too, or at least make my death _so_ much more anticlimactic. I gave that bastard my left eye! What if I am alive, what am I supposed to say to him? Or to my family when they find out? Oh _God_ , Mom would _kill_ me if she found out I did that and I'm still alive. She'd make me go take it back from him. Can you imagine how awkward that would be? 'Oh, hey, Bakashi, sorry but, um, it turns out I kind of need my eye back so if you would rip it out that would be fantastic.'"

I giggled a little at the sarcastic tone lacing his voice, beginning to sit up and look around for the source of the sound. He didn't seem so scary when he complained about how scary his mom could be. My mama could be scary too, so I could relate.

"Oh, not scared of me anymore? I don't blame you, I guess. I'm going to assume I'm some sort of disembodied voice, or whatever; that'd freak me out."

"It is a little freaky," I agreed quietly, still searching for him.

"Ah-ah. Oh, hey, I'm feeling kind of tingly and tired. I think—I think either I'm waking up or I'm being pulled beyond? Ah, well, see you later little girl!"

"Bye-bye," I whispered.

When the pressure left, I returned to hiding underneath my covers and I refused to leave them until daylight came.

That was my first encounter. I'm sure many of you already know who that voice belonged to. You would be correct in saying it _was_ Obito Uchiha, though I did not know that at the time, nor would I discover it for an even longer amount of time.

I'm equally sure that many of you are pondering—how did that make _any_ sense? How was that not more random than a T.V. warp-hole?

Perhaps to you it would seem that way; but, allow me to explain what we (Obito and I) have been able to theorize and conclude.

Obito's Sharingan was a dimensional Sharingan. With his eye(s) he was able to take himself from one dimension to another. When he and I first encountered each other, it was before his Mangekyō awoke and right after his Sharingan first activated. It was unstable, weak, wild, and uncontrolled. In theory his eye(s) could have taken him anywhere in all of the multiverses. The possibilities were virtually limitless.

But it was still a first tomoe Sharingan, and a fragile one at that. We had come to the conclusion that when the rock fell his eye activated once more and transported some form of his consciousness to my world. It was likely that at that place, at that time, for whatever reason, the walls between our worlds were at their most fragile. A scary thought, really, when one stopped to consider it.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

My second encounter was perhaps a day or two after my first.

I know, I know what you're thinking. Why would there be a repeat?

In all honesty we still do not _know_ why our worlds were so close together or why _this_ happened or why _that_ happened. All we could do was theorize, and draw our own conclusions. My belief, and his as well, was that any time he was unconscious and at his most vulnerable, his Sharingan would subconsciously activate in memory of his weakest moment: when the rocks fell. At that moment, however, he was there with me. In conclusion, it can be inferred that our encounters were repetitive because some subconscious part of him was drawn to the memory of our first encounter. Be it curiosity, morbid horror, or obsession, we did not know.

But I digress; our second encounter was not much different from our first. And soon, our second became our third, our third to our fourth, our fourth to our twentieth, and so on and so forth. When he would arrive was erratic in my world—it would appear our worlds ran on chaotic timelines compared to each other, but each visit would bring about something similar to the first.

I was disinclined to believe he really was from another world. The name he had given me (Tobi, because he informed me that was a new name he was going to have to get used to) didn't seem odd or inhuman so I had dismissed him as just an imaginary friend of sorts. As had my Papa and Grandpoppy. I couldn't see him; I couldn't even _feel_ him. I truly and utterly believed with all my heart that he was a figment of my imagination.

I know now that he believed the same for me at the time. He believed that _I_ was some conjured figure his subconscious created when he was in a stressful situation. He believed that I was his mind's way of coping. It was with that reason, he would later inform me, that he was so open to trusting me, and relaxing his guard. A habit he would keep, he said.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

I no longer believed he was simply imaginary when I turned fourteen after a certain encounter.

A minor explanation is warranted before I continue. The law of erosion played a drastic roll in our story. By constantly picking away at the barrier between our worlds (i.e. teleporting back and forth) he had whittled it down to a point where more than his voice came through. More than that, he had whittled it down to a point where the barrier was thinnest in my room; where I spent the majority of my time.

He relied heavily on chakra, something that did not exist in my world. Chakra was energy to him; it was his lifeline, his dependency, and his necessity. Chakra for their world was spiritual energy and could be virtually molded into anything, pass through anything, and used as anything. The possibilities surrounding chakra were theoretically endless.

So, one night alone in my house imagine my surprise when the figure of a man—consisting entirely of chakra—was found standing in my room looking around.

I stared at it.

I gaped at it.

It turned to me. "Hoo? Mia? Is that you?"

The puzzles clicked. I blinked, my heart instantly calming at that familiar voice I had come to be so fond of. " _Tobi?_ "

It— _he_ —glanced down at his 'hands'. "Huh. Didn't know chakra could—where the _hell_ am I?"

"My room," I answered, a frown tugging down my lips. It was surreal to suddenly have a figment of my imagination take on a physical form. Or was it physical? Did my imagination simply become more creative?

"You have, ah, a lot of technology," Tobi said, glancing around. He seemed transfixed by my laptop.

"Yes," I said slowly. "Are you normally _blue_?"

"Ah... no, no I'm not. This is my, um, energy, I guess."

"Oh," I said, for lack of anything else to say.

"You—This really is another world?" Tobi said, slight awe in his voice as he continued to look around. He kept stopping and staring at my laptop, inching closer and closer to it as he did so.

I frowned again, feeling an odd sense of worry for my laptop despite him being a figment of my imagination. I crawled out of bed, and moved towards him. In a swift movement I poked his arm, then my hand immediately jerked back.

"Holy shit, you're solid," I squeaked, taking a few steps back in disbelief. I clenched and relaxed my hand, my finger tingly from the odd sensation of touching Tobi; of touching raw _chakra_. "You mean you're _not_ imaginary?"

He stared at me for a moment before glancing at his arm. He turned to me, then poked me in the forehead. His fingers felt like a brush of warm wind focused and poked me. My eyes were wide. Tobi murmured, "You're solid too."

He turned away abruptly, moving about my room and poking all sorts of things. "All of this is solid. Am I really in another world? All this time I thought—I thought you were some subconscious part of me, or something."

"OhmyGod," I breathed. "Tobi, you're an alien!"

"No, I'm not," Tobi immediately responded, defensive. "I'm human!"

"You're _blue!_ "

"I'm not normally like this, you know," Tobi retorted. "What are you wearing?"

I stared down at my pajamas. "Pajamas. It's night here; bedtime."

"I can see that, I meant your _head_."

"Oh. It's just a hat."

"Are all hats so," Tobi drawled out the word, as if hesitating to find the next word, " _unique_ here?"

I crossed my arms over my chest. "I _like_ my fox hat. I think it's cute."

"I'm sure you think it is."

"You're mean," I dismissed flippantly. "So if you're human, _why_ are you blue?"

"I don't think I can have my physical body in this world, not for the moment at least," Tobi said thoughtfully, looking down at his hands. "This is weird; _really_ weird. I understand the concept of dimensional travel, I do. After all, my, ah, eye has already created its own world and I've used it frequently but this... This is a little strange. To answer your question, though, I think more than likely my consciousness projected further into this world and my, ah, _energy_ came with it and molded to compensate for my lack of a physical body."

"So this is an outline of your real physical body," I guessed.

He glanced down at himself. "I believe so. It's missing some parts, and I don't think I have hair in this form—"

"You don't."

"—so this is a really basic outline. I guess I'm a bit thankful for that, I would hate for this to be a bit _too_ detailed. You look like you're twelve."

"I'm fourteen," I snapped hotly, flushing in annoyance. "You look like you're sixteen."

"I'm seventeen," Tobi corrected.

I huffed, feeling my irritation drain away. "Well. Anyway, welcome to my humble abode."

"You're room's a mess," Tobi commented. "I thought girls' rooms were supposed to be all neat and organized."

I gave him a _look_ , trying to subtly shove some underwear underneath my bed. Pretty sure he noticed and wisely didn't comment on it. He held up his hands defensively. "My room used to be a mess, too. I was only commenting. So what do you want to do?"

I paused, thinking thoughtfully. "Well, you're new to this world and now you have a physical body. We can probably do more than talk now. Want to play Mario?"

"Mario?" Tobi repeated.

"Mario," I decided. "Come on, you'll get the hang of it. We can use the Wii."

"Okay?"

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

Even after that encounter, he still believed I was a figment of his mind. He thought his mind was simply acting a bit more cleverly in trying to trick him to think I was real, to force him into coping after his trauma. However, _my_ belief was changed. Unless I was somehow psychic as well as schizophrenic—and I highly doubted _that_ —Tobi was someone capable of physically interacting with the world around him. He could bring me drinks, play games, and leave little notes. The only explanation I was satisfied with was that he truly was a visitor from another dimension.

As crazy as that sounded.

More time passed and with it came a slow realization. After each visit, little by little, Tobi was able to stay a bit longer. If only a minute, or a few seconds, it was extended slowly but surely.

That should have been a warning sign for both of us. The reason for his longer visits was because the wall between me and that world was thinning; because he had latched onto _me_ —onto my room—and was subtly creating a connection between his world and mine.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

About a year before I fell, I became obsessed with an anime called _Naruto_. I gushed about the first part (not all of it, bits and pieces, and I didn't give away _any_ spoilers—so I didn't even mention the Chūnin Exams) and the characters. Tobi listened with rapt attention, especially when I accidentally spoiled the death of one Obito Uchiha.

Hindsight, it was no surprise when he wanted to watch the anime with me.

But, he couldn't stay with me for very long. Not enough for a marathon, and I felt like a marathon would be needed to do this anime justice. So I denied him, saying he could watch the _entire_ series with me when he could stay long enough to do so. He tried to persuade me otherwise, but I was adamant. Eventually he consented to my desire.

I still discussed _Naruto_ with him, even Shippūden. I was very careful not to give away big spoilers. Though I did give away a minor ending spoiler.

I know what you're thinking. How could I have been so obsessed with Naruto and didn't even realize I had _Tobi_ of all people as my 'alien friend'?

Do you know what the odds were of that happening? So laughably astronomical, so ludicrous, _of course_ I didn't give it a second thought. You know what they say about humans: give them vague information and they'll draw their own conclusions. That's what I did. I drew my own conclusion and I stuck with it with a fervor.

I should have been clued in, I suppose, when he always inquired about my favorite 'characters' and whatnot. Should have guessed when he was more interested in the Akatsuki than in anyone else in the anime.

Should have.

Never did.

The last full night I spent on Earth was like any other night for me. After studying for my engineering degree (riding on a full scholarship), Tobi showed up. We stayed in my bed, I popped in a movie, and we spent that time goofing off in some manner or form.

A blanket was draped over our legs and a pillow on top of that. I was drifting off, falling asleep on his shoulder, and he seemed content to relax.

Our friendship was a comfortable one. I never felt as close to anyone else as I did to Tobi. I wasn't sure he felt the same, but he knew I cherished him and our time together.

"You still haven't answered my question," Tobi pointed out.

"Mmm," I murmured. "Yes, I did. I told you my favorite character depends on what episode I'm watching."

"That's avoiding the question."

I gave a groan in exasperation. "Fine. It's a three way tie for Obito, Kurama, and Jiraiya. Satisfied?"

"Yep, but I'm still bored."

"What else do you want to do?"

"I'm not sure. I've already been here for three and a half hours and I'm not sure when I'll—"

The pressure eased and he was gone.

Because I had been leaning on him when he left I fell on the bed with a plop.

With a contented sigh, I turned the movie off and prepared to go to bed.

Just an ordinary night. I never expected it to be my last.

I think, if I had, I would have done something a bit more worthwhile. Something more memorable. At the very least I would have prepared goodbyes for my family. The last conversation I had with my Papa was over what to have for dinner, and Grandpoppy was in regards to fixing the router.

If I knew I would never see them again, I would have hugged them with all my worth. I would have told them I loved them, and told them not to worry about me. I would have promised them that I would be okay, and that I would be happy.

I always hated how I left them. How scared, and anxious they must have been. Our family was such a small one, only us three left.

I turned off the lights in my bedroom, grabbing my laptop and crawling into bed. I flipped it open to review my C++ homework before I went to sleep. About an hour into reviewing, _it_ happened.

The pressure came, like it always did when Tobi showed up. Only that time it was so intense, so sharp, and so consuming, it suffocated me. I gave a strangled gasp as all the air left my lunges. Panic set in and I watched with wide eyes as a black tear appeared right where Tobi normally came through.

The sound of—of—of _glass_ tearing and metal shattering rang throughout my ears and I reflexively tried to cover them up. The tear stretched, growing longer and wider, until it was bigger than my bed.

Then it sucked.

I guess I was too shocked to make any other noise after that. Something like—no, _the impossible_ was happening right before my eyes. All I could do was watch, wide-eyed and frozen as my body began to be picked up from its cozy spot on my bed and draw closer to the hole.

Things flew towards it around my room—blankets, papers, items, _anything_ that could be sucked into it. When a _hole is torn through dimensions_ it's not a mirror. It's a _black hole_.

In only a matter of seconds, I myself was sucked through.

And that was how my story began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **The Question:** For those of you new to my stories, I will have a question for (you) the readers at the end of every chapter. I had seen some of my favorite writers do this and it seemed like a fun thing to do. You don't need to answer the question(s) if you don't want to.
> 
> My question for this chapter is... What would you do if you fell into the Narutoverse?
> 
> Reviews are **love**.


	2. Part I - You Mean You're Real?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. This is a work of fiction.  
> First Beta: featherstofly  
> Second Beta: Lavendor Queen  
> Editor: Sansho
> 
> **Artwork was done by Blacktopgirl on deviantART**

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I don't care what people say, when you're being ripped out of your own dimension and thrown into another, it _hurts_.

Imagine a wood shredder. Now imagine sticking your hand into said wood shredder while it's on. That is how it felt like, only all over my body.

Another thing; when you're falling through dimensions it's a miracle if you don't die. Why? Because it _rips you up_. The human body is not as durable as some people want to believe—there's a damn good reason Superman only exists in comics.

And it _sucks_ —aside from the pain—because when you finally reach the other world you can end up _anywhere_.

Tobi was the one who was anchored to me, not the other way around. I ended up quite some height off the ground right above a _fucking lake_. The stupid black hole dropped me off into the sky _above a fucking lake!_

I was bleeding. I was hurt. I was scared. I was tired.

_I was going to fucking drown!_

Naturally, I shrieked all the way down.

When the water greeted me I could feel the burns and stings race across my skin. I thrashed and panicked, unable to tell which way was up or down. Everything was distorted and a ringing sound blasted throughout my head. I thought I was going to die right there and then.

Thankfully, as the last bit of air left me I broke through the surface, gasping and wheezing as I struggled to stay above the water. My eyes slowly focused as my mind slowed down the process of thinking about what had happened. I was staring up at a giant hole in the sky, a mirror image of my bedroom.

Let's rephrase that.

It was a mirror image of what _used to be_ my bedroom.

Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I shivered violently and winced. My ribs hurt and my skin still stung like something fierce. I looked around me, and found to my astonishment my air mattress bed floating a little ways from me with soaking sheets. Various artifacts of my bedroom were scattered along the topside of the lake, and some started to sink below the murky surface.

Shivering again I kicked towards my bed, thanking my back problems for the first time, since it had me choosing an air bed over a regular mattress. As I scrambled on it, I noticed that not all of it was wet, and I was not the only thing on it.

My _dry_ laptop with its charger.

I thanked the Heavens then and there for that small miracle (because let's face it, that _was_ a miracle).

My homework.

Kind of pointless now, but whatever.

My pillow.

It was dry, but I was cold so it was nice to have something not wet to cuddle with.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them tightly, staring up at the hole in the sky. A fog of disbelief settled over my mind; numbness chilled my body to the bones. The edges of the hole in the sky began to slowly pull inwards towards the center of it, shrinking it in the process.

I could scarcely form coherent thoughts on what the hell _just_ happened. I would accuse myself of dreaming, but my skin prickled with coldness from being wet and sitting out on the middle of a foggy lake. Even the scent of the air was so significantly different than what I was used to it warranted its own thought.

Everything felt too real to simply say it was a nightmare.

Even though I desperately wished for it to have been so.

At the time - and even to my very last day - we didn't _know_ why it happened. We theorized, however, that the more he visited me, the more he broke down the barriers between our worlds. Perhaps, to keep our worlds from crashing into one another, or something akin, a defense mechanism triggered and my world treated me like a virus.

So it cut me loose.

I shivered, cold and pain finally penetrating through my hazy mind and forcing me to pay attention to my body. I looked down at my arms and let out a strangled sob. Cuts marred my skin, hardly leaving any part of me undamaged. My clothes were torn to shreds (and soaking) and the worst part was that a weird green gooey-like substance started crawling onto my legs.

Of course at the time I didn't know what it was, so I tried to push it off me, but I found that my hands went through it like smoke. Fear settled into my stomach, and tears spilled over my eyes. My entire body ached from the traumatic fall into the lake, and the thousands of cuts that dotted my skin. I could scarcely scrounge up the energy to try and push the green thing off me a couple more times before I finally gave up and resigned myself.

Had I known it was chakra, I wouldn't have felt so afraid.

It was certainly an odd thing, though; having chakra cling onto a human. But, you see, in Tobi's world _everything_ had chakra.

I did not have chakra.

I could never build a chakra system, would never have chakra of my own.

It was an anomaly of that world, and that world recognized me as something that did not belong. It was forcing my body to change; to mold and fit into what it knew.

I stayed on that barely floating air mattress for what felt like an eternity. Only when the sun finally began to dip down over the horizon did something occur.

Shivering, bleeding, hurting, throbbing, horrified and mind-blown, I sat on my air mattress bed and stared in silent disbelief as I watched the strange energy grow and cling to every portion of my body. Slowly, so, so slowly the bleeding stopped where the green substance was. Even more slowly did warmth return to my body.

But for nearly an eternity, I stayed perfectly still until the sun had set.

Then they came.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

Falling into the Narutoverse didn't guarantee landing straight into the laps of the Leaf, where they're welcomed with open arms. There's certainly no guarantee one can hop right in and start changing the story. Not even a guarantee for _when_ someone falls in.

I had no way of knowing, then, what I could do.

I didn't even truly understand _where_ I was.

When the sun dipped down, and darkness began to set in, I looked down at my glowing green-ooze covered self with a sense of awe. I lit up like a beacon, and since there was no other light to be found as far as I could see, I was certain anyone passing by would see me.

Maybe even try to help me?

There was absolutely no way I was getting back into the pitch-black water. I couldn't see the shore, and I had no clue what sort of creatures lurked beneath me. I could only hope I was in a relatively safe lake and help would come for me soon.

Letting out a long sigh, I tucked my forehead into my knees and tried not to panic. I sucked in a deep, shaky breath, then let it out slowly. In again it went, then back out. I breathed through my belly, and focused solely on the sound of my breath and the way it moved my bangs and tickled my nose.

There was a gentle tap on my shoulder.

Slowly, I lifted my head up.

To my surprise I found myself staring into the familiar face of Mei Terumī, Godaime Mizukage. Only, she wasn't in her usual attire; she was in the jōnin vest of the Mist Village. Flanking her were two unidentifiable ANBU.

I blinked owlishly up at her.

She smiled gently in response, then held up a card to me. I lifted my glowing green hand and took it with shaky hands.

In rough English it read: _Go with them quietly. They will take care of you._

I stared at the letters, incomprehensive before understanding dawned on me.

I was in the Narutoverse.

 _I was in the Narutoverse_.

I wanted to react, to show some sort of recognition and acknowledgement of such, but my brain was stuck on the English letters before me. She handed me the card. She did not say anything. In the Narutoverse they spoke Japanese. There shouldn't be any English.

Yet somehow someone knew English. Somehow that someone found me and--

Stop. Stop. I couldn't think about that; not yet. I felt like my mind would implode, or something akin, if I tried to think too much about too many things. Already I could feel the rising sense of panic inside of me, and I had to concentrate on my breathing again until it settled.

One thing at a time. One thing at a time. _One thing at a time_.

When I felt confident I wouldn't start hysterically crying, I gave Mei a slow nod. I bundled up my laptop, charger, and pillow, hugging them tightly against my chest and hoping that the green goo wouldn't damage them.

Mei smiled warmly at me before a look of apprehension crossed her face. I wondered what caused such a reaction before I realized she was probably reluctant to touch the green goo on me.

There wasn't anything I could do about that, though, so I shrugged.

After another heartbeat of hesitation her arms swooped behind and underneath me before she lifted me up with ease.

We moved with enough speed I couldn't properly discern our surroundings. Everything zoomed by me, and what felt like only a couple of minutes went by before we reached a village. I saw the village gates, and its tall imposing gray wall, and I wondered who we would be meeting at the gates. Surely the Mist Village had gate guards like the Leaf?

But, no, we did not stop by the gates. Instead, Mei leapt over the walls and no one tried to stop us. She moved with speed and stealth across the rooftops, and had I been in a better state of mind I might have asked her to slow down so I could look around.

It was, after all, the famed village from one of my treasured shows. Naruto was one of my obsessions, along with Bethesda and Bioware, and the fact that I got to see a part of it up close was pretty neat.

Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to marvel. My mind was still slow to process what the hell was going on, so everything went by in a blur.

Perhaps someone stronger than I would have adjusted more quickly. They would have realized what was happening immediately and tried to escape as far away from that lake, no matter what, right? They would have swam through that dark water, knowing that risking the fish below was better to being taken in by ninja.

Me, though?

I literally sat on my air mattress until someone came around and took me away.

Surely, that wasn't a bright idea. I _should_ have put myself together faster than that. I _should_ have gotten away. I _should_ have not willingly gone with Mei, to one of the most blood thirsty villages in all of Narutoverse.

Would I have to contend with the Akatsuki?

Where would I live?

Would I ever be safe again?

In all the stories I had read of something similar happening, the protagonist was a strong individual who adjusted to the world with their quick wit and managed to win over the hearts of the main characters soon enough. They understood they were in danger, and adapted with ease.

They were strong.

I was not.

I was a simple girl who lived a relatively simple life. I went to school, helped out around the house and enjoyed my quiet life in the countryside. I never trained in combat, was never able to coerce and persuade others to assist me more than any other girl.

I was entirely, 100 percent, average.

I was a _horrible_ fit for the Narutoverse.

We moved quietly through the rooftops of Kirigakure, not even pausing, and finally entered a large, eye-catching building that I absently acknowledged to be the Mizukage building. Down the halls we flew, up the stairs and into an office.

Without saying a single word to me Mei sat me on a smooth gray couch in the office. She then spoke a handful of quick words with a familiar boy-man, Yagura. Yagura, the current Mizukage and the one who Tobi had used his Sharingan on to have complete control over.

Yagura, Tobi's puppet.

Yagura spoke in a quiet voice, dismissing the trio. All three of them left the room.

Yagura didn't look at me. Instead he went to his chair before his desk, sat down and slumped forward, unconscious.

I stared at him.

"Mia."

The voice. The familiar, oh so sweet and warm voice. I knew that voice like the back of my hand. That beautiful voice.

My head whirled around and I stared at the even more familiar outline of Tobi.

And only then did I fully realize where I was and what had happened.

_Oh. My. God._

Tobi—the Tobi I had come to know and love was _Tobi the antagonist of Naruto_. Oh my God. Oh my God. _OhmiGod_. No wonder he had been so interested in Naruto— _I would have been telling him the future!_ And oh my _God_ this was Tobi, the actual _Tobi_ , I mean Obito, I mean Tobi, I mean—

That's how they knew English. I had always heard Tobi speak English. How he knew it, I wasn't sure, that was something I would have to ask but of course he knew it. And he found me—the hole in the sky—it must have been visible from the Village hidden in the Mist. Yagura must have seen it and somehow informed Tobi. So this was when Tobi still had control over Yagura then? This was before the rebellion?

I stared at Obito, all these thoughts and realizations running through my head before utter and complete relief followed.

I wasn't alone. I had a friend. Oh, thank God.

I stood up from the couch, staring at Tobi, and felt my eyes burn as they started to water.

Oh God, I shouldn't cry. I shouldn't. I shouldn't. It was weak, it was wrong, but _ohthankGodIwasn'talone_.

Obito strode across the room quickly before engulfing me in a stiff, if comforting hug. I hugged him back like he was my only life line. My body trembled under the weight of my silent sobs.

"Mia," Tobi inquired, his tone _almost_ gentle. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know," I whispered. "I was in my room, finishing up homework and the next thing I know I'm here. I-I don't know how or why—"

Tobi stroked my back, pushing me further into him in the process. His arm around my waist was tight, and I took no small amount of comfort in that. "There, now. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

I only nodded, not trusting my voice at the moment.

What was I going to do now? What _could_ I do? Like any Naruto fan I dreamed about changing the story to fit my image but never— _never_ did I imagine would it be possible, nor that it would present the opportunity like—like _this_.

For a moment sheer hopelessness came over me, and I had to bite my lip to hold back the tears and sobs I so desperately longed to release.

Could I change the story?

Did I want to?

Of course I did. Tobi was the bad guy in the story, but damn it, he was my _friend,_ too. He was the only person I had in this world and I wanted to help him. _But_ I wanted to help Naruto as well. Naruto was a good person and he didn't deserve so many of those horrible things either.

What was I going to do?

Plans... _Plans_. I had to have plans...

Think Mia, _think_...

And then it came to me.

An epiphany of sorts. The plan, all jumbled and mumbled up, yet I could see the surface. I could see how it would work.

The basics, just the basics. But... but...

I tilted my head, staring at Tobi with wide eyes. He would be the key to the plan. His cooperation.

"Mia?" Tobi inquired at seeing my focused gaze.

But could I trust him? This was the Tobi I had always thought of as my best friend, the closest one to me. I had trusted him with everything near and dear to me but I could not allow myself to forget that this was still _Tobi_. He could and very well might kill me for my information. He knew I had it. He knew it would be advantageous for him to have it.

What was stopping him already?

Did he perhaps value me as a friend as much as I had valued him?

No, no. I couldn't think like that. That was dangerous thinking. This was a precarious and horrifying world where children learned to kill without falter or hesitation. Could he be hoping to manipulate me? That seemed possible.

Even if that was true though, I didn't want it to be. He was still... I still thought of him as...

But _Tobi_...

What could I do? How could I do this? I couldn't succeed with my plans without the cooperation of the Akatsuki and of him. How could I get him to go along with it? How could _I_ manipulate _him_?

"Mia," Tobi said again, this time more firmly.

I blinked owlishly at him.

"I know this may seem rushed to you, but we need to do something about your chakra."

I continued to stare at him, waiting for him to continue. Seeing my silence, he elaborated. "What you have attached to you is something called _nature chakra_. For whatever reason, it has decided to cling to you. We can discern the reasons for it later, but we need to find a way for you to control it enough so it won't be a danger to you. I can't have you dying on me too soon, now can I? It's not even a flesh wound."

My lips quirked into a smile at the Monty Python reference. One of our favorite shared movies.

"Do you know about nature chakra?" Tobi inquired.

I gave a slow nod. "I know the dangers. Is this stuff really nature chakra? Why is it clinging to me?"

Tobi hesitated. "I'm not sure. You don't have any chakra. Perhaps... Perhaps your body is like a vacuum. In this world everyone has chakra and when you're body came here it was forced to undergo a change of sorts. But it doesn't have chakra and chakra networks don't develop overnight. Perhaps it's trying to suck in chakra to fill the void?"

"That's a sound theory," I whispered. "But if I'm trying to suck in _nature_ chakra... I can't do that. The risk in using nature chakra is too great."

"Exactly. We need to find someone who can train you to maintain enough control over it so that you won't be a danger to yourself."

"The only person that comes to mind is Jiraiya," I said quietly.

Tobi fell into silence, contemplating this information.

"I would have to be allies with Konoha," I murmured. "I would have to be pretty high ranked too for the Hokage to pull strings and make him teach me. Or I could trick him? I wouldn't know how though. Is Minato still alive?"

"No."

"Then he'll be traveling. I don't know how to get him to train me."

"I have an idea. I will need to think about this though. In the meantime, let's see if we can get you out of those wet clothes and into a warm bath, ne?"

"Mm, hai."

Could I trust Tobi?

I closed my eyes, breathing out slowly.

"Mia," Tobi prodded again at noticing how I was drifting off again. "Are you okay?"

What a funny question. Was I okay? What defined 'okay', anyway? I was kicked out of my own world, away from my family and friends and dream school. Everything that I had once so lovingly depended upon—gone, in a blink of an eye. And I couldn't _blame_ anyone. Not really. If anyone could be blamed, it could be myself. I should have noticed the signs a-and done something, _anything_. But yet I...

"I don't know," I managed. "I can't... I can't really seem to think very straight at the moment."

"I can see that," Tobi replied. "You're more of a scatter-brain than usual."

"If I was such a scatter-brain before, how did I kick your ass in nearly every game we played together?" I muttered.

Tobi sniffed pointedly. "Luck, obviously."

My lips twitched at his dramatized answer but a full smile couldn't form across my face. He must have noticed because he placed his hand atop my head, patting me. We lapsed into silence.

"Are... Are you okay?" I asked quietly.

"I actually thought you were just a part of my subconscious, you know," Tobi said, a thoughtful tone in his voice. "Even when I could feel you and the objects in your world, I only assumed my mind was messing with me. I thought you were created by my subconscious to help me... cope. When you first mentioned _Naruto_ , I wasn't sure what to think. I was doubtful, actually. I suppose part of me still is. Even still, I never truly considered for a moment you were real. Now all of a sudden, here you are."

"Here I am," I echoed. "That didn't answer my question though."

"I am... conflicted," Tobi finally admitted. "I don't know whether I should be feeling pleased that someone I consider a close friend is in fact an actual person and is here with me, or a little embarrassed with all I had divulged to you."

I looked up at that, scowling ever so slightly. "I thought I was your best friend. Did that change?"

"No," Tobi said, frowning at me. "That did not change."

"So why should you feel embarrassed? You know all of my nasty secrets."

"I see your point. But I didn't actually think you were _real_."

"Wow. That _definitely_ makes me feel better."

"I'll give you chocolate if we drop this subject now."

"I was ripped from my own home, brought into a whole other world, and someone I considered as my _best friend_ didn't even think I was real, and you think you can manipulate me with _chocolate_ right now?"

"Yes."

"...I want milk chocolate ice-cream with chocolate chunks, a dark chocolate bar, a white chocolate bar, and some hot coco."

"Consider it done."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Question** : What would you miss the most in this world if you were to just fall into the Narutoverse? No more than three things / groups of people (i.e, family counts as one).
> 
> Reviews are **love.**


	3. Part I - How Ridiculously Overpowered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. This is a work of fiction.  
> First Beta: featherstofly  
> Second Beta: Lavendor Queen  
> Editor: Sansho

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

It was early the next morning when Obito awoke me, informing me to get dressed.

Late last night after my bath, my wounds had been dressed and I had been sent off to bed once Obito had acknowledged my exhausted state. He promised and assured me he would look into the nature chakra predicament and with no way to argue, I had complied.

When I was dressed, breakfast was sent in and Obito and I sat on my guest bed with the food splayed out before us. He had set his mask down, staring at me with a thoughtful frown on his face.

I unabashedly stared at his face. "I feel like I want to draw on it."

Not missing a beat, Obito asked, "Why?"

"Why not?" I mused. "Can I draw on your mask?"

"Which one?"

"The orange one."

"No. I like that one."

"Please? I'll keep it clean."

"No. I like that one."

"I'll set it on fire if you don't let me."

"Now I'm _definitely_ not letting you draw on it."

"You're no fun."

"I'm tons of fun."

I rolled my eyes.

Obito frowned again. "We'll be leaving for Konoha after I take care of the whole language issue."

"I was wondering how that would be fixed. Am I going to have to learn Japanese?"

"When I first came to your world and anchored myself there - and I say this for lack of a better way to describe it—I somehow entered _your_ mind."

"I thought as much," I mused thoughtfully. "You didn't exactly sound right at the time. So when you came in through my mind, I somehow automatically filtered through your language?"

"Or I automatically filtered out my language in your mind," Obito said with a shrug. "The point is, I was able to learn and understand your language in a single moment without any hindrances. I am hoping to achieve the same effect with you."

" How?" I asked dubiously.

"Sharingan," Obito said bluntly as if that alone answered all of my questions.

"I know the Sharingan is outrageously overpowered but seriously, _what?_ "

"The Mangekyō Sharingan has the capability of transferring abilities or memories into another," Obito explained.

I paused at that. And I thought. That would explain...a _lot_. Like how the hell Itachi was able to give Sasuke 'his' Amaterasu through a single touch. I knew Itachi could transfer his powers of the Mangekyō (Tsukuyomi) through contact or by simply pointing his finger at someone. It would make sense to conclude that he could transfer his abilities through the same manner. When he poked Sasuke's forehead with his dying breath, he must have done it then. Implanted the knowledge and ability, as well as the necessary information to create a _trap_ , all in that single movement.

The Sharingan was _ridiculously_ overpowered. To have that kind of capabilities...

"Why isn't it exploited?" I asked incredulously. "Why am I _only now_ finding out about this?"

"Only the Mangekyō is capable of performing this," Obito said. "So it's not a well-known ability to begin with. And why would it be? The only people who have ever achieved the Mangekyō either achieve it for power they selfishly hoard and thus would not be willing to share, or have had it forced upon them and as such wouldn't want to 'share their burden, no matter how small' with someone else."

" I suppose I can see the reasoning behind that," I allowed.

"I would hope so."

"So you can poke me and I'll understand a whole other language? Just like that?"

"Not quite. I'm not exactly an expert at it. It will take roughly an hour to safely transition the appropriate knowledge to you, but otherwise yes. Just like that."

"That sounds incredibly convenient and simple," I decided. "I like it."

"I would imagine you would. What's your motto? K-I-S-S?"

"Keep It Simple Stupid," I clarified. "Something both Shikamaru and I live by."

"Of course."

"So what will we be doing in Konoha?"

" _I_ will be escorting you there," Obito said. " _You_ will be staying with an associate of mine who is a friend of the Hokage and who will be making sure you have the correct training with Jiraiya."

"Oh, really? Who's the friend?"

" _Associate_. I do not like him. It's Danzō."

I froze, my eyes widening as blood drained away from my face. "Danzō? Danzō as in the evil son of a bitch with the evil son of a bitch program?"

"Evil is such a harsh word."

"Really? _Really?_ You know he's my least favorite person, _ever_."

"You will have minimal contact with him," Obito assured me. I gave him a doubtful look. "I am merely calling in a favor he owes me. You will be staying in the village in your own choice apartment and only see him if need be. Trust me, he wants about as much to do with you as you do of him."

"Oh, okay. So I won't be seeing you for a while?"

"No, I'll stop by for dinner of course," Obito said with a tilt of his head. "Or later on at night when security is lax in the village and I have free time. We still have a lot to discuss."

"We do," I agreed quietly. "Have you started up the Akatsuki yet?"

"It's under construction," Obito answered.

"Has the Uchiha Massacre occurred yet?"

"No. But it will."

"Will it?"

"Do you think you can actually stop it?"

I paused, thinking very carefully. "How much time would I have?"

"Less than two years, more than a month."

Not much then. If the Uchiha Massacre was to be prevented then a number of things must occur. The reasoning behind the Uchiha Massacre was, in the most basic form, that the Uchiha Clan felt separated, distanced, and somehow oppressed in their own village. They had no ties to any of the other prestigious Clans and were essentially anti-social. They did not support Konoha patronage in general, choosing to support their own Clan. They were narcissistic and looked down on everyone else in the village.

To prevent the Uchiha Massacre, none of those things could be in play. Or at least the majority of them. One, they would have to have close ties with at least four of the prestigious Clans. Not just façade alliances but actual friendships. Perhaps not quite like the Ino-Shika-Cho combination but definitely close. Two, they needed to see themselves as part of the village, not just as the Uchiha Clan and Konoha with a clean line through the middle. Three, they needed to be knocked down a shit ton of pegs and acknowledge they were no better than everyone else. Four, they needed village loyalty over Clan loyalty. And five, they would _have_ to forgo their old and frankly self-harming traditions.

Could I do _any_ of that in less than two years? Perhaps, _perhaps_ I could strengthen the ties between the other Clans but that was a strong _iffy_ situation. I would, in their eyes, be a nobody; someone who required a little special training from Jiraiya. I wouldn't be a shinobi, I wouldn't be an Advisor—I would be plain ol' me. I wasn't an ace manipulator; the facts were pretty obvious, but how the hell was I going to make them see themselves as part of the village and not part of the Clan as an _outsider_? Perhaps if I was magically reborn into the Uchiha Clan at a younger age then I could try something.

But really, _really_?

Especially considering if everything was already set in motion. If they actually, _actually_ thought seriously that they could take out the entire Village with a legendary Hokage and just as equally legendary Clans they were delusional. And idiots. How were you supposed to stop a delusional stubborn idiot from doing something outrageously selfish and stupid?

God, I didn't even _have_ two years. _Less_ than two years. For all I knew it could occur in a month and a day! The only thing I could count on (possibly) was that it wouldn't happen for a month.

What the hell could I do in a _month_ as a _nobody_?

"Doubtful," I admitted with a sigh. "I don't suppose I could talk you out of it?"

Obito stared at me incredulously. I held up my hands. "Alright, alright, I'll take that as a _no_. I don't like it though."

"But?"

"But," I allowed, "and this is going to sound incredibly stupid and selfish, but I kind of don't care. Throughout all of the manga, the massacre had already occurred. A world without it would seem kind of strange. Not to mention it would drastically change the plotline to a point where I doubt I would be able to tell what would happen next. I don't know anyone inside the Uchiha Clan aside from you, Itachi, Duck-Butt and Madara. Kind of Shisui, but not really all the same. Yes, it's sad. Yes, it's horrible. But if I can't do anything about it, what point is there in trudging on it? I might as well focus my energy on what I _can_ change."

"You always were a practical one," Obito said, patting the top of my head.

I swatted his fingers away halfheartedly. "I guess. It seems kind of awful of me though, doesn't it? Hundreds of people are going to die, and here I am with the knowledge to do _something_ about it."

"But what can you do?" Obito mused. "Go to the Hokage when you arrive and explain everything? They would send you straight to interrogation and they'll pull out _all_ of your information. And I won't be allowing that to happen. I would have to rescue you in a most valiant and heroic way - because clearly that's the type of person I am - and you would probably nurse a grudge against Konoha and abandon it, choosing to join forces with me. You know, on second thought..."

I slapped him lightly on the arm. "Not funny. I wouldn't _abandon_ Konoha. I would demand that you kidnap Naruto with me, though."

"Mmm."

"Don't even think about it," I warned. "Kidnapping is evil."

"Evil is a matter of perspective."

"Obito."

"Alright, alright. I will not kidnap Naruto until the time is right."

"I suppose I can allow that for now."

"Of course. However, I would like to inquire—while we're on the subject—what exactly _do_ you intend to change?"

I bit my bottom lip, watching Obito as he eyed me unabashedly. "I want to stop everyone from dying."

"Do you have a plan to do that?"

"Maybe..."

"Ah, so you do. Care to share?"

"Not all of it with you. I have to trick you into liking my outcome better than yours first."

"Trick me? How do you do that?"

"I have _no_ idea. You know my people skills _suck_."

"Well, I am certainly not going to help you _trick_ me. But what about the other part?"

"Oh, well, some of it is actually kind of in tune with your plan so I figured we could team up for that part."

"If it's advantageous for both of us, I don't see why not."

"It is," I assured him. "But I can't do it until you have the start of Akatsuki going. So, you know, after the massacre and what not, I guess. Or, hell, I guess whenever Nagato is up for negotiations with me."

"Care to inform me of the plan?"

"Not at the moment," I said with a cheeky grin.

"You brat," Obito muttered.

I shrugged. "You love me anyway."

"Do I have a choice?"

"Nope. Now let me draw on your mask."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

It was exactly as Obito had said. Danzō really, _really_ didn't want anything to do with me. He was only concerned about not owing Obito anything anymore and when it became clear I was _not_ a shinobi in anyway whatsoever he _really_ wanted me out of his hair. Although he _was_ a little interested in my lack of chakra yet how nature chakra kind of clung to me. But not enough to pursue it.

What good would it do him to know some people can have _no_ chakra systems?

After meeting with Danzō, the elderly man informed me I would meet with the Third Hokage the following day with him to discuss my nature chakra issue. Which I was definitely looking forward to. I was getting a little tired of glowing bright green.

However, in the meantime I was free to wander the village with two of his ANBU escorts in search of my new apartment. They had, thankfully, placed a small genjutsu over me to hide my glowing-ness so I could remain a bit more inconspicuous.

Obito had left right after the meeting, assuring me he would find me in a little while and so...

I was currently wandering the streets.

I didn't see the ANBU who were tailing me, I could only feel their watchful eye on the back of my neck. It suited me just fine, actually.

I maneuvered through the small crowds of people, trying to take in everything around me all at once.

I couldn't believe I was in the _actual_ Konoha. It was almost surreal. Everything looked so lively and bright here, the atmosphere was friendly and relaxing. It was... It reminded me of home, so much. At the thought of home I felt a sharp tug in my gut that had my stomach knotting up.

I missed my home. I missed my technology. I missed my friends. I missed my Mom and cats and dogs. I missed them all something fierce.

And then there was the sudden urge to collapse to my knees and _cry._

Faltering in my footsteps, I blinked back stinging tears that had gathered in my eyes. It wouldn't do to start breaking down and sobbing in the middle of the street. I clenched my hands into fists and swallowed down the lump in my throat.

Knowing that I needed a distraction, I occupied myself by looking for any specific things that I knew. My eyes roamed the area around me before I found myself noticing a small park. Unable to help myself I moved towards it, my curiosity getting the better of me.

It was nearly sunset and children were already gathering around their parents to head home. What I didn't expect was to find a little blonde boy so soon.

I stared at him, recognition flashing through my mind.

For what seemed like an eternity to me (but was only a few seconds) I stood perfectly still, transfixed by the sight of my very first encounter with _the_ Naruto.

A mixture of feelings churned inside of me, but I was too stunned to process any of them. My entire body felt entirely blank. No one paid me any mind and I unconsciously took the first step forward. It was at that moment that I saw them. Two young men, moving towards Naruto and nothing about them seemed particularly nice to me.

I had only ever seen a handful of violent acts in my life face to face. I knew what would happen if they reached him, and Naruto seemed to know it too. His head snapped up and his bright blue eyes widened fearfully and in that moment I felt pure anger.

How could these people just stand around and allow this to happen? How _dare_ that _stupid fucking_ Hokage allow this situation to escalate to a point where no one would stop to help a little boy from a beating?

I hated that old man then and there with such a strong passion, it caught me off guard.

But not for long because I began to quickly move towards Naruto. I wasn't concerned about the two bullies. The ANBU would take care of them if needed. My concern was Naruto, a little boy who could _not_ have been any older than six. What the hell was _wrong_ with these people?!

Soon I was standing in between the two men and the little boy, scowling furiously at them.

They stared back at me in surprise before one of them leered. "Step aside, miss."

"Get the fuck out of here," I snarled. "Who the _hell_ do you think you are? Leave this little boy alone!"

One of them startled in surprise and the other glared right back at me. Before either of them could move, however, ANBU One was there beside me in a flash, staring impassively at them. Both of them gave a startled shout at this and with one last glower, both left. I dipped my head in gratitude towards the ANBU but he or she was already gone, leaving me alone with Naruto.

Naruto stared up at me with wide, wide eyes, guarded curiosity and wonder behind them.

I smiled at him, kneeling down to his level. "Ohayō, little boy. I'm Mia. I'm new in Konoha, what's your name?"

He gaped at me for a moment before his face took on a redder hue. "N-Naruto."

"Naruto," I repeated, moving my hand to pat the top of his head. "It's nice to meet you. Do you want me to walk you back home?"

His eyes widened even more and he shifted nervously, scuffing his shoes at the ground. "I don't—I can make it on my own."

"I'm sure you can," I agreed. "But do you _want_ me to? It won't be any trouble. I don't even quite know where everything is. Tell you what, if I walk you back, then you have to give me a tour of Konoha tomorrow, ne?"

Naruto opened his mouth and then closed it. He opened it again but this time a strong rumble interrupted him—from my stomach. I flushed in embarrassment, giving him a sheepish look. "Sorry about that, Naruto-chan. I guess I'm a little hungry for dinner."

"I-I know a place," Naruto suggested shyly.

"Really? Can you show me?"

"U-Uhuh," Naruto said with another nod. I gave him a sunny smile and offered him my hand. He stared at it, confusion flickering across his face.

"You're supposed to take it," I said. "You know, grab my hand and lead the way?"

"Are you sure you want me to?"

"Of course I am," I said with a roll of my eyes. "I wouldn't have offered it to you if I wasn't."

A small smile flickered across his face and he reached out to grab my hand. His hand was warm and small in my own. Unbidden, a soft smile grew across my face. I had always wanted to be a mother of my own, be it biological or through adoption. I even planned on having my own children after college and finding a stable job.

I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and with a bit of hesitance, Naruto led the way to his favorite ramen stand.

Okay, so maybe I was a _bit_ biased when it came to Naruto.

But who could blame me?

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **  
> _Answer:_  
>  **  
>  _Technology, loved ones, food. 'Nuff said._
> 
> **  
> _Question:_  
>  **  
>  _Who is the most underrated character in Naruto, to you?_
> 
> _Reviews are_  
>  **  
> _love!_  
>  **


	4. Part I - What Happened to My Dork?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. This is a work of fiction.  
> First Beta: featherstofly  
> Second Beta: Lavendor Queen  
> Editor: Sansho

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Don't worry, this is all on me," I said to a beaming Naruto. He was so, _so_ , adorable. That kind of adorableness should be outlawed. It was dangerous.

"Are you sure?" Naruto asked, his eyes wide.

"Of course," I said confidently, sticking my hand out of the stand and into the street, palm outstretched. I could hear the slight flickering of movement before a giant wad of cash was placed into my hand, and I pulled it back into the stand. "See?"

"Whoa, where'd that money come from?" Naruto asked, his eyes widening even further.

As I handed the money to Teuchi, I gave Naruto a mysterious smile. "Who could say?"

Naruto gave me a bright and sunny grin in return, and even Teuchi smiled.

"So Naruto-chan," I began, "I'm actually looking for a place to live at. I don't suppose you know anywhere?"

As Naruto slurped his noodles, he continued to beam at me. "Well, the apartment that I live it is actually pretty empty except for a few shinobi—" Naruto stopped himself, his face burning bright. "A-Ah, but... I don't think you'd want to live there."

"How come?" I questioned.

Naruto steadily shifted his gaze down to the noodles. "It's... not a lot of people like living there."

I hummed thoughtfully. "I don't care about appearances if that's what you're worried about—that stuff can change. And money isn't an issue. So what's wrong with it?"

"I live—" Naruto's eyes widened, and he caught himself, his face taking on a redder hue.

"You live there so therefore something is wrong with it?" I repeated blandly. "Don't be absurd. I think it'd be pretty awesome to live next door to you. Besides, I'd prefer to live near someone I at least _know_."

"Really?" Naruto gaped at me, eyes lighting up with excitement.

I felt a twinge in my heart. It was a sad day indeed when a little boy was happy just at the prospect of someone actually wanting to be in the same _space_ as him.

"Really," I assured him.

Naruto gave a tiny smile as he looked back down at his bowl of ramen, his face beaming.

Damn, he was so _adorable_. I want to adopt him.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

"And here it is," Naruto said shyly at his front door. I smiled at him, and patted his head. He continued to smile shyly and blush sheepishly. So cute! How could anyone hate this?

Wow, I was starting to sound like an old lady.

Ah, hell with it. He _was_ adorable, and _so_ I would gush about him in my head.

"Thanks for showing me the apartment," I said with an easy smile. "I'll probably move in tomorrow, 'kay? So I'll see you then, Naruto-chan."

"H-Hai."

As Naruto went back inside, I tried to not giggle like a silly school girl from my first encounter with the sweet boy. I couldn't wait until I told Obito about it. But before I could do that, I leaned over the railing, peeping up at the rooftops above me. "ANBU? I'd like to inform Danzō-sama that I'll be staying in the apartment next to Naruto-kun's. How soon can I have some furniture?"

There was a small pause before one of the ANBU spoke, his or her voice icy smooth. "The apartment can be ready by early morning. Where do you wish to stay for the night?"

"I'll stay with Tobi," I answered. "We're supposed to meet up in half an hour anyway, so I'm sure he won't mind."

Neither of my escorts replied, and I didn't bother pursuing them for a conversation. It was time to head back to Danzō to be picked up by Obito.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

I shifted nervously as I sat before Danzō and waited for Obito to show up to take me away. It was utterly quiet between the two of us and it was _freezing_. We were alone, or at least seeming to be. I had no doubt that there were multiple Root members stationed around the area.

Danzō stared at me, unabashed and apparently not planning on looking _anywhere else_ any time soon.

Creeper.

"My subordinates inform me that you will be staying near Uzumaki Naruto," Danzō finally said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah," I said. "Is that an issue?"

"Actually-"

"I hope I'm not late," Obito said as he strode into the room.

Only there was a _slight_ difference.

While I originally met with Danzō it was a brief hello/goodbye thing. Obito and Danzō didn't say a word to me, and it was literally only a greeting. Obito and Danzō had done their talking and negotiations while I was outside of the room so...

For all of my life, or at least for as long as I can remember, Obito has been this goofy, geeky, adorable guy I have known and loved. He's the little dorky weirdo that I've shared all my secrets with, laughed and cried with and have experienced nearly everything with. He's laughed and cried right alongside me, and while he hadn't spilled his guts, I never particularly minded. Of course he had his serious sides and times—especially when he was caught in a debate against me, but for the most part he was _Obito_.

The point was, I had this image of Obito. If I could compare him to someone, I would say he would be like the goofy-Tobi on the show, only significantly less stupid.

Then all of a sudden this goofy little dork comes in with this intense and dark atmosphere and a smooth and dark voice to match it.

I was flabbergasted.

To me, it was the equivalent of seeing a tiny little baby holding an AK-47 and demanding some bitch to start bending over.

It _didn't work_.

Yet, here it was, and the two men in the room were acting as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

My stomach bubbled with giggles at the scene, and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop them from coming out. My face was away from Danzō but Obito still saw it. He paused at my expression, and as he passed me he murmured softly to me, "You can stop grinning now."

"I am so trying, I swear," I whispered back, keeping my face away from Danzō until I could control it.

Obito sat next to me, relaxing in the plain gray couch with ease, as if he was a king on his throne and Danzō was another simpleton come to please him.

The giggles were getting harder to control.

 _Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh_ , I chanted to myself.

"Is something wrong, Mia-san?" Danzō inquired.

Oh God, don't laugh Mia. Don't laugh. Don't do it. Don't do it _. Don't do it!_

I ducked my head and whirled around and buried it into Obito's side, trying so hard not to laugh.

Obito was not badass. He was _not_. He was a _dork_ , for heaven's sake, not a sexy badass!

"She's probably going through her withdrawals from her medication," Obito drawled, ignoring my look of aghast.

All traces of my laughter suddenly disappeared and I watched him carefully.

"Withdrawal?"

"Oh yes," Obito said. "I'm afraid my dear princess is quite the drug addict."

There was a tiny moment of peace before I kicked his foot underneath the table between Danzō and us, now shaking silently with restrained laughter once again.

"I... see."

I snorted, hoping desperately the sound was muffled enough to be dismissed.

"So has Mia-chan chosen her apartment yet?"

"Actually, we were just discussing it. It seems she's chosen to live with Uzumaki."

"And?"

"A little odd that out of all the places to live, she just so happens to befriend the—"

"Danzō, I don't care," Obito interrupted smoothly. "What good does befriending a jinchūriki have when she can't do anything with him? As you have already tested for yourself, she is no kunoichi or shinobi. We came here for sage-training with Jiraiya. If she becomes friends with an orphaned boy, I don't see the problem with it."

Danzō was quiet for a moment. "But you see—"

"Oh yes I do," Obito purred. "But I _really_ don't care. It's your problem if the others have an issue with a foreigner befriending your own jinchūriki. If you had treated him better in the first place, then perhaps he wouldn't feel so inclined to be desperately in need of friends and attention."

Tense silence fell between the two. "As you wish, Madara-sama."

"Of course. If there is nothing else, we will be taking our leave. Come, Mia-chan."

Still unable to say anything, I ducked my head as Obito ported us out of Root and back to Kirigakure.

We landed on the bed and I busted out into a fit of giggles. Obito stared at me, unstrapping his mask and frowning. "What's so funny?"

"Y-You a-are n-n-not supposed to b-be so badass!" I managed to gasp out between bouts of laughter.

Obito blinked. "What?"

"You w-were so badass ba-back there. Wh-What happened to my d-dork?"

"He's still there," Obito said defensively. "And I can _too_ be badass. Wait, you think I'm a dork?"

I only nodded as I giggled. Obito scowled.

"A-Aw don't b-be mad," I cooed, still giggling. "You kn-know I love you."

In great exaggeration Obito rolled his eyes with a sigh. "I don't know."

I grinned at him, moving across the bed to hug him tightly around the shoulders. After a moment he returned the hug, though his posture was a bit stiff. "I'm not a drug addict."

"I know. You're a ramen addict."

Choosing to ignore that, I leaned back, still grinning at him. "So how was your day?"

"It was a day," Obito sighed. "Did yours go any better? I take it you met Naruto?"

I nodded my head, smiling. "I did. You see..."

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

Bright and early the next morning, I yawned groggily as I followed Danzō to the Hokage's office. I rubbed my eyes tiredly and Danzō moved silently in front of me. After a while of walking down hallways that all appeared the same we finally stopped in front of an old styled door which Danzō opened without hesitation and strode in.

My mind was still processing the new information Obito had given me on this world. There were so many things left unexplained in the anime, things that didn't make sense. The biggest and (currently) the most important one to me was—why in the hell did everyone know about Naruto's status? You would think it would have been more beneficial to keep it an S-Rank secret from the civilians and majority of shinobi. You would think that being the Hokage, he would have been able to enforce that law a bit better.

Obito had explained to me, in a very plain manner, that it was one of the inherent flaws in the Konoha design. The council was composed of one representative from each of the ten leading clans in Konoha, the Hokage, fifteen of the leading councilmen (top merchants and the like), advisors, ANBU commander, Jōnin commander and T&I commander. The council was designed to give power to the civilians in an all shinobi village. This way it would encourage them to feel safer and inclined to stay close to Konoha, as the other villages did not do this (and for good reason if you asked me).

The council was entrusted with information, the highest being S-Rank. Anything above S was restricted only to the shinobi, and anything above SS, between the Hokage, advisors and commanders. At the time of the decision regarding Naruto, there was a division. Naruto was originally ranked only as an S-ranked secret (due to his status as a jinchūriki) and the council was divided. The civilians were fools and could not hold an objective opinion on Naruto and some consented that it was the shinobi's right to decide what to do with Naruto. That did not stop them, however, from encouraging for Naruto's demise.

The rest of the council was evenly split. Half wanted Naruto to be raised strictly as a weapon, the other half wanted to give him a normal life. Eventually the Hokage decided in favor of a more normal life and thus Naruto was shipped off to the orphanage. This did not bode well for the civilians but what could they do? They were civilians and Naruto was being strictly guarded by Konoha's elite shinobi.

So they ignored the Hokage's order and blabbed about Naruto's secret.

Despite it being a secret that was S-Ranked, and thus if leaked they were to be sentenced to death, they knew they were safe.

Not because Sarutobi was a soft fool nor because they had blackmail on anyone.

Because the Kyuubi's attack _devastated_ Konoha. They lost half of their forces in one night and that alone caused them to lose roughly forty percent of their usual income from missions. Not to mention how much it ended up costing them to repair the majority of Konoha. Then there was the overall chaos and disorder from what was left in Konoha. It was a mess. The Hokage would not execute them, simply because Konoha needed their money more than ever, and if the Hokage was shown to be executing his own councilmen, it would have painted a very poor picture.

Not only had they painted themselves in a positive light by passing along this 'ever so important' information, but they were Konoha's _councilmen_. By killing them, the Hokage was proving to his people how Konoha was as weak in the government as it was physically. He couldn't do that to their spirits. It would have devastated them.

Would they have survived? Sure. But would they have been stable any sooner than a decade? No. And that was something he didn't want to risk.

Besides. The secret was out. What else could he do aside from keeping it from spreading even more so?

I had agreed with Obito, in the end, having civilians on a council for a _shinobi_ government and village was plain stupid.

But that hadn't answered my question for why Naruto was still being so mistreated. Although, perhaps it had.

What could the Hokage do? He could explain to them (the councilmen and everyone else) the fundamentals of sealing jutsu. How if you sealed a kunai in a sealing scroll, the scroll was not the kunai—it was simply a 'prison' for the kunai. But his words would fall on deaf ears.

They didn't care if Naruto was a child. They didn't even really care he was a jinchūriki.

They wanted a scapegoat. They _needed_ one. When you have your home, your family, your friends— _everything_ —ripped away from you so cruelly, you cannot tell me that you wouldn't howl for a name to blame. In a way, by providing them a name and a target, it almost helped them cope.

Not that they deserved it, the little petty bastards.

They were blinded by their hatred, and deafened by their chosen ignorance. It wasn't fair or right in any way to blame that on a little boy who already lost so much himself.

The Hokage was doing all he could for Naruto, I knew that. I understood his hands were bound and no matter how much he wished it, he could not _force_ the mass majority of people to feel something else, at least not without brutal force. But that would kind of put his morality into question.

I knew all of that. But it was still kind of hard not to be mad at him.

I suppose I was a hypocrite in that fashion.

I yawned again and followed Danzō, soon finding myself in the company of the Third Hokage.

And I stared.

"Nice to see you again, Hiruzen, thank you for seeing us," Danzō said, his tone giving me the impression that he couldn't care less about either statements.

Hiruzen gave Danzō a thin smile. "Well, I could hardly refuse when you were so persistent, now could I? What is it you wanted to discuss, Danzō?"

Danzō motioned to me with one hand. I gave Hiruzen a sheepish smile and rubbed the back of my head. "Hi, Hokage-sama, sir?"

"Hello," Hiruzen greeted. "How can I help you?"

"Uh," I said intelligently, glancing over at Danzō. Danzō stared back at Hiruzen.

"She has a genjutsu placed over her, release it and you can see what the issue is."

Hiruzen gave a small frown but nonetheless brought his hands up to form the release sign. After a quickly muttered _kai_ , his eyes widened significantly and the pipe in his mouth fell free. It hit the table with a sharp ping.

"What... the hell..."

"You see," I began carefully, a little unsure of how he would take the information I was about to give him, "it seems that nature chakra has decided to kind of cling to me like a leech."

"I can see that," Hiruzen said blandly. "But _why_ —"

"I don't have any chakra," I said with a longing sigh. "No chakra system whatsoever."

"That's not possible," Hiruzen replied, but he was eyeing me differently than he was before. In a way it reminded me of how bacteria might have felt underneath a microscope.

I didn't particularly like that feeling.

"Where I come from we don't have any chakra whatsoever," I said with a shrug. "When I came here, chakra nature started clinging to me which, I suppose, is not a good thing. I mean, I know how dangerous this stuff is and I _really_ don't want it _clinging_ to me. It hasn't done anything to me yet that I know of so I suppose it's not _so_ bad but my buddy is guessing it'll only be a matter of time. So he asked Danzō-sama to see what he could do and Danzō-sama mentioned something about Jiraiya or whatever and how he had some knowledge over nature chakra and... here we are."

"A land with no chakra?" Hiruzen inquired incredulously. "Where exactly—?"

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" I asked right back. "Do you _honestly_ think I'm going to tell a bunch of super powered shinobi who can use _chakra_ where a land that has _no_ defenses against them is? My _homeland_? _Really_?"

Hiruzen's lips twitched into a sort of wry smile. "I suppose that's fair."

I was totally lying. I was pretty sure my world could hold their own against the shinobi world. But it was better to play it this way than the truth. Then he might want to know how I got here in the first place, and somehow, I didn't think Obito would be very happy if I told them _that_.

"Will you assist us and summon Jiraiya-sama back?" Danzō inquired.

Hiruzen picked up his pipe, sweeping a few ashes off his desk before putting it back into place. He leaned back in his chair, eyeing both of us thoughtfully as he puffed out some smoke.

"You are not a shinobi or kunoichi," Hiruzen stated, looking at me.

"Nope," I agreed. "Just a harmless civilian."

"Do you want to be?"

"Hell no," I said, wrinkling my nose. "I don't do well with obeying orders and aren't I a bit old to start shinobi training? My ego wouldn't take it to be beaten out by some ten year olds."

Hiruzen chuckled.

"Not to mention this whole no-chakra –system I have going on here would probably get me killed if I was sent out on a real mission. I can't climb trees, walk on water, or do _anything_ against a real opponent. I'd be dead in a heartbeat," I commented. "Which would be a bit of an annoyance. Definitely set my plans back a bit, I think."

"Indeed. Dying can be quite a nuisance," Hiruzen said dryly.

I nodded my head in agreement.

Hiruzen stared at me another moment before giving a slow sigh. "Very well. I will summon Jiraiya back and request he teach you well enough so that you are no longer a danger to yourself or anyone around you. He should be here within two days."

"Thanks!" I chirped. "Do you need me for anything else?"

Hiruzen blinked slowly at me, vapidly almost. There was a glint in his eyes that forced my smile to momentarily slip.

How strange. No, really, how strange. Not even a week from falling and I'm meeting the Hokage of Konoha. The famous, or infamous depending on perspective, Hiruzen Sarutobi. A man who has slaughtered many and marched onto war, leading even more so to their deaths. Yet here I was, striking up a merry conversation in a completely casual manner.

Was I _insane_ or simply _dense_?

I had always prided myself on my ability to cope. I wouldn't delve into it but I have had my share of tragedies.

Was I still in shock about this ordeal? Treating it, subconsciously, like a game? This was, by my society's standards, a mass murderer. Yet here I was.

Here I was.

My smile slipped again and I had to force it back up. Hiruzen watched me, not saying a word. I was certain Danzō was watching me as well.

"Something wrong?" Hiruzen inquired.

"Just homesick," I whispered quietly, dropping the smile entirely and choosing a thoughtful expression. "I guess you could say my change in living was sudden. Didn't really get a chance to say goodbye."

"I see," Hiruzen said after I had fallen silent for a while. "May I ask why exactly you came here? To a land of chakra. I am assuming you knew the dangers."

"Ah. I did _not_ know the dangers. I knew there was chakra, but I didn't expect it to react to me. I guess you could say I've heard of others who've come here too. They either developed their own chakra systems or the nature chakra completely ignored them," I hummed. "As for _why_ I'm here... No, you can't ask that."

"I can't?" Hiruzen repeated, smiling in amusement. "I am the Hokage of this village and you think I _cannot_?"

"Yes," I said, unabashed. "It's a very traumatic and tragic experience for me that I don't care to relieve and would feel much better if I repressed it far, _far_ down."

"Your sarcasm is well-noted. Why did you come here?"

"I was kidnapped, of course."

"Were you really?"

"Technically, yes."

Danzō turned his head to stare at me. I looked back at him and shrugged.

"By who?"

"My best friend," I answered. "He didn't _mean_ to. It was an accident. Oh, I suppose it's kind of my fault as well, but it was mostly his."

Hiruzen blinked at me. Danzō stared at me.

"What?" I asked. "I'm not lying."

"I know," Danzō and Hiruzen both said at the same time. "I can tell."

The two elderly men looked at each other for a moment before looking back at me.

"You were kidnapped by someone you consider your _best friend_ ," Hiruzen said.

"Yes."

"Taken from your home. From your family and _friends_. And you still consider this person your _best friend_?"

I paused, considering this. "Huh. Yeah. I do."

"I... see."

"Do you?"

"I believe so."

"Alrighty, then. Can I go? I promised my neighbor I'd make him breakfast."

"Of course. Thank you for your answers."

"Happy to oblige," I said with a dip of my head and a skip in my step as I headed out.

Okay, well, maybe not a _skip in my step_ , but I definitely wasn't feeling down.

My plans for Hiruzen were done. As long as I was in this world it would be in my best interest to be seen upon as some helpless little girl who got a little unlucky chakra-wise. It would be in my favor to be underestimated.

So my distaste for Hiruzen about allowing such damage to happen to Naruto would have to remain hidden.

It wouldn't do to upset the Hokage.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

"Good morning, Naruto-chan," I greeted happily after the groggy-eyed six year old opened his front door to find me standing in front of him with a plate full of pancakes and milk.

Naruto's eyes widened and suddenly he was awake and alert. He gaped at me. "What...?"

"I told you we were going to be neighbors and as a neighborly gesture, I made breakfast. Mind if I come in?"

Wordlessly Naruto further opened his door. I glided in, taking in the slightly messy apartment and wrinkling my nose at the stench of old ramen and God-knows-what-else in there. It would appear that this place would need some serious cleaning.

Ah, well, I had time to kill so I could probably do it.

Naruto rushed passed me after shutting the door, appearing both sheepish and embarrassed about his apartment. He quickly shoved aside some old ramen cups to make room for the tray of food and pulled out another cushion for the table. My lips quirked into an amused smile as I set down the food before him.

He sat down at one end of the small round table and I sat opposite of him.

Naruto openly gaped at the large spread of food laid out before him. "What is this?"

"Pancakes," I declared. "They're really popular where I come from. All nice, warm and fluffy."

Naruto took a first tentative bite before his expression lit up. "They're amazing."

"Of course they are," I said. "I made them."

Naruto gave me a sunny smile and I had the strongest urge to smother him in affection. But I thought that might be a little too soon, so I settled for eating breakfast with him.

"So what's the plan for today?" I asked.

"I dunno. I didn't have anything planned."

"When do you go to school?"

"I go back next week."

"I see. I noticed you have a nice little garden at your window."

Naruto nodded happily, chewing on his pancakes. "Mm-hmm."

"I used to have a garden," I commented, thoughtful again. "It wasn't much. No vegetables or herbs, just my favorite flowers and tree. My apartment isn't big enough for a tree though," I trailed off, musing. "But then again... Be right back, Naruto."

I stood up abruptly from the table, heading out the door and looking up. "ANBU?"

There was a flicker.

"Yes?" Cat ANBU.

Cool.

"I want two more apartments in this complex. The two next to mine. I want the walls knocked down between them and a doorway from there and my room."

I was an expensive guest. But hey, if Obito was going to take care of all my expenses... And I knew he certainly wasn't a poor fellow (he had Yagura under a genjutsu, and thus had complete access to the Mizukage's money. I _highly_ doubt a Kage was anything less than some rich sonofabitch), I might as well get comfy if I'm going to be here for a while.

Besides, he owed me for nearly destroying my house _eight times._

Not to mention the other casualties caused by him—my poor washer and dryer, and my _room!_ Urk. The menace.

I swear the insurance company was beginning to think I was doing it on _purpose_ towards the end there.

My Cat ANBU didn't even react to my request. "Hai. Anything else?"

"Yes. All the materials necessary to turn those rooms into a greenhouse."

"Hai."

"That'll be all."

"Hai."

I turned and went back into the apartment. Naruto stared up at me curiously, a mouthful of pancakes making his cheeks bloat up like a squirrel with nuts. "I bought the two apartments next to mine and I'm going to turn them into a greenhouse. If you want, I can give you a key to the greenhouse when it's done and you can help me. Hell, you can even use the greenhouse for your own nefarious purposes."

Naruto's mouth dropped open.

I sat back across from him with a serene smile. "Close your mouth dearie, it's not a very appetizing sight."

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

**Elsewhere**

Obito suppressed a shudder as his wallet suddenly felt significantly lighter.

 _Perhaps I shouldn't have given Mia free reign of my money,_ Obito mused. _Although it's more like_ Yagura's _money but the point is still there. Hmm No, no. I'm sure she's able to use it responsibly and with care._

With that, Obito continued about his work, before another fleeting thought entered his mind. _I hope she's not still upset that I accidently blew up her washer three times and her dryer four times. No, no. I'm sure she's completely over that._

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** Tenten. I mean, when someone of great importance died, did any of you guys really get to see her reaction? I mean, she was in the background and didn't even get to say a single word. Wtf Kishimoto? Not to mention her lack of screen time, and how occasionally she's completely forgotten about in the openings/endings. Oh Tenten, you poor girl. We don't even know your name or really anything about you.
> 
>  **Question:** Most overrated character?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	5. Part I - Always Carry Chocolate (ACC)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. This is a work of fiction.  
> First Beta: featherstofly  
> Second Beta: Lavendor Queen  
> Editor: Sansho

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

After spending a very fun day shopping for seeds and planning out the greenhouse with Naruto (construction had started right away, damn I loved efficient ANBU), and stopping by Ichiraku's for lunch, the two of us swung back to my new refurbished apartment. We watched a couple of movies before the little ball of sunshine was too tired and I tucked him into bed.

Then I too went to bed.

Now, my night was a little odd. For the past few nights I've been in this world I've always had someone in the room with me when I fell asleep; Obito, to be exact. Even when I was little I didn't sleep on my own unless I was at _home_ and in a _comfortable_ place. This was not my home. Not really. And while the bed was nice, the way I liked it, it wasn't _comfortable_.

It took me quite some time, tossing and turning, before I finally drifted off into a restless sleep.

Bright and early the next morning my internal clock woke me up as the first rays of bright pale light peeked through my windows.

I stumbled out of bed, not bothering to put pants on, and tugged down at my cammie. With a yawn, I moved out into the living room, frowning when I caught the scent of bacon.

I stared at Obito, who had laid out a plate of bacon and scrambled eggs with a glass of coffee next to him. He sat down on the floor, leaning against the couch and sipping his own glass of coffee while staring in exasperation at some papers.

When he spotted me, he scowled.

"You. Are. _Expensive_ ," Obito accused.

"I know," I said, not the least bit bothered. "This is payback for burning down my kitchen, living room, _and_ bathroom."

"I said I was _sorry!_ "

"' _Sorry'_ doesn't cut it," I sniffed, adding quotation marks with my fingers. "It was a very terrifying and traumatic event. I needed therapy. Do you know how hard it was to share a single bathroom with my parents, rich boy?"

Obito gave a groan of exasperation. "So it's payback?"

"Yes."

Obito scowled at me.

I smiled at him, sitting next to him and taking a piece of bacon. "Naruto is adorable. When I have a son, I want him to be like him."

Obito muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I hope that bacon is burnt."

"It's cooked lovely, thank you, dear."

"I hate you."

"I love you."

Obito sighed. "What's the plan for the day?"

"I don't know. If Pervy-Sage shows up, I'm off to train with him. If not, I'm setting up the greenhouse with Naruto. We should have it done by tonight if we really work on it."

Obito stared at me incredulously. "You're serious about including him in your life?"

"Of course."

"Despite the many dangers everyone he loves will constantly be facing?"

"I'll be fine."

"That's what you think. Danzō informs me you weren't even intimidated by _the Hokage_."

"Why should I be? I'm not a threat."

"At least not that he knows of."

"Danzō won't tell and neither will you."

"That's not the point."

"What's the point, then?"

Obito shrugged, grabbing some bacon for himself and nibbling on it. "I'm concerned about the Domino Effect you being here will have."

We fell into silence. Neither of us knew how to address that concern.

I cleared my throat. "So, um, I need you to get some parts for me."

"What do you mean?"

"My laptop," I explained with a dreary sigh. "It, well, let's say chakra is _so_ not mixing well with it, or something. It didn't get wet, or was physically damaged. The whole thing is going haywire and I have to rebuild the majority of it with materials from this world that are more used to chakra than the materials from my world. I already have a list of parts for you. Some of them are probably going to have to be customized."

Obito winced. He knew firsthand how much I loved my laptop, and how addicted I was to it. "I'll get right on it. Any idea how long it'll take?"

"Very," I muttered unhappily. "I have a general idea on what to do, as I've had to rebuild my laptop numerous times - thanks to _you_ -but I've never really worked with the materials or technology in this world. It's going to be pretty much trial and error. Urk. And the programming is going to be a hell to rewrite, I know it."

"At least you know what you're doing," Obito offered.

I shot him a mutinous glare before sighing and nodding. "I suppose your horrendous habit of destroying my things paid off in this regard. Still urk. I'm going to be going through internet withdrawals. And videogames withdrawals. Major technology withdrawals. I don't even have my phone or iPod, though that's probably a good thing as they would be busted too, maybe."

Obito patted my head. "Well, like I said, at least you know what to do."

"Only because you _fucking destroyed my laptop_ before."

"You're _still_ touchy about that?"

"Papa and Grandpoppy made me rebuild it from scratch because of you! And they took away _all of my technology for the rest of summer vacation!_ Then when I finally had it rebuilt, they destroyed it _on purpose_ and made me rebuild it _again_!"

"They wanted to make sure you knew how valuable the laptop was and to know how to fix it," Obito said patiently.

" _I_ did _know how valuable it was! I_ didn't _know_ you _were such a techno-idiot, though!_ "

"I'm getting the feeling that you're angry at me," Obito commented.

I snarled. "You put my laptop in the friggin' washer."

"You _told me_ the washer was meant for, and I quote, 'cleaning things'. You then told me your laptop was dirty and waterproof—"

"—Waterproof, as in it could take a little sprinkle and not fritz out on me!"

"—so I did the friendly thing and tried to wash it for you."

I gave him a venomous look.

Obito sighed before he pulled out a chocolate bar and held it out to me. Caught off guard, I blinked at it. "What?"

"I've decided to always keep chocolate on me for emergencies," Obito clarified.

"You can't bribe me with chocolate—!"

"It's the equivalent of a _Crunch_ bar in this world."

I took the chocolate bar, nodded to Obito in a firm manner and promptly started unwrapping the wrapper. "It's been a pleasure doing business with you."

"Whatever," Obito muttered. "Which reminds me, I _will_ be teaching you self-defense. Every time I stop by, I'll kidnap you for two hours to train you."

My nose crinkled at that. "Do I have to?"

"Either I train you, or Danzō does."

I winced. "You're awesome?"

"I know."

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

After Obito had left, I went back over to Naruto's apartment and the sunshine welcomed me in with a bright and warm smile. He gave me a quick hello and I fixed him some breakfast, but as I cooked, I noted how horrendously messy the kitchen was and the severe lack of food—proper food—he had.

"We're cleaning and shopping today," I told Naruto.

Naruto looked up at me, curious. "What do you mean?"

I gestured all around us and Naruto ducked his head in sheepish embarrassment. I frowned at that. "Don't be embarrassed sweetie, you're a lot neater than _I_ was at your age. We can spend the day cleaning and afterwards we can go shopping for some food. You can choose what we're having for dinner, even."

Naruto looked back up at me, smiling. "We?"

"Do you have a problem with that?"

"No," Naruto said quietly, still smiling. "I like it."

"Good. I like it too."

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

Naruto hurried along beside me, gripping the numerous bags of groceries with him. I kept a steady pace, tightening my grip around my own numerous grocery bags as the two of us headed home. Shopping proved a smidgeon difficult in that Naruto didn't feel comfortable enough to go into the store with me. He said it was something about not liking the store, but I had a feeling he didn't want the same stares _he_ got to transition over to _me_ and thus, in his eyes, make me go away.

He was silly. As if I'd ever be bothered by something like _that_.

We climbed up the stairs and Naruto opened his apartment and we headed inside. After shutting the door, I breathed in the nice-smelling apartment.

It was already pretty late at night. We had spent a good chunk of the day cleaning his small apartment. But it was still a rough scrub through, kind of like shampooing. We still had to use conditioner, which for us would mean fixing a few of the cracks and painting over them, but we could do that tomorrow.

"So what do you want for dinner, Naruto-kun?" I asked as he assisted me in putting the groceries away.

"Umm... I dunno. No ramen, right?"

"Not tonight," I said, smiling in bemusement.

"I dunno."

"Well, seeing how we both worked pretty hard tonight, why don't I fix us up something special?"

Naruto grinned. "Like what?"

"Well, I could make us some homemade pizza."

"What's pizza?"

"Something you will love. It's pretty popular in my home land."

"Okay," Naruto hummed.

I ruffled his hair. "Aa, why don't you go pull out your homework from the academy you were telling me about? I can certainly try helping you while I'm cooking."

Naruto's grin morphed into a shy smile. "Really?"

"'Course," I proclaimed. "My momma used to help me with my homework a lot when I was little, so I don't see why I wouldn't help you with yours."

Naruto's smile faded momentarily, his face a perfect mask of shock. He stared up at me with wide eyes, water glistening at the ends of it.

Immediately I stopped what I was doing and stared at him with equally wide, panicked eyes. _Oh shit, what did I do?_

I dropped down on my knees and scooped the boy into a hug. Feeling sort of panicky and unsure of what to do, I remembered what my cousin did for her little brother when _he_ was about to bawl. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. Please don't cry! I'm not good with crying. Seriously, it makes _me_ cry and I definitely don't want to start crying now, so for the love of Addicting-Video-Games _please_ don't cry!"

Naruto sniffled as he wrapped his arms around me. "N-No. You didn't hurt me. I-I got something in my eyes, is all."

"I see," I said, unsure of what else to say. Was he really okay or was he trying to be polite?

"Really, really, I'm not hurt. Okay?"

I patted his head, releasing him and gnawing on my bottom lip. "If you're sure."

"I am," Naruto said as he rubbed his eyes.

I smiled, relaxing. "Okay. So go get your homework while I get dinner started."

"'Kay."

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

With Naruto tucked into bed, his homework done and dinner eaten (he loved pizza now, my work there was done), I finally crept back over to my own bedroom, yawning tiredly.

I crawled into my bed, taking two sleeping pills (that I had requested and received from the wonderfully helpful ANBU) to help me fall asleep in this still strange room, before my head hit the pillow and oblivion welcomed me.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

Bright and early in the morning, I yawned and smiled as I headed out into my living room. Obito looked up from his spot in front of the couch, flipping through channels on the television.

I stopped right before him, my eyes widening.

"Oh my God," I breathed, gaping at hm.

Obito looked up at me, raising an eyebrow. "Yes?"

I dropped down onto my knees and crawled over to him, gripping him by the shoulders. "Take off the shirt."

"I'm not stripping, you pervert," Obito drawled, giving me an amused look.

I smacked him on the shoulder lightly. "I don't care about seeing your flat chest. Give. Me. Your. Shirt."

Obito snickered. "Oh? This old thing?"

"That's an Akatsuki shirt!" I cried out, staring at its amazing-ness. "A legit _Akatsuki_ _shirt_ , with the black background and red clouds and everything! Gimme!"

"What do you say?"

"I'll love you for life if you give me that shirt, _please_."

"You already promised to love me for life when I helped you beat the Harry Potter Legos," Obito said dismissively.

"I'll love you for _eternity_ then," I declared. "Please? Please, please?"

"I don't know," Obito said with great exaggeration. "I quite like this shirt."

"You can get another one," I cried out.

"You're right. I definitely can, but I _quite_ like this shirt."

"You're being an ass."

"I know."

"Please?"

Obito sighed. "This one? You don't want one of your own?"

"Nope. This one was worn by an actual Akatsuki member, even if it was _you_."

"I feel the love. Fine. You're lucky I'm in such a gracious mood."

"Uh-huh."

"So gracious... I'll give you the shirt _if_ you tell me your plans."

I gave a groan. "That's worse than cock-blocking."

Obito gave a grin. His tone changed to that of one of teasing. "You know you want the shirt."

"I do, but..."

"I thought you wanted the shirt, Mia-chan."

"I _do!_ But..."

"If you _really_ wanted the shirt you'd do _anything_ to get it."

"I would! But..."

"Miiiiaaa-chaaan. You know you waaaant the shirt."

"I _do_. I do want the shirt!"

"So tell me what you're planning."

I groaned. "I'll explain the parts that benefit both of us, okay? I can't explain the other parts 'cause I don't quite know them myself yet."

"Deal," Obito said, smirking.

"You're the devil," I accused.

"You love me anyway."

"I must be a masochist," I muttered.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

****

****(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧** **

**  
**

Jiraiya still hadn't shown up for the rest of the week.

But between Naruto and Obito, I wasn't bored enough to really care. Naruto was such a sweetheart and proved to be extraordinarily entertaining when the mood hit him. When I wasn't helping him with school work, we either worked more on our budding garden or goofed off in the park. And when night fell, after Naruto was tucked in, Obito would occasionally visit me to further explain this world to me (and when he couldn't visit at night, he came in the mornings).

All in all, it was a pleasant, relaxing week.

But the pleasantries were soon to be over. Not 'cause Jiraiya had shown up.

Naruto was going back to school.

Naruto scuffed the ground as we waited outside his apartment door while I fumbled for the key.

"It can't be _that_ bad," I consoled.

"It is," Naruto insisted. "I'd rather stay with you."

"No, you wouldn't," I admonished. "You want to become the Hokage, right?"

"Right!"

"So going to school is important. You're going to have to go. Besides, I already have your lunches planned out for the week."

"Lunches?" Naruto asked, his voice rising at the end to show his curiosity.

Naruto had taken a fast liking to my world's food and my cooking. And yes, I was pleased as he had a banana.

"Mm-hmm. Unless you want to make your own lunches."

"No, no," Naruto insisted quickly. "I like Ka— _your_ cooking."

I smiled. "Good."

Finally finding the right key, I unlocked the door and headed inside, Naruto trailing behind me.

"Seeing how you have school tomorrow, why don't you go ahead and get your stuff laid out tonight so you aren't rushed in the morning, alright?" I asked, heading into the kitchen to prepare Naruto's school lunch for the next day.

"'Kay, Kaa— _Mia_."

I hummed in acknowledgement, pulling out the ingredients from various cabinets. Comfortable silence fell between us as the two of us worked on our aforementioned tasks. Naruto finished before me, of course, and chose to sit on the counter, watching me work.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow after school and we can have Ichiraku's for dinner as a treat," I said.

"Really? Yatta! Thanks, Kaa-ch— _Mia_."

"Why don't you go ahead and pick out the movie to watch tonight?" I suggested. "Nothing too long because I want you in bed before eight-thirty, young man."

"Hai, hai," Naruto replied, hopping off the counter and going through a door installed between our apartments a few days ago. It made it easier to communicate and take care of each other.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

When the movie was over, Naruto was already falling asleep. His head rested on my arm, and as I turned the T.V. off, he gave a huge yawn. I ruffled his hair slightly to which he groaned and halfheartedly swatted my hand away. Only smiling in amusement, I stood up and picked the little boy up with me, holding him in my arms while his head sort of sagged onto my shoulders.

His tiny arms wrapped around in a small neck-hug and I patted his back. "Bedtime, little one."

Naruto yawned again, mumbling in agreement while I moved out of my apartment back towards his. Stepping through the kitchen I went to his bed and laid him in. He snuggled into his pillow while I tucked the blankets around him.

"Night-night, Kaa-chan," Naruto mumbled groggily.

I froze.

Naruto was stock-still, his eyes flying open and his mouth gaping in disbelief.

"You think I'm your Kaa-chan?" I asked, eyes still wide.

Naruto didn't say anything, gaping at me in horror.

I blinked a couple of times as the shock wore off before giving him a pleased smile. I leaned down and kissed his forehead. "Awesome. Always wanted to be a mom. Goodnight, Naruto-chan. Sweet dreams."

Naruto blinked up at me. "You don't mind being my Kaa-chan?"

"Why would I be?" I retorted rhetorically. "Now go to sleep. I'll wake you up in the morning when it's time to go to school."

Naruto smiled back at me. "Hai... Kaa-chan."

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

**Extra - Destruction of the House (II)**

I had to have been fourteen the second time Obito completely destroyed my house.

Well, not _completely_ , but enough.

It was getting rather late, you see, and it was a couple of weeks after New Years. Momma and Papa had given me permission to dispose of leftover fireworks and whatnot, so long as they were around. Yes, well, Obito had seen fireworks first hand (as he has been with me on New Years, as well as a few other holidays. He had never _launched_ them himself though), and they _did_ have them in his world (they weren't brought out very often, especially in a _ninja_ village), but Obito had _never_ seen the 'smaller fireworks' like the smoke bombs, sparklers, and the like.

We had _plenty_ of those leftover and one night, one simple little night, I made the horrendous mistake of allowing Obito free reign of the fireworks. I was feeling a little under the weather and had taken my nightly medication, so I was of course out of it.

Obito mentioned wanting to see more fireworks and I vaguely motioned towards the garage, giving my permission to have at it.

The thing was Obito didn't know how to tell the box of sparklers apart from the box of fireworks.

In all fairness, we didn't have them in labeled boxes. We moved them into fireproof and waterproof boxes, specially made for keeping hold of 'explosives'. _We_ knew which box was which. Obito did not.

And me, genius me, did not think for a moment to remind Obito which box contained the rather lethal explosives, and which box held the rather harmless ones.

So Obito, of course, grabbed the massive power-house fireworks.

I thought he had grabbed the sparklers and informed him that he could light them in the bathroom - as it was the least flammable room in the house and it was rather too chilly to go outside and do it.

I think what happened next was pretty obvious.

I was about to take a sip of my double-chocolate chocolate-marshmallow covered hot chocolate when all of a sudden I hear this heart-stopping _explosion_ coming from _my bathroom._

Screaming in surprise, I hurried upstairs to find my bathroom completely gone, as well as the room next to my bathroom mostly gone (some of it was still sizzling on fire) and a blue man standing completely unharmed.

Obito turned to me. "Those sparklers certainly pack a punch."

I turned to him. "You destroyed my bathroom."

"You know I have the oddest feeling that what I lit wasn't the sparklers."

"You friggin' _destroyed_ my _bathroom_."

"It's a feeling, though. I'm not sure. What do you think?"

"Yet you are unharmed. No physical punishment whatsoever. While my bathroom is off in bathroom heaven. You _murdered_ my bathroom. You bathroom murderer."

Obito eyed me thoughtfully. "I'm getting the weirdest notion that you _might_ be the _tiniest_ bit upset with me. Maybe. Call me crazy."

"You murderer."

"Now, now, it's not nice to call people names."

"My parents are going to _kill_ me. Painfully. Slowly. How in the hell am I going to explain this to them?"

"I'm sure you'll come up with something."

"Fuck. You."

"Ouch. I'm starting to think that you may not want me around at the moment."

I opened my mouth, but closed my eyes, fighting the waves of dizziness. "Fucking medication. I think I'm going to lay down now."

"You want me to lay down with you, is that what you're implying?"

"I want you to make sure there isn't a single trace that a _firework_ was launched in here, then make it seem like it was a gas explosion instead of a _firework._ I _refuse_ to get in trouble over something that I didn't even do."

"I can do that, I think. How do I make it look like a gas explosion?"

"I don't know. Go watch an episode of NCIS, or Numbers, or something, it's bound to explain something on there. My parents won't be home until morning so you have until then to figure it out."

"I have another hour and a half before I leave," Obito hummed. "I suppose I can figure something out."

"You damn straight better."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** Uchiha
> 
>  **Question:** Have you ever made something explode?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!
> 
> **Picture from CrenatedPineapple on deviantART.**


	6. Part I - A Pervert and Billboard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Artwork by Kira-Tsume on deviantART.**

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"And then Iruka-sensei told us about this leaf exercise thing that we're gonna start tomorrow," Naruto continued on cheerily as the two of us headed home. His hand clung tightly to mine and the boy seemed positively _beaming_.

"I'm glad you had fun today," I told him.

Naruto nodded his head in agreement but before he could say anything else, an ANBU flickered to stand before us.

"Jiraiya-sama has arrived in the village. Hokage-sama requests your audience," ANBU-Bird said.

"Oh, alright," I said with a frown as the ANBU flickered away. Turning back to Naruto I ruffled his hair. "I've got to go for a bit, so head on home without me. When I come back we can go out for ramen, okay?"

"Okay," Naruto said. I smiled and kissed the top of his head before turning and heading towards the Hokage's office.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

"I told you before, I _don't want another apprentice!_ "

"She wouldn't really be an _apprentice_ , Jiraiya, she needs help controlling her chakra."

"Then find an academy teacher!"

As I neared the Hokage office, I could hear the two heated voices coming from inside, both very familiar. For once, since coming here, I was a bit grateful I didn't have _any_ chakra. Obito said I could make one of the best spies if I really wanted to. That's how shinobi and kunoichi know they're being watched—the chakra. But seeing how I had _no_ chakra...

I paused outside the door, definitely eavesdropping on them.

"Her case isn't quite so simple."

"Then make it simple! I already told you, I do _not_ want another apprentice. At least not her."

"You don't have a choice, Jiraiya. She is an important individual and Danzō requires—"

" _Danzō?_ You're doing this for _Danzō_ now?"

"I know it may seem a bit—"

"It seems like a lot of things to me, Sensei. My answer is the same, nonetheless. _No_."

I blinked at that, deciding it was time to enter the room.

"So does that mean I'm screwed?" I asked.

Jiraiya whirled around, eyes wide as if he were a little boy with his hand caught in the cookie jar. Hiruzen gave a small sigh, his eyes closing.

"You're what I'm supposed to be teaching?"

"I'm a _who_ , not a _what_ , thank you very much," I said with a roll of my eyes. "But apparently you don't want to teach me. Look, I get that you don't _want_ to, but you'd be helping a lot of people if you do. Who knows how big of a hazard I am like this. I don't even want you to teach me jutsus or sealings or any of that stuff. I want and kind of _need_ you to teach me to get _this_ under control."

Jiraiya continued to stare at me, his expression guarded. "Get _what_ under control?"

I looked at Hiruzen, only raising an eyebrow in question. Hiruzen blinked once before saying, "She has a genjutsu cast over her, Jiraiya. Release it and see what needs to be done."

Jiraiya stared at me another moment before releasing the genjutsu. At that moment his eyes widened considerably and he paled.

"Do you know what you have clinging to you?"

"Nature chakra," I said. "And I'll explain all that I know about it and why it's clinging to me, if you agree to help me control it enough so that way it _doesn't_ cling to me."

"I don't really have a choice," Jiraiya snapped, irritation spilling into his tone. "If I don't show you then you'll be a walking hazard within weeks. It's amazing you haven't killed anyone yet."

"So you'll teach me?" I asked, wanting confirmation and clarification.

"Like I said, not much choice," Jiraiya muttered. "Why is...?"

I gave a quick explanation of our theory.

"That would be a good guess," Jiraiya said slowly. "If that's the case then controlling may either be a lot harder for you—as you've never worked with chakra—or easier as you don't run the danger of mixing your chakra with nature chakra."

"With my luck probably a combination of both, with a nice nasty down side," I said thoughtfully.

"Aren't you a happy camper," Jiraiya said dryly.

"I try," I replied. "Oh. But, uh, I can't train after three o'clock on weekdays and afternoons and evenings on the weekends."

"Why is that?" Jiraiya asked, his eyes narrowing.

I gave an almost shy smile. "I actually have a son."

"Ah, yes, I heard about that," Hiruzen said, a twinkle in his eyes.

"He told you I take it?" I asked, feeling a little shy about the topic. I've never been a mother before so the experience was new. And I definitely adored Naruto and didn't want to let him down as his surrogate mother. I had to confess I was a little bit worried Hiruzen might have attempted to sway Naruto away from me.

"Bragged about it more likely," Hiruzen chuckled. "I am pleased he found someone to take care of him. I hardly seem to have time for him with work as the Hokage."

Oddly enough, I found myself softening a bit for the old man. I was still furious about how horrible the situation had gotten with Naruto and that he had allowed it, but in a way I could understand. Hiruzen was a tired, weary old man who carried one of the greatest burdens a shinobi could carry. In a way, it was amazing he had time for Naruto at all.

I swear I didn't soften because I was biased he wasn't trying to steal Naruto away from me.

Okay, maybe I was a _little_ biased now.

"And I take it your son is attending the academy?"

"Mm-hmm. I'd also like to not start training until after I get him to the academy."

Jiraiya, somehow, softened a bit. Perhaps he had a soft spot for children and single mothers?

"I think that can be manageable. I need to talk to my contracts about your training. I know two people perfect to assist in your training. We can start as early as tomorrow."

"I can work with that," I said with an easy smile. "Thank you very much, Jiraiya-sensei. Where and when do you want to meet up?"

"There's a small clearing and stream a couple blocks from the Konoha hot springs. Meet me there around nine and we'll train until two-thirty."

"Alright. Thanks again for this!"

Jiraiya only gave a small shrug.

As I turned to leave, he stopped me.

"Wait a minute. What's your name?"

"Mia," I replied.

"No surname?"

I paused. "I don't know. I'd have to ask."

"Ask who?" Hiruzen inquired.

I shrugged. "I doubt I'll be able to keep my old name in this land. I don't really want it anymore; something to remind me of the world I'd never be able to return to. I'd have to ask my kidnapper what kind of surname I should take."

"I see," Hiruzen murmured softly.

"Kidnapper?" Jiraiya repeated incredulously.

"Not my story to tell," Hiruzen answered his unspoken question with a smile.

Jiraiya sighed. "what have I gotten myself into?"

"An epic adventure filled with magic, wonders and double-rainbows," I chirped.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

"Ah, I love ramen," Naruto sighed as he held my hand on our way back home. Our hands swung back and forth as we walked carefree down the streets of Konoha.

"Don't I know it," I chuckled. "Listen, Naruto-chan, I'm going to be doing some training of my own after I drop you off at the academy. Don't worry, I'll be done before you're finished so I can still come and pick you up. I'll be at a small clearing with a stream near it a couple blocks from the hot springs. I'm letting you know so you know where to find me in case of an emergency."

"Training? Really? Kaa-chan, are you a kunoichi?" Naruto asked excitedly.

I gave a wry grin. "Not technically. I don't have much ambition to become one either. But I have to learn to control my chakra better."

"Eh? Really?"

"Mm-hmm. Kaa-chan has special chakra so Kaa-chan has to do some special training." I grinned. Damn, talking in third person was actually kind of fun. Probably shouldn't make a habit of it though. God only knows Obito wouldn't let me live it down if I did.

" _Sugoi!_ " Naruto cheered, dropping my hand and running up the steps to our apartment. "That's so cool!"

My grin widened at his praise and I hurried after him, my arms wrapping around his small body as I lifted him up in the air. Naruto squealed and giggled as I kissed his cheek and spun him around. I set him on the ground after a few more spins before unlocking and opening the door to our apartment.

Naruto rushed in before me.

"Pick out the movie then get ready for bed, Naruto-chan," I called after him, shutting the door behind us and locking it.

"'Kay," Naruto hollered, already finding a movie before rushing off to the bathroom.

I hummed happily under my breath before entering my own apartment and going to my room. I threw off my clothes and got dressed in my—check this— _legitimate Akatsuki_ _t-shirt_. I pulled on some sweatpants and headed to the bathroom, brushing my teeth and doing a quick run through my hair. When I was done, I went back to our apartment, already finding Naruto in front of the T.V. with the movie in, waiting for me.

I sat down next to him, pulling a blanket around us as the movie began.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

"So these are Fukasaku-sama and Shima-sama?" I asked tentatively of the two tiny frogs I had only seen a handful of times in the anime.

"And I can see that you weren't lying when you said that nature chakra really clung to her, Jiraiya-chan," Fukasaku observed, scrutinizing me.

"What an odd thing," Shima agreed, staring at me as well.

"Yep, that's me. Walking freak, right here," I muttered, a little uncomfortable with all the staring. "So can you help me?"

"'Course we can," Fukasaku snorted. "But the results of our training may be different than what we can expect."

"Why?"

"You have no chakra network whatsoever," Shima said primly. "What using such a volatile chakra such as nature chakra would do to you is unknown. At best, you might suffer a few temporary altercations to your physical body, which is what we're expecting."

My nose crinkled. "What kind of alterations?"

"Frog-like of course," Jiraiya interjected, a smirk on his face.

I shuddered.

"No, no," Shima murmured. "You aren't contracted to us—and _can't_ be contracted to us for that matter. If anything you might become more one with nature in your altercations."

"I'm going to grow _leaves?_ " I squeaked, horrified.

"Leaves, roots, water pouring out where it shouldn't—who can say? Or it might be nothing at all. Perhaps it might put a strain on your body?"

"You said _temporary_ , though, right?"

"Correct," Fukasaku confirmed. "You have no chakra network and no chakra at all. For the alterations to stay for longer than a few hours, perhaps, _your_ chakra is needed to sustain them, even if it's a sliver. But you have none and never have so it has no way of sustaining itself."

"Oh," I said dumbly. "Okay, so how do I keep this stuff off of me?"

The three of them exchanged glances.

"It will be difficult," Jiraiya began slowly. "You're unused to chakra so you don't know how to mold it, and you have no chakra of your own so you can't use that to mold the foreign chakra. We're going to have to treat this chakra like it's your own. But you _must_ understand that this is not your chakra. It's not _human_ chakra and as such is _extremely_ dangerous."

"Okay," I said. "So what do I do?"

"Meditation first," Shima answered. "To gather nature chakra, one must be perfectly still and one with nature. You have no issue. What you lack is control. You will need to be able to become one with nature to get a better feel of this chakra. When you are comfortable enough and familiar with it, we will begin with little control. Not using it; basic control of moving it to and from you."

I nodded. "So I have to sit— _perfectly still_ —for God knows how long? I'll tell you now, I'm not a kunoichi. I've _never_ been still for more than a minute. Even when I _sleep_ , I move."

"I figured as much," Jiraiya answered. "So we're going to cheat a bit."

"Cheat how?" I asked incredulously.

Shima held up a small syringe.

I stared at the golden liquid inside, realization dawning on me, along with a slight shiver of fear.

Okay, a bit more like a _bucket_ of fear.

I had a lot of fears.

But my biggest one was being physically helpless. Of not being able to move my body. Of being conscious and capable of lucid thought and unable to move my body.

"A paralysis," Shima said. "This will keep your entire body still, but your mind capable of working and entering meditation. It will wear off in an hour and we'll have to wait another hour afterwards before we give you another shot."

"I see." I shifted uncomfortably.

"Afraid of needles?" Jiraiya guessed.

"Not the needle. More like the not being able to move even if I wanted to part."

"I share that fear," Jiraiya said sympathetically. "But this was the quickest and safest way. We need to get this chakra under control as soon as possible."

"I _know_ , I..."

"I understand," Jiraiya consoled, placing a hand on my shoulder. "But we won't let anything bad happen to you. You're going to have to trust us."

And I did. I knew they were good people. I knew Jiraiya was an amazing person and I trusted him.

I did _not_ like the situation.

I wanted Obito.

With a heavy swallow I held out my left arm towards Shima.

Shima gave me a comforting and encouraging smile before injecting me.

This was going to be a long training session.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

After a horrendous day of training, picking up Naruto at the academy and dropping him off at home, I was on my way to the shopping district to buy more food with Yagura's - oh let's face it - _Obito's_ money. Along the way, I heard a tiny whimper carried off by the wind.

Naturally, I paused. I then double checked through my memories that I told Naruto to wait at home.

 _If it's not_ my _kid..._

I paused, listening intently until I heard it again. A tiny little whimper. I turned in the direction of the voice. It _appeared_ to be coming from the academy's backyard. I hesitated for a moment before shrugging and entering the area. I followed the quiet sniffles, finding myself face to face with a shockingly bright pink-haired girl.

She looked up at me, her watery eyes widening significantly.

Sakura quickly wiped away at her eyes, sniffling.

I frowned slightly, kneeling down. "Hello there, is something wrong?"

Sakura's bottom lip quivered.

I hesitated, unsure if I should pry or not. I debated for a moment before I decided I might as well. With a small sigh, I sat down next to her.

"You know," I commented, "sometimes it's easier to talk to a complete stranger about your problems than it is with someone you love."

Sakura hesitated, curling in on herself. "N-Nothing's wrong, miss."

"You can call me Mia," I informed her. "And I would definitely say something is wrong if an adorable girl like you is crying all alone."

"I'm not adorable," Sakura whispered, her hands flying up to her forehead.

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh? I beg to differ. What makes you think you aren't?"

"I have a big forehead," Sakura said quietly, her eyes watering.

I gave a melodramatic roll of my eyes before scrutinizing her exaggeratedly. "Hmm, I don't think it's big. It's actually smaller than mine, and you don't think _I_ have a big forehead, do you?"

"No," Sakura replied, her brow furrowed. "But mine's huge!"

"The only way yours can be big is if it was _at least_ bigger than mine. But look," I said, holding up two fingers. I spread them out, measuring the size of her forehead before lifting it up and putting the measurements against my own. "See? Yours is smaller. Who told you that you had a big forehead?"

"A-Ami."

"Then she must be insanely jealous," I decided.

Sakura's eyes widened. "Wh-What?"

"I mean, look at you," I said, gesturing to her. "I mean, seriously. I bet this Ami girl has a boring hair color and boring eyes, am I right?"

Sakura openly gaped at me. "But-But-everyone says-"

" _I'm_ not saying it," I told her. "And I doubt your teachers are saying it. I doubt the older classmen are, I doubt your parents are, I doubt actually any other adult is saying it."

Sakura closed her mouth, her brow furrowing even more so. "But-"

"But nothing," I told her. "You're very cute and if this Ami girl says otherwise, then she's a jealous idiot."

"If I'm-If I-If I'm really like that, then why won't anyone be my friend?" Sakura demanded, her eyes wide with a sort of desperate plea in them.

"Have you tried?"

Sakura closed her mouth, shaking her head.

"I bet if you tried, you'd be surprised," I informed her, smiling. "What class are you in?"

"Mimi-sensei's," Sakura said quietly.

"Not with my son then," I hummed. "Tell you what" I rummaged through my pocket, pulling out a piece of paper and pen. An old habit of mine; it was something my engineering teacher suggested. Every good engineer needs to always keep a writing utensil and something to write on with them, this way any new ideas of inventions or innovations could be written or drawn out immediately. It was a habit and I was glad I kept it.

It was strange writing in Japanese. Really strange. I mean, I knew it, but only because of Obito's ability. The knowledge was there but it was untouched. Imagine a time when you were _really_ little and you used to play all the time with a toy. Imagine that toy being missing for _decades_ before finding it. The memories of that time when you used to obsess over the toy were there, but they were forgotten through time. Finding that toy brought them back, in a way. That's how it felt. As if I had the knowledge my entire life, but was now remembering it.

I knew that wasn't accurate, but it was how it felt like.

I wrote down our address and handed it to her.

"I have a son about your age," I told her. "He'd _love_ to have friends. Trust me. He'd be _thrilled_. He's usually home for half an hour after school before he leaves for a few hours to train or goof off but he's home again by six-thirty. If you want someone to play with, you can stop by during those times. However if you want someone to listen, or if you want to hang out with me, come by while he's out, okay?"

Sakura stared down at the paper with round eyes. "You mean you-you want to be my friend?"

"Yes," I said. "But _please_ ask for your parents' permission before coming over."

"I-I will!"

"Good," I said, standing up and patting her lightly on the head. "Do you need me to walk you home? It's pretty late."

Sakura seemed torn for a moment before she looked up shyly. " If you don't mind."

"Not at all," I replied, grinning.

_I wonder how much of a change it would make if Sakura was never a fan girl? If she had confidence in herself from the start?_

I considered it.

_Let's find out._

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

**Extra: Destruction of House (V)**

"So this is a microwave?" Obito inquired, his blue form leaning towards it.

"Yeah. You don't have them in your world?"

"Nope. What does it do?"

"Heat things up," I replied.

"Anything?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"That's neat," Obito commented.

"I suppose so," I answered, before opening the microwave up and pulling out a very warm heat-pack. I wrapped it around my waist, wincing at the sharp burn, but otherwise ignoring it. "Urk. Stupid sore muscles."

Obito snickered a bit. "How can they be sore already? You got back from practice, didn't you?"

"They are," I muttered. "And I did not _'_ get back'. Anyway, what games do you want to play now?"

"Mario Party?"

"It's been a while since we played that one," I hummed thoughtfully. "Alright. Oh, hey, can you go grab my phone? I think I left it in the car. I'll go set up the game system."

"Very well."

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

As I finished placing the disc in the game console, I heard the front door open and close-signifying that Obito had returned.

"Your phone is freezing!"

"That's what happens when you leave it out in the car in the winter for an hour or so," I replied, grabbing the controllers and turning around. I blinked in mild surprise when I didn't find Obito behind me. I frowned when I heard a very unsettling beeping sound. The sound that usually came when someone was -

I paled. "No!"

Turning on my heel, I dropped the controllers and ran towards the kitchen in time to see the microwave explode, sparks shooting out of it and catching hold of the oh so very flammable paper towels, cloths, and _wooden_ cabinets.

"Oh my God!" I shrieked.

Obito winced, stepping away from the microwave.

"Oh my God!" I repeated, panic and hysteria bubbling up in me. "Oh my God! What did you do? Please tell me you did not _stick my only phone in the microwave!_ Oh fuck! How am I supposed to call the Fire Department now? Oh God! My phone! My baby—!"

"You said it heated up everything, and your phone was very cold."

I emitted a noise that sounded somewhat like a muffled cry, making wild gestures with my arms. I then ran towards the garage, grabbing the only fire-extinguisher and rushing back towards the kitchen.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

When that was done, I used tongs to peel what was left of my phone out of the ruined microwave. I placed it on the ground, giving a sort of dry sob. "My baby."

Obito knelt beside me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You have my condolences."

I gave another choked cry, my eye twitching. I moved towards him silently, holding up my hands as if I was going to strangle him.

"You do recall I cannot be physically hurt in this world. I thought we established this the _first_ time?"

I twitched, dropping my hands. I shot him a mutinous look. "You're dead to me."

He patted my head, staring down at the once-upon-a-time phone. "Do you want me to say a few words?"

I sniffled. "My kitchen is ruined, my phone is destroyed, and you're being _sarcastic_ with me now?"

"I'm sorry."

I gave another strangled cry, my face contorting before a whimper escaped me and I gave a sort of sag. "I feel light headed."

"Come on, I'll carry you back to your room," Obito said comfortingly.

I nodded my head in a sort of defeated way. "Make it look like an accident that was completely not my fault again?"

"Like with the fireworks?"

"Like with the fireworks."

"I will."

"Good."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** Yes. When I was younger, I wanted some cream cheese. We had cream cheese but they came in these little metal packets. I stuck them in the microwave and went off to go play on my xbox (not 360, because this was before it was invented), and well... It was very similar to the incident with Obito and the phone. I was too young at the time to understand wtf happened so yeah.
> 
>  **Question:** Would you rather star as a villain/antagonist in Naruto, but be able to influence other antagonists however you want, or be a hero/protagonist and able to influence other heroes/protagonists in Naruto? Heroes/Protagonists meaning they weren't ever antagonists in the first place, so Nagato wouldn't count and such.
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	7. Part I - Nature's What?

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"And that's why I'm covered with red dots," I finished explaining my training sessions to Obito, about four days after I had started training. I was _thankfully_ comfortable enough with my chakra that I could start my manipulation training next time. Getting to that point though, would probably forever be a scarring experience to me.

It didn't help that every time I was helpless, Jiraiya ran off to go giggle at the girls at the hot springs. Yeah, thanks man. I felt _real_ safe. Not that I had a choice, anyway; I had to learn to control this, as soon as possible. It might have been horrendous and I might have hated it, but it had to be done.

Obito gave me a comforting one-armed hug. When he had seen all the dots that the surprisingly big needle left behind, he was more than a little worried. Or morbidly curious. Who could say?

"I don't think I could handle that kind of training," Obito confessed.

"I must have nerves of steel then," I snorted. "How's Akatsuki running?"

"It's running," Obito replied. "I think after we have Itachi and after Orochimaru leaves, I can introduce your plan. I quite like it."

"Why not now?"

"Then Itachi wouldn't join us because we wouldn't be evil enough to need supervision. And there's no way in hell Orochimaru would stoop to it, narcissistic bastard."

"Orochimaru's pretty cool," I defended, feeling obligated. Even if he was a strange little child creeper, he was a good _scientist_. And the engineering side of me could definitely appreciate his devotion and fascination to jutsus. Hell, if I could, I'd probably devout myself to research like him. Minus all the dead kids. Minus all the kids, period.

And dissections.

Probably.

"Yet you don't like Kabuto."

"He's a wanna-be ass," I sniffed. "He couldn't even manage to be his own separate little baddie. He wanted to live up to being Orochimaru Jr. Talk about unoriginal and _boring_."

"Of course," Obito placated me. "I've mentioned you to Konan and Nagato and only that you have an idea to bring a greater benefit to the Akatsuki as well as minimize the lives needed to be taken."

"Do lives need to be taken at all? Do you _have_ to kill the bijū hosts?"

"If you figure out how to spare them and we still extract the bijū, we can spare them," Obito consoled.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Awesome. I'll start studying Fūinjutsu. Always wanted to, anyway. Definitely curious to see how chakra reacts to simple drawings that trigger a chain reaction down to the molecular level and even more curious to see how they would react to _my_ chakra that's already volatile on a molecular level. Hell, it'd probably be like adding Uranium when you only need Phosphorus or Neon—" I stopped myself. "Sorry."

Obito stared at me. "You geek."

"You love me anyway," I said automatically.

Obito was quiet for a moment before he murmured, almost as an afterthought, "Yes. I do."

I grinned, leaning forward and kissing his cheek in a friendly manner. "'Cause I'm so amazing like that. Anyway, I should probably get going. See you next time, buddy."

I stood up from my bed, stretching my body for a moment before pausing. "Ah, before I forget, what surname should I take?"

"Surname?" Obito repeated.

"Mm-hmm."

Obito mulled over his response for a while before he replied, "A-ho."

"Dork," I echoed. "No. My last name is not going to mean _dork_."

Obito smiled slyly. "Shizen-Mesuinu."

"Nature's bitch," I laughed. "Really? _Really_?"

"It fits you for the moment," Obito said smugly.

I snorted with laughter. "That's so mean. I'm serious. What surname should I take?"

"Fine, fine. I'll think about it," Obito snickered. "But I'm serious about Shizen-Mesuinu."

"Maybe," I allowed, grinning wickedly. "It'd be a fun inside joke. But I'd like a name my son can say proudly without getting scolded. I'd settle for that as a middle name, though."

"I suppose that's better than nothing."

"A middle name that will stay between the two of us," I clarified. "And I guess my doctor whenever you stop being paranoid and let me have one. And hell, I'm sure Jiraiya-sensei would get a kick out of it too."

Obito grinned. "Probably."

I shook my head. "Ja ne, Obito."

"Ja ne, Mia."

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

After Obito had left, not a minute afterwards there a quiet knock on my front door. Curiously, I frowned and opened it.

Standing before me was a red-eyed Sakura. She sniffled.

"Hello again," I greeted, a bit surprised at seeing her there in such a state.

Sakura opened her mouth once before she closed it, giving another sniffle.

I opened my door wider. "Come on, little one."

Sakura nodded once before she stepped into the apartment. Naruto was currently out, off causing mayhem among the Chūnins. My little havoc. Sakura looked around the apartment, taking it in before she bit her lip.

After closing the door, I kneeled down before her, tilting my head. "Do you want me to make you anything? Dinner? Sweets? Comfort food?"

Sakura gave a sort of watery-smile before shrugging. Her eyes trailed down and she shifted her stance to something of sheepishness. She hiccupped before blushing brightly.

"Comfort food it is," I said, moving towards the kitchen. "I've got ice-cream and some brownies. Which do you want?"

"B-Brownies?"

"Brownies with milk, then," I said, grabbing the plate of brownies as well as the plates. "You're welcome to sit on the couch. Make yourself at home."

I couldn't see Sakura's reaction, but I did hear her quiet footsteps as she moved towards the couch. By the time I managed to balance everything and turn towards her, I could see her sitting quietly on the couch, still sniffling. I headed towards her, offering her a plate and a glass which she accepted with a quiet thank you.

"So how can I help you?" I asked after she had taken a rather large bite of her brownie. Sakura gave me a sheepish-shy look, staring down at her plate.

"Mommy gave me permission."

Surprise momentarily colored my features. I had to pause and consider this carefully. In my world there would have been no question in allowing a small child—a small _girl_ —with a complete stranger. Granted, I did meet her parents when I escorted Sakura home. They were very nice people and had attempted to have me over for dinner (but I had explained to them that I had my own child back home waiting for me so they relented), but they didn't _know_ me.

Then again, this _was_ a shinobi village. Children ran about all over the place and the parents gave little worry. Obito had admitted that his childhood wasn't anywhere near as sheltered as mine, as the ANBU and the police were all over the place. Not to mention, citizenship in Konoha was something earned by _everyone_. Even if you were born in Konoha, you had to _earn_ Konoha's trust. If you took the shinobi (or kunoichi) path, then you earned Konoha's trust through your blood, sweat and tears. If you took the civilian path, at a certain age (seventeen, last Obito checked), you were forced to take a test and pass it.

It wasn't a test of solving problems or memorization. It was a psych and loyalty test. It was ingenious in its own way. I would be taking it myself after Jiraiya's test, so I didn't know yet what it consisted of. But it was one of the reasons Konoha was known as the Loyal Village. It was this test that ensured the loyalty, the rights everyone held. And it was through this process that Naruto's jinchūriki status remained hidden to the other villages. Even if Konoha treated him like a scapegoat, it was still a _Konoha_ secret and as such Konoha would protect it and hold tight to it with every fiber of its being.

It was touching, in a way.

Back to my point, though. It was rare, _extremely_ rare, that someone of ill-intent passed the test. The only way someone of ill-intent could really make it into Konoha was through the shinobi path, and even then it was rare. It was amazing in and of itself that _Kabuto_ managed to deceive Konoha for so long, that he remained disloyal.

It was different than my world. Very different, in numerous ways.

"I see," I replied. "Do you want to talk about something?"

"Can you listen? P-Please?"

"Of course," I said, curling up on the couch and giving her what I hoped to be a comforting smile.

"Okay." Sakura took a deep breath before she began to unfurl her story.

As I listened, I felt this sort of bubbling anger in me.

I wanted Sakura to become the strong kunoichi I envisioned her as. I knew while her childhood wasn't the worst compared to the others, that didn't make it _better_. Children reacted differently to different things and bullying, no matter how petty it seemed in the eyes of an adult or adolescent, was _painful_. Being constantly bullied at a young age was _painful_. And Sakura was going through that.

I found myself disliking Ami more than what I would have expected. I knew she was only a child and technically she didn't fully grasp how _wrongful_ she was behaving but still, If I wanted Sakura to gain more confidence in herself, I needed Ami out of the picture.

That, or I had to somehow teach Sakura to ignore her.

Not to mention from the looks of things, I had managed to meet Sakura _before_ Ino. If Sakura could scrounge up more courage before her friendship with Ino, she might not feel like she has to rely on Ino and eventually break it off. Hell, if I could somehow influence her enough to focus on herself, rather than Sasuke or Naruto, or some other silly infatuation, that would be even better.

I knew Sakura was smart. I knew it. I knew she had the potential to do great things and at that moment I wanted to push her towards that potential.

_Why stop at her, though?_

I had to pause at that. I could only work with what I had. The other Rookie Nine were Clan children and I definitely didn't have the status or trust to influence them. But Sakura was a civilian girl. She was _already_ here.

"Sakura," I said when she was finished. "Why do you want to become a kunoichi?"

Sakura blushed slightly, shifting. "I-I want to be strong!"

"Why?" I persisted.

"I want-I want to be a-able to take care of myself and m-my loved ones," Sakura said quietly.

"Then you will," I told her. "I'm sure of it. In fact,"

_If she was strong wouldn't she gain the confidence needed?_

"In fact, I'm going to help you. I'm not a kunoichi myself, but I know I can point you in the right direction. What do you say?"

Sakura blushed brightly before she nodded her head shyly. "Yes. Yes, please, Mia-san."

"Now, now. Mia will do."

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

A week faded by. Then another one. And another one.

My training was slow, as expected. But after a month of training, I could finally control the chakra long enough and efficiently enough that I wasn't considered a hazard any more. My next training session would start with actually seeing if I could _use_ my strange chakra.

Naruto's classes at the academy seemed to vary. On some days they were spectacular and on others he was a little flounced at being dead-last. I've taken it upon myself to start tutoring and helping him study but he doesn't take to the books like I have been with Fūinjutsu (not that I could use it, not yet, at least). Then again he is still a little kid. Not to mention I couldn't help him with his taijutsu training as I only know the basic self-defense Obito's teaching me. He was too young for weights and I wasn't familiar enough with chakra to help him mold his own. I didn't even know how normal chakra felt. Jiraiya insisted molding human chakra and nature chakra were two _extremely_ different things. I didn't want to give the same instructions I had on chakra to Naruto, in fear of getting him stuck in a bad habit of molding his chakra.

However, through my tutelage, he _had_ gotten a better grasp of his studies, and his reading and writing skills have definitely taken a turn for the better.

Now if only I could find him a proper tutor for his taijutsu and chakra training.

Sakura was progressing rather nicely. I had introduced her to Naruto briefly and the two remained a bit unsure about each other. I had prodded and poked about the library with her, working her through some of the more difficult scrolls and assisting her whenever she had questions I could answer. From a little nudging on my part, Sakura was taking to the poison and medical field like a duck to water.

I was still looking for another kunoichi I could find to assist her in more of her training.

Anyway, back to my training. In celebration of making it to the No-Hazard stage, I invited Jiraiya over for dinner with me and Naruto. The two of us were currently on our way to pick him up.

It would be the first time Jiraiya met Naruto since his infant days. I hadn't told Jiraiya a thing about my son except how much I adore him and how amazing he is.

This was mostly because I wanted to see his reaction when he met him.

The two of us walked along the small dirty path to the academy.

"Class is still in session," I said, next to Jiraiya. "But I bet they'll let us kidnap him early."

Jiraiya snorted, giving me a smile of amusement. "And somehow I get the feeling he won't mind that a bit."

"You'd be feeling right, my good Sensei," I chirped.

We stood in front of Naruto's classroom door. I opened it, peeking inside only to find an entire classroom's worth of eyes set upon me. I spotted Naruto in no time, his eyes lit up when he saw me.

I looked over at Iurka, giving him a small wave. Iruka smiled at me, his cheeks taking on a slight reddish hue, before he noticed Jiraiya who stood behind me and away from the classroom's prying eyes. Immediately, Iruka straightened and gave a deep bow of respect.

"We're here to pick up Naruto-chan," I said. "You don't mind, do you, Iruka-san?"

"Not at all, Mia-san," Iruka assured me. He motioned to Naruto, who already had his things packed and was racing towards me. He slammed into me, wrapping his tiny arms around my waist. I patted his head.

"Ja ne, Iruka-san," I said, exiting the classroom and closing the door.

I then turned around to face Jiraiya's wide, wide eyes as he stared down at his godson for the first time in years.

"Naruto-chan," I said, gently tugging him away from me to face Jiraiya. "This is my Sensei, Jiraiya-sama. He's one of the legendary Sannin, known as the great Toad Sage. But he's also a raging pervert who prefers to spend his time peeping on girls at the hot springs during our training sessions. Jiraiya-sensei, this is my adopted son, Naruto."

Naruto snickered at the raging pervert comment and gave Jiraiya a foxy grin. "Eh? Really? Nice to meetcha', Pervy-Sage."

Jiraiya immediately bristled. "I'll have you know I am a world-renowned shinobi, and not only that but I'm an even more renowned writer!"

"That's right," I chuckled, kneeling down to Naruto's level and whispering in his ear. "He's the writer of our favorite bedtime story, _The Tale of the Gutsy Ninja_."

Naruto's eyes widened comically. " _What? Him?!_ No way, Kaa-chan! He can't be!"

Jiraiya, who had heard the not-so-quiet whisper, had his eyes widen even more. "You know that story?"

"Kaa-chan reads it to me every week," Naruto declared, scrutinizing Jiraiya. "Are you _really_ the author?"

"Of course I am," Jiraiya retorted.

"Then I guess you can't be _so_ bad," Naruto decided grudgingly.

I laughed at Naruto's adorable face as he tried his best to hide his own idolism at seeing the author of the only book he's ever liked in real life. I kissed his cheek and ruffled his hair affectionately. "Well then boys, let's head home so I can start dinner, alright? And I'm sure if you ask nicely, Naruto-chan, Jiraiya-sensei might even sign our book."

Naruto's eyes lit up and he turned to Jiraiya expectantly. "Eh? Really? Will you, Pervy-Sage?"

"Don't call me Pervy-Sage," Jiraiya snapped without any real malice behind his words. His tone boarded on affectionate.

I hid my smile, choosing instead to take Naruto's hand and start the walk home.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

It was a nice dinner. Naruto and Jiraiya had hit it off immediately, much to my relief and amusement. Jiraiya was actually the dead-last in his class as well so he was able to relate to Naruto's current problems. He even went so far as to offer him a bit of help.

When dinner was done, Jiraiya stayed with us to watch the movie after we insisted. Then I tucked Naruto into bed and Jiraiya and I stayed up, idly talking about nothing important.

But really, I could tell that he was dying to ask me questions. To interrogate me.

After all, I was essentially taking care of his own godson, and he didn't even know about it until now. But he wanted to know. He wanted to know why and so much more.

So after a while of pointless chatter, I decided enough was enough and went straight to the point.

"You want to know some things," I said, abruptly changing the topic away from travels. "You want to know if I know Naruto is a jinchūriki, for one thing."

"And I'm guessing you do," Jiraiya said slowly, leaning forward on our table, his cup of tea long since cold and forgotten.

"I do," I answered. "I've known for a while. It's truly the worst kept secret in Konoha, next to the blatant prejudice the Second Hokage had against the Uchihas."

"That's not really a secret though," Jiraiya pointed out.

"Because it was so terribly kept," I retorted. "Let's see, you also want to know how Naruto and I met, and how we became so close."

"Maybe."

I gave Jiraiya a smile, locking eyes with him. "I'm not a threat to Konoha or him. Especially not him."

I paused, shifting and tugging down at my shirt.

Jiraiya peered towards me, his eyes resting on my chest a moment longer. I raised an eyebrow and he responded, "Interesting shirt."

I glanced down, unsure of what he was getting at—

— _Oh._

It was my Akatsuki shirt.

_Idiotic Mia strikes again._

I suppressed a sigh, choosing instead to weigh my options. Odds are Jiraiya knew about the Akatsuki—at the very least about the peace-organization Akatsuki. It would be simple to lie off on that, claiming the shirt was for _them_ , but then...

I toyed with the idea a bit in my mind.

"You're good at manipulating people," I mused aloud, not minding Jiraiya's sharpened gaze. "Very good. I'm not very good at it myself. Would be awesome if I was, but I'm not. You wanted to know about my connection with Danzō, yes? Well, what if I told you it wasn't a very _nice_ connection?"

Jiraiya's eyes took on a hardened glint, but he morphed his face into that of a more relaxed one. "I'd want to know what your purpose was in Konoha. Then I would want to know if the Hokage knows."

"I'm sure Hokage-sama knows that my connection isn't entirely a _good_ one, but it's not directly _bad_ either. At this moment it's entirely neutral. My purpose? To receive training from you. That was my original purpose, at least."

"Original? As in it has changed?"

"I never meant to run into Naruto," I elaborated. "But I did. Definitely didn't mean to include Sakura. But I have. What if I told you that I was playing a game?"

"What's stopping me from taking you to T&I right now?" Jiraiya mused.

I held up one finger. "I'm immune to any Yamanaka interrogation, no chakra system to influence." I held up another finger. "And my connection wouldn't tolerate any harm on my behalf. Harm me, and it goes from neutral to ill-intent."

"And you think a threat could stop Konoha?" Jiraiya countered.

"This friend of mine is powerful and influential enough that _Danzō_ wouldn't cross," I retorted.

Jiraiya sat back, a frown marring his face.

"And this friend of mine may or may not eventually want to harm Konoha, or the world at large," I said slowly.

Jiraiya remained impassive.

"And I may or may not know how to stop him. It depends on whether I'm able to scrounge up enough support, and if I'm able to outsmart him," I finished, watching Jiraiya's expression.

"You're playing it risky, telling all of this to me."

"No, I'm not," I said plainly. "The only thing you learned is that a man who is powerful enough that Danzō won't cross may or may not come for Konoha. You don't know how, you don't know when, and you sure as hell don't know _who_. The worst scenario for myself at the moment is not returning to Konoha, and really, that's worse for everyone."

"I see. So why are you telling me this? Why are you _betraying_ this friend of yours?"

"Because he's my friend and I love him," I admitted. "I don't want him to get hurt and I've grown very fond of Naruto and definitely don't want him to be hurt either. I have some idea on what to do to make sure everyone is safe and happy, but I don't think I can do it on my own."

"You want my help."

"Yes."

"What do I get in return?"

"What do you want?"

"Information."

"I can't promise to tell you anything until I know I can trust you. And even then, there are some things I won't reveal."

"Fine. Then I want time to think about this."

"Alright. When you say yes-"

" _If_."

I only shrugged in response. " _When_ you say yes, I know the first way you can help me."

Jiraiya gave me a bland look.

"Take Naruto on as an apprentice _before_ he graduates."

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

I let out a shaky breath after Jiraiya left. My legs had turned to jelly and my throat was dry, my head was spinning and I felt my heart hammering loudly in my chest.

It was a _huge_ risk, dragging him in so soon. But I _knew_ I wouldn't have been able to keep us a secret for long. If I wanted Naruto in my life, I had to have Jiraiya in it as well. And I needed Jiraiya on my side one-hundred percent and lying to him would have strained our relationship. Especially considering no normal person could lie to a Sannin and pull it off.

I needed to be upfront with Jiraiya to not only hopefully form an honest bond with him, but because I would need his help. Desperately so, in the future concerning Obito and the Akatsuki. If I wanted to keep Obito safe, to keep him _happy_ , I would do about everything I could.

Even if it meant taking risks with a murderer.

I closed my eyes, letting out a slow breath in a vain attempt to calm myself down.

He would accept. The risk of not accepting would be too great. He would earn my trust, of that I had no doubt, and he would keep this between us. He knew damn well how dangerous of a man Danzō was, and how senile and soft Hiruzen was when it came to the ROOT leader. And if I was friends with someone that _Danzō_ wouldn't cross...

Jiraiya would help me. Of that, I had no doubt.

Now it was a matter of being able to _use_ his help.

Immediately after I was done cleaning up, I heard the tentative voice of Naruto.

"K-Kaa-chan?"

I turned around, away from the sink, and wiped my hands dry as I stared at the groggy, shy and anxious-looking Naruto. He shuffled his feet nervously, his head ducked down.

I moved to crouch down in front of him. "Something wrong sweetie? Why aren't you in bed?"

"I had a nightmare," Naruto muttered, shifting his weight.

At this revelation, I thought back to my childhood, trying to understand what exactly he was getting at. It took a few moments before I realized and gave him a comforting smile. "Ah. Does Naruto-chan want Kaa-chan to sleep with him tonight?"

"Hai," Naruto mumbled, his cheeks turning a cute red from embarrassment.

"Well then," I murmured, straightening up and guiding him to his bed. I lifted him up onto the bed before pulling the covers back. Naruto curled up tightly against the wall on the bed and I climbed in after him, opening my arms. Naruto stared a moment before he smiled shyly and entered them.

I patted his head soothingly before pulling the blankets back up around us and kissing the top of his head.

"Sweet dreams, Naruto-chan."

"Night, Kaa-chan."

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

"Are you ready to try using nature chakra for the first time now?" Fukasaku asked.

"Ready as I'll ever be," I answered. "What do I do?"

"Nature chakra is a strong and powerful thing," Shima began. "And you are a very unique person. What you do and how you do it will be drastically different than what we would do. The only thing can say for certain is that it will be no small thing."

"Okay," I said slowly, not quite getting it.

"You won't be able to mold it a bit," Jiraiya clarified. "No academy-level jutsus. Actually, nothing _below_ Jounin. Maybe even ANBU. It's hard to say. But you very clearly have an affinity for nature chakra and as such I expect the outcome will be interesting to say the least."

"So what do I do?" I asked again.

"Nature chakra runs on different rules than human chakra. You don't need hand seals to mold it. You will it."

"Will it to do anything?" I asked hesitantly.

"Something like that," Jiraiya mused. "It's different for everyone. It'll be drastically different for you, I'd imagine."

"Okay," I murmured. "Then I'll try. And-"

I groped my mind for a moment, trying to think of what I could start with.

"-Make a breeze," I decided.

"A breeze?" Shima repeated.

"A breeze, a gentle one. I know you can manipulate the wind with chakra, so I thought I'd start off with something like that," I elaborated. "Difficult enough to do, but simple enough to not overdo it, right?"

"Sounds like a plan," Jiraiya said.

"Alright. Here it goes."

I took a deep breath, stilling my body as best as I could. I didn't need to still my body to draw on chakra nature anymore. I only had to do that in the beginning to get used to it. To get comfortable. But now I was fairly comfortable with the chakra, especially considering it still liked to cling to me while I slept and tried to cling to me during the day. All I had to do was relax my push against it and let it come to me.

Once I felt as if I had enough, I pushed it to the ground, envisioning a small sakura tree in my head.

But then I felt a tug. It didn't want a breeze. It hated something so simple. It wanted to create something more, something bigger. It wanted... I could feel this sort of pressure all around my body. I couldn't even begin to explain how I knew what _it_ wanted. It became a tug of war. What it wanted and what I wanted. Something I did not anticipate, so when the tug first came, I lost the majority of my concentration from startlement.

I was afraid. I hadn't trained for this but I knew I couldn't let it control me. I resisted.

That was when the most horrible pain burned through me and a keening wail sound trilled through the air around me.

It took me a moment to realize that sound came from me.

Only a moment of course, because in the next, I was enveloped into darkness.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

When I came to, the first thing I noticed was that I was no longer in the clearing. I was in a hospital room. The second thing I noticed was that it was sunset, so I had been out for at least half a day. The third and final thing I realized was that I was not alone and I had an oxygen tube and IV plugged into me.

I looked at the familiar blonde bundle that rested at my bedside, leaning down on my bed, fast asleep.

I felt my lips turn up in a bemused smile and began to move my hand towards Naruto.

Fatigue crashed over me, causing my body to shudder and a sharp pain burned through my chest. I inhaled sharply, exhaling only when the pain subsided.

Well that couldn't be good.

So no moving my body. Got it. I'd try voice then.

"N... N... aru... to," I croaked out after a few tries, my brow furrowed at how difficult I found the simple task of talking to be.

what the hell happened?

A second passed before bright blue eyes fluttered open and stared into my own. Naruto's face lit up as relief washed over it. His bottom lip quivered and the next thing I knew he had lurched into my lap, tears pooling down his cheeks.

"Kaa-chan," Naruto cried, huddling close.

What? Why was he crying? I was only out of it for a few hours. It couldn't have been that bad, could it?

Lifting my arm up again and gritting through the fatigue, I draped it over his back.

"Shhhh," I hushed. "Shh.. shh... Don.. Don't be... sad... sweetie."

"I thought you were dead," he sniffled, gripping me tightly.

"I'm... too st... stubborn... to die."

Naruto only nodded his head.

It was then that the door to my room opened and Jiraiya stepped in, relief clear on his face. "You had us worried."

I only cocked my head.

"You've been in a coma for almost a week."

My mouth dropped open. I gaped. "Wh- _What?!_ "

"Mia, I need to know. Did you really try to make _one_ tree?"

I nodded my head, shock momentarily stealing my voice.

"It seems we either underestimated your affinity for nature chakra, or overestimated the control you have over it. I'm going to be nice and guess the former," Jiraiya said grimly. "You didn't make a breeze."

"What'd-"

"You made a mini tornado," Jiraiya said, his face carefully neutral. "It didn't touch and there was no lasting damage, it vanished as soon as you passed out, in fact. But it sure as hell scared the shit outta everyone."

I whimpered. "Trouble?"

"You're not in trouble," Jiraiya assured me. "That was... Well it was a bit of a surprise for everyone. No one was hurt."

"What's wron... wrong with... me?"

Naruto tightened his grip on me, I moved my other hand onto his back as well, hugging him as best as I could.

"Your body was pushed beyond its limits," Jiraiya explained carefully. "Far too much and far too fast, that sort of thing. It not only shot your immune system but scrambled your nervous system and nearly destroyed your cardiac system. It's amazing your heart didn't implode instantly. Or your brain for that matter."

I blinked, processing things.

I could have died.

Horrible fear pushed inside of me, and my body chilled in more ways than one.

I could have _died._

Poof. From one simple thought. One simple action. I would have died and who knows what would have happened? Naruto would have been heartbroken, Obito would have been distraught (probably).

 _I could have actually died_.

It wasn't even a high adrenaline situation. An accident. A mishap.

Oh my God. _I could have died._

"You lived, of course. Our guess being that it was, ironically, nature chakra that saved you. Right after you passed out it started clinging to you again and you stopped screaming soon afterwards. The way your body has been regenerating since being in contact with the chakra has been exponential, I would imagine it would rival even a jinchūriki," Jiraiya trailed off, his eyes lingering on the back of Naruto.

I blinked again, processing this. I remembered that when I first came into this world I was covered in gashes and marks and bruises. But by the time I had met up with Obito, most, if not all of them, were healed. Could it have really been the nature chakra?

"I shouldn't be surprised," Jiraiya said. "Sage mode _does_ give unlimited energy and an exponential healing rate."

I only nodded, some distant part of me still processing how _I could have died_. "Any... Anything else?"

Jiraiya pursed his lips. "Nothing you need to worry about. We'll be doing some more training when you're better, but I don't want a repeat of this."

"A...greed."

I looked down at Naruto, worry creasing my brow. "W... ere you... okay? Did you... eat? Sleep?"

"I was fine Kaa-chan," Naruto croaked. "I took care of myself before, remember?"

"I'm your... Kaa-chan... my duty... to take care of... y... you," I whispered, having trouble staying conscious. The fatigue was getting harder to fight.

Naruto sniffled.

"Naruto," Jiraiya said gently. "Mia's tired at the moment. Visiting hours are over anyway. Come on, I'll walk you home."

"He... can stay... sleep with me... if that's o... kay," I murmured.

I didn't want to be alone. Not after hearing news like that. But it was more than that. Naruto needed me. He needed me to be strong and okay and for the night I could be strong and I could be okay. Naruto first. He was my priority.

I could deal with my issues later.

Naruto turned a pleading look to Jiraiya. Jiraiya stared at him for a moment before relenting. "Fine. I'll talk to the nurses."

Naruto nodded his head as Jiraiya left.

I smiled and patted his head. "Have you... eaten... yet?"

Naruto nodded his head.

"Then let's... go to... bed..."

Jiraiya returned. "Alright Naruto, you can stay the night. But tomorrow you have to leave when visiting hours are over, understand?"

Naruto nodded his head vigorously.

Jiraiya gave me a small smile. "Good night, Mia."

"Sensei..."

Naruto curled under the blankets with me, snuggling close. I patted his head before finally closing my eyes and allowing oblivion to take me again.

**(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

The next day Naruto left and went to the academy, only to come back right after and spend the rest of the afternoon and evening with me until Jiraiya came and escorted him back. I stayed put in that hospital room, fighting a horrible sense of fear and acceptance at what had happened.

Some part of me acknowledged what I needed, some sort of distant subconscious part. But consciously I couldn't understand what I really needed at that moment.

When night came, I stayed awake in my bed, staring up at the ceiling unable to fall asleep for reasons I couldn't fathom at the moment.

It was then that Obito came.

He didn't say a word at first. He stared at me for a moment before I wordlessly moved over in my bed. He crawled into bed with me and we laid side by side as we had so many nights before.

"I almost... died."

"I know," Obito said softly. "Are you okay?"

A funny question.

Was I okay?

"I don't know," I said. "What... was it like for you?"

_What was your first brush with death like?_

"Different. Can I help you?"

I closed my eyes, turning over on my side to face him. He turned his head, black eyes meeting green. I curled into his side, closing my eyes.

"Don't leave... please. Only for tonight."

Obito shifted before I could feel his long arms snake around me, pulling me in. I curled into his warmth. For the first time since waking up from my coma, I allowed my façade to break. I was scared. I was hurt. I was worried. I was in pain. I was so many things I didn't want to be at that moment.

I needed... At that moment I needed...

I wasn't strong. I wasn't brave. I wasn't clever or witty. I was a girl who got lucky (or unlucky, _really,_ depends on perspective) and lived.

I wasn't able to take comfort and express my feelings before. I couldn't bring myself to worry Naruto needlessly or even _think_ about myself by myself. I was too afraid to allow the fear to take me. I was too wary of how I would react. At that moment I needed...

"I won't leave," Obito promised.

My body relaxed, sort of sagging into his arms and I buried my face against his chest. "Thank you."

He didn't say anything. Not a word. He held me tighter and didn't let go.

At that moment, he was exactly what I needed.

And for the first time, I felt my heart flutter at that.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** Villain. I want Madara & Obito.
> 
>  **Question:** How do you deal with stress/anger?
> 
> Reviews are **love!**


	8. Part I - Movies and PenPals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Picture by TransformiceGurl on deviantART.**

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Thanks for escorting me, Sensei," I said with a grin directed towards my favorite pervy-sage. "And thanks for looking after Naruto for me while I was in the hospital."

Jiraiya only gave a shrug in response. "It wasn't really an issue. I had to drop in on him a couple of times. He's capable of taking care of himself perfectly well."

"I know. But he'd have been lonely if you hadn't; so thanks."

Jiraiya gave his own signature grin. "And like I said, it wasn't a problem. I'm sure he'll be thrilled that you're out of the hospital now, though."

My grin widened. "He and me both. Ah, before I forget—what are we going to do about training?"

It took every ounce of my willpower not to flinch at the word 'training'. If I was being perfectly honest, I was terrified of the prospect of training. I had almost _died_ , by sheer accident, too. I was utterly powerless against that force and it _scared_ me. Can you imagine? Nearly dying by accident? By simply _willing_ something into existence? And we didn't even take it into account, didn't even consider I could die. Yet it happened, and I didn't want a repeat. The very thought of going back to that field and trying it again sent a shiver down my spine. I didn't want to train anymore. I wanted to walk away from that mess.

But I knew firsthand how risky the chakra was, and while it didn't seem to be affecting anyone else for the moment, I couldn't ignore the possibility of it backfiring and deciding to be lethal one day. I had to learn to control it. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if it turned lethal against Obito or Naruto.

I really, _really_ didn't want to, though.

"Mn. Well you know that I'll be leaving within two weeks—I can't stay in Konoha too long or else I'd lose a few of my associates." Spy network, he meant. "I don't want you trying to manipulate nature like that again."

I almost sobbed in relief.

"Not for a while at least. For now in training we'll cover some other basic manipulations that should help your control. Maybe when I come back we can try again. Maybe."

"October," I said. "Be back October tenth."

Jiraiya glanced at me, his expression unreadable. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Don't see. Do. He needs a father figure in his life."

"I wouldn't be a very good one."

I shook my head. "You'd be great. I know you would."

"You don't know that."

"I _do_ ," I stated firmly, locking eyes with him. "Don't worry about trying to be a good model for him. Be yourself, sensei. You're a good man. You're a good _person_. I know you'd be a good figure for him."

Jiraiya did not reply, choosing instead to focus ahead. In a way, it was almost like a childish pout. I giggled, redrawing his attention to me as he raised a single eyebrow. Before I could reply, however, a voice drew both of our attentions.

"Jiraiya-sama, what a surprise to see you here," drawled the voice.

I blinked in surprise at finding the famous trio, Inoichi, Shikaku and Chōza standing before us.

"Well now, if it isn't you guys. All grown up now, are you?" Jiraiya retorted, a smirk forming at the corner of his lips. "I take it you're here to pick up your little brats?"

"It would seem that way," Inoichi replied easily, smiling. "I don't recall you having kids though, Jiraiya-sama."

"Not mine," Jiraiya said, jerking his head over in my direction. "Hers."

I gave a little wave with my hand. "Ohayō."

"I don't think I've seen you around here before," Shikaku commented neutrally, his eyes locking with my own.

"Haven't been here that long," I answered, shrugging.

"You wouldn't happen to be Mia-san, would you? The girl who made the tornado," Shikaku asked.

"That's me," I confirmed. "I take it Hokage-sama told you about me?"

"In a manner of speaking."

"Then who's kid is yours?" Chōza asked politely.

"Naruto."

If any of them were surprised, they hid it well. Before any of us could speak again, a familiar voice caught my attention, forcing a grin to split across my face.

"Kaa-chan!"

I whirled around to find Naruto slamming into me, momentarily throwing me off balance. Jiraiya quickly placed a hand on my back, steadying me. My arms wrapped around Naruto and I held him close, bending down to kiss the top of his head. "Hi sweetheart."

"Tou-san," Shikamaru murmured, following right behind Naruto with Chōji in tow.

"Shikamaru," Shikaku greeted.

"Ne, ne, Kaa-chan, are you all better now?" Naruto asked eagerly.

"Yep," I answered, gripping him tightly and lifting him up into the air. "So how about we go to Ichiraku for celebration? Jiraiya-sensei is paying after all!"

"I don't remember agreeing to that," Jiraiya muttered.

Naruto's grin somehow widened even more as I sat him down on the ground, taking his small hand in my own.

"Well, it was nice meeting you," I said to the famous trio. "Hopefully we can have a better chance to talk some other time."

Shikaku eyed me carefully. "I'm sure we will."

I smiled as Naruto began to tug me away, Jiraiya following behind us.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"I'm a genius!" I giggled to Obito as the two of us walked along the streets of Konoha in the early hours of morning. The sun hadn't even risen all the way yet. Obito had henged into a ROOT ANBU member under Danzō's jurisdiction.

"How so?" Obito asked, tilting his head.

"Oh, it came to me," I exclaimed. "It's so beautifully simple, I can't believe I hadn't thought of it before! Letters!"

"What?"

" _Letters!_ I know how to help Sasuke and Itachi even more so! PenPals! If I can convince Iruka to make exchanging letters with PenPals a class assignment, anonymous, of course, then I can get Sasuke and Itachi to exchange letters before Itachi leaves the village. I will, naturally, tell Itachi who he'd be exchanging letters with, but it'd be a secret to Sasuke. That way the two can stay in contact even after he leaves. Then Itachi will be able to keep tabs on Sasuke, and talk to him in a friendly manner and Sasuke won't be so emo—he'd have someone to talk to! And because Itachi knows him so well, Itachi would know exactly what to say to cheer him up. It's genius!"

"And how exactly are you going to give these letters to Ita... me? _Really?_ You're going to use me as a messenger?"

"Yes," I said with a grin. "Oh come on! It won't hurt. It'll even _help_. If Itachi is happier then he won't be so suicidal and gloomy all the time."

Obito stared at me. He sighed. "Fine."

"Oh! And Nagato and Konan can be PenPals too!"

"And how exactly do you plan on convincing them that's a good—No. _No_. I am not—Don't look at me like that! No. _No_... _No_.... St-Stop it, Mia. I'm not..." Obito sighed again.

"One month? Then they can stop if they want to," I pleaded. "Please? I have the perfect PenPal for Konan. Please, for me?"

Obito muttered under his breath.

"It won't hurt," I pointed out. "In fact, it might also cheer _them_ up and God knows they need it."

"I'm only doing this because I'd rather not deal with a gloomy atmosphere every time I visit my own organization. But you _owe_ me, Mia. I mean it," Obito muttered irritably.

"Whatever you want," I promised.

"The moment Orochimaru leaves, _you_ are coming with me. And _you_ are explaining your plan. Understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"And I want tabs on Konoha," Obito muttered.

I blinked at that. "What?"

"You're in the best position. A report. If you want me to do these letter things. I want you to give me a full report on everything going on in Konoha."

I frowned. "I'm not exactly in the loop."

"Yet," Obito allowed. "But you will be. Make yourself in the loop, I mean. I want information and you're my best spy for Konoha."

I pursed my lips, mulling it over. It wasn't like he couldn't obtain any information I could provide on his own. Zetsu was, in every essence, the perfect spy. I knew that he didn't even want the information I would give him. He wanted to see if I _would_ give it to him. He wanted to test me. To see how far I would go for him.

A silly thing to test. He was, even if he wasn't the greatest man, my best friend. He was my comfort and my rock in this world. There was very little I wouldn't do for him.

One of those things, however, was quickly becoming Naruto related. And perhaps he knew that. He knew I was growing more and more attached to the boy. Maybe he was worried I would betray him for Naruto.

A silly thing to worry about as well.

I wouldn't. To betray him means I would have been aligned up with him in the first place. For the moment, I was my own person. My goal being only to protect everyone precious to me and give them their own happy endings to this story.

Back to my main point, however. I would consent to his request. Though perhaps not for the reasons he would assume.

My letters had an ulterior motive, of course.

Not that he would suspect a thing. By pointing out my idea on the Sasuke and Itachi part, I drew his attention to that motive. A shallow part.

In turn, it was that I had someone very special picked out to be Nagato's PenPal.

Naruto.

Perhaps I was relying too much on the boy. On his ability to persuade and wheedle his way into others' hearts. But I somehow doubted that. If anything, I might have been underestimating him.

From this exchange of anonymous letters, I was giving them the ability to build their own friendship. And when the identities were revealed, I would use that to my advantage to continue my plan by—

"Very well," I said aloud. "I'll be your spy. If you be my messenger."

"Deal," Obito agreed, sounding pleased. As if he had somehow gotten the better end of our deal.

If only he knew.

"So who did you have planned for Konan?" Obito asked curiously.

"Hinata-chan," I said with a grin. "I think she'd be a good influence for the little heiress. I would have given her Sakura or Ino but I couldn't risk Ino's fan girl tendencies and I kind of have an idea for Sakura already."

"But Hinata was Naruto's fan girl," Obito pointed out.

"Not to Ino's extreme," I retorted. "Plus she's a bit too shy to talk about her crush with some random stranger. But really, I think Konan would be a good influence on her. They're both kind of quiet, but Konan has a much stronger personality somehow. I think Hinata-chan could have that same personality—presence—if only she was given the right push."

"And you think Konan can give her this push," Obito concluded. I nodded my head.

_Not to mention it was my best bet at influencing her, pushing her towards her potential._

"And what of Nagato?"

I grinned. "Mini-Yahiko."

Obito chuckled. "I see."

I shrugged, my grin widening. "My goal is to make everyone happy. And I think Nagato will be a bit happier if he had someone similar to Yahiko in his life."

"Or it might hurt him more," Obito pointed out. "A constant reminder of someone close to you; someone you could never have back."

"That's true," I conceded. "Hence why I suggested trying it only for a month. After that month it would be up to him. If it helps him, then I'm sure he'll agree to continue. If it hurts him then I'll think of something else."

"That seems fair," Obito murmured.

I turned around in my walking, walking backwards so I could stare at Obito. "'Course it does. I already talked to Iruka about the letters anyway. They'll start them tomorrow."

"I see. Who did you have in mind for Sakura?"

" Sasori," I muttered.

Obito spluttered a laugh. "Now? Seriously?"

"Not _now_ ," I retorted. "I'm giving her a bit more time to grow up before I try and start the letters between the two of them. But Sakura is a very sophisticated girl who is very mature for her age. She's lonely in a different sense than Sasori, but she's still lonely nonetheless. Naruto's too energetic for her at the moment to attempt friendship. Not to mention she has quite the knack for poisons already. I think that those two would be very interesting."

"At least," Obito snorted.

"I'm going to give her some more time though," I reiterated. "When I feel like she's ready, I'll see if she wants to try another PenPal or a new one entirely."

"I see."

"So um, hey, are you doing anything Saturday?"

Obito tilted his head. "Nothing I could think of."

For whatever reason I started to feel a little nervous. Which was _ridiculous_. Obito was my friend. We did this sort of thing all the time. Sort of. But I had been feeling nervous with Obito ever since he comforted me that night. Oddly. It was silly. Really silly. But I couldn't help this sort of anxiousness.

"Well, Jiraiya-sensei gave me these tickets for the new movie starring Rilu-something," I began.

"Oh. I saw the previews for that. It looked pretty funny," Obito chuckled.

I nodded my head. "So I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?"

Again, I felt extremely nervous which, once again, was _absurd_. I had no reason to feel nervous. I was asking Obito to see a movie with me—something we used to do quite often back at home. True, we had never _gone out_ to see the movie, but it was the same idea.

Maybe it was my imagination? Maybe I was too hyped up about my letters idea?

That was probably it.

Obito gave me a sly grin. "Why me and not Jiraiya? Or Naruto?"

"Naruto is too young to see that movie," I retorted. "And Jiraiya-sensei gave me the tickets because he didn't really wanna go himself. If you don't want to..."

"I'll go," Obito assured me. "I wanted to see the movie anyway. I was trying to give you a hard time."

I grinned, once again feeling my stomach twist into knots. "Awesome. The movie starts at seven, so I'll meet you there around six-fifty? Forty-five?"

"Six-fifty should be enough," Obito replied.

"Cool. Hey have you read this book called—"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"This is going to be so awesome," I chirped to Iruka during recess (lunch). "Thanks again for letting me choose the PenPals for those few."

"No problem," Iruka mumbled, not looking me in the eye. He tended to be doing that a lot, but I didn't particularly mind. "It was your idea after all. Well, here are the letters you requested."

"Thanks!" I exclaimed. "And thanks again for helping Naruto-chan with his homework. Even if he didn't want help."

"It was my pleas-job," Iruka replied.

"I'll see you after class honey!" I called to Naruto who was sitting by Kiba, in a heated discussion. Naruto looked up long enough to smile brightly at me, and waved goodbye.

I then hurried out of the classroom, practically skipping away. When Obito flickered in to walk beside me, henged, I didn't even pause. I turned to him and handed him two letters. "The blue letter is for Konan and the orange letter is for Nagato."

"Why are they orange and blue?" Obito asked incredulously.

"So you can tell them apart," I answered, an unsaid _duh_ left hanging at the end of the sentence.

"Right. Itachi is at the compound with Shisui."

"'Kay. See you tomorrow night!"

"See you," Obito replied, flickering away.

When I reached the compound, I quickly spotted Itachi. I motioned over to him and Shisui. "Are you Sasuke-chan's older brother, Itachi?"

At the mention of his beloved otouto, Itachi looked up from his spar with Shisui, his face a perfect mask. With one nod, he flickered towards me, raising a delicate eyebrow.

It was at that moment, I almost melted. He was still a child. He couldn't have been older than twelve or thirteen. A kid. Yet this kid would be forced into a position to slaughter his entire family. He was barely older than Naruto, or even Sakura. It was unsettling. I had to steel my nerves and force my face blank.

I held up an envelope. "Sasuke-chan's class is doing a PenPal exchange. Originally the letters were supposed to remain anonymous, but I thought perhaps you would be the best one to be Sasuke-chan's PenPal. Don't tell him it's you."

Itachi frowned slightly.

"If you don't want to, I'm sure I could find someone else," I drawled.

"I'll do it," Itachi said quickly.

I handed him the letter. "Great! Have your response ready by seven o'clock tomorrow and drop it off at Iruka-san's classroom and I'll give you your next letter tomorrow. See you later, Itachi-kun."

I turned on my heel and headed home.

I could hardly wait to see the after effects this would have!

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Naruto-chan," I called out to the small blonde boy as he exited the academy, Iruka right behind him. The moment Iruka saw me, though, his face took on a red hue and he quickly hurried away. That caused me to pause, but I quickly dismissed it as nothing important. Naruto collided into me, smiling brightly up at me.

"Kaa-chan," Naruto crowd, snuggling up against me.

"Hello honey," I cooed, pulling him up into my arms. His tiny arms wrapped around my neck and I shifted my weight so I could carry him more easily.

"Aniki!" at the equally excited voice, my eyes moved over to land on the sunshine-y form of Uchiha Sasuke as he anxiously stood before Itachi. Itachi gave him a gentle smile.

"Ohayō, Itachi-kun!" I shouted, causing the Uchiha heir to glance up sharply, his eyes landing on me. He gave me a slow nod in return.

"Kaa-chan, do you know that guy?" Naruto asked, his brow furrowed.

"I guess you could say that," I replied with a smile. I kissed his cheek. "Now enough of that. We're going to meet Jiraiya-sensei."

" _Nani?_ What for?" Naruto inquired, tilting his head cutely.

"Well _I_ need more training. Especially since Jiraiya-sensei will be leaving again soon. But while I was training, Jiraiya-sensei promised me he'd help your taijutsu skills," I explained. Naruto's eyes lit up at the thought of training.

"Hai!" Naruto chirped.

I kissed his cheek again, nuzzling his nose. "You're so cute."

"Kaa-chan!" Naruto shouted, indigent.

I only laughed.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Thanks again for watching Naruto-chan," I gushed.

"It's not a problem. I gave you those tickets as a gift. I wanted you to use them," Jiraiya said dismissively as Naruto tried in vain to pull the man away from the door and sit down to watch the movie.

"Kaa-chan, I can watch over myself you know," Naruto muttered.

I ignored that comment simply because he wasn't even eight years old. He _shouldn't_ be able to watch over himself. "Thanks again, Jiraiya-sensei. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Have fun on your date," Jiraiya sung, shutting our door.

I flushed. "It's not a—oh, forget it."

I turned on my heel, marching off to the movies.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Two hands fell over my eyes. "Guess who?"

Immediately recognizing the voice, I guessed, "Kurama?"

"So close," Obito murmured, pulling back and stepping in front of me in his disguise. He was henged to look like an almost older version of his original self, with a black scarf wrapped around the lower half of his face. It wasn't completely unreasonable as it _was_ a bit chilly outside.

"Damn," I deadpanned.

Obito rolled his eyes, offering me his arm which I took with ease. But the moment my arm locked through his I felt another flutter of nerves.

_God damn it, not this shit again._

Determined to ignore said nerves, I allowed Obito to lead us to the concessions where we bought the standard popcorn and two sodas before heading off to the actual movie. Once inside, we climbed up the stairs to the top before finding a relatively secluded area and sitting next to each other.

Once relatively comfortable in my seat, I leaned down onto the arm rest, my stomach fluttering nervously again for whatever reason. The movie hadn't started yet, but the lights were already dimmed pretty low. The moment I leaned down onto the arm rest though, it broke off, falling to the seat with a muted thud. I fell down with it, caught off guard.

I stared up at Obito from his lap, his lips were twitching.

"What did you do?" Obito asked.

"I didn't do anything!" I defended immediately, sitting up right. "I swear that thing fell on its own."

"Damn it, Mia. You assaulted and murdered this chair. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I didn't mean to!" I snickered, easily falling in with Obito's amused tone.

"I thought you learned your lesson after the office chair."

"Hey, hey. That chair had it coming," I insisted.

"You _threw it down the stairs_ ," Obito retorted.

"I regret nothing," I sniffed.

"You're a chair hater," Obito accused.

"Y-You're a mask-fetish-person!"

Obito blinked.

I sagged. "I know, I know, that was a horrible comeback."

"It was. You should feel ashamed of yourself."

I hung my head. "I do. I so do."

As those words left me, the lights went out and the movie begun. I stared down at the empty space where the arm rest was. I looked up at Obito, raising my eyebrows in a hopeful manner. "Be my pillow?"

"After a comeback like that, I don't know."

"I may be a chair hater, but you're a technology hater," I retorted.

"Ouch," Obito said, holding his hand up to his heart in mock pain. "Hit me where it hurts."

"So, be my pillow?"

Obito sniffed. "I don't know, I'm far too wounded."

I rolled my eyes, leaning into him and using him as my pillow anyway.

"I see how it is."

"Shh. Pillows don't talk."

"Bitch," Obito muttered.

"Damn straight."

Obito chuckled easily and I felt my nerves flutter again, my stomach twisting and my heart skipping a few beats.

God _damn_ it, what the _hell?!_

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I quietly shut the door to our apartment, wincing slightly at the creaking sound it made. Okay, so that would have to be oiled.

Turning around, I felt myself inwardly _awing_ at the scene before me. The T.V. was still on, playing the title sequence of some random movie, but Jiraiya was passed out against the couch, snoring away heavily. Little Naruto was curled up at his side, his head resting in his lap.

I smiled adoringly at the two, taking off my shoes before creeping over to them. Very carefully I pulled Naruto into my arms. Jiraiya briefly opened his eyes at the noise I made"Wha—"

"Go back to sleep, Sensei," I whispered quietly.

Jiraiya stared up at me blearily before mumbling under his breath, rolling over and doing that.

I moved around Jiraiya to Naruto's bed. Using one hand to pull back the covers so I could still hold Naruto. I placed him in bed before pulling off his socks and pulling the covers over him. I kissed his forehead gently before moving back to Jiraiya.

I moved about the apartment, grabbing more blankets and pulling them over the tired Sannin.

When everyone was tucked in, I headed to my own bed.

With a single, jaw breaking yawn, I climbed into bed, curled up, and fell asleep.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** I bake. 
> 
> **Question:** Which season would best describe you at the moment? Not in general (unless you want to), but at this very moment?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	9. Part I - Stay With me Tonight Please?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Artwork by TransformiceGurl on deviantART.**

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I muttered under my breath, marching my way across the pathway and into the academy.

Instead of picking Naruto up at his usual time, Iruka sent me a message informing me that my son was serving detention and that I had to wait two more hours before picking him up. Naturally, I was a bit annoyed. I knew Naruto was a rascal, but I also knew that the majority of the teachers at the academy openly despised him. I wouldn't put it past them to punish him unfairly.

Upon entering the academy, I nearly ran into one Tsume Inuzuka. I blinked in surprise upon finding her and her faithful canine companion.

"Sorry," I apologized automatically.

Tsume gave me a feral grin. "No harm done. I don't recognize you, who are you here for?"

I smiled easily, relaxing. "Ah, Uzumaki Naruto."

An interested gleam entered her eyes. "I see."

"Tsume, who's this?"

At the voice, I immediately recognized Yoshino—Shikamaru's mother, and Akiko—Chōji's mother, who stood behind me. I quickly moved out of the way to allow them through.

"Mia," I answered. "I'm here for Naruto-chan."

Yoshino eyed me curiously. "My husband mentioned you, you're training with Jiraiya-sama, yes?"

"I was," I answered. "But he left a few months ago."

Akiko gave me a bright smile. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I'm Akimichi Akiko, and this is Nara Yoshino and Inuzuka Tsume."

"A pleasure to meet you," I murmured, nodding to each of them.

"New mother?" Tsume asked, grinning widely.

"I guess you could say that. I'm new to Konoha and Naruto-chan was one of the first people I met, we sort of clicked," I chuckled.

"That's nice. That boy needs a good influence and a mother's hand. Kami knows he has enough troubles," Akiko said softly.

My eyes snapped in her direction, open skepticism and curiosity on my face as I studied her. Yoshino immediately caught my look, as well as Tsume. Yoshino raised an eyebrow.

"I'm used to most people frowning at my son," I answered slowly. "It's a bit of a surprise to hear someone saying something _nice_ about him." Someone that wasn't Iruka, Hiruzen or Jiraiya. And occasionally Obito.

"I can see how that may come as a surprise," Yoshino replied. "Seeing how we're being honest, I must confess it came as a surprise that you seemingly adopted him. Even though you must have seen how the others treat him, weren't you worried about being ostracized?"

I blinked. "No? They're strangers and if they're too much of an idiot to not be able to tell two entirely different people apart then they deserve to remain in ignorance. At least, that's my opinion. Hokage-sama tells me that I should be more open-minded about them, though."

Tsume snickered. "That sounds like him, alright. What does he believe in? Everyone has a hundred chances?"

Akiko and I giggled while Yoshino smirked.

"So how do you like Konoha so far?" Akiko inquired politely.

I beamed. "I love it here. Though, I still get lost every once in a while and I don't quite know where everything is."

"Are you doing anything tomorrow?" Yoshino asked.

"Nope. Naruto-chan has school tomorrow and I was going to do my homework that Jiraiya-sensei assigned me," I answered. "But I have until the next time he comes to Konoha to do it, and that won't be for a while."

"Akiko and I were actually planning a small picnic," Yoshino explained. "You and Tsume are welcome to come."

Tsume grinned. "I wouldn't mind that. Besides, I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot of each other if today is any indication."

"I'd love to," I accepted, beaming. "And I have a feeling you're right, Tsume-san."

Akiko and Yoshino both gave me a smile and Tsume smirked.

I smiled back. I kind of liked them.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Naruto steadily looked down on our way home.

"Sorry," Naruto muttered.

I glanced at him, raising an eyebrow. "For what?"

"Getting in trouble."

"Did you do something wrong?"

Naruto looked back up at me, eyes wide. "I don't know."

"Why not?" I asked.

Naruto shrugged. "Sensei, not Iruka, said I had detention today."

"And they didn't give you a reason?"

Naruto shook his head.

"Then don't feel bad. If you didn't do something wrong then there's no reason for you to feel regretful. And if they tell you that without giving a reason, you tell me, Iruka, or Hokage-sama right away. They shouldn't be doing that," I told Naruto.

"Hai, Kaa-chan," Naruto mumbled, a pleased little smile on his face.

"What do you think of the others? The ones that were with you in detention?" I inquired.

Naruto shrugged. "Don't know them."

"I think you should try," I suggested. "I think they'd become invaluable friends to you."

Naruto glanced up at me, his eyes looking up at me innocently. "You think? The others don't like me though."

"I think they will," I persisted. "Give them a chance. You might be surprised."

Naruto looked down thoughtfully. "'Kay, Kaa-chan. I will."

"Good boy. Ah, that reminds me, I'll be a couple hours late picking you up next week. I have an appointment. So you can either wait for me at the academy and train or go home," I said.

"I'll wait," Naruto promised. "I wanted to work on my shuriken-throwing anyway."

"Very well."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

The 'appointment' I had was actually a small check up with Obito. Seeing how he didn't trust Konoha that much, or at all to be honest, he designated himself as my sort of 'doctor' until he either found someone he trusted enough with me, or until he got sick of the position and passed it on to someone else. It didn't make a difference to me. He wanted to make sure my body wasn't becoming corrupted from the nature chakra along with basic examination.

I suppose I shouldn't have been too surprised of his knowledge in the medical field; he _did_ successfully implant eyes into both himself and Sasuke, not to mention his _laboratory_ (which I had yet to see in person, though I was definitely planning on it) sort of implied he was knowledgeable enough to need one in the medical field.

Once that was over, I gave him my report verbally on Konoha and he questioned me.

I didn't have much to report on. I was becoming fast friends with Tsume. While the others were definitely friendly, I wasn't as close to them. I wasn't exactly best friends with Tsume either yet, so once again, I reiterate—nothing much to report on.

With massive amounts of time on my hands and little else to do, I had taken to either studying various and random things at the library (from Kumo history to the theories of genjutsu and about everything in between), or helping Iruka at the academy which actually proved kind of fun. I couldn't help them with taijutsu (as Obito was still instructing me on that) or ninjutsu, or really anything chakra-related, but I could help them academically and doubled as an unofficial... academy counselor? We had them in my old world, but I wasn't quite sure if they were really acknowledged in this world, but that was the best way to describe it.

I remember the one time I actually sort of acted like one. It wasn't all that long ago, a couple of days perhaps.

_It was recess for the children and I normally ate with Naruto during it, but the boy was off playing with his friends that day so I opted to eat at the training grounds. The grounds were normally deserted, but this time there was a familiar little boy there, training his heart out. He looked exhausted and was about to drop down on his knees when I reached the grounds. After hesitating a moment, I approached him._

_"Ohayō," I greeted, crouching down to the boy's eye level._

_The boy, Lee I recognized, stared at me with wide eyes. "H-Hello, Sensei. I-I was training!"_

_"I can see that," I observed. "But it's lunch time, so don't you need to eat? How else will you regain your strength?"_

_"It matters not," Lee declared. "I must get stronger. I must become a shinobi."_

_"And I'm sure you will," I told him, ignoring how his eyes widened even further, "but you still need to eat. Where's your lunch?"_

_He flushed. "I-I left it at the orphanage."_

_" Hm. Then we'll go buy some lunch. Come on, Lee-chan, I'll pay," I said brightly._

_"But, Sensei!"_

_"Ah-Ah, better do as Sensei says," I chided. "Besides, I could go for some ramen now."_

_"But I have to train!" Lee burst out. "I have to prove to them that even though I cannot use ninjutsu or genjutsu, I too can become a great shinobi."_

_"And I'm sure you will," I repeated, raising an eyebrow. "There are taijutsu masters in the world that are rather fearsome in battle. Why, Konoha has their own taijutsu master and he doesn't use ninjutsu or genjutsu at all. His name is Gai. And you certainly have the spirit to match his, so I'm sure you'll be a wonderful shinobi, Lee-chan. But that doesn't mean you can work yourself to exhaustion. So come along now. Ichiraku, here we come."_

_Lee stared after me, dumbfounded, before tears sprang up from his eyes. "Th-Thank you, Sensei! I won't let you down."_

_He proceeded to then collide into my legs, forcing me to stumble as he cried out. Feeling incredibly awkward and uncomfortable, I hesitantly patted the boy's head. "There there. Please stop crying?"_

Once that was done, it was already pretty late so I prepared to head off to the academy.

Obito's hand on my shoulder was the only thing stopping me.

I paused, turning back to Obito and once again feeling a flutter in my chest.

Obito stared at me for a while, his gaze contemplative. "I will not be visiting you again tonight. When I do visit you next, I will be taking you to the Akatsuki."

I blinked, mildly surprised. "Then the massacre will be occurring soon?"

"Very," Obito replied.

My brow furrowed. "How soon?"

Obito didn't reply, squeezing my shoulder once before disappearing.

I frowned.

How soon?

With a shake of my head, I headed off to fetch Naruto.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Sasuke-chan?" I asked incredulously, staring at the boy who was currently in a conversation with Naruto. Naruto beamed at me, rushing forward and tackling me.

Sasuke gave me a sheepish smile. "Ohayō, Mia-sensei."

I smiled back at him. "What are you doing at the academy so late? Wasn't Itachi-chan supposed to pick you up?"

Sasuke shifted. "I dunno where Aniki is. I was going to wait a bit longer before going home myself."

"Naruto-chan and I can walk you home if you like," I offered. "It's not an issue and I know it's already getting late. I'm sure that you're anxious to get home."

Sasuke hesitated, staring at me and Naruto. "Um... Alright."

Taking Naruto's hand in my own, I began to walk the two boys towards the Uchiha Compound, content to listen to their chatter in the background as I mulled over Obito's words.

Nearing the compound however, Sasuke noticed something.

"Aniki?" Sasuke asked incredulously.

Following his gaze, I turned to look up to find Itachi up on a pole. I had seen that before... Oh... _Oh._

"Naruto," I whispered. "Go home. Go home right now. I'll be there shortly."

Itachi flickered away, leaving the two boys frowning and me, deathly pale.

Oh shit. _Oh shit oh shit ohshitwhatdoIdo?_ Do I take Sasuke away from the compound? But then what about Itachi? Would he come for him? That would be too risky, too chancey for him. He could and most likely would be caught. But then again he adored his brother, he would desperately want one last goodbye.

But could I risk...?

"Kaa-chan?" Naruto asked curiously.

"Now," I ordered. Naruto's eyes widened and his brow furrowed. "Please honey. Go. I'll be there as soon as I can."

Sasuke was staring at us worriedly. "What's going on, Sensei?"

As Naruto hurried away I turned to Sasuke. "Stay close to me. Don't run off on your own."

Sasuke seemed to pale under my tone but nodded, this time allowing me to take the lead.

I could give them one last goodbye. But if he thought I'd simply _allow_ a child to be placed under that hellish genjutsu...

I personally thought Itachi could have handled it a bit better so that way Sasuke wouldn't be so emotionally scarred down the road. Granted, he would always be scarred as it wasn't a pretty event. But it could have been better.

Besides... I wasn't supposed to know what was going on. I had already risked enough by sending away Naruto. If I took Sasuke away too that was asking for it. And that also brought up the point that Itachi would more than likely look for us and stage the final confrontation anyway.

As I entered the compound, I steered Sasuke towards the main building, being sure to keep his focus away from the ruined lawns and still bodies. Sasuke had taken a more deathly tone of pale white and he huddled close to me.

Upon entering the compound, I stretched out my senses, feeling for other chakra signatures aside from my own using my bastardized chakra as I had been taught. Two. I recognized both of them and began steering Sasuke towards Itachi. _Let's get this done and over with._

"Kaa-san and Tou-san's room... They should be in there," Sasuke whispered, peering at the closed room where I knew Itachi was.

"Stay behind me," I ordered, opening the door and fighting back down the bile that rose to my throat at seeing the two dead bodies.

Itachi's back was to us.

I could feel Sasuke trying to lean around me, wanting to see what was in the room.

"Itachi-chan," I greeted, my voice strained.

"Aniki?" Sasuke asked, his voice raising a bit at the end to little more than a squeak.

Without warning, Sasuke shoved his way past me and into the room, stopping short upon seeing what was in the room. He blanched, the shock enough to make him fall on his butt. "Wh-What?"

My hands snapped over his eyes as Itachi snapped around, his eyes whirling to life and preparing a genjutsu.

"No," I hissed. "You will not."

His eyes flew towards mine and I scowled. "Genjutsu doesn't work on me, I don't have a chakra system to influence."

Sasuke struggled to free himself from my hands. "What's going on? Aniki? _Aniki?!_ "

"Don't you dare place him under a genjutsu, Itachi," I warned.

Itachi stared at me, his fingers ghosting towards the katana he had strapped to his back. I tensed. Would he attempt to kill me?

A flicker of motion caught my eye before a sharp pain raced down my neck. Then, darkness clouded my vision and I promptly passed out.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

When I awoke, I was back at home in my bed.

Obito was sitting in my bed, reading. When he realized I was awake, he looked up and raised an eyebrow.

"You knocked me out," I accused, irritation seeping through my voice.

"Yes," Obito agreed. "You were interfering with Itachi's plans for his brother."

"Excuse me for trying to minimize the psychological damage he'd inflict on his baby brother," I snapped. "What about Naruto? How did I get here?"

"I carried you here in my ANBU disguise, told Naruto something occurred at the compound and you were in need of rest. He was worried, but eventually went to bed himself and has been asleep ever since," Obito informed me.

"You shouldn't have knocked me out," I grumbled, scowling at him. I was too disoriented to work up real anger, but I knew it would come soon enough.

"I don't care about Sasuke," Obito snapped, his Sharingan whirling to life. I blinked in surprise, for the first time since coming here, being face to face with his red-eyes. "My concern was keeping you alive. Had you prevented Itachi from his original plan, he would have removed you. I was not about to let that happen."

I flushed, realizing and acknowledging that Obito was right. If I had prevented Itachi from _his_ goodbye with Sasuke, Itachi wouldn't have hesitated to end me. I was over careless in thinking I could minimize the damage by myself.

Still...

I sighed, closing my eyes and sagging into the bed. I didn't want to fight Obito. I didn't like being knocked out, but if our places had been reversed, my priority would have been his safety over Sasuke's sanity. I at least would still have a chance to help Sasuke, where I wouldn't have a second chance if Obito had allowed me to die.

"Thank you," I grudgingly said, "for saving my life _again_."

Obito's Sharingan faded away and he eyed me. He closed his book before moving around the bed to lay down next to me. I didn't glance at him, but when I felt his arm brush against mine, I felt that sort of odd heart-skipping sensation again. I gritted my teeth, but eventually managed to relax. It wasn't like it was an _unpleasant_ feeling. Just... different.

We stared up at the...

"When the hell did I get a skylight?" I asked incredulously, looking up at the stars.

"I had it installed weeks ago," Obito replied dismissively. "You're seriously just now noticing?"

"Yes," I admitted. "You know how oblivious I can be."

"I know," Obito sighed. "Kami, I know."

I half-heartedly kicked his leg; it ended up being more like a nudge from the lack of effort I had placed in it.

"Why did you install a skylight?"

"Honestly? Because I could. And I wanted to see how long it would take you to notice."

I gave another kick, this one turning out to be like a nudge as well.

"Are you alright?" I asked softly, turning my head to look at him.

"I finished massacring my entire family; I'm peachy," Obito said dryly.

For a while, I didn't respond. Obito had confessed to me over the years that he never really saw his biological family as his _family_. If anything they were perfect strangers to him. He had a younger cousin, Shisui, that he adored, but he was the only one. His mother had passed away some time ago, he and his father had never been on good terms and he was ostracized by everyone else in his 'family'. I knew now that was because he hadn't activated his Sharingan until the day he died and thus was considered a failure.

Shisui would have already died before tonight—did actually if I recalled hearing that piece of news vaguely from Iruka. I hadn't given it much thought, but it should have probably clued me in that the massacre was going to happen soon.

Essentially, Obito didn't kill anyone he was attached to tonight.

But that didn't mean he wasn't bothered by it.

I stared at him for a long time, wondering what I could do. I thought about it, my mind conjuring ideas as quickly as dismissing them before I remembered that night in the hospital. What he had done for _me_ and how much it helped.

"I had a nightmare the other night," I said suddenly, breaking the silence.

Obito turned to look at me, raising an eyebrow.

"Yep. It was pretty bad. I don't think I'll be able to sleep on my own tonight," I decided.

Obito continued to stare at me.

"That's your hint, idiot," I sighed. "You're supposed to say 'Oh, well, Mia-chan! Seeing how I'm your bestest, bestest buddy in the whole wide world, I'll stay with you tonight and keep you company so you can get a good night's sleep.'"

Obito smirked. "Oh, well, Mia-chan!-"

"Don't even think about it," I interrupted before he could quote me exactly. "And yes, you will be staying here. It was a horrible nightmare. It had bunnies in it."

"Bunnies," Obito repeated.

"Bunnies," I confirmed. "Evil little bunnies, all with cyborg modifications and bazookas popping out their asses."

Obito snickered. "What have you been drinking and where can I get some?"

"Rainbows," I deadpanned. "Now move your ass. I want to get under the covers. it's _freezing_."

"Hai, hai."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

The following day at the academy, Iruka handed me a stack of papers.

I stared at them, raising an eyebrow at him.

Iruka gave me a sheepish smile. "Sasuke will be missing two weeks of the academy due to his... circumstances. This is his homework. I was hoping you could take it to him and if he needs help..."

"Ah, alright," I agreed, a bit hesitant. I wasn't entirely sure how I was going to approach Sasuke. 'Hey, sorry buddy. I knew this was going to happen and let you into the compound anyway so Itachi wouldn't go ballistic. Yeah... Sorry you got mind-raped. Oh, and sorry your entire family is dead and I didn't do shit about it.' Yep. That would go over super well.

After making it to the hospital, getting clearance by ANBU, I finally entered Sasuke's room and dumped his school work next to his bed.

Sasuke flinched at the loud sound. His eyes, so wide, turned to look at me. His bottom lip trembled. "M-Mia-s-sensei? Y-You're alive?"

I blinked at that before recalling how it must have appeared. I doubt Obito made his presence known so when I had looked at Itachi's eyes and suddenly toppled over, coupled with how Sasuke was essentially mind-raped by those very same eyes...

"yeah," I managed. "You..."

You...? What was I going to say? What _could_ I say? 'You alright?' He so wasn't. 'You'll _be_ okay.' Not too sure about that one. 'You're strong.' Maybe, if nothing else. 'You need anything?' His family would be the obvious answer. Probably best not to remind him about them.

"You know Naruto's having a hissy fit without his 'Epic Rival' not being at school," I finally settled on.

Sasuke snorted.

Good, a reaction.

"Dobe isn't strong enough to be _my_ rival," Sasuke muttered, looking down at his hands.

"You'd be surprised," I retorted. "My son is quite capable. Why, the other night he made ramen."

Sasuke snorted and snickered. It was a hollow laugh, a weak one. But it was a laugh nonetheless, and I'd take it.

"Ramen. Let me guess, _cup_ ramen? Instant?" Sasuke asked sardonically, a sneer on his face.

"Made with love," I sighed happily. "You should come over some time. Have dinner with us."

Sasuke didn't respond to that, choosing instead to glance at his schoolwork. "What is that?"

"Exactly what you think it is," I said.

Sasuke sighed. "Damn."

I patted his head.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** I feel like summer. Why? Because I finished planting a whole bunch of bright and pretty flowers and I feel summer-y. So summer.
> 
>  **Question:** What is the one thing you will **never** do? Like skydiving, surfing, stripping down nude and streaking across New York's Time Square or around Big Ben?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	10. Part I - Itachi, Be My Spy Buddy?

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

A couple of days after the massacre, I was making my weekly trip to the market when I passed by a most interesting scene.

It was at a bar, and as I was walking by, a man came flying out. He landed on his face, promptly going unconscious. I could hear the jeers and laughter coming out from inside and that was when the one and only Anko came out, grinning like a madwoman.

"No one touches _this_ ass and gets away with it," Anko snorted, staring down at the comatose male.

"Not even you?" I wondered out loud.

Anko turned to me, raising an eyebrow. She gave a sort of leer, and immediately the civilians around me backed off. "Oh? What have we here?"

"The amazingly epic Mia. And you?"

"The amazingly sexy Anko."

I nodded in a sort of accepting way. "I see. You seem like a dango-loving girl."

Anko quirked her eyebrow again.

"I have a shit ton of dango coupons Iruka-san gave me and I'm trying to figure out ways to spend them," I elaborated. "I love dango, really, I do, but sometimes it tastes better eating with someone else."

Anko grinned, rushing over to me and throwing an arm around my shoulder. "You're my kind of girl."

"Excellent."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Today?" I squeaked in surprise.

As soon as Naruto had left for the academy the following day, Obito had wasted no time in appearing behind me—scaring the shit out of me from a backwards hug in the process—and informing me that I would be meeting the Akatsuki.

Today.

Right, then.

"Nervous?" Obito teased, a taunting edge in his tone as his lips twisted into a smirk.

"Yes!" I admitted unashamedly. "I wasn't quite... Oh, boy. Okay, let me grab a few things. And, you know. Get dressed. Unless of course you _want_ me to go in my pajamas."

"Tempting," Obito said dryly.

"I know. Everyone _loves_ the kitty pajamas."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I smoothed down the hem of my (okay, _Obito's_ , but he left it at my place. It was _so_ forfeit. Not to mention I doubt he particularly minded seeing how the bastard stole my blankets. My poor, poor blankets) hoodie, staring at _the_ Konan and Nagato.

"Hi," I greeted lamely.

Nagato stared back at me cooly whilst Konan remained impassive at his side.

"I'm Mia, as you already know, and I'm apparently the Akatsuki advisor," I began again, anxiety and butterflies churning through my stomach. "I know Tobi already briefly mentioned my plans, but I'm not quite sure what he told you."

"Madara only mentioned your assistance would be most beneficial to our cause," Nagato replied.

"Mm. Well, yes. First things first: I need to know how you envision the Akatsuki going," I said, my eyes finally meeting with his.

"What do you mean?"

"How do you plan on extracting the bijū? How do you plan on _capturing_ them?"

"Do you not already know this?" Nagato's eyes narrowed.

"I do. I wanted to know if you had actually put any more thought into it," I admitted, feeling a little disappointed that he hadn't. I'd overestimated him then, strategic wise. "I'm a little disappointed you haven't, but I suppose that's what I'm here for. To start off, how do you think the villages will respond to losing their jinchūriki?"

"Most villages loathe their jinchūriki," Nagato pointed out blandly. "I doubt they will protest too much."

"Wrong. So, _so_ wrong." I shook my head. "Taki, Konoha and Suna are the _only_ villages that resent their jinchūriki. And even then, I doubt that will last very long. Kiri's jinchūriki is actually their Kage, and don't even get me started on Kumo. If you want to make Akatsuki a success you will have to make sure you aren't found until there's nothing they can do."

"Explain," Nagato demanded.

"I think we can all agree here that stealth is a must, as is discretion," I explained. "But what you lack is a cover."

At their silence, I continued, "When the villages get around to investigate their missing jinchūriki—and believe me they _will_ —what are the first places they're going to look?"

"Each other," Konan answered, her brow furrowed.

I nodded. "Next?"

"Anyone suspicious," Konan replied.

"Right. And you don't think Akatsuki will seem a little suspicious? Don't even try and tell me that they won't notice the Akatsuki. _Of course_ they will notice the Akatsuki and they _will_ keep tabs on the Akatsuki. The villages are too paranoid _not_ to. Especially if the Akatsuki is going around and recruiting missing-nin from their own villages. What Akatsuki needs is a cover. A damn good cover. Something that will not only provide them with safe reasoning to be inside any of the villages without arousing suspicion, but at the same time allow them to come out on top and in a good light."

"What do you have in mind?" Nagato inquired.

My grin expanded, nerves nowhere in sight. "You've already recruited Kakuzu and Sasori. Let's put them to use. This plan will take years to accomplish, but it will also take as long, if not longer, for the Akatsuki to begin their hunt anyway. Get Kakuzu to sabotage all of the economic systems of the lesser countries with the exception of the Land of Iron, and Ame."

"Why?" Konan asked, her eyes widening at what I had asked.

"Weaken them. Drive them down," I said. "Then use Sasori's spy network to implant rumors in all of the countries that make it seem like the larger countries intend to take advantage of the situation, like they're actually considering starting a war with them." Even though that would more than likely not happen. The major villages were still recovering from the last huge war and all that it entailed. Iwa suffered terribly (thanks to Minato) and would be in no shape to go to war so soon with neighboring villages, even if they were small. Because they risked incurring the attention of the _stronger_ villages (like Konoha or Kumo for instance) and attacking them while they're busy with war. The same could be said for all of the other countries, though Konoha wouldn't go to war because they were still recovering from Kurama's (and Obito's) massacre.

" _Why_?" Konan asked again, her brow furrowed.

"When they are weak, Amegakure must appear strong. When they are desperate, Amegakure must be there to provide a hand. When they are at their most vulnerable, have Amegakure propose a meeting between the countries—only to the lesser, smaller ones. Make sure you send a strong diplomat. There, you can propose the idea of the Akatsuki. The cover."

"And what is the cover?"

"Guardians of the smaller countries, in summarization," I hummed. "The Akatsuki will be the first defense of the lesser countries against the larger ones. Who better to defend their borders than someone who knows the enemy like the back of their hand? This can give you reason to employ missing-nin, not to mention I highly doubt the smaller countries particularly care _where_ they came from, so long as they can be protected."

Konan gave a small smile while Nagato eyed me. "This way the Akatsuki will be welcomed into any of the lesser villages with opened arms and the larger ones will have no reason to think they are anything less than what they appear to be. Missing-nin taking advantage of a dire situation and turning it for the better in their self-interest. To go from hated by their home villages and loved by the new ones. Who wouldn't want that?"

"Not to mention when we gain enough grace and favor with the lesser countries, those that are allied to the larger ones are certain to spread the good word into them. We can slowly gain favor with the larger countries through them. Ensuring their trust as well."

"This is an interesting plan," Nagato allowed, still eyeing me. "But I have many questions."

I grinned. "Well, it's a good thing I have plenty of time."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Hiya, Itachi-chan!" I chirped, sitting next to the quiet teenager. Itachi's head snapped in my direction, his eyes momentarily widening before he forced a more stoic expression on his face. I let my feet dangle off from the deck, still smiling. "Surprised to see me? I have Sasuke-chan's letter for you."

I held out said letter, as Itachi stared back at it.

I tilted my head. "Come on, Itachi-chan. I know about the truth of the massacre and the fact that you're actually a spy in the Akatsuki—Oh, don't give me that look. I haven't told anyone else. Well, no one you need to immediately concern yourself with." Itachi continued to stare at me. "What? Now you're wondering what _I'm_ doing here? Isn't that obvious? I'm on your side. You'll be my ally in the Akatsuki, and hopefully my right-hand-man in the grand scheme of _my_ plans."

"What?" Itachi's brow was furrowed. "Mia-san, are you a spy as well?"

"Not really," I admitted. "Well, I guess I kind of spy for Tobi, or as you know, Madara, every once in a while, but no. Not _really_. It's not my main job, anyway. I'm the Akatsuki advisor, or at least that's how the majority of the Akatsuki will know me, with the exception of my allies. So far my allies consist of you and... Yeah. I guess I should say _ally,_ huh?"

"What makes you think I would want to be your ally?" Itachi asked incredulously.

"For the better of Konoha, your brother, _and_ you can keep in contact with him via PenPals and he wouldn't know any better and I will buy you _so_ much dango," I bribed.

Itachi stared at me impassively. "How do I know you are not lying?"

"You've been staring at me with the Sharingan during this entire conversation," I deadpanned. "I'm a civilian with no shinobi background, no chakra system of my own whatsoever. Do you honestly think I'm so good of a liar that I can deceive _you_?"

"You must be," Itachi retorted. "You dare refer to yourself as Naruto's kin yet from what I understand of the Akatsuki..."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm _so_ not deceiving him, At least not in the way you think I am. The Akatsuki will _never_ lay a hand on my boy. What kind of mother would that make me if I actually went along with it? As for the other jinchūriki, I don't really care. I know that sounds horrible, but I don't _know_ them. Besides, I have to let Tobi have a few to keep him satisfied enough for my plan to work."

Itachi's eyes narrowed. "You mentioned your plans before. What are they?"

I gave him a sly smile. "I'll tell you if you agree to be my ally. Oh, hold on."

My brow furrowed and I whirled around, scowling furiously at the sudden appearance of a new chakra signature. Ever since my training with Jiraiya, I was able to garnish some of the infamous sage traits. One of them being sensitivity to other chakra signatures. I had gathered up some nature chakra before my conversation with Itachi, being sure _he_ wouldn't listen in.

"Zetsu, get the hell out of here. Can't you see I'm having a conversation with Itachi-chan?" I snapped.

Zetsu appeared, half of his body emerging from the ground as his white half chuckled. "Sorry, Mia-chan. **Tobi's looking for you. It's almost time to go.** "

I snorted. "Right. You two so weren't planning on eavesdropping. Hence, why you hid your chakra signatures. Didn't Tobi tell you I was hypersensitive to chakra systems?" _Or at least I_ could _be when I wanted to be._

" **He failed to mention that.** I see. Sorry for the bother, Mia-chan. We'll tell Tobi where you are," Zetsu said, heading away.

When he was gone I huffed. "Well, we don't have long. What do you say?"

"What would being your partner entail?"

"help me fine tune my plans, give me your suggestions," I said. "That's all I ask of you for now. I know it'll take time to earn your trust and before you're more comfortable to do much else. In exchange, I'll continue to be your go between for you and Sasuke, and I'll back you up in the Akatsuki."

Itachi was quiet for a long moment before finally deciding. "I tentatively accept this arrangement. I have the right to back out at any point though."

"Fair enough," I snickered. "Though I have a feeling you won't want to. I'll be coming back with Tobi next week, around Thursday. After a meeting with the leaders, I'll have a bit of free time. We can talk more then."

"Agreed."

"Mia."

I turned to Obito, smiling widely. Bidding Itachi goodbye, I hurried over to my best friend, wrapping an arm around his waist as he transported us away.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Time passed and I slowly settled into a new rhythm. Once a week Obito would steal me away to Amegakure where I would either discuss plans with Nagato, Konan and himself, or with Itachi. Itachi, it had seemed, had begun to ever so slowly trust me enough to give his own input on my plans. Let me tell you, Itachi was a sheer genius when it came to strategy. I didn't want to jinx myself and say my plan was foolproof—but _damn_ , it had been close. The boy was more anal about fine-tuning plans than anyone I ever knew or heard of.

Naruto seemed even happier. He had developed a rather tentative relationship with Kiba, Shikamaru and Chōji. Sometimes he would even stay out late to play with them. I was a little pleased to say that my relationship with their mothers was actually growing as well. I felt that soon enough I could even consider Tsume a best friend.

Anko was quickly becoming a dear friend as well. When I originally attempted to befriend her, it was a half-hearted attempt, but I could sincerely say I was a pleased pickle that I had. Anko was the sort of crazy-friend everyone needed and eating dango with her was beyond entertaining (as she always managed to either kick someone's ass or cause a scene at the shop). After a week or so, I carefully introduced her to Sakura, only telling Sakura that Anko was a poison mistress.

A week after that introduction, Anko had sort-of taken Sakura under her wing. Sakura was still dedicated to being a medical-kunoichi, but she was definitely loving the art of poisons, and Anko seemed to enjoy her presence. I could see how Anko was influencing her, too. It was subtle, but it was there.

Sakura was _confident_.

It wasn't long after I was sure of her confidence, that I suggested changing her PenPal, which she readily accepted.

She and Ino were friends, and still friends. Sakura had already encountered Sasuke and after much persistence on both Anko and my part (more like threatening on Anko's part), she readily admitted she was too young to hold any sort of serious infatuation with Sasuke. I could safely say that her fan-girl tendencies would not be making an appearance. At least for Sasuke

Akatsuki was slowly making its move. Kakuzu had already successfully sabotaged all the necessary countries and Sasori was beginning to plant his seeds. Nagato estimated that about two months from now, a meeting would be held and 'Akatsuki' would begin its cover. It would still be years from now before they would start their bijū collecting, but by then they would have the necessary support, funds and cover to do so.

All in all, things seemed to be looking good.

With the exception of myself because _that goddamn fluttering wouldn't fucking_ stop _!_

Even as I sat across from Jiraiya at home (he had come back a day before Naruto's birthday and would be staying the week), waiting for Naruto to return home (he was out playing ninja with the boys), I still couldn't puzzle through _why_ I was feeling like I was feeling.

"Sensei," I said, finally breaking the silence.

Jiraiya looked up from his writings, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I need your help," I informed him. "I think there's something wrong with me, but I can't go to a doctor yet because then _he'll_ throw a hissy fit. You've been around Tsunade-sama enough to know the basics, so could you help me?"

Jiraiya gave me a smirk. "I'd be delighted to. What seems to be the problem?"

I pointed to my stomach. "I keep feeling queasy and nauseous. My palms get really sweaty at times, too, and every now and then I'll feel a bit lightheaded. Oh, and I think I've developed an irregular heartbeat."

Jiraiya gave me a deadpan expression. "Mia... Do these happen at certain times? Or randomly?"

"When I'm with my best friend," I explained before pausing thoughtfully. "No other time, actually."

Jiraiya continued to give me a deadpanned look. "I can't tell which of you are worse, Minato or you. You're both so incredibly dense it's painful."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I scowled.

Jiraiya shook his head. "I'm currently writing about a female protagonist. Whenever she's with the male antagonist, her heart _skips a beat_ , she's lightheaded and feels generally nervous. She even has butterflies in her stomach. What's wrong with her?"

"She's in love clearly," I stated. "That's so cliché. The protagonist and the antagonist? How many times has _that_ been done here— _oh._ "

Horror washed over my face. "Oh... _Oh_ fuck _!_ No. No. _No_. That so cannot be true."

Jiraiya cackled at my reaction. "Come now, Mia-chan. When did this start?"

"Right after he comforted me in the hospital... _No, no, no!_ It can't be true—I _cannot_ have a crush on my best friend!"

Jiraiya's smirk widened. "Why ever not?"

"Because he'll never return the feelings," I snapped, a rush of anger, bitterness and irritation flowing through me.

Jiraiya's smirk slipped. "What do you mean?"

"He's _obsessed_ with another girl," I muttered. "He will never return my feelings because he will _literally_ destroy the world for her. How the hell can I compete with that? And she didn't even reciprocate his feelings! _And she died!_ Yet, he's still massively in love with her."

"And he told you all of this?" Jiraiya asked in mild disbelief.

 _He doesn't need to,_ I thought irritably. _The fact that he's still going after the bijū says it all_. "A few times. He doesn't like talking about her, but he's confided in me before."

Jiraiya gave me a sympathetic wince. "If it's any consolation, I know how you feel."

That was true. Jiraiya was so massively in love with Tsunade. But Tsunade never returned his feelings because she was still obsessing over her dead lover, Dan. Well, she might have returned them on some level, but when she finally acknowledged them, Jiraiya was already dead—killed by Pein.

I gave a weary sigh, slumping out of my sitting position at the table and laying on the floor. "This _sucks_. Why couldn't I have liked someone I actually stood a chance with?"

"Cheer up," Jiraiya attempted to console. "If it's still in the crush phase, you can get out of it."

I looked up at Jiraiya hopefully. "Really? You think so?".

"Definitely. It's not like you're in love with him or anything."

I nodded my head, smiling. "Yeah, that's true. Alright... okay. Thanks, Jiraiya-sensei."

"No problem," Jiraiya dismissed. "Now when was Naruto coming home again?"

"Oh, he should be here any—"

" _Tadaima!_ Kaa-chan, it's okay if Kiba, Shikamaru and Chōji have dinner with us, right?"

"—moment. Of course it is, sweetheart. say hi to Jiraiya-sensei before you get too wrapped up with your friends," I answered.

There was a blond blur of motion before Naruto could be found, slamming into Jiraiya. "Jiraiya-oji!"

Jiraiya chuckled, patting his head.

I smiled, my fingers itching for my camera. I so needed to get more pictures of the two of them.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** Very little. I suppose kill anyone I love/cherish. Or seriously harm them. Or do anything harmful to kitties and doggies. :3
> 
>  **Question:** Scariest movie you've ever seen, and why?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	11. Part II - Time Skip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture by Seliiia on deviantART.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"So... what is this place?" I asked in confusion.

"Breaking of the fourth wall," Tobi said flatly, sitting next to me on a lush red couch. "The authoress hopes to make time skipping more original."

"Original how?"

"I'll go first as an example," Tobi answered in a bland tone. "It has been a little over four years since the massacre. Within those four years, the Akatsuki have thrived. The Akatsuki have safely established their cover and have currently located all of the tailed beasts. While more preparations are needed before the hunting begins, everything is going according to plan. Due to Mia's... _insistence_... the Akatsuki join together monthly for... better strengthening their bonds and loyalties. At least, that's what she calls it."

"Really, though, I just insist on it because it's always a freaking riot," I confessed.

Tobi shot me a glare. " _What?_ You told me it was _essential_!"

"It _is_ essential... essential for Kakuzu's and my own blackmail stock. Do you have _any_ idea how much shit we have on the artist duo, Kisame and, hell— _everyone_?"

"You don't have any on me," Tobi said pointedly.

I coughed.

Tobi's eyes narrowed. "You don't have anything on me."

I gave him a sweet smile in return.

"Whatever you have better be burned to ashes by the end of the day or I'll tell everyone what you did during your first school dance," Tobi threatened.

I paled. "Done."

Tobi nodded, satisfied. "We've successfully planted spies in each of the great villages and we have so far been able to walk freely in most of them, thanks to our cover. We haven't bothered with Konoha for more... obvious reasons."

"Sasuke would go ballistic," I coughed.

"Like I said; obvious reasons."

"Well, then, I suppose it's my turn," I said. "Naruto has been doing quite well. While he's still dead-last it's actually more of a joke than anything. Shikamaru and him are actually competing for who can each out dead-last each other. Though the only reason Naruto is winning is because Shikamaru's mother would skin him alive if he was actually the dead-last."

"Why are they competing for that again?" Tobi asked incredulously.

"Naruto wants to be dead-last because Jiraiya-sensei idiotically told him the top kunoichi and top shinobi are usually placed on the same team as a dead-last. He figures this way he'll get a, and I quote, 'totally awesome team that's so badass it'll blow everyone else's team away.' Though he's rather annoyed that Sasuke's the current top shinobi," I answered.

"How is the little goth boy?"

"Emo," I corrected. "Angsty, as usual. He swears revenge on the tiniest things. Itachi assures me he's just going through a phase, but I'm feeling that this'll be more permanent. He currently resides in his own apartment, not far from our own and visits for dinner on occasion. We aren't close or very familiar, but I _think_ he has the impression that he can turn to me if needed me. It's hard to tell with Uchiha. They're so stoic."

"Hey," Tobi defended.

"With the exception of you, dear," I placated, absently patting his knee. "Where was I? Oh yes. Naruto's made some friends as well. He's currently close to Shikamaru, Chōji, Kiba... not sure about Sasuke, but they are 'epic rivals' and they have played ninja together a few times so I suppose he counts... Tentatively with Ino and he tried being friends with Hinata, but she kept fainting and her father chased him off so he just vowed to try again later. I have thankfully made sure he holds no shallow crushes for the moment so he views Sakura as a hopeful friend—he's still persistent in gaining her attention—but has yet to _really_ make the connection. He tried being friends with Shino, but Shino complained his chakra irritated his bugs so he laid off..."

I shook my head, smiling fondly at the massive group photos I had been able to take of the group of children.

"His training with Jiraiya-sensei isn't often," I went on. "Jiraiya-sensei can only come once or twice a year and only for a little bit at a time, but he always comes on his birthday and trains in taijutsu mostly. Every now and then Jiraiya-sensei sends letters home. He knows how to read and write very well, though and is extremely anxious to start the sealing arts with Jiraiya-sensei when Jiraiya-sensei has more time.

"Over the course of the years I've made some friends of my own, my best friends in Konoha being Tsume and Anko, unless Tobi is there of course," I answered, glancing over at said man. "Yoshiro and the others are very close to me as well, but Tsume and Anko are always fun. I'm on... good terms with the Akatsuki as I visit them once a month, and sometimes even once a week.

"Sakura's training has taken a very nice turn for the better. She's best friends with Hinata-chan as well as Ino-chan and she absolutely adores her PenPal. She even has a school-girl crush on Sasori which is absolutely _adorable,_ if only one-sided. Let's see... The only reason she and Naruto aren't closer friends is because she really doesn't care too much for his constant energy. However, she's gotten better at it over the years and she has shown a rather protective side when concerning her friends.

"Lee has been... persistent. I suppose he's come to the conclusion that he could turn to me whenever be, not that I'm complaining. He's a sweet boy and is nice to be around. Even after he graduated he continued to visit me. I've tried to introduce him to Naruto, but there's always been _something_ in the way, oh well, I'm sure the two will meet one day. I've told them enough about each other, already..."

I tilted my head. "Am I forgetting something?"

Tobi shrugged. "Who knows. I think that's all that needs to be said, so I'll be heading off."

With that, Tobi was gone.

"Oh, right, I remember," I said thoughtfully. "Itachi and I have already conjured many more schemes. I've elaborated a bit more on my... knowledge. He only knows that I know some of the future and with that we've been able to plan together for many outcomes. He's quite the strategic genius compared to me. Anyway, our soonest plan won't come into effect until the Chūnin Exams. We—the Akatsuki—plan to ultimately solidify our ties with Konoha. You see, the reason we've been extremely wary of Konoha was because of Tobi's and my own precaution. However, Itachi and I mostly certainly plan to do something about Sasuke getting the Cursed Seal.

"I certainly don't want to deal with an even more angsty Sasuke," I said shaking my head ruefully. "And Itachi definitely doesn't want Sasuke to go off and have his body molested by Orochimaru. More on that plan later, though."

"Oh," I added, "and the letters have been going quite well. Sasuke, in comparison to the anime, seems much more... content, I almost want to say, but that's not quite right. Well, whatever he and Itachi are talking about, it's helping him. Naruto adores his PenPal and I know Nagato enjoys his letters with Naruto. Konan seems bemused by Hinata and I _think_ Hinata idolizes her to some extent. Sakura, as I said earlier, is fascinated by Sasori. Sasori is amused and entertained by Sakura. I've already talked to the students and they've all agreed to carry out the PenPal exchange with me acting as messenger even after they graduate."

I paused.

"Oh, yes. And I no longer have a crush on Tobi."

I tilted my head and pursed my lips.

"I'm madly, hopelessly, inexplicably in love with him."

 **(** **ﾉ** ◕ **ヮ** ◕ **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ** ✧

"Got your _hitai-ate_?" I asked for probably the umpteenth time.

"Yep!" Naruto chirped, pointing at the band strapped firmly around his head.

"Got your lunch?"

"Yep!"

"Got your clothes?"

"Yep!"

"Got your gear?"

"Yep!"

"All set?"

"Yep!"

I smiled, leaning forward to kiss his cheek before ruffling his hair. "Alright. Today's the day you meet your team and it's _my_ last day helping out at the academy. You nervous?"

"Na-uh."

"You remember the talk you had with Hokage-sama?"

Naruto had graduated low in his class, true, but he had still managed to pass the test. There was no sly Mizuki to add more drama to the show and after some persistence on mine and Jiraiya-sensei's part, the Hokage had allowed for Naruto to know the truth after he graduated. So the night he graduated, the Hokage explained the whole Kyūbi thing, and then we all went out to a celebratory dinner.

Naruto wasn't really in a party mood at first, but it wasn't really in his nature to _not_ bounce back from less-than-stellar discoveries. It was a pretty good night overall and I was very pleased that he now knew the truth. We had even joined up with Tsume and the others for a BBQ with the Akimichi Clan (and _damn_ did they know how to cook).

But that was over and done with and now my little boy was off to join his very first team... to go on his very first mission... experience his very first near-death-experience... kill his very first person...

And I was hyperventilating again...

"Kaa-chan, you're doing it again," Naruto told me.

I gave him a small smile, pulling him close against me and hugging the life out of him. I had more than enough talks about this with Itachi and Tobi. Itachi could sympathize with my plight, as he was sharing the same feelings regarding Sasuke. Tobi couldn't really sympathize, but he did his best to take my mind off of it.

Didn't mean I liked it. Having _my_ boy out there... I was fearful that when the Wave-Arc began I would go into cardiac arrest and the _Chūnin Exams..._ urk.

Damn it, why did he have to go and grow up? I was perfectly content with him staying a cute little academy student forever and ever...

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

"Kaa-chan—can't—breathe!"

I released him, pouting. "Sorry, dear."

Naruto only shook his head. "It's fine, Kaa-chan. It's time to go though, right?"

"... Right. Alright. Let's go... can we take the long route?"

"Kaa-chan! We're _already_ late!"

"... Please?"

"... Oh, _okay_..."

 **(** **ﾉ** ◕ **ヮ** ◕ **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ** ✧

My last day at the academy was just an ordinary day of assisting in whatever way I could—be it as a messenger, counselor or whatever else was needed. I was unsurprised to find that the teams hadn't changed or deviated from cannon. After teams were called out, class was dismissed for the final time. I informed Naruto to head home after he met his sensei before I left myself.

I met up with Tsume (as planned) and the two of us found ourselves enjoying a late lunch.

"So Kiba's on the Hyūga Heiress and the Aburame Heir's team," Tsume summarized.

"Sounds for an interesting team," Kuromaru commented, his ears perked towards us. The great dog was sitting in his very own seat at the restaurant. Something which would have seemed strange in my old world, but was a common occurrence in this world. He was an equal and Tsume's partner. Just as Akamaru was Kiba's partner.

"Sounds for a _stable_ team," I added. "Unlike Naruto's."

"Who's the kid got?" Tsume asked, curiosity coloring her voice.

"Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke," I answered.

Tsume barked a laugh while Kuromaru gave an exasperated sigh.

"Heaven help their sensei," Kuromaru muttered.

"It's Hatake Kakashi," I added.

Tsume howled with laughter and Kuromaru did a lovely face-plant into the table.

" _That_ is going to be an interesting team," Tsume snickered.

"More like dysfunctional," Kuromaru muttered.

I gave them a sly smile. "I think it'll work out. Naruto _does_ have a way with people, not to mention Sakura can be very... persuasive."

"Isn't that the truth," Tsume replied, rolling her eyes. "But listen, Mia, I want to ask a favor. Hana and I will be out of the village for a while for a few weeks. I know Kiba can take care of himself and he has the entire Clan to cover him, but I want you to make sure he doesn't shirk about."

"You want me to make sure he does his chores and if he doesn't to let you know?" I translated. "... Because you think the rest of the Clan would probably cover his butt 'cause you're a terrifying woman?"

"... Something like that."

"'Course I'll do it. I've got your back Tsume."

Tsume gave me a feral grin. "I know. Any more progress on _Tobi?_ "

Ah... Ah... Tsume and Anko were some of my best friends in Konoha and probably were the closest female friends I had. Konan and I were close—very close actually, I would consider her a best friend as well—but there was always the chance of Pein overhearing our discussions via his rain (and she _rarely_ left Amegakure). So I avoided talking about things that I wouldn't want Tobi finding out about. Like my feelings for instance.

"No," I grudgingly admitted.

Tsume shook her head. "You should just be frank about it. If he doesn't return the feelings then move on and forget about it."

 _Hell no._ Tobi was and would _always_ be my closest friend. He's been with me through thick and thin and he would always have my back. I didn't want to risk ruining that over something as selfish as my feelings. If I couldn't fall out of love with him, then damn it, I would just suck it up.

"Or just _make_ him like you," Tsume continued.

I would if I could. But I was afraid that Tobi had thoroughly friend-zoned me.

"If you know how to get yourself out of the friend-zone, please, enlighten me," I muttered dryly.

Tsume pursed her lips. "You could flash him."

I balked. " _Tsume!_ "

"What? There's no way he seriously could keep you in the friend-zone if you did _that_."

I slammed my head into the table while Kuromaru laughed at me.

"You have no shame," I muttered into the table.

"'Course not," Tsume replied without missing a beat.

I looked up long enough to glare at her.

Tsume only gave me a grin in return. "Oh. That reminds me; tomorrow can you stop by at the clinic? I need your help with..."

 **(** **ﾉ** ◕ **ヮ** ◕ **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ** ✧

"... And now Kakashi-sensei says that we have to take another test tomorrow to make sure we really pass as Genin!" Naruto exclaimed over desert. The two of us were seated in the living room, a bowl of ice-cream in both of our laps while Naruto retold his day to me.

"Hm," I hummed. "You have Hatake Kakashi as your sensei right?"

"Mm-hmm!"

"He's notoriously late, so you can sleep in tomorrow," I answered. "And you _will_ be eating breakfast. He's just messing with you."

Naruto frowned at that, swallowing another spoonful. "Really?"

"Really," I assured him. "I doubt your teammates will be so lucky to realize _that_ , so I'll pack some breakfasts for them as well. And when you do pass, be sure to have everyone come over for dinner. I want to properly meet the people I'll be entrusting my son too."

"I doubt Sasuke-teme would want to come," Naruto said dubiously.

"Tell him that if he doesn't, he won't be able to get his PenPal letter," I responded. "And tell Kakashi that if _he_ doesn't, then he's a hypocrite because clearly this is a team experience and must be experienced as a _team_."

"... So how does that make him a hypocrite if he doesn't come?"

"You'll find out soon enough," I answered. "Now then, shower then bed, young man!"

"Yes, Kaa-chan!"

 **(** **ﾉ** ◕ **ヮ** ◕ **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ** ✧

The following morning after I gave Naruto his breakfast and the two extra meals for his teammates, I hugged him goodbye before heading out the door. After living in Konoha for years I had become most familiar with the routes and so it didn't take me long until I reached the Inuzuka compound. I let myself in, heading straight for the clinic.

Once inside, I made a beeline for the counter.

"Morning, Hana-chan!" I greeted.

Hana looked up from the scroll she was reading to smile brightly at me. "Oh hello, Mia. Kaa-san sent you, I take it?"

"Mm-hmm. She said your guys' computer was on the fritz...?"

Hana nodded. "While we don't like to use the computer that much, it makes things a bit easier to keep track of things, you know?"

"That I do know," I assured her. "My laptop was my lifeline, once upon a time ago."

Hana laughed quietly at that. "I still can't believe you have such an advanced computer."

"Had," I absently corrected her, making my way into the back room. "It still won't work... this it?"

"Yep. Think you can fix it?"

"Of course I can," I answered, pulling up the home screen on the ancient (in _my_ opinion) computer. "This stuff has _nothing_ on the technology _I_ grew up with."

Hana laughed again. "I see. Thanks again, Mia."

"Always happy to help."

 **(** **ﾉ** ◕ **ヮ** ◕ **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ** ✧

**(Naruto's POV – Surprised, aren't you?)**

Naruto shifted, a little nervous. His team had passed Kakashi's test—with him ending up tied up at the logs—and after Sakura had cut him loose, he had cleared his throat in efforts to garner the attention of everyone. He had succeeded in that aspect.

"Kaa-chan wants everyone to come over for dinner," Naruto said. "She wanted me tell you, Teme, that you won't get your letter if you don't."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed and he gave a sigh through his nose, but nodded his head in consent. Naruto then turned to Kakashi. "She said that _you_ , Kakashi-sensei would be a hypocrite if you didn't show up to have _dinner_ , not dessert, _dinner—_ so _don't be too late._ "

Kakashi gave Naruto his eye-smile (which Naruto found disturbing because last he checked eyes didn't make that shape) and chuckled. "Maa, it seems I better then, unless I wanted to be accused of being a hypocrite that is."

"I'll be there," Sakura said with a smile. "It's been a while since we've had dinner together."

"You know where to go, Teme," Naruto told Sasuke. "Be there at six. Kakashi-sensei, be there at five. Then you'll show up at six. Sakura-chan, you know where to go, too."

Sakura nodded. "I'll be there at six."

"Excellent!" Naruto cheered. "See you all then!"

"Wait, what about me?" Kakashi asked curiously. "Aren't you going to give me the address?"

"Kaa-chan said you were a tracker-nin. I don't believe you are because Pervy-Sage said tracker-nin were cool and you aren't cool at all," Naruto informed Kakashi seriously. "So this is a test. See if you can track one of us to my home."

"... I see," Kakashi said, not really seeing at all.

 **(** **ﾉ** ◕ **ヮ** ◕ **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ** ✧

**(Omniscient - Third Person POV)**

Naruto hummed happily to himself on top of his bed, flipping through more books Jiraiya had sent him a couple months ago. He _really_ wanted to be a seal-master like the Yondaime was and when he found out Jiraiya could teach him, he was relentless in asking (begging) to be taught. Jiraiya promised him he would teach him fūinjutsu _after_ he graduated and only _after_ Naruto read up on the basics.

There was a small motion at the door that had Naruto glancing up from his bed. The front door opened and Sasuke stepped in, taking off his shoes before noticing Naruto.

"Where's Mia-sensei?" Sasuke asked, his voice a low mutter.

Naruto pointed to the far door to his right, the one that connected his and Mia's apartment. "Kaa-chan's making dinner in there."

"Hn. What are you reading?"

Naruto held up his sealing scrolls. "Reading the basics in fūinjutsu. You hungry?"

"A little," Sasuke admitted.

"Kaa-chan said dinner won't be ready for another thirty minutes or so, so you'll welcome to snack," Naruto told him.

Sasuke nodded in acknowledgement, moving towards the cupboards and pulling out some chips. He then moved to Naruto's bed, hopping on it and sitting across from him. He reached over and plucked the remote from Naruto's other side and raised an eyebrow.

"Go ahead," Naruto sighed. "Pervy-Sage said I needed to be able to focus through distractions anyway..."

Without needing another word, Sasuke turned the T.V. on.

A solid ten fifteen passed by before there was a quiet knock at the door. Naruto didn't even glance up from his scrolls, "Come on in!"

The door opened after a moment, Sakura stepped in, walking into the apartment with practiced ease.

Naruto looked up and gave her a bright grin. "Kaa-chan is in the other half, making dinner. We still have... fifteen minutes left until dinner's ready. You can come sit over here with us if you want."

Sakura slowly made her way towards the bed before crawling on it and sitting next to her teammates. "What are you watching?"

"No clue," Sasuke replied, barely sparing her the briefest of looks.

"Wonderful. I didn't know you came over here often, Sasuke-kun," Sakura hummed, noticing Sasuke's relaxed state and how at ease he was in the apartment.

"Yes," Sasuke replied before turning away and ignoring her again. Naruto felt a little sympathetic for his teammate at that. He knew Sasuke hated talking to people who annoyed him—and pretty much every girl in class did that. Granted, Sakura wasn't actually annoying, but Sasuke was a bit biased when it came to girls as his view was that _every_ girl their age was a fan girl.

"Teme comes over at least once a week, if not more," Naruto elaborated. "He even stayed with us for a short time some years ago. Kaa-chan taught him how to cook and clean for himself, even how to laundry."

Sasuke gifted Naruto with annoyed look upon seeing Sakura's interested and curious gaze.

"He raids the fridge a lot, too," Naruto confided to Sakura.

"Shut up," Sasuke told him, scowling.

Naruto only gave Sasuke an amused grin before turning back to his scrolls.

Sakura leaned back, contemplating this new information. Silence once again descended in the room, with the exception of the television.

Ten more minutes passed before there was a small tap at the door.

"Come in!" Naruto hollered.

This time it was Kakashi who opened the door, peering inside.

Before anyone could remark upon this, however, the door connecting the two apartments burst open and Mia walked in. She patted down her white apron that read _IN THIS HOUSE THERE ARE 2 RULES THAT APPLY: #1: I'm the boss. #2: You are all my bitches._ , smiling widely. "Dinner's ready!"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Question:** What's your current OTP? (One True Pairing)
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	12. Part II - Welcome to the Akatsuki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Artwork by Hannah Choi on deviantART!

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Third Person POV - Sakura)**

Sakura carefully studied her two teammates as she followed them into Mia's apartment. She was most familiar with Mia's apartment. She had often visited Mia whenever she was in a sour mood and in sore need of someone to listen to her. Over time, she became rather fond of Mia. When Mia had first introduced Sakura to Anko-sensei, Sakura had to admit being skeptical of the woman. And after the first training session, downright terrified.

But through sheer persistence and insistence (on Mia's part), Sakura managed to persevere.

She was beyond grateful that she had. Through Anko-sensei she had managed to find confidence in herself and her abilities. She was the Top Kunoichi of her graduating class, a title she had worked extremely hard for and was pleased with herself in earning. She had to confess it was a difficult plight, but she managed it.

When Mia had first suggested switching PenPals, Sakura was a little hesitant. Sakura didn't dislike her original PenPal, but she wasn't particularly fond of them either. However, Mia had yet to let Sakura down, so she went with Mia's suggestion and was yet again pleased that she did.

Sasori-kun was an amazing person, in Sakura's objective opinion. She knew that she wasn't supposed to give out personal information in the PenPal program, but Sasori-kun had freely given his name and Sakura only felt it reasonable that she gave him her real name. How Mia found out Sakura had, she would never know. Sakura could still remember the concerned expression Mia had given her, before lecturing her on the dangers of freely-given information.

Since then, Sakura was careful not to give out too much, but she knew she could trust Sasori-kun. Sasori-kun was a very mature PenPal who always held the most interesting views. He was passionate about art and knew quite a bit about poisons. Sakura learned nearly all of her poison skills - as well as wielding senbon, from Sasori-kun.

While Anko-sensei was indeed her first sensei, and Mia was a precious person, Sasori-kun held the majority of Sakura's opinion.

Some time ago, Mia had commented on how Sakura was becoming more and more like the 'obsessive doll-boy' every day.

Sakura felt as though that was the best comment she could have ever given her.

"Ramen! Woo-hoo!" Naruto cheered.

"Tomato omelets? It's not breakfast," Sasuke muttered.

"But those are your favorite," Mia said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"This looks quite wonderful," Kakashi said pleasantly. "Thank you for the invitation...?"

"Mia," Mia-sensei chirped. "No need for honorifics on my part, either, Kakashi-san."

"Then you can call me Kakashi," Kakashi replied.

As the four of them filled around the table, Sakura made sure to sit next to Mia.

"Ah, the three of you need to remind me to give you your letters for the day," Mia replied, smiling brightly.

Sakura beamed, her eyes lighting up. "Sasori-kun wrote to me?"

"Of course he did," Mia laughed. "As did Deva and Shi."

Naruto grinned brightly. "Yatta! I can't wait to read Deva's letter."

"Hmph. I bet he's just a nobody loser, unlike Shi," Sasuke scoffed.

Mia rolled her eyes and Sakura's eyes narrowed.

Sasori-kun had always told her that a good shinobi remained quiet, only ever saying the last word and always calculating. Sakura remained a relatively quiet girl, her eyes constantly roaming about as she took in every detail, every action and reaction. Sakura didn't really like doing this, but it was something Sasori-kun did and insisted upon doing and Sakura didn't want to disappoint Sasori-kun. Besides, she knew it was a good habit for a kunoichi to get into, even if she was in a safe environment.

Or what she perceived as safe, at least.

"Letters?" Kakashi echoed, tilting his head curiously.

"PenPals," Naruto chirped, smiling brightly. "We've been doing them for... Well, ever."

"A few years," Sakura explained. "Most of our class stopped doing them, but us three, well, four because of Hinata-chan, quite enjoyed conversing with our PenPals and Mia offered to be the go between."

"Ah, so are they simply shinobi from Konoha?"

The Genin shrugged.

Mia gave a hum. "They're supposed to remain anonymous. Deva and Shi aren't their real names, and Naruto-chan and Sasuke-chan gave them fake names as well."

"I'm Gamma!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Izu," Sasuke muttered.

"Then I take it Sasori isn't his real name either?" Kakashi inquired, glancing over at Sakura.

Sakura had the grace to look sheepish.

"No, no. Those two are on real name basis now," Mia said. "Anyway, Sakura-chan, Anko-chan wanted me to remind you that she still plans on taking you out for dango after this, so try not to eat too much here."

"Hai, thank you Mia," Sakura replied, smiling.

"Anko? Anko as in?"

"Yes," Sakura interrupted, already knowing where this was going. "Yes, that Anko. Yes, she is my first sensei, and yes, I will still remain in contact with her on a daily basis."

Kakashi gave a sort of wince. "I don't know which is worse. Anko taking on an apprentice, or Gai."

Mia snorted quietly at that. Sakura, however, frowned. She wasn't aware the Green Beast had taken on an apprentice, which was not good. Sasori-kun often remarked to her the importance of information and the fact that she had somehow missed something so close to home irked her. She would have to find more on this apprentice later.

"But that doesn't mean you can't eat at all, Sakura-chan," Mia finished, her eyes sparking with mirth.

Sakura gave a sort of grimace. During her musings she hadn't touched her food.

"Sorry, Mia. Was thinking, don't worry, I'll finish my dinner."

"Good, now eat up," Mia said, grinning again. "A pretty girl like you needs all the strength she can get to fend off those horny boys, ne, ne, Sasuke-chan? Naruto-chan?"

Sasuke choked on his omelet while Naruto gave a howl of laughter at the display.

"Screw you, dobe," Sasuke snapped, flushing.

Naruto continued to laugh. "Oh Kami! Your face! Your _face_!"

Sakura watched the exchange with a curious eye. It had almost seemed so natural, with neither taking real offense to each other's words.

"Naruto-chan, don't laugh with your mouth full," Mia scolded lightly.

Naruto gave Mia a sheepish smile.

Sasuke smirked. "Idiot."

"Oi!"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

After dinner, Mia pointedly stole Kakashi away and shooed the trio of Genin out into the other room. There, Sasuke had stolen Naruto's bed while Naruto sat on the floor, flipping through channels on the television. Sakura walked around the small apartment, eying how well kept it was. It was then, on a small counter, that she noticed a strange object.

"Naruto-kun, what's that?" Sakura asked, her brow furrowed.

Naruto glanced up, following her gaze. "Oh. That's Kaa-san's laptop."

"Laptop?"

"It's something from her homeland," Sasuke elaborated. "When she brought it here, something went wrong with it, so she's been trying to fix it since."

Naruto nodded sagely. "She's had that thing for years. She said something about the... A brown out on the batteries... uhh... The programming had to be entirely rewritten and the motherboard had to be rebuilt and a new CPU. Whatever that means. But she's had trouble finding all the pieces, because I guess Konoha doesn't sell what she's looking for. Kaa-san said she's getting the last piece she needs soon from some guy named To... Obi or something like that."

"I've never seen anything like it. It looks quite advanced," Sakura observed.

"Mn," Naruto grunted in agreement. "So hey, Sakura-chan? Want to pick out a movie? Kaa-san said that she'd bring out desert in a little bit, so we could all probably watch a movie in the meantime."

"O-Okay. Do either of you have any requests?"

"Action," Sasuke said immediately.

"Don't care," Naruto replied.

"Alright," Sakura said with a smile.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(First Person POV - Mia)**

"So did Hokage-sama already talk to you?" I asked the moment the trio of Genin left.

"Not yet, I was supposed to have a meeting with him after this," Kakashi replied.

"Then I'll go ahead and give you the rundown," I said bluntly. "There's a group after Naruto's bijū. We don't know much about them, only that they're comprised of S-Ranked criminals. Hokage-sama knew Naruto wasn't truly the dead-last of the academy, so he knew that the team would be technically over stacked if he allowed the top two graduates on the same team as him. But he needed that to happen for safety purposes. It was one of the reasons why you were chosen as their Jōnin."

"What do you mean?" Kakashi inquired, his posture straightening and his tone holding an edge to it.

"Exactly what it sounds like," I replied. "Right now you need to train that team to the best of your abilities just to survive. At the moment, I'm not sure which is the weakest link. Sakura is a rising prodigy in the poison field, and I believe with the right tutelage, in medical-ninjutsu. She's decent at taijutsu, more than likely at above-average Genin level. Naruto wants to be a front-line fighter and is taking a shine to fūinjutsu. Jiraiya-sensei has already promised to teach Naruto in that area, and wants to take him on as an apprentice. While his genjutsu is below average, his ninjutsu is rather decent. Sasuke wants to be a front-line fighter as well. His taijutsu and ninjutsu are at the same level, slightly above-average Genin. Anyway, the main reason I'm letting you in on this is because the Hokage-sama needs you to train them, all out. "

I shrugged. "That's kind of the gist of it. If you have any questions, ask Hokage-sama. He's kind of in charge of all this."

"Then how do you know about this?"

"Jiraiya-sensei, of course," I snorted.

"He told you?"

_More like I told him, as I was the informant._

"Sure."

"Mn."

"Anyway, that's all I wanted to say," I said. "That and I do hope you take care of Naruto. If you don't, I swear I will kill you in the most horrendous way imaginable. If not me, then I'm sure a few friends of mine will. Same applies for Sakura and Sasuke, actually."

"I'll keep that in mind," Kakashi replied dryly.

"Good," I replied. "Also, if you need anything, anything at all, you can count on me. You're kind of unofficially part of this family now that you're Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke's teacher."

"I see."

"Mm-hmm."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

The following morning, after I watched Naruto head off, I closed the door with a gentle sigh.

Arms wrapped around me and I gave a startled squeak. Turning around, I found myself staring at Obito.

"Can you ever _not_ give me a heart attack?" I asked incredulously.

"Ah, but it's so much fun. Ready to go?"

"If I must."

Obito gave a snort. "We finally have our last member."

"About friggin' time," I retorted. "I take it you finally had enough of Kakuzu killing off his partners?"

Obito gave a sort of reluctant nod. "I didn't want Hidan in the group in the first place, if he was anywhere near as annoying as you said. Alas, beggars can't be choosers in this case."

"That's true. The gang's all there?"

At Obito's nod, I beamed. "Awesome."

Obito's Sharingan flared to life and soon, I found myself standing in a tall tower in Amegakure.

I stepped away from Obito, eying the tower. "Mm, so Naruto-chan is off on his official mission."

"Is that so?"

"Mm-hmm. Urk. I'm getting nervous about the Wave mission."

"Don't worry," Obito replied. "I've already talked to Nagato, and you can stay in Amegakure while he's at Wave. It wouldn't do for you to have multiple panic-attacks and end up in the Konoha hospital. The Akatsuki will be staying in Amegakure as well, so there should be plenty to keep you and Itachi occupied."

I nodded. "I suppose Itachi has it worse. At least I can directly contact Naruto-chan afterwards."

Obito only shrugged. "Come, everyone should be gathering in the main room soon."

I grinned as Obito offered his hand, slipping his mask on. The moment his mask was on, and his hand in mine, his voice rose to a higher pitch and relaxed to a slower drawl. His 'Tobi' persona.

"Ready to go, Mia-chan?!" Obito chirped, seeming to vibrate with energy.

I snickered at the change in personality, winking. "Why, yes, I am, Tobi-kun!"

"Righteo, this way!"

I laughed as Obito gave a dramatic show of pulling me through the hallways. Our footsteps echoed softly in the empty halls, and comfortable silence fell between us. The silence was only broken when we reached the main hall and found Kakuzu and Hidan waiting for us.

"Hiya, Kakuzu-sempai!" Obito exclaimed, waving his arms in a dramatic manner. "Oh, you must be the new guy, huh? Hi there! I'm Tobi. Tobi's a good boy."

Hidan gave an irritated snort while Kakuzu glanced towards us. He gave us a small nod in return. The Zombie Duo were dressed out in their Akatsuki uniform, and appeared exactly as they did in Shippuden. I leaned around Obito, grinning widely.

"Hey, favorite miser," I said, greeting Kakuzu.

"Hello, adviser-brat," Kakuzu muttered.

Hidan gave me a scrutinizing look. "Wait, you're the adviser?"

"Hi there, Hidan-san-" Hidan snorted in distaste at the honorific, "—I'm Mia. Just Mia. I'm the adviser for the Akatsuki, third in command."

"Why the hell did you suggest him as my partner?" Kakuzu growled, glaring at me.

"Because he's immortal and S-Ranked missing-nin don't grow on trees, and your temper is horrendous."

Kakuzu snorted, glancing away stubbornly. "I can work fine on my own."

I only raised a mocking eyebrow in response.

Obito tilted his head, leaning down towards my ear to whisper, "I'm going to let the others know you're here. Be back soon."

I nodded in response and Obito skipped away. Hidan watched him go, frowning.

"Alright, well, I guess I'll be the first to officially welcome you to the Akatsuki," I said, walking towards the duo. "The others should be arriving shortly. For the most part we're still in the preparation stage of our main plan, however one of our side plans is coming up in a few months. Perhaps if you work well enough with Kakuzu-san, Leader-sama might allow you to come along."

"And what is this plan?" Hidan inquired skeptically.

"Mm. A little murder, more than likely genocide," I admitted.

Now that was a little strange.

In my world, murder was a big no-no. I knew I could never kill, I'd been conditioned too thoroughly and my morals were too strong to ever directly kill anyone. It was something that would be a very big hassle in this world.

People in this world were killed all the time. It was a natural occurrence and the word 'murder' varied depending on the situation. I knew people had to die in order to save the ones I loved. It was unsettling, unnerving and I had spent many sleepless nights agonizing over it. Obito knew how I was conditioned, he knew my resentment and as such he went out of his way to sort of force it out of me. I didn't like it, he knew that, but we knew it was necessary. If I could save my Naruto, keep him alive and safe at only the cost of a few sleepless nights, damn straight, I would, but it was more than that. There was also Sakura, Anko, Obito, Itachi, Kakuzu... I've come to grow fond of so many people since coming here.

If forgoing my own morality was necessary to keep them alive and well, I would do it.

It still upset me. And even after years of Obito's help, I could never directly kill someone. Indirectly, though?

Doable. Painful. _Cringing_.

But doable.

I could still remember the first time Obito had taken me aside, that night.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Flashback)**

_"You want me... to what?"_

_Obito had a basket of rabbits, and he had picked one of them and set it in my lap._

_"Kill it," Obito said flatly._

_"But—but—"_

_"I know your distaste for these kind of things, but it's necessary," Obito said, his eyes and tone brooking no argument. "I know in your world, things were different, safer. But this is_ my _world and you will need to kill someone, either directly or indirectly. It's better to start small. Trust me on this."_

_"I just... I just..."_

_"It's always hard at first," Obito said, tone softening a bit. "I know. We'll start small, but I would rather you kill a few animals and be uncomfortable, then have your first kill be human and never move past it."_

_I looked down at the rabbit, my stomach churning. "I understand..."_

_Obito held out a kunai. "Just like we practiced before."_

_"R-right."_

_I held the kunai in my hands, my heart hammering and stomach dropping. My hands were shaking. Obito released a small sigh, placing his hand over mine and guiding our hands towards the rabbit. "I'll help you for the first one, but you'll need to do it on your own next time."_

_"H-h-hai."_

**(End Flashback)**

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Hidan's eyes widened and he gave me an eager smile. "Genocide? Really?"

I inwardly grimaced at Hidan's eager smile. The sort of pleasure he and a few of the others achieved from killing was something I would never understand. I could rarely stomach killing animals (which was what Obito had insisted upon doing in order to make killing humans more bearable. It was what he and every other shinobi went through. Hell, Naruto— _my boy—_ already had his first animal kill in the academy. It was a necessary test in order to move up a level).

"If our target flees back to his base, then yes. Kill anyone in our way, more than likely," I said bluntly. "If anyone wants to surrender, you aren't allowed to kill them, but the mass majority of them have been brainwashed by our target so, again, yes, it will more than likely be genocide."

Kakuzu glanced towards me. "Which reminds me, our target's base has acquired multiple bounties on it."

I turned towards Kakuzu. "Oh? Are they from reliable payers?"

"A few of them are," Kakuzu said.

Hidan gave a frown, his brow furrowed. "Not money again."

We ignored him.

"Anything specific?"

"Mostly finding stolen scrolls, a few heads," Kakuzu explained.

I nodded. "Seems acceptable. We can discuss it in more detail with Leader-sama. Thank you for bringing this to my attention."

Kakuzu gave a small shrug.

"Back to the whole massacring thing, where can I sign up?" Hidan asked eagerly.

"Back off, newbie, un."

I glanced around to find Deidara and Sasori (in his Hiruko puppet) entering the room. Deidara smirked. "The only ones allowed to take out that man are Sasori-no-Danna and me, un."

Hidan flipped him off.

"Hey now, no fighting yet," I said. "Leader-sama still hasn't chosen which team will be allowed to take out the target. Whoever is left will be dealing with the obstacles."

"I don't want one man," Hidan snapped. "I want enough sacrifices to really please Jashin-sama."

"Then you won't have any objections to allowing the artist duo to taking him out?" I inquired.

"You're welcome to him."

Deidara grinned, pleased at this. Sasori's expression was, naturally, unreadable through his puppet.

"Kakuzu, will you be okay with that?"

"I would make more money collecting the bounties on the base than on the man himself," Kakuzu said dryly.

"Fair enough. Well then, Deidara-chan, Sasori-kun, it seems you still only have to compete for the honor with Itachi-chan and Kisame-kun."

Deidara scowled at his honorific. "Mia-chan! Don't call me that, un."

I only gave him a sardonic smile in return.

"It's awfully quiet for five members of the Akatsuki to be gathered," drawled a voice. I glanced behind us to find Kisame and Itachi entering the room.

"I know; nobody's stripping, bleeding, shrieking, or being generally drunk. I think this is a record," I realized, my eyes widening in a mocking manner.

"Or the apocalypse, un," Deidara snickered.

"Only you would find humor in that, Deidara-chan," Itachi drawled. Deidara scowled at him.

"Watch it, Itachi- _chan_ , or I'll be forced to take action again."

"You already had your revenge, Mia-chan won't help you for an uncalled for assault," Itachi retorted.

"He's right, you know," I quipped. "Revenge is one thing, but preemptive strikes? Nope. We're not starting another prank war. It's become perfectly clear no one can cause as much destruction as Tobi-kun, and no one can cause as much pain as Kakuzu."

The more senior members of the Akatsuki winced.

Deidara had been very bitter about losing to Itachi. In order to sort-of eliminate the unnecessary stress and drama Deidara's bitterness would have added, I suggested he took revenge in a more harmless way. Deidara was reluctant at first, but I was incredibly insistent and he eventually agreed if only to shut me up. However, after I had successfully replaced Itachi's shampoo with pink dye (having no chakra-system really did make me great for sneaking about), and Deidara had a delightful laugh, Itachi decided to get even.

One thing lead to another and everyone in the Akatsuki was soon involved in a massive pranking war with the exception of Nagato and Kakuzu. Kakuzu only entered to end it in a very painful manner, finishing it off with one of the worst lectures I had ever had. The man did not like us wasting our funds on 'frivolous matters that could just as easily be settled with no-money, and fists'.

Hidan gave Kakuzu an appraising look. "So how much pain we talking here?"

Kakuzu shot Hidan a withering look. "No."

Hidan huffed.

"Tobi's back!" Obito sung as he jumped behind me. He arms rested atop my head and his chin atop his arms.

"Yes, I'm short. You're tall. I get it," I muttered under my breath.

"We won't be gathering together again for a little over a month," Konan said serenely, appearing before us. "When we do, we shall be staying in Amegakure for a longer duration than usual. Is everyone clear on that?"

"What for, un?" Deidara asked.

"Circumstances," Konan replied. "Nothing to concern yourself with."

Deidara only shrugged in response.

"If you have no more questions, it's time for our meeting to officially begin. Follow me to our Kami-sama."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** It changes on the fandom I'm reading the most about. Right now it's Hermione Granger x People who respect her
> 
>  **Question:** You know, I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you guys like romance. At least a little bit. Since you're, you know, reading this story. So my question is... What is the most romantic movie and the single most romantic gesture you have ever seen (or daydreamed / fantasized about)? If you don't want to say, then... Favorite romantic movie, at least?


	13. Part II - A Kiss Too Many

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Kaa-chan! Kaa-chan!" Naruto shouted as he rushed inside, closing the door with a little more force than necessary. "Guess what, guess what!"

"What?" I asked, smiling in amusement as Naruto hurried towards me, tackling into me on the couch. I patted his head, looking up when I saw the door open again and Sasuke entering. He spared me a look before shrugging, taking off his shoes and heading towards the fridge.

"We're going on a C-Rank! We're going on a C-Rank!" Naruto sang.

My heart faltered.

In a small voice, I squeaked, "Oh, really? Where to?"

"Wave," Sasuke grunted, pulling out a bag of tomatoes.

It took my entire willpower not to whimper and grab both of the boys and squeeze the ever living life outta them. I settled for wrapping my arms around Naruto and squeezing the ever loving life outta _him_. Naruto gave a grunt of protest, but otherwise allowed me to continue squeezing him.

"R-Really? So soon? I mean, haven't you guys only been Genin for a month?" I asked, trying to squash down the rising sense of panic.

"So?" Sasuke retorted, moving towards the couch and taking a seat next to me.

Unable to come up with any comeback due to my flustered state, I settled for grabbing Sasuke and starting to squeeze him too. Sasuke struggled halfheartedly against my grip, but decided it wasn't worth it and sagged in defeat.

"Where's Sakura?"

"We're not selling her out so you can squeeze the hell outta her," Naruto muttered.

"Damn it."

"Aren't you happy for us, Kaa-chan?" Naruto asked, turning his big blue eyes on me. I winced, feeling more than a little guilty for my actions earlier. The brat knew how to guilt-trip me like no tomorrow.

"Of course I am, sweetie. I'm just _worried_ ," I said slowly, releasing the two boys.

"Don't be," Sasuke snorted, moving away from me.

"When are you leaving?"

"This afternoon."

I didn't bother restraining my whimper.

Sasuke and Naruto exchanged glances before both boys sighed and patted my head.

"We'll be fine," Naruto said.

"So don't have a panic attack," Sasuke added.

"Lock the door behind us."

"Don't talk to strangers."

"Look both ways before crossing the street."

"Don't leave the oven on."

"Make sure to get plenty of rest—don't stay up too late."

"Eat healthy. Don't forget to train."

"And whatever you do-"

"-Under _no_ circumstances,"

"Are you allowed to go on a date," they finished together.

I suppressed my laugh at that. Ever since Anko had dragged me into one of her double dates...

Anko, as much as I loved the girl, was _insane_. She somehow managed to snag a double date with two ANBU captains and I was her 'lucky' wing girl. I was reluctant at first, but gave in anyway. I thought it would have been a good chance to get over Obito.

What she didn't tell me was that they were still technically on duty so they were stuck in their uniform and masks (not that I was complaining—there was something appealing about men in ANBU uniform). It was also _technically_ against the rules to do anything other than serve Konoha while on duty, but Anko assured me she was very persuasive in achieving the dates (I had the oddest feeling she threatened the C-word).

I was stuck with Mr. ANBU-Tora while Anko hogged Mr. ANBU-Karasu. Tora seemed like a nice guy, very polite, while Karasu was very stoic. Anyway, Anko and Karasu had completely ditched Tora and I after the first ten minutes of the 'date' (if you would even call it that. All it consisted of was really the two ANBU guarding the entrance to the T&I building). Unsure of what the hell we were supposed to do next, the two of us ended up playing card games until Anko came back.

 _When_ Anko and Karasu came back and discovered how 'boring' we were, she suggested a game of strip poker, just in time for Naruto to come rushing by in a vain attempt to avoid punishment from his latest prank, to overhear Anko.

Needless to say, Naruto spent the rest of the month focusing his pranks on Anko and ANBU in general. They were pretty creative pranks, very colorful and surprisingly effective. My favorite was the orange-paint bomb in the ANBU lounge.

Anyway, since then Naruto had been _very_ wary of 'dates' of any sort with me, claiming all men were idiots and I was forbidden to date an idiot. Somehow he managed to rope Sasuke into believing the same thing.

I wasn't quite sure how.

"I don't know, Tora-kun and I actually ran into each other down at the market," I began, unable to resist teasing the two.

" _No!_ " Naruto emphasized.

My lips twitched. "If you're leaving so soon, you two better start packing."

"Hai, hai."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I stood at the entrance of Konoha, latched on to Sakura and squeezing the hell out of her. Tazuna watched on, plain guilt on his face. Naruto and Sasuke stood a little way from our hug fest.

I kissed the top of her head and she gave a small whine of protest. I stepped back, gnawing at my bottom lip. "You'll be safe, right? Kick the boys' asses if they misbehave?"

"I'll be fine, Mia," Sakura consoled, patting my arm in a comforting manner. "I can take care of myself, you know."

"I know, it's just..."

"Kaa-chan," Naruto gave a small whine. "We'll be _fine_. Don't be such a worry wart."

Sasuke gave a grunt in agreement.

"Is something wrong?"

I turned around, finding Kakashi there. I sighed. "No, nothing is wrong."

I paused. I turned to Kakashi, narrowing my eyes at him.

"If my babies have so much as a _scratch_ on them when they come back, I will find you, and _I will end you_."

Kakashi chuckled at first, but it grew weaker under my fierce gaze.

"Yes ma'am," Kakashi finally said.

I nodded. I turned to the trio again. "Be safe. Don't get killed. I love you all."

"Love you too," Naruto and Sakura chorused with a roll of their eyes. Sasuke only shifted awkwardly, looking down at his feet.

I nodded again. "Okay. Ja ne, everyone."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I paced up and down the apartment, double checking everything was locked and whatnot. I knew it would be roughly a week and a half before they would return, and I knew that I wouldn't be in Konoha during that time. I had sent a letter to Tsume, asking if she or Hana could come over and water the plants while I was gone. Normally I would ask Anko (say what you'd like about that girl, she takes care of her friends), but she was also out on a mission.

When Obito finally appeared at his usual time, I grabbed onto him.

"My. Babies. Wave. Urk."

Obito gave a sigh, gripping my arms and prying my death grip off of him. He glanced around the apartment before he grabbed my nearly-complete laptop, shoving it and a bag I already had packed in my arms, before teleporting me away to Amegakure.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I was starting to have another mild anxiety attack by the time Obito found Itachi. He promptly dropped me next to Itachi on the couch and went to go put my stuff in my room.

Itachi glanced at me, raising a single eyebrow.

"Babies. Wave. Urk."

Itachi gave a small sigh, his tone sympathetic. "It is something every shinobi parent or elder sibling must face, but it is the life of a shinobi. They are with a trained Jōnin, one rather skillful as well, I am sure they will be fine. Besides, it is only a low-ranking mission, they won't be facing any real dangers."

"Zabuza Momochi is in Wave, hired by Gato, hired to kill the very same man _they_ are hired to protect. And he has multiple accomplices, all at least Chūnin level."

Itachi blinked. He stood up. "I'll go get Kisame. We leave for Wave immediately."

"Oh no, you don't," Obito said, entering the room.

Itachi gave Obito a blank look.

"No," Obito repeated, his voice losing its usual tone and transforming into his 'Tobi' tone. "They'll be fine."

"Who'll be fine, un?" Deidara asked, entering the room.

"My babies are off on their first C-Rank and there's a deranged missing-nin in the same area," I muttered.

Deidara only shrugged. "So what, you need distractions, is that why you're here, un?"

I nodded.

Deidara gave a grin. "We can do that."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I giggled gleefully, setting down the last bottle of soda. Beside me, Deidara snickered.

I knew I had said that all of us were wary of another prank-war. But honestly, Hidan was _asking_ for it. Seriously, no one just ruined Kakuzu's money and got away with it (he bled all over the briefcase of money, covering it in enough blood to make it virtually useless). The moment the duo had returned (an hour after I had arrived), Kakuzu stole me away and said very plainly that the war was back on and everyone better focus on Hidan first.

Deidara, Itachi, Kisame, Obito and I happily obliged. Now, we were preparing for the last touches.

When that was done, I stood up, glancing around Hidan's room appreciatively. It was a _nice_ room. Not as nice as mine here, but still very nice.

I held up the walkie-talkie, buzzing in. "We're all set here."

There was a brief pause of static before Kisame responded. "We're all set here as well. Expect Hidan out of the shower in a minute."

I giggled, relaying the information to Deidara.

Deidara grinned widely. "Hidan's going to be spitting mad. You want to go solo or do you want me to carry you, un?"

I considered this. "I'll go solo. After all, this is our _only_ pranking truce. The moment this is over, it's a free for all."

Deidara laughed. "That's true, un."

I positioned myself closest to the door, pulling out the camera. Deidara pulled out the video camera.

A few more seconds passed.

There was a high-pitched scream emanating from the bathroom attached to Hidan's room. Only a couple seconds passed before a nearly naked Hidan rushed out of the bathroom, the majority of his body glowing red from the burn. Step one: re-plumbing the system so whenever someone flushed, well, I think you can guess what happened.

Hidan whirled around at Deidara's snicker, his hands gripping firmly at his towel. He flushed darkly from anger and unminding took a step towards us.

He slipped on the syrup covered floor, falling back, arms flailing into the pit of syrup and feathers. Hidan spluttered, screeching curses at us. When he finally managed to stand up, I let go of the string I had been holding, releasing the caps on all of the bottled, shaken up soda in front of Deidara and me, positioned and aimed at Hidan.

Hidan screeched with outrage as he and his room became soaked in soda-y goodness. I giggled as I whirled around, sprinting out of the room with Deidara right behind me. It wasn't long until Hidan was hurtling himself down the halls, quickly catching up to us.

"And now, our truce is over!" I laughed, sticking out my foot just in time for Deidara to connect with it and face-plant into the floor.

"You fucking traitor, un!" Deidara howled as I continued to laugh with glee and make my escape. I ran down another hallway before I effectively reached my safe point. Not that my safe point _knew_ he was a safe point, but he was nonetheless.

I threw myself into Obito, knocking both of us down. Smiling widely, I sat on top of him.

"Deidara has been left to the vicious wolf, but I doubt he'll stay captured for long," I informed Obito.

"You tripped him, didn't you?" Obito accused.

"Yes; yes I did."

"GET BACK HERE, YOU FUCKING LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT-BITCH! _MIA!_ "

"I think that's your cue to steal me away like the awesome best friend you are," I told Obito.

"It would be a bit of an annoyance if Hidan killed you," Obito agreed, moving to sit up. His Sharingan whirled to life and soon the two of us were safe inside his room.

"Ah, it's a wonderful thing to have the prank war back in action," I sighed happily.

Obito shifted a bit underneath me. "Are you going to get off me any time soon?"

"Nah. You're my safe point. What if Hidan bursts in here, or Deidara? So long as I stick with you, I can have a quick and safe get away."

Obito moved his shoulders in what was more than likely a shrug, though it looked a little weird as his scarf covered his shoulders pretty well and he _was_ laying down.

"You know, I think we should go to a snow resort some time," I said.

"Kakuzu would have a heart attack. Do you know how expensive those things are?"

"And we're ridiculously rich, what's your point? I really want to go. I haven't seen snow _once_ since coming here and damn it, I miss it."

Obito tilted his head. "I'll think about it. If you miss it enough to risk Kakuzu's wrath..."

"I do," I confirmed. "And I'll pretty much be giving the old miser numerous heart attacks this week with what I have in store for everyone. Naruto, my little genius, is a _master_ at this. And I learned from the best."

"I don't suppose you'd be willing to call a truce?"

"Depends. Are you willing to continually be my safe point?"

"In exchange you won't prank me?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Then yes, I am willing."

"Excellent! Oh hey, wanna go make cookies?"

"Sugar addict."

"Says the man wearing the lollipop mask."

"I never said it was a _bad_ addiction."

I giggled.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I nibbled a bit on a chocolate-chip cookie, watching with amused eyes as Deidara and Hidan's yelling grew progressively louder. It wasn't long after I placed the cookies in the oven that the Akatsuki members begin to drift in. Itachi was first, being the sugar addict that he was, and stole the nearest chair to the oven. I ended up sitting on the counter with Obito, knowing the rest of the members would be occupying the rest of the chairs. Kisame came next at a more sedate pace, picking a chair next to Itachi. Deidara was after that.

The blond terrorist had shot me an evil look, in which I so definitely scooted closer to Obito. He had smirked in victory before grabbing a chair. Sasori came next, though not for the cookies so much as to get away from Hidan. The Jashinist had been ranting about his religion and Sasori was getting increasingly annoyed. So he lead the Jashinist into the kitchen, pointed at the cookies, and left. Hidan, of course, stayed behind, grabbing another chair and glared at me and Deidara.

It wasn't long until Kisame, tired of the silence, engaged in a quiet conversation with Itachi, and with little prompting on Obito's part, Deidara joined in, followed by Hidan. Obito and I talked quietly to ourselves until the cookies were ready.

Many cookies later, only nine were left untouched on a plate. Hidan and Deidara were currently arguing over who got the last nine.

Sorry, _eight_ , Itachi snuck one off.

Seven, Obito snuck one off and split it in half with me.

I nibbled quietly on my cookie. If those two were going to continue arguing over them, odds are they would be completely gone by the time they were done.

"Listen here, you fucking piece of shit—"

"Shut up, you ignorant—"

"—cock-sucking son of a bitch—"

"—useless immortal, un! You don't even have the chance to understand _true_ —"

"—Oh _save it_ , you wouldn't understand beauty if it fucked you—"

Obito placed his hands over my ears and pulled me a bit closer so he could properly cover them. I gave a sort of an annoyed grunt, but didn't bother trying to pull away. I moved my body a bit on the counter so I could rest my head on his legs and lay down. I watched as both of their faces grew a brighter red until Hidan finally grabbed the nearest thing—a glass—and threw it. Deidara dodged it with ease before snarling and pulling out a kunai.

"It's only a cookie," I muttered. "They know I can make more, right?"

Obito removed his hand long enough to whisper, "I think it's a matter of Hidan is still sore about the prank, Deidara is still sore about being caught, and both are just in the middle of a pissing contest."

While the two were preparing to engage in combat, Konan entered the kitchen. She spared them the briefest of glances before turning towards the cookies, grabbing the plate, and walking out.

I laughed at that, loudly enough to draw attention to myself.

"What, un?" Deidara asked irritably.

"Looks like no one gets the cookies anymore," I snickered, pointing towards the space where the cookies once were.

"The fuck?!"

"As much fun as it was watching the two of you have a pissing contest," Kisame drawled, "Itachi and I have a sparring match to attend to. Thank you for the cookies, Mia-chan."

"You're welcome, Kisame-kun," I said. "I needed the distraction and my sweet tooth demanded to be satisfied."

Kisame laughed heartily, standing up from the table. "Ah well, it's my turn to cook tonight."

"I can cover," I said quickly. "Seriously. I _need_ the distraction or else I'll start having another anxiety attack because my—my—my— _my—my—mymy—_ "

"Breathe Mia-chan, breathe!" Obito said quickly, reaching into the cabinet above us and pulling out a paper bag. He held it over my mouth.

Kisame shook his head, amused. Hidan snorted at my actions and Deidara snickered. Itachi merely stood up, patted me on the head once, and left. Kisame soon followed after him. Deidara and Hidan exchanged glances.

"Grounds 3, prepare to get your ass handed to you, un," Deidara said, smirking.

"Bring it on, fucking transy," Hidan sneered.

"Such language," Obito sighed dramatically.

Deidara rolled his eyes and Hidan sneered again before the two moved out of the kitchen.

Obito removed the paper bag. "Better?"

My nose crinkled and I shifted to look up at him. "I'm not panicking anymore for the moment, if that's what you mean."

"In a way," Obito mused. "I have the last piece required for your laptop, by the way. Perhaps working on that will help you."

I nodded my head. "Sounds like a plan."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

My shriek of joy was greeted with an amused and slightly annoyed chuckle from Obito who _was_ taking a nap on his bed while I worked. I held up my _so totally working_ laptop in front of him, cheering and jumping for joy.

"My baby is fixed! My baby is fixed! Holy shit this is amazing! Lookit-lookit!"

I hugged the laptop close to my chest, whirling around while Obito slowly sat up on his bed, his mask discarded on the nightstand.

Feelings of giddiness and sheer joy were leaving me elevated and damn near reckless. At that moment I felt like I could take on _anything_ and win. Which was completely unreasonable as the only difference between me at that moment and the me previously was that I had a working laptop. But still, joy had a funny way of doing that.

I set my laptop on the bed before tackling Obito, my heart hammering. I squeezed him tightly. "Thankyouthankyou, ohmyGodthankyouthankyou."

Obito actually laughed, moving a bit in my arms to get more comfortable. "You're welcome?"

I leaned back, positively beaming before kissing his cheek twice. "Seriously. You're amazing."

Obito had stiffened ever so slightly at my display of blunt affection. His face losing its amused features and becoming carefully blank and controlled. "I am happy that you are happy."

I nodded my head, not noticing his change. I was far too ecstatic. "Best of all, it's virtually hack-free in this world. We already confirmed no one knows the English language and my laptop is English central. _Ha_. I can watch all of my favorite movies again now. Holy shit, we should have a Harry Potter marathon."

At my rant, and continued ramblings, Obito slowly relaxed. He took on a more easy smile when he responded, "Sounds like a plan."

I nodded again, squealing and hugging him again. "Oh, _yay_."

There was a bang at the door, Obito quickly reached over and pulled his mask on before the door opened. Hidan poked his head in, raising his eyebrow. He eyed us another moment before he frowned. "So no one got laid?"

I blinked.

I flushed.

I spluttered.

"Wh-Wh-Wh- _What?!_ "

Deidara poked his head in next, frowning. "What? That's a legitimate concern, un. So what was that about?"

Itachi entered the room, glancing about before spotting my laptop. "What is that?"

" _That_ is the reason of my happiness, my dear, dear friends," I said, glad for the change of topic. I crawled away from Obito, grabbing my precious item and holding it up. "It's something I've been working on for the past couple of years—my _laptop_."

"Lap—what?" Hidan blinked.

"Miniature computer, only faster, better, stronger and best of all, it's _mine!_ " I giggled. "Ooooh, I have so many games on here. I bet I could build up a cable so I can attach it to the giant-ass T.V. downstairs." My grin widened and I felt my eyes glaze off into thoughts of gaming. "I haven't been able to seriously game in, holy shit, _years_. Oh God it's going to feel _so damn good_."

Obito coughed and Hidan gave me a leer while Deidara flushed and looked away. Itachi sighed. "Mia-chan, please try to control yourself."

I blinked, pulling myself out of video-game heaven and back down to reality. "Oh, alright. But I bet I could get at least half of you addicted to gaming as well. One word: _Skyrim_."

"What, un?" Deidara asked curiously while Obito started coughing again.

"Or maybe _Dragon Age_ ," I mused. " _Final Fantasy_? Perhaps _Bioshock_... Mmm, so many choices, so little time."

"That is to say _if_ the programs are still running," Obito sung. "Didn't Mia-chan have to rewrite the majority of her laptop?"

"The hard drive was untouched," I retorted. "It was the motherboard and the CPU that were insanely damaged, along with a few other pieces. But those things are a pain in the ass to build from scratch when this wor—when regular computers here don't work the same. Not to mention finding the correct thermal pasting for the CPU was even more difficult because you guys don't even _have_ the stuff so I had to find something else that would-"

I stopped myself, seeing the many zoned out faces.

I sighed. "Whatever. Point is, this is my baby. When I get a new wiring set up I will introduce you all to Harry Potter."

"You have it in Japanese?" Obito mused, tilting his head.

"Honey, I've got it in Marathi," I snorted. "Real Harry Potter nerd, right here."

Obito shook his head while the rest of the members gave us confused looks.

"What, un?" Deidara repeated.

I smiled. "I'll show you."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer** : Simple things. Just everyday gestures like making food when you're tired, or hugging from behind.
> 
>  **Question:** Saddest movie you've ever seen? Or book you've ever read?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	14. Part II - What is She to You?

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"I'll be heading back to Konoha tomorrow," I said thoughtfully. Obito was spread out on the couch in his room, head resting in my lap at my request so I could mess with his hair. Not that I could really do much with it, but it was _insanely_ soft. Softer than mine—softer than _Sakura's,_ and that was saying something. I wondered idly if all Uchiha had hair this soft. I'd have to try and play with Itachi's and Sasuke's hair to test out my theory.

"Indeed you will be," Obito replied.

I bit my bottom lip, feeling my stomach drop and heart quicken as I recalled my last conversation with Anko.

"Obito?"

"Mm?"

"I, um... I..." _Don't do this to yourself, Mia. Don't do it. Don't do it._ "Why don't you talk about her a lot?"

Obito stiffened considerably, his eyes and face guarded. "Why do you ask?"

I felt uncomfortable, I wanted to change the subject, but part of what Anko had said so long ago made me desperately want an answer.

_"So, what? He's obsessed over his dead ex-girlfriend?"_

_"Kind of. It's more like unrequited dead love."_

_"Fuck, this guy sounds like a loser. Give up on him, Mia."_

_"Anko-chan!"_

_"You're seriously considering this? Well, does he talk about her a lot?"_

_"Well, no."_

_"Does he have any mementoes of her?"_

_"No, but he_ does _have a good reason for that."_

_"Whatever. You're sure you're his best friend?"_

_"Yes!"_

_"And he doesn't talk about her with_ you _?"_

_"No?"_

_"Maybe he didn't really love her."_

_"Oh, trust me, he did. He's doing some crazy shit especially for her. Well not_ especially _for her, but pretty much."_

_"No, I mean, maybe he did, but he got over it."_

_"I_ highly _doubt that."_

 _"Maybe he did. Maybe he did and he doesn't_ want _to. Maybe he thinks that if he was over her, he'd be, like, betraying her or something. Maybe he doesn't talk about her because he doesn't know what to say anymore. Like, I don't know, he's conflicted. Part of him wants to move on, but part of him wants to cling to her."_

_"Holy shit, what would I do if that was true?"_

_"Give him a reason_ to _move on. But first, you gotta confirm."_

I shrugged in response, unable to meet his growing colder gaze. "I just... I can listen, you know? I don't... I mean sometimes... Sometimes it's better to talk about someone, and you don't have anyone else to listen to you. I guess Zetsu would, but..."

"Why would I discuss her with you?"

I inwardly flinched at the harsh tone he bore. "Because you did before."

"I thought you were my subconscious," Obito pointed out, managing to lock eyes with me.

I closed my eyes, turning my head away and trying very hard to ignore the stinging sensation I felt.

What made _her_ so special? Massacring his family? Sure, no problem. He could talk with me about that. Building up the Akatsuki? Mhm, I got his back, easy-peezy. Make him laugh? Damn straight I could do that. Calm down his nightmares? Hell yeah I have and would continue to do so. All of his dirty little secrets? They're under lock and key, with the key thrown to the moon.

But what did _she_ ever do? Seriously? _What the hell did she do_? She didn't even return his affections, didn't even acknowledge him the way she did with Kakashi. She barely cried when he 'died', and while I was sure she was nice and all, you couldn't seriously love someone over something like that. So what did she do to grab his attention? And why— _why_ is he _still_ so obsessed over _her_?

She's _dead_ and she didn't even _love him_. Not the way...

Did _she_ wipe away his tears? Did _she_ make him laugh? Did _she_ comfort him? Did _she_ share inside jokes? Did _she_...?! Did _she_...?! Did _she_ fall in love with him?

No. No. _No._

I did. I _so_ did.

And what do I get?

I tasted something bitter in my mouth as I fought to reign in my jealousy. I was stiffening and with an almost robotic motion, I guided Obito's head off my lap and stood up, my back facing him. I opened my eyes and let out a deep breath. "I'm going."

"Mia."

"I need to find Itachi."

"Mia."

"I promised him I would show him a few more Harry Potter comics before I left."

" _Mia_."

I whirled around, unable to keep the frustration and bite out of my voice, " _Obito_."

"Mia," Obito repeated, face blank and tone brooking no argument. "You're angry, and leaving won't solve anything."

"Do you know _why_ I'm angry?" I snapped. "No. No, you don't. And guess what? _I'm not fucking telling you_. Because _guess what?_ I'm not even a fucking real person—I'm not even a fucking _girl_ to you, am I? Why? Why _the hell_ —Just—What does it take to get you to just—?"

_look at me?_

I shot him a venomous look and stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut for good measure.

Fuckhimfuckhimfuckhim _ohdamnitfuckhimsobad_ fuckhimfuckhimfuckhimfuckhimfuckhim...

My thoughts were a whirlwind of nasty things as I envisioned myself slaughtering every male in the world along with a few annoying females. I wasn't in the mood for company, so instead of heading off to find Itachi like I said I would, I marched right out of Akatsuki tower in Amegakure, picked a random street, and started walking around the city.

Damn it, being friend-zoned sucked so hard.

Sure as hell didn't help that Obito was a _dense dense dense_ idiot.

I took another turn down the street, letting my feet carry me wherever they wanted to go. After having visited Amegakure so many times, I knew these streets just as well as I did Konoha—if not better as Amegakure was significantly smaller than the busy shinobi village. A few of the civilians paused and greeted me with warm smiles—Konan was still their angel and Pein their god, but I had become their 'priestess', as I was the only 'normal' one to walk often among such 'divine' people and it was usually I who carried out the messages and such.

I chewed on my tongue, feeling a shiver run down my spine. The rain was particularly cold that day, but I hadn't minded when I first came out here.

I breathed out slowly, feeling the rising goose bumps on my arms.

I glanced around the familiar street before continuing towards a favored bakery of mine. I entered the shop, receiving the usual greetings and bows of respect before taking my usual seat in the far back by the window.

Sitting down at the table, it wasn't long before the kind elderly lady who ran the bakery gave me my usual blanket (it was mine originally, but I left it at the bakery in case I ever forgot my coat, which happened quite often) along with my usual order.

Quite alone now and given time to contemplate, I felt mildly childish and silly for my actions. When I had first thought of Rin in the beginning, I hadn't minded her so much. But as time passed on, along with my growing affections for Obito, I couldn't help but think darker thoughts about her every time. It was so _silly_ of me to do. She hadn't ever done anything to me personally and it was actually Obito who was at fault for all of this. It wasn't her fault that she couldn't bring herself to love him.

I heard the door open and close at the front, but I didn't pay attention to it. It wasn't until someone sat in front of me, that I did.

"Itachi?" I blinked.

"Mia," Itachi demurred, "I thought I saw you in here. Shouldn't you be at the tower?"

"I got in a fight with Tobi," I muttered, poking at my food.

Itachi didn't respond right away. "About?"

I snorted. "Nothing, apparently."

"Will you apologize or do you intend to wait for him to do so?"

"I probably should," I muttered disdainfully. " _Really_ don't want to, though. He started it."

"Of course he did."

"Don't patronize me, I'm older than you," I retorted, dropping my head down onto the table. "My love life _sucks_."

"You have a love life?"

" _Why_ do you actually sound surprise at that?"

"I am," Itachi admitted honestly, ignoring my groan of despair he continued, "I thought Tobi and you were..."

"I'm friend-zoned," I muttered.

"Do you not want to be friend-zoned?"

I lifted my head up long enough to glare at him. "It doesn't matter what I want because I'm just a personification of a fucking _subconscious_."

"What?"

"Never mind," I sighed, slamming my head against the table and inwardly wincing as I did so.

"I don't think it would be that difficult for you to expand your love life," Itachi spoke the words ' _love life'_ as if it physically pained him to do so.

Damn Uchihas and their aversion to having a love life unless it's unrequited or tragic.

Snorting, I lifted my hand long enough to flip him off. "Bullshit."

Itachi gave a small sigh, patting the top of my head in a patronizing way. If I had the energy, I would have definitely glared at him, and probably said something witty and nasty about it, too. "Well, you can't stay here forever. You'll have to come back to the tower sometime."

"Bet I could find a civilian willing to house me for the night," I muttered defiantly.

"But you won't because you've seen far too many horror movies to do so," Itachi replied pleasantly.

"You're an ass."

"And yet you still refer to me as your friend."

"Real friends are assholes to each other. It's how they show their affection."

"Right."

"My sarcasm was greater than yours."

"Of course."

"Go to hell."

"Mia-chan?"

At Obito's bright and most certainly fake-cheerful voce, I gave a low groan of annoyance. Itachi patted me again before abruptly leaving, giving Obito the only other seat at the table. I lifted my head long enough to glare at him and mouth _traitor_ as he left and Obito took the seat across from me.

I glared at Obito a moment or two before setting my head back on the table. "Go away. I'm not done sulking."

Obito giggled. "My, my, Mia-chan hasn't touched her food at all. And this is Mia-chan's _favorite_ food. Oh, that must mean that Mia-chan is _really_ upset? Tobi doesn't want that! Tobi's sorry!"

I lifted my head up, sneering. "Oh I'm sure _Tobi_ is, but I don't want to hear from _Tobi_ because I'm not in the _mood_ for _Tobi_."

Obito gave a pitiful ( _fake_ ) gasp, clutching at his chest in a comical fashion. "Oh, no! How terrible. Well then Tobi will have to make it up to Mia-chan, then!"

"Let's see you do that," I mocked. "And damn it, I mean it, Tobi. Go away. I'll be fine. Just let me sulk on my own."

"No!" Obito said loudly. "Tobi won't ever leave his precious person alone while she's in _pain_."

"I'm not in pain," I grouched. "I'm perfectly fine. Now let me sulk."

Obito shook his head, standing up in a fluid motion before abruptly picking me up bridal-style. I shot him a murderous look, grabbing my glass of milk and dumping it over his head.

Obito stared at me, and through the hole in his mask I could see he was annoyed.

I felt vindictively pleased by that.

It didn't last long as Obito giggled and started to carry me out of the bakery, into the freezing rain, and ran up vertically on the nearest building.

I crossed my arms moodily and glared at him the entire time.

When he finally reached the top, he started hopping from roof to roof until he reached the Akatsuki tower, then he climbed up it, entered his bedroom through the window, dumped me on his bed and went to the bathroom muttering something that sounded like, " _Milk? Really, woman? Really?"_

I felt even more pleased by that.

"Don't come out. I'm stealing one of your shirts. And pants, because it's your fault I'm soaking wet," I said.

"Like I would want to see any of _that_ ," Obito snapped irritably.

"Asshole!"

"PMS-ing bitch!"

Once I was dressed, I draped my wet clothes over the window ledge—as I didn't have anywhere else to put them for the moment, before I climbed into his bed, grabbed his biggest pillow and body hugged it.

When Obito came out, he was dressed and rubbing a towel against his wet hair. He shot me a glare. " _Are_ you on your period or something?"

"No!"

"Then care to explain the sudden change in mood?"

"Care to explain if I'm still a subconscious personification?"

Obito sighed, closing his eyes. "That's not the issue and you and I both know it. We've already discussed that particular topic many times and not once had it bothered you. Is this about...?"

Suddenly very nervous that he was getting dangerously close to the truth—and my redirection was _not_ working—I snorted loudly at him.

Obito opened his eyes, rubbing a hand across his face in exasperation. "Do you honestly want me to get into this?"

I stubbornly looked away.

"Why do I feel like there is no right answer for this?" Obito asked slowly, carefully. "That if I _do_ talk about her, it will somehow hurt you, but if I don't, it'll still hurt you—that you'll think I don't trust you or something equally ridiculous."

"I don't know, why do you?"

"You tell me," Obito stated, sitting down on the bed, peering down at me. He leaned over me, pressing his hands on both sides of the bed at my head. "Am I wrong in saying there is no right answer?"

Suddenly feeling very small—and _very_ lightheaded—I squirmed under his gaze. "You're... not... wrong."

"And why would it bother you if I talked about her?"

I squirmed, feeling torn. What did I say? I couldn't—he was _looking at me_ —I couldn't lie—I couldn't—not at that moment, not to _him_ —but I couldn't... it was just...

" **Tobi?** Pein is looking for you."

I gave a startled squeak, throwing Obito away from me and practically jumping off the bed. It was more like a spaz out—half jumping, part jerking, part lurching—so it failed epically and I landed on my chin with my ass still on the bed.

Obito snorted, pulling me back up onto the bed and placing a gentle hand over my chin. "Very well, Zetsu. I will be there shortly."

He brushed his fingers over my—probably bruised—chin before standing up. "We _will_ finish this discussion later."

 _Oh no, we won't. Not if_ I _have anything to say about it. Wonder in silence, darling. I have no intentions of telling you a thing._

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I was only in Konoha for exactly one hour before Zetsu informed me of their nearness and I raced towards the correct gate, my stomach doing flutters all the while.

I had managed to successfully evade _that_ discussion my remaining time in Amegakure, and now that I was back in Konoha it would be significantly easier to do so.

But more importantly,

My babies!

I was anxiously bouncing from one foot to the next as I waited for them to show up. It didn't take long—thank goodness—and the moment I saw them, I squealed, running out towards them. Naruto was the first to see me and he hollered happily, running towards me. I opened my arms and I swear all we needed to complete this scene would have been a soundtrack, a field of flowers and to do it in slow motion.

Naruto tackled into me, and I wrapped my arms around him tightly. "Oh, I missed you."

"I missed you too, Kaa-chan," Naruto mumbled, burying his face into my chest. I squeezed him tightly, kissing the top of his head and swallowing roughly. My eyes were oddly stinging and honestly I couldn't stop sniffling.

Damn allergies.

The rest of the group arrived shortly behind Naruto, Kakashi chuckling at the scene. I grabbed Sakura—as she was nearest—and pulled her into the hug. She readily returned it, burying herself into my side. I then looked up at Sasuke.

Sasuke looked at me.

I opened my other arm.

Sasuke shook his head.

I glared at him.

Sasuke frowned.

I gestured with my arm.

Sasuke looked pained.

I grabbed him by the collar anyway and pulled him into the hug, kissing the top of his head. He gave a grunt of annoyance, but I noticed he didn't try to fight it anymore.

I gave them all one last squeeze before stepping back, smiling. "Ah, I feel better. I take it everything went okay?"

"It was _awesome_!" Naruto chattered. "We got to fight an S-Rank criminal, oh, _oh_ , and Sasuke almost died—"

I whipped my head around towards Kakashi, raising an eyebrow.

Kakashi shrugged. "He got better."

I cocked my hip, placing a hand over it. "Mm-hmm. Get over here."

"No, thank you."

"Kakashi."

"Mia."

Sakura giggled, running around Kakashi and pushing him towards me. I grabbed him by the color of his Jōnin jacket and-

_I shifted nervously. "Um, I can try."_

_"Don't try. Do."_

-pulled him into a hug. I patted his back before I let go. "There you go."

"What?" Kakashi blinked.

Sakura gave a gleeful shout while Naruto and Sasuke looked scarily thoughtful.

"Tsume-chan said you didn't have anyone waiting for you to return home. So I did that for you," I told him plainly. "Everyone needs someone to return home to."

Kakashi blinked again.

"And my babies _are_ okay and they _are_ happy, so I can forgive you this once for fucking up as their sensei and not taking care of them," I continued on, "but so help me if it happens again-"

Kakashi held up his hands. "Warning received and acknowledged."

I smiled. "Good. Now who wants dinner?"

"I do!" Naruto chirped at the same time as Sakura. Sasuke shrugged, but started heading off towards the apartment anyway.

I turned to give Kakashi a pointed look. "Well? Are you coming home with us?"

At that moment, Kakashi didn't look like a grown man. At that moment, for reasons unfound, I couldn't help but see an awkward teenager looking on at something he wanted, but dared not ask for.

I grabbed his hand anyway, and guided him back with us.

He didn't bother trying to escape.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** Hotarubi no mori e. Seriously. That movie made me too scared to watch any more animes for a month for fear of my feelings being trampled on like that movie did to me. I love it so much. But. Seriously. Painful. **Painful** to watch. Titanic has **nothing** on that movie (at least in my opinion).
> 
>  **Question:** Favorite superhero?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	15. Part II - Torture and Interrogation

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧** _  
_

"Anko-chan!" I squealed with delight upon opening my front door. Inside the apartment, Naruto gave a groan of despair and Sakura squealed alongside me. Anko gave me a leer, opening her arms and I all too happily jumped into them. We hugged.

"Welcome home, Anko-chan," I said happily, pulling back long enough to grin brightly at her. "Come on in. I was about to make breakfast."

"Go away," Naruto whined. "You're a horrible influence for Kaa-chan."

Anko winked at Naruto, ruffling Sakura's hair as the pinkette hurled herself into the snake-mistress. "Don't I know it? I'll have sake with whatever you're making."

"I know," I replied, pouring the pancake batter over the frying pan.

"Welcome back, Anko-sensei," Sakura murmured, looking up brightly. "You've been gone for a really long time. How was the mission?"

"Same old shit," Anko said dismissively, bringing herself to sit at the table and ruffling the hair of a pouting Naruto. "Blood and gore all over the place, some wanna-be man pissing his pants, but enough about that boring shit. I heard your team brought down an S-Rank?"

Sakura beamed. "It was _so_ amazing. Okay, so in the first _real_ battle, Kakashi-sensei convinced us to hang back and everything, but then he actually got _captured_. So Naruto, Sasuke and I all look at each other and we're all thinking the same thing,"

"Looks like we'll have to save his sorry ass," Naruto interjected with a foxy grin. Sakura nodded in agreement.

"Exactly! But we couldn't exactly plan anything out right away, you see, because we didn't have the time and he would have probably overheard us anyway. So we're just moving with our instinct. I brought out a whole _bunch_ of senbon coated with the sedative you taught me to make—you know the one that also works like a laxative."

Anko snickered while Naruto tried to cover up his laugh, clapping her hands. "Bravo, dear Sakura. Bravo."

Sakura smiled, blushing slightly under the praise and preening a bit. "Right. So Naruto makes a whole bunch of his shadow-clones and henges them to look like us. All of us charge at once, only Sasuke and I try our best to sneak under his radar. Zabuza—that was his name, by the way—severely underestimated us because he either didn't notice Sasuke and myself, or didn't care. So while Zabuza was humoring Naruto, Sasuke was able to launch me into the air. Once I was up there, I was able to barrage the majority of the area with my senbon."

Sakura's nose crinkled at that. "He noticed me right away, and underestimated me _again_ because he just took the senbon head on, laughing all the way. Anyway, while he was looking at me, Sasuke and Naruto were able to do this whole windmill-clone thing..."

I zoned out a bit after that, knowing it was mostly canon in that fight afterwards. Though it did seem Zabuza held a bit of a grudge for the pinkette, if their fight on the bridge was any indication. Instead of attempting to stay back and out of the way, Sakura went out of her way to double as Kakashi's support. They proved to be an extremely effective team and Sakura managed to help Kakashi evade a rather impressive move, using her chakra strings to literally pull him out of the way. Naruto and Sasuke still fought Haku and as far as I knew—from what they described of it at least—it went pretty much canon as well.

But still.

I hid my smile as I dished out the pancakes on their respective plates along with some eggs and slices of ham.

Already I could see the difference I had been able to make.

And I liked it.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

_I entered the compound, finding myself bombarded with all sorts of interesting scents. It wasn't long after I had arrived did four pups come tumbling towards me, barking and yipping in high notes. Following behind them was their mother, a docile, pure white retired ninken. I giggled as one of their tongues managed to somehow tickle my leg, and full out laughed when one of the pups climbed on top of another in a vain attempt to reach my face._

_Patting them atop the head, I waddled through them and off in the direction of the main house. I entered it without pause, taking off my shoes. Kiba looked up at me and gave me a feral grin from where he was seated in the main room. "'Sup, Mia-oba?"_

_"_ _Ohayō_ _, Kiba-chan," I demurred. "Tsume-chan said she wanted me to come over?"_

_Kiba nodded, pointing down the hall. "She's in her room. Napping, I think."_

_I nodded. "Alright."_

_Stepping lightly, I made my way through the home, opening Tsume's door and peering in. Tsume was resting at the foot of her bed, a spread of paperwork out before her. I gave a snort. "Stuck with paperwork again, Tsume-chan?"_

_Tsume shot me a glare. "Hana's busy so she can't do this shit for me. Damn it, I hate bureaucrats."_

_"Don't we all? What'd you need me for?"_

_Tsume turned around, eying me. "As you know, I was friends with Kakashi's father, Sakumo."_

_I nodded. "Yes, and?"_

_"And I'm the one who taught the brat all he needed to know about his contracts, seeing how Sakumo became unavailable," Tsume continued. "I've tried adopting several times, but he's always refused my help, so I've had to shove it down his throat a couple times. He was stubborn as hell as a brat, and I was really worried about him. Minato did a good job with him and all, but he's been a mess."_

_"Okay?"_

_"Sometimes I can get him to partake in clan meals, or just general family meals, but he's extremely reluctant about it. It was me who convinced Hokage-sama to give the brat his own team; I thought it would do him some good. Everyone knows your Genin team can be your second family, and after everything he's been through, that boy needs a family."_

_"Sure?"_

_"So I want your help. I know how much you love those brats, how you essentially adopted Naruto and I know you would do the same for Sasuke and Sakura in a heartbeat if you could. I want you to let Kakashi into your little group as well. He can't refuse you entirely, because they're his team as well, his family."_

_I opened my mouth at that, shock leaving me momentarily speechless though. "What?"_

_"You heard me," Tsume snorted. "I think you'd be a good influence. You don't have to do a lot. Invite him to dinner—okay, force him to dinner—watch some movies with him, do something. Just... don't let him be alone anymore."_

_I shifted nervously. "Um, I can try."_

_"Don't try. Do."_

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧** _  
_

I pulled out of the memory, gnawing on my bottom lip as I did so. I knew Kakashi was lonely, and guilt-ridden as well, but I wasn't sure _I_ could do anything about it. I couldn't. I mean, really, what _could_ I do? It seemed so unrealistic to me in the beginning that I had never even bothered to seek him out. Some part of me _wanted_ to help, because hello, it was _Kakashi_. But I didn't think I could do anything.

However...

"So why did you call me here?" Kakashi began.

The two of us were sitting down in a quiet tea shop. I had given Naruto a note to pass along to Kakashi, telling the boy to not read it no matter what. The last thing I needed was Naruto to have the impression I was hitting on his teacher by asking him out here, but I rarely saw Kakashi myself so the boy was all I had to communicate.

I took a sip of my tea, taking my time in answering. "Every other night, you will eat dinner with us."

Kakashi blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Every other night, you will eat dinner with us," I repeated pleasantly.

"I don't remember agreeing to such terms."

"Tsume-chan is worried sick about you. I think you already know that it was she who pestered the Hokage to arrange teams for you. Hokage-sama has also expressed concern for you, hence why you were taken out of ANBU," I explained. "Tsume-chan and I have been talking—don't give me that look, you brought this on yourself when you refused _her_ help—and we've managed to convince Hokage-sama that it would be in your best interest."

"So," I went on, "you can either eat dinner with Naruto, myself and occasionally Sasuke and Sakura every other night, but you only have to stay for half an hour, _or_ you have dinner with us twice a week, but you have to stay for one and a half hour. _Or_ you can attend therapy."

Kakashi gave me a very annoyed look. "And if I don't want any of the above?"

I only smiled.

"I'll give you an answer next week."

"Fair enough."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"So now that you don't work at the academy anymore, what are you going to do?" Anko wondered, sprawled out on my couch. I gave the woman a brief look, glancing up from my current tinkerings.

"I'm not sure," I said slowly. "Quite a few of the villagers and councilmen didn't like me working there to begin with, hence why it was only agreed for me to work there as long as Naruto was there. Due to my association with Naruto, I'm not very well received by the village as a whole, not that I _particularly_ mind. I have an abundance of money, so I'm not concerned about that, but still, there is such a thing as having _too_ much free time. Why do you ask?"

"Well," Anko began, giving me a surprisingly blank look, "you know that I work in T&I, right?"

"Right."

"And you know that I'm not the neatest person in the whole world?"

"Quite."

"The same could be said for the majority of those who work in T&I."

"Anko-chan, just spit it out."

"What would you say to working in the T&I?"

"What?"

"You won't actually do any torture or interrogation, I'm mostly talking about sorting through the paperwork and stuff. Keeping the place in line and orderly. We lost our last one a couple months ago and finding a replacement has been a real pain."

"You want me to work as, like, a secretary for the T&I even though I'm a _civilian_?"

"Our last one was a civilian also," Anko pointed out. "Not to mention your OCD would be perfect for this. The pay is good and you don't have to work late, and come on. You know you wanna."

"I don't know about _that_ ," I said dubiously. "My stomach isn't that strong, Anko-chan, you know that."

"I know, I know, but you won't have to deal with any of that stuff. Just sort through the paperwork and warrants and all that shit for us. Come on, please? We _really_ need someone."

I hesitated. "I suppose. How do I apply?"

"I'll bring Ibiki over—you know, head of T&I—and once you get his approval, you're in!" Anko chirped, practically beaming.

"Ibiki-san? Oh. Oh, dear. Alright."

"Hey? Are you okay, Mia-chan? You look a little pale."

"Ah... Ah... I'm just... I'm going to go take a nap. Yes, a nap sounds wonderful."

"You know what? You're right. A nap _does_ sound nice. I think I'll take one with you."

"Ah... alright... okay."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"You're Kurenai-san, yes?" I inquired, looking at the rather pretty woman before me. She gave me a serene smile, unabashedly eying me. Hinata was currently hugging me around the waist—and I was definitely hugging her as well—while Kiba was grinning widely, Akamaru barking happily, and Shino impassive as ever.

"Yes, you must be Mia-san."

"No need for _san_ , Kurenai-san," I said easily. "I came by to give Hinata-chan her letter. She didn't pick it up at the usual spot, so I had assumed..."

"I-I'm sorry, Mia-sensei," Hinata said politely, looking up at me. "I-I was on my way. I'm sorry i-if I caused you any trouble."

"It's perfectly fine, dear," I murmured. "I'm on my way to Tsume-chan's anyway. Wanted to... That reminds me, Kiba-chan, could you take this to Tsume-chan for me?"

I held out a thick scroll—it was filled with recipes she had requested earlier—and Kiba took it easily enough. "Sure, Mia-oba."

"Well then, I guess I should be going home," I replied. "I have an appointment with... Ibiki-san." I shuddered.

Kurenai gave me a bewildered look. "Whatever for?"

"Who's Ibiki?" Kiba asked incredulously. "Is he another boyfriend? Do I need to tell Naruto about him?"

"Ibiki-san is the head of T&I," Shino answered.

"Naruto already knows, and no. He is _definitely_ not my boyfriend," I said firmly. "Just a possible employer if Anko has anything to say about it."

"Oh?" Kurenai blinked. "Congratulations?"

"I love how that comes out as a question," I muttered under my breath before shaking my head. "Well, never mind. It's been a pleasure meeting you. Kiba-chan, Hinata-chan, I'll see you later. Shino-kun, tell your mother I said hello."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"You are Mia, no surname?"

"We couldn't settle on one."

"You've been living in Konoha for six years."

"Well, I haven't been _dead_."

"Civilian for five and a half."

"Ninja are so overrated."

"Associate with Hokage-sama, Danzō-sama, Jiraiya-sama, Shikaku-san, Inoichi-san, Chōza-san and Tsume-san."

"Well, yes, no, hell yes, Sort of, sort of, sort of—we really only see each other whenever I'm visiting their wives—and definitely to the last."

"Recommended by Anko-san."

"Damn straight!"

"Anko-chan! Please, we're trying to keep this professional. Yes."

"Are you prepared for the job?"

"God, I hope so."

Ibiki nodded, slapping shut a folder and looking completely badass and indifferent while doing so. He, Anko and I were seated in our greenhouse at the table. I had brought out lunch along with some cookies and tea. It was amazingly less awkward and stressful with Anko beside me, and I was forever grateful she was.

"Now that _that's_ out of the way, she's perfect for the job, right?" Anko leered, holding out a stick of dango towards Ibiki. Ibiki gave her a baleful look.

"You cannot hold an objective opinion here," Ibiki sneered.

"But Jiraiya and Hokage will vouch for her," Anko persisted, "So will anyone else. Come on? Please? If you say no, I won't come into work all sexy-like anymore."

"That's impossible," I exclaimed. "You always look sexy, Anko-chan."

Anko winked at me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "Right back you."

I snickered.

Ibiki looked mildly disgusted by us, but at the same time morbidly intrigued. "Right. I will have a confirmation by the end of the week. There are plenty of other possibilities—"

"Bullshit," Anko deadpanned. "You keep scaring them off."

"No, that would be you," Ibiki snapped.

"Toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe," Anko drawled out. "Point is, she's the only one with enough balls to do it."

"There are _plenty_ of other possibilities," Ibiki said through clenched teeth,

"Oh, yeah? Like who?"

"You honestly think I'll tell _you_ so you can scare them off?"

"If they can be scared off by _me_ , they don't deserve the position," Anko retorted.

Ibiki sighed.

"Um," I began, "I'm perfectly okay with you know, _not_ being selected. Really."

"Don't be absurd," Anko said at the same time Ibiki nodded and said, "Of course."

The two then glared at each other.

"She makes the _best_ treats ever. We _have_ to get her to work for us!" Anko insisted. "She always brought in all sorts of yummies when she worked at the academy, come on, Ibiki! You know those cookies are delicious."

Ibiki gave Anko a blank stare.

"Besides, it's not like she's going to see anything above her clearance," Anko said with a roll of her eyes.

"Fine," Ibiki bit out. "You're hired."

"Oh. Okay."

Anko cheered, hopping up onto the table and doing a victory dance.

"Are you drunk?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes."

I sighed while Ibiki shook his head.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

The following night, Kakashi joined us for dinner and informed me he would be attending twice a week, no more, no less. So while Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura were arguing over the T.V., Kakashi and I were in the kitchen. I was washing dishes and he was drying.

"So I'll be working at T&I from now on," I said plainly, scrubbing against the soapy dishes.

"Really?" Kakashi murmured. "As what?"

"Secretary of sorts."

"Ah. "

" _Kaa-chan_! Sasuke's being a total asshole again!" Naruto whined from behind us.

"Sasuke don't be an asshole," I replied, not even turning around or pausing.

"Dobe's being a crybaby."

"I am not!"

"Hn. Are too."

"Both of you are being idiots," Sakura interjected.

I handed Kakashi the last dish, humming a tuneless song as I heard the fight break out behind us. Kakashi glanced at me. "Are they always this rowdy?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Are they well behaved with you?"

"No."

"Then yes, they are always this rowdy."

Kakashi shrugged.

Before I could respond, the front door flew open and Anko burst in. "Hey bitches! Sexy Anko is here."

"Anko-sensei!" Sakura cheered, rushing towards the woman and tackling into her.

"No!" Naruto cried out. "Not Crazy-Snake-Lady. Oh _Sweet Ramen King_ , no!"

"I'm out," Sasuke deadpanned, moving towards the window and promptly leaving.

Anko pouted at the Uchiha.

Not that I could blame the boy. After all, Anko did imply Sasuke's obsession was largely due to the fact that the boy was incestuous over his older brother and proceeded to elaborate in great detail exactly what their reunion would be like.

I had literally thrown Naruto out of the room, along with Sasuke, when she reached a certain part before tackling into her and trying—and failing, she _was_ a kunoichi, even if she was drunk at the time—to shut her up.

Kakashi sighed, thus drawing Anko's attention to him. Anko's eyes lit up and she looked between the two of us. She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Oh- _ho_?"

I stared blankly at her. "There's dango and sake in the fridge, if you behave yourself for the night I'll make your lunch tomorrow."

Anko grinned. "Deal."

I nodded. "Alrighty then."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Time passed relatively slowly. The Exams were coming up, so I was preoccupied with preparations for the Akatsuki—and our plan—along with juggling my new job at T&I (it really _was_ a secretary-like position. I couldn't tell you how many tea/coffee runs I made a day). A routine was settled in and things were looking up for a while.

I had been able to avoid Obito relatively successfully as well—or at least alone time with him—and I was sure he was getting annoyed by it. But I wasn't ready to deal with _that_ drama and didn't mind. One of the few times we did get a chance to talk without the Akatsuki around was during my lunch break.

Obito had henged into his usual ANBU disguise. It was funny, how Danzō had effectively created this whole persona for Obito and no one seemed to question it. In reality, it showed how corrupt Konoha government could be at times, and how influential the elderly man was. I did _not_ want to cross him and I was sincerely looking forward to his demise.

Obito had met Naruto a few times in his ANBU disguise. Brief meetings—such as the night of the massacre and few other ones that were unavoidable—but the two didn't really directly interact. Nevertheless, Naruto knew that Obito was a close friend of mine and that he would take care of me.

He didn't like Obito, though.

It was funny. Especially when he attempted (and failed) to prank Obito in a vain attempt to scare him off.

Anyway...

Obito was walking me back to my work, the two of us having just finished eating lunch.

"Everything seems to be going underway, and the approvals have been met," Obito said. "The seal has finally been completed, so all we need to do now is await the actual exams."

"It'll be interesting," I mused.

"Indeed," Obito agreed before stopping short.

I stopped as well, turning to face him. "Something wrong?"

"Do you enjoy your job for the moment?"

"I enjoy spending the extra time with Anko, and my fellow colleagues and employers are surprisingly pleasant and fun to be with," I admitted.

Obito nodded. "Good. I know your distaste for—"

"I don't have to deal with that stuff," I said quickly. "It really is only paperwork and general assistance."

Obito nodded. "Good, good."

My lips quirked and I leaned towards him. "Why? Worried about me?"

"Always."

Caught off guard by his surprisingly firm tone, I was left momentarily speechless.

Until a bouquet of red roses were forced into my face. I spluttered, pulling back and staring at my favorite flowers. I stared at them another moment before I lifted my head up and found myself looking at... No.

"Kakashi?" I blinked. "What... What?"

Kakashi stared blankly at me, holding out the roses.

"...Can we assist you?" Obito inquired, his tone holding an edge.

"Actually, _you_ can," Kakashi said cheerful. "Do you mind?"

Obito's expression was impossible to read due to the mask, but the subtle stiffness in his shoulders screamed annoyance. "Not at all. Mia."

I stared at Obito. "What?"

"I'll wait over there for you to finish," Obito said shortly, heading quite a few paces back and effectively out of ear shot.

Kakashi leaned towards me, whispering in my ear. "Now pretend to laugh at something I'm telling you."

"What?"

"Behind me, to the right, behind the stall, do you see them? Your brats and Anko are watching us. My porn is being held hostage by the devil woman, so I need you to laugh at what I'm saying."

That wasn't hard to do. I erupted into a fit of giggles. Anko was holding Kakashi's porn hostage so he would, what?

"W-What the hell are they trying to do?" I giggled.

Kakashi leaned back, his face morphing into a casual amusement. "I don't know. Sakura gave me these, Naruto and Sasuke dragged me here and Anko is holding my Icha Icha collector's edition under a lit match. Naruto then told me to go scare off the other guy and attempt to court you."

"You call that scaring off?" I asked incredulously.

"I don't feel like fighting someone at the moment, so yes."

"Huh."

I leaned behind Kakashi, raising an eyebrow at Anko. She gave me a wink and held up both her hands. In one hand she had one finger sticking out, in the other she formed an _o_ and then she—

I gaped at her.

Kakashi noticed my look. "What?"

I shook my head at him. "So this is what you call courting?"

"No. This is what I call allowing them to _think_ I'm courting you," Kakashi corrected. "Now start laughing again. My porn is at stake."

I giggled, once again finding the situation utterly ridiculous. "Oh? What else do you want me to say or do? Hmm, let's see."

"Oh _Kakashi-kun_ ," I giggled loudly, placing a hand on his arm. "You're _so_ funny."

Kakashi snorted, and we both ignored the triumphant shout of Naruto, Sakura and Anko.

Kakashi held out the bouquet of flowers towards me again. When he spoke, I couldn't help but notice the sardonic edge lacing his tone. "Here, _Mia-chan_. A token of my _love_."

I laughed at his tone, taking the flowers. "Why, _thank you_. Oh, but what a shame. It seems we must part ways for I _must_ get back to work."

"A shame indeed," Kakashi said. "Farewell, Mia-chan."

"Good day, Kakashi-kun," I cooed, turning away and heading back towards Obito. It was hard not to erupt into a fit of laughter at the scene.

When I reached Obito, I grinned up at him. He didn't respond.

"How was your date?" Obito said dryly.

I rolled my eyes. "It wasn't a date."

"Really."

I smiled shyly. "What? Are you jealous?"

Obito snorted. "Let's go, you don't want to be late, do you?"

"Mn. Alright."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** Batman. Batman is **Batman**.
> 
>  **Question:** Favorite sidekick? Doesn't have to be the general superhero/sidekick stuff. I'd count Pakkun as Kakashi's sidekick. Or Yamato, depending on how you look at it.
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	16. Part II - Hiding Out From Gai

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Delegations have already been sent out," Nagato said. I looked up from my spot on the floor. Obito and I were sitting back to back, and Nagato and Konan were seated in the plush couches in front of me. Obito had a spread of papers before him and he was currently re-organizing them. I had my own papers stretched out before me and I was looking over them as well.

"Indeed? Sasori and Deidara have already left, then?" I mused. "Have you decided if you yourself want to attend, Nagato-kun?"

Nagato—in his Deva body—gave me an indifferent look. "Neither Konan nor myself will attend the plan. The risk of being recognized is too high, and I think we can all agree that it wouldn't be in our best interest to be recognized."

I hummed in agreement. "And Itachi and Kisame will be stationed at our target's base, yes?"

"Correct," Konan murmured. "When the target flees—as he undoubtedly will—he will be forced to head back to his base, as it is the safest and nearest point for him. Itachi and Kisame will be there waiting for him."

"What about Hidan and Kakuzu?" Obito inquired, not even looking up from his papers.

"I believe it would be best if Hidan waited with Itachi and Kisame. His self-restraint is significantly lacking and this mission requires more diplomatic means. Kakuzu will be sent in my place to act as representative. He knows what needs to be done," Nagato said blandly.

"Works for me," I said, nodding my head. "I've already made reservations and I have already discussed our coming with Hokage-sama."

"And how did that go?" Konan asked.

I hummed thoughtfully.

In truth, it went rather well, especially since I had managed to bring Jiraiya in on it. I told Jiraiya beforehand of our expectations and goals for this plan. He wasn't particularly fond of them, but he wouldn't go against them. Jiraiya had gathered intelligence similar to our own and wanted only what was best for Konoha. With his help, I managed to assuage Hiruzen's initial concern.

While Hiruzen knew of a 'mysterious group' out for Naruto and whatnot, he didn't know anything more than that. Jiraiya knew a bit more—mainly that my 'best friend' was related to this group in some manner, and that they were tied to the 'Akatsuki' as well, but nothing more. He and I both knew that I would give him more information in time. The Akatsuki, in this world, still held the cover as the 'good guys'.

"Rather well," I admitted honestly. "He, of course, has questions for you, but I'm sure Kakuzu will be able to handle him."

"Then things are going according to plan," Obito mused. "Excellent work, Mia-chan."

"Of course, Tobi-kun," I demurred, leaning back against him. He pressed back against me as well, so we ended up straightening our posture in a half-hearted attempt to push the other one over. "What time should I expect them?"

"Three days for Sasori and Deidara," Nagato answered. "Kakuzu will arrive on the day of the tournament."

"Understood."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Anko-chan!" I sang, throwing myself onto her back and wrapping my arms around her neck. Anko gave a grin, twisting her head around to peer through me from the corner of her eyes.

"Hey there, sexy girl," Anko purred. "You ready for the exam?"

"Hell yeah, I am. Hey, are you sure it's alright for my friends...?"

"We already got the clear from Hokage-sama," Anko said pointedly, bending down and pushing me onto her back so I piggy-back rode her. "Besides, Jiraiya-sama also got some not-so-reassuring rumors, so if your friends wanna help us out, I'm all for it."

I smiled. "Mm-hmm."

"So, how's Kakashi?"

I inwardly groaned.

I should have _never_ humored her before. Since that day, she and the other brats have been pestering me none stop. Anko's reasoning was that she wanted me to get over _Obito_ , because to her, he wasn't good enough—as he was still obsessively in love with another girl. Naruto's reasoning was because he thought Kakashi was a _cool guy_ and even though he was a pervert, he was still a good guy all around and Naruto didn't 'trust me' with anyone else. Sasuke's reasoning was because Naruto pestered him enough to go along with it. Sakura's reasoning was because she was off in her own romantic fantasy, where Kakashi and I were star-crossed lovers or something. I don't know. I stopped listening when she started rambling on about us eloping.

Kakashi and I were _annoyed_ by it. No matter how many times we insisted we were _just friends,_ it didn't seem to stick. _Tsume_ was starting to get in on it and that was downright irritating.

Kakashi had it worse than me, though. Since this was a rather blatantly sexist world, and he was a man, it was _he_ who should be the one seeking me out. At least according to general opinion. Honestly, I was waiting until Gai got wind of this and then things would _seriously_ go south.

Not to mention since then, whenever I mentioned Kakashi around Obito, he got so hissy and temperamental. It was _weird._ Half of me really wanted to think he was jealous, but then I remembered he was still going through with his plan and thus still utterly in love with That Woman Who's Name Will Never Be Mentioned Again and I was thoroughly friend-zoned. Anko believed he was being childishly possessive, and I was starting to agree with her.

"I don't know," I said through clenched teeth. "I don't _care_."

"Aw, you're in denial," Anko cooed.

"I'll show _you_ denial," I muttered threateningly. Anko only laughed.

"So exam signups are today and the actual exam is tomorrow, right?" I concluded, changing the subject.

"Correct. Where are we going?"

"Front gate, western side. I have to pick up some friends."

"Oooh?"

"One of them is gay and the other is a transy."

"Really?"

"No, but if I told you that they were, would you leave them alone?"

"Nah. I'd try hard to make the gay one straight."

"Well, you _are_ super-hot. Wouldn't be that hard."

"Damn straight I am. So who are you really picking up?"

"Their names are Sasori and Deidara—and yes, Sasori as in Sakura's PenPal—they're the ones that are going to be helping us with... yeah."

Anko's eyes took an inquisitive light. "I'll definitely have to meet this Sasori fellow. But I don't think I'll have time. Fuck, I'm already ten minutes late for my appointment with Ibiki. Bring him over for dinner tonight, I demand to know and judge his ass."

"Just his ass?"

"Well, I gotta make sure he has pretty eyes, too," Anko laughed, setting me down near the gate. She ruffled my hair. "See ya around."

"Later."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Third Person POV – Sasori)**

Never let it be said that Sasori was a kind man.

He wasn't.

He didn't even _want_ to be.

When he first joined the Akatsuki, it was for mutual gain. He needed an organization to scare off any hunters as well as somewhere he could safely fall back to and manipulate his vast spy-network behind. It was roughly a year after he joined, he was forced to really put his network to the test—spreading those _rumors_ , you see.

It was another six months before he met the instigator behind that plan, a young woman—child, really—by the name of Mia.

She wasn't anything special; a plain girl who somehow made connections with his leader. Sure, her plan was rather witty and cunning, but anyone could have thought of it if given enough time. It wasn't long after he met her did she approach him with the proposition of the PenPal.

Sasori knew how a handful of the other members had a so-called PenPal by her design. From what he had gathered, they all enjoyed it. However, Sasori was disinclined to take one as he had little patience for the thing. And from what he had gathered, _all_ the PenPals were children. Sasori _definitely_ didn't have the patience to deal with idiotic brats. However, when the proposition was made it was given as an _implied_ order.

Sasori could read between the lines and not in the mood for trouble, he decided to humor her.

His PenPal wasn't anyone impressive.

It didn't take him long to coax a name out of her—all he had to do was give her a _real_ name, and sure he could have used a fake one, but on a whim he gave her his real one—and read a bit of her childhood. It didn't take him long to use his spy network to discover who she really was. From what his reports gathered she was a largely unimportant civilian girl. The only thing noticeable about her was her hair color.

But Sasori had to deal with her for one more month and then he could stop humoring Mia.

Sakura—his PenPal—didn't do anything extraordinary. At least, not until Sasori bothered to truly take notice.

In a previous letter, Sasori wrote it while feeling vastly annoyed. A large majority of his beautiful creations were destroyed in a battle and with great detail he wrote out his annoyance. He didn't expect a silly little girl to understand and in a way Sasori found it therapeutic.

Her reply was interesting.

Sasori had read it over and over again, attempting to read between the lines, but the girl was _generally_ and _sincerely_ upset on his behalf. Baffled by her seemingly-out-of-nowhere emotion, Sasori went through the past letters and discovered something rather strange.

Sasori had used a vast vocabulary when speaking with the little girl. It was merely out of habit and he didn't really consider how difficult it must have been for most children to read. But it seemed the girl went out of her way to understand his letters, and from what he had read, to _learn_ from what he said. He mentioned dabbling in poisons, she went out and memorized an entire book. He briefly talked about puppetry, she read the entire history. She had taken _every little thing_ Sasori had said, treasured it and idolized it.

It was... different.

Not good. Definitely not good, but not bad either.

From that letter on, Sasori continued to test her, to see what she would learn.

And he realized that she was very much like a blank canvas and _he_ was the painter.

To be able to create something from scratch, something that he could design how it would be of use to him, the _perfect_ puppet. It appealed to him greatly.

And the more he indulged himself in shaping the girl, the more he found it entertaining.

Before long, Sasori grew rather fond of the girl.

Not that _anyone_ would _ever_ know. Especially not that Mia. She would _never_ let him hear the end of it.

But there was something nice about having someone sincerely care and trust you implicitly. Even if Sasori wasn't a nice man—or a man at all anymore—he still found it enjoyable. Was it immoral? More than likely. Was it wrong? Probably. Was it illegal? Oh, he was sure it was. But did he care? Not at all.

So when Mia brought Sasori to her favorite tea shop (after showing Deidara to his hotel) and told Sasori she had called a special guest to meet him, Sasori was not at all surprised to find himself staring face to face with the girl by the name of Sakura.

Sakura's face was bright red as she looked at Sasori, plain adoration on her face. Mia was smiling slyly in the background before excusing herself.

"H-Hello, Sasori-sama-kun," Sakura squeaked.

"Hello, Sakura-chan," Sasori said plainly. "As you are probably aware of, the Chūnin Exams will be commencing shortly. I am here on business for my organization and will be staying for the duration of the Exams."

"Y-Yes."

"Good. You are probably also aware that as a Chūnin you would hold the rights to pursue outside tutelage from Konoha," Sasori continued blandly.

"Y-Yes!"

"Then I don't think I need to make my point any clearer. _If_ you prove yourself to me, I _may_ take you on as my disciple," Sasori finished.

"I won't let you down!" Sakura said fiercely.

"Of course you won't. Now, where's the nearest training ground? I want you to show me what you've got and then some."

"Hai!"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(First Person POV – Mia)**

I still wasn't sure what I thought of Sasori and Sakura, but watching them from afar, I felt like I had made a good choice in introducing the two early on. I hoped I wouldn't regret that choice later on when more dangerous actions were to be played.

I let out a small sigh.

"Yo."

I squeaked in surprise, turning around before relaxing. "Oh. Hey Kakashi. What's up?"

"Hiding from Gai," Kakashi explained, his single visible eye roaming over to Sakura and Sasori. "That is?"

"Sasori, a friend of mine," I explained, "as well as Sakura's PenPal. So wait, why are you hiding from Gai?"

Kakashi visibly winced. "He's... He and Anko met up earlier and she..."

I paled. "Oh God. He knows about us?"

Kakashi nodded his head, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "Yeah. He's currently trying to find either you or me."

"Well, that's... Then there's only one thing we can do. Go someplace Gai can't get to us."

Kakashi gave me a disbelieving look. "There's a place he can't reach us?"

"Indeed. It'll only last for a couple of hours, though, unless we wanted to make a marathon of sorts out of it."

"Where is it?"

I grinned. "Movies!"

Kakashi gave a snort. "Alright. It was your suggestion though, so you're paying."

I gave a huff. "Fine. But let's just hurry, I don't want to be cornered by Gai."

"You and me both."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"I'm going to have nightmares tonight," I whimpered pitifully. It was already pretty late, as Kakashi and I had made a literal movie marathon of the day. Surprisingly, all the movies we saw were pretty good. At least in my opinion, and I guess Kakashi found them acceptable because he stayed for them as well.

Kakashi scratched the back of his head in a sheepish manner. "It wasn't _that_ bad, was it?"

"I'm not a shinobi," I pointed out before shivering. "Oooh, that was worse than Paranormal Activities."

"Para-what?"

"A movie from my old w—land," I told him dismissively, before sighing. "And I'm hungry. Any idea what time it is now?"

Kakashi paused, glancing around the theater before his eyes settled on a clock. "Mn. Ten-fifteen."

My eyes widened. "Shit. Naruto must be having a panic attack by now along with T... Ah... Well..."

I paused, debating. "Hell with it. They're already worried; might as well be fed before I face the music. Wanna grab a bite to eat?"

Kakashi hesitated. "If it's quick. I might have been able to avoid Gai for the day, but he might still be out and about looking for me."

I nodded my head sympathetically. "At least I can blend in with the populace. You stick out like a sore thumb."

"Thanks," Kakashi said dryly. I smiled in return.

As the two of us walked out of the theater, Kakashi lead the way to some quiet stand that he was relatively certain Gai wouldn't know about. After the two of us ordered our food and ate, he then proceeded to walk me home because apparently Kakashi was a gentleman.

"So you're signing the kids up for the exams?" I asked politely, walking beside him through a quieter street.

"I think they're ready," Kakashi replied.

I nodded my head, accepting this. "I do, too. Hey, Kakashi?"

"Mn?"

"How'd you get to be Chūnin at such a young age?" I asked incredulously. That was one of the many things that made absolutely _no sense_ in Kishimoto's story. Kakashi, supposedly, made Chūnin at age six, but went ahead and took the exams again at age ten (or twelve?) with Obito and Rin.

"What do you mean?" Kakashi asked.

"Did the rest of your team take the exams at such a young age, or?"

"Maa, no. In times of war Konoha can issue special requirements to be met for a promotion. In times of war, the bi-annual Chūnin Exams can't be held, you see, as it would be too dangerous for both the teams that come from outside the village to the exams as well as the village where the exams are being held. So there are special cases where if a genin wants a promotion enough, a test can be taken. If they pass, they're made Chūnin. However, when time for peace comes again, they must take the nearest International Chūnin Exams. If they pass, they keep their rank, if they don't, they lose their rank," Kakashi explained.

" _Ooooh_."

"Why do you ask?"

"Mostly curious," I admitted. "Mmm. Anyway, thanks for hiding out with me today. It was fun."

We stopped at the foot of my apartment.

Kakashi nodded. "Likewise. See you around, Mia."

"Later."

With a single yawn, I climbed up the stairs to the apartment, entering through the front door. "Tadaima."

"Okaerinasai," Naruto returned immediately, rushing towards me with a less-than-pleased look. "Just where have you been?"

"With Kakashi, we decided to hide out from one of his, er, friends. Sorry I'm so late, sweetie, I didn't realize how late it was until afterwards..." I trailed off, scowling at his pleased look. "Drop the look. We're _friends_ , Naruto. Just like you are with Sakura. Friends."

Naruto continued to give me a smug look.

"Don't you make me burn all your ramen," I threatened and immediately his look vanished.

"I love you?" Naruto offered.

"I love you too," I told him. "Now come on, get ready for bed. I'll tuck you in."

"Mo- _om_! I'm too old for that."

"Nonsense," I dismissed. Naruto pouted and I kissed his cheek. "Go on now."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Naruto paused. "If you and Kakashi get married—"

" _Now_ , Naruto."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** Robin. My favorite Robins? Damian and Jason.
> 
>  **Question:** Favorite Antihero?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	17. Part II - Forgive Me?

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"So where were you last night?"

I shifted nervously on my feet, changing my stances. It was past breakfast and the team had gone off for the first part of the exams. It would last roughly two hours before they would be given a one-hour break to gather whatever they deemed necessary for the second exam, and then they would meet for the first time at the Forest of Death and the second exam would begin.

"With Kakashi," I finally answered.

Obito froze immediately, his obsidian eyes flashing the faintest red before he forced himself to consciously relax. However, there was an edge to his tone when he said, "I see. You seem to be spending a lot of time with him, lately."

"I suppose," I allowed.

We still had some tension leftover from Amegakure. We had had fights before, but never really a _fight_. After all, for the longest time we thought the other was only in our head, so why fight with your head? It was strange. This uncomfortable conversation and awkward silence we seemed to shift between. I missed our old banter. Hell, I missed our normal _contact_. Obito hadn't even looked at me for too long since then, let alone held my hand or patted my head.

You never quite realize how much you treasured something until it was gone, I guess.

"You suppose?" Obito mimicked back. "Why are you spending so much time with him?"

"Why do you care?" I retorted, immediately rising to the bait.

"I don't."

"Clearly, you do."

"No, I really don't. What you and he do in your free time is none of my concern."

"Then why are you getting mad at me?"

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are!"

"No," Obito said again, his voice starting to lose its even pacing. " _I'm_ not the one yelling."

I flushed.

"Yeah, well, you're being possessively childish," I remarked snidely.

Obito froze, his posture stiffening as his eyes narrowed in anger. "What?"

"You heard me," I retorted. "Ever since I started hanging out with Kakashi, you've been getting very hissy and temperamental at me, which is ridiculous, by the way. You have no reason to be mad at me. It's not like I'm going to blab our secrets to him, or that he's going to steal me away and you're never going to see me again. He's a friend, Obito. And he's been alone for a long time."

"I am not—"

"Whenever I bring him up, you snap at me," I pointed out.

Obito clenched his hands into fists, closing his eyes and counting to ten. When he opened his eyes, his voice lost its previously sharp edge, but still wasn't quite even. "And? Is it wrong of me to feel that way?"

"That depends," I said slowly, "on why you feel that way. Why are you so possessive of me around him?"

Obito was still glaring at me for a moment or two, his lips pursed. He didn't answer right away, choosing instead to carefully reflect his thoughts and feelings. For a brief moment I could have sworn I saw revulsion and horror, along with some kind of realization flash through his eyes, but it was gone far too soon to be sure (so I dismissed it off as wishful thinking, somehow) and his face was carefully blank again.

"You are my only p— My only living precious person," Obito said carefully, drawing out each word. "Rin... The girl that I loved more than I thought I could love anyone else, was left in his care. At the time, she was my only precious person. And he killed her. She's gone, and you're all I have left. I am... Not comfortable... With leaving you in his care, even if only for a moment."

My eyes widened and I felt a rush of shame come over me. Shame that I had wishfully thought his reasons would revolve around something as petty as jealousy. Shame that I had not made the connection before—I was his best friend, damn it! I should have known. Shame that I had brought up painful memories for him again, and shame that I had made such a spectacle out of nothing.

I lowered my eyes. "I'm sorry."

"I... I am sorry, too."

I continued to stare down at the ground. Time seemed to drag on for a while before a leather hand brushed against my chin, pulling my face upwards. I was forced to meet Obito's gaze and once again, just like in Amegakure, I felt my heart quicken and my breath catch.

"I did not mean to upset you, or snap at you," Obito told me.

I pulled my head away from his hand, choosing instead to move closer to him and wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest like I had done so many times before. And after not having had such contact with him in such a long pause, I found it felt _amazing_.

"I'm not going anywhere for a long time, 'Obi. Promise. I'm not going to let anyone take me away from you, and I'll never willingly leave. So you don't... you don't have to worry," I murmured softly.

Obito let out a soft sigh, wrapping his arms around me and resting his chin atop my head. "Don't break that promise, Mia."

I closed my eyes, hugging him tighter.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"And this is Anko, guys," I formally introduced the two Akatsuki members—the artist duo—to Anko whose eyes remained entirely focused on Sasori. Anko gave a short nod.

"Alright, I'm about to meet the brats over at the forest. You two mind staying hidden until the drop-dead gorgeous Mia calls you out?" Anko asked.

"It'll be after the unbelievably beautiful and _imaginative_ Anko gives the basic rules of the forest," I added.

"I _am_ imaginative, aren't I?" Anko mused.

"We can do it, un," Deidara said. Anko gave another nod before heading away. I hesitated, sparing a glance at the two.

"Stick to the plan," I reminded. "Sasori, no revenge plans for you. Deidara, no pretty fireworks for you until _I_ say so."

Instead of a normal banter of perhaps snide remarks or dismissive tones, the two held a completely professional gaze, nodding in acknowledgement. They knew first hand that a lot was riding on this mission for the Akatsuki. If they failed to follow my orders and the original orders given to them, Leader would _not_ be pleased.

At their nod, I felt safe enough to travel behind Anko, unconsciously shifting the uniform around me and thankful Hidan wasn't around and that Deidara was remaining professional.

Officially for Konoha I was acting under Anko's jurisdiction and as an assistant for the T&I. She was my boss for the duration of the exams—not that I was complaining. Even if it was me who suggested the meeting of the Akatsuki with the Hokage, and me who was—as far as Konoha was concerned—in the know-how with the Akatsuki, I wasn't the assigned ambassador. That would be Kakuzu's department. Not to mention I didn't particularly _want_ to be the official ambassador between Konoha and the Akatsuki. I did not have faith in my lying or manipulating abilities and I _really_ didn't want to have to deal with the bullshit that was politics in this world.

So while I would be working _with_ the Akatsuki, it wouldn't be _official_. I would _officially_ be working under Anko and I would be _assisting_ the Akatsuki. Unofficially, I would be working with the Akatsuki all the way.

I let out a slow breath, moving towards Anko.

The reason I was uncomfortable in what I was wearing was because, while I loved Anko dearly, she had a very unique taste in clothing. The girl wore mesh for a _shirt_ for goodness sake. And she was still very adamant about me moving past Obito.

 _At least I get to wear a black trench coat like Ibiki's_ , I thought reluctantly. _But it doesn't button or zip up, so I can't hold it together. At least it's better than just swimsuit._

A black trench coat, same style as Ibiki's with the exception of—as I said earlier—nothing to hold it together, a green skirt that was like Shippuden Sakura's—flaps and all—but with _no shorts_ underneath it. Followed by a green cropped top, a mesh underneath that and _voila_. You have Anko's idea of trying to have her friend on the market of being single and somehow ready to mingle.

For me, I suppose it'd be more like single and _failing_ to mingle.

_How in the hell did she get authorization for this anyway? Wasn't Ibiki supposed to give her clearance? I thought he had my back in this, the bastard. I'm not going to make him anymore cookies after this._

_You know what? Roll with it. If you show an ounce of reluctance, she will_ eat you up _and do ten times worse. Besides, at least the coat is pretty effing badass._

With that in mind, I mustered up enough confidence to stride behind Anko, imagining my cloak fluttering behind me like a complete badass.

Like Batman.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"This place is where the second part of the Exam will take place," Anko purred, standing before the gathered genin. I stood behind the small wooden stall, hidden from sight of the genin and watching the scene unfold. "The 44th training area, also known as the Forest of Death. You will be able to experience why this place is called the Forest of Death."

Naruto snorted and Sakura giggled.

The Forest of Death was Anko's favorite place to train the girl, so I knew she was already rather familiar with it.

"There's no point in trying to scare us, crazy Snake Lady!" Naruto informed her, sticking his tongue in the process.

"If you weren't Mia's brat, I'd make you regret that," Anko warned him, her eyes narrowing before she gave him a leering smile. "Although... Hehehehe, seeing your face when your mother shows up in what I have planned... Hehehehe... That will be your punishment, brat."

Naruto paled while Sakura and Sasuke appeared slightly concerned. "What did you do with Kaa-chan?!"

Anko only gave a gleeful laugh, clapping her hands together.

"Before we begin the Exam, I have two pieces of news for everyone. First, I'll be passing out these Consent Forms. Those taking this exam must sign these."

"Why?" Kiba asked.

"From here on, people will die," Anko replied, smiling. "Therefore, we need people's consent before we continue. Otherwise I'd be held responsible and frankly the paperwork isn't worth it."

Anko giggled while Sakura nodded her head in agreement.

"What's the second bit?" Naruto asked curiously.

Anko gave him a rather smug grin, before beckoning towards the stand I was hidden behind in an exaggerated manner. "My assistant here has her own bit of news to pass on. You better listen carefully."

I stepped out from behind, walking towards Anko and ignoring Naruto's cry of horror (and Sasuke's look of outrage and disgust) upon seeing me. Sakura clapped her hands happily while Hinata blushed brightly. I stood before Anko, eying over each and every one of the genin, my eyes resting a moment longer on the one I knew to be Orochimaru before I cleared my throat.

"Ohayō, little cannon fodder," I greeted them. "You may simply call me Mia and I am here on behalf of an organization that more than likely a fair few of you know about—Akatsuki."

I made sure not to glance at Orochimaru when I said this, my eyes instead choosing to linger a moment on a handful of Amegakure genin who were staring at me with wide, familiar eyes.

"The Akatsuki are hoping to come to good terms with Konohagakure, as we have in many of the other villages and Konohagakure is hoping to return the favor. As a first gesture of goodwill on our part, Konohagakure has allowed us to perform a simple seal-search with this portion of the exam," I said.

"Seal search?" Kabuto asked curiously.

I gave him a smug smile. "Indeed. We have good reason to believe that someone we're _looking for_ is near Konoha. As a precaution, we're doing a simple search on the only shinobi Konoha has no direct jurisdiction over. You can refuse the search, however by doing so you will not be allowed to compete in the exam. That much we—Konoha— _can_ do. It's a simple precaution. The seal will measure out how much chakra you have, and if you're trying to suppress your chakra, the seal will activate and you will die. If you have a certain amount of chakra, chakra that no normal genin should have and Konoha was _not_ informed of your _status_ , then you will be treated as an enemy and dealt with."

The genin seemed hesitant, all of them whispering quietly to one another. I made sure not to stare at any of them any longer than necessary, my eyes just barely skimming over Orochimaru's form.

"Who will be giving these exams?" Shikamaru asked.

I held up my right hand, my two fingers beckoning downwards.

Deidara and Sasori flickered to stand at both sides of me.

"Akatsuki members Deidara and Sasori will be," I said simply.

I saw Kankurō's eyes widen at Sasori's name and a handful of Iwa genin at Deidara's. While the Akatsuki was on fair terms with both villages and they knew of Deidara and Sasori working with the Akatsuki, I wasn't sure if they informed their genin or if it was one thing _knowing_ and a whole other thing _seeing_ for them.

"Is that all?" Sakura asked curiously.

I gave her a smile, preparing to bluff my way through this. "As in are they the only Akatsuki members in the vicinity? No. After the exam, Sasori and Deidara will be patrolling the Forest of Death at random intervals."

"Why?" Sasuke asked.

I shook my head, dismissing his question. Anko stepped up, saying, "No reason of which you need to know. When each of you turn in your consent form, you will be given the exam. Anyone who does not turn in a consent form or consent to the exam must leave _now_. If you have lingered behind, these boys will _remove you_. Understood?"

"Hai!" The genin chorused.

Anko gave them a smile.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Orochimaru had left, unsurprisingly. Deidara and Sasori had headed off to patrol the perimeter of the forest as requested and I sat beside Anko, staring out at the forest while her minions worked around us.

"I'm thinking about asking Ibiki to make that your official uniform every time you come into work."

I closed my eyes, counting to five, before opening them up again and replying, "The coat is kickass, but I'm pretty sure it'd be a bit too cold in there to wear so little."

Anko gave me a thoughtful look. "That's right, you can't use chakra to regulate your body temperature like the rest of us can. I'll think of something else, then."

"Goody," I muttered sardonically.

"Shit, do you remember how long we're supposed to wait here?"

"Well, _you_ have to wait here until another proctor returns and takes over your shift in watching the exam. _I_ don't _have_ to do anything," I informed her.

"But you _will_ stay here with me because you love me," Anko told me sweetly.

"That and you would never let me live it down if I ditched you," I added.

Anko nodded her head wisely. "Indeed."

"Mmm. I hope my babies will be okay."

" _Our_ baby has been training in this forest for _years_ now. She knows her way around," Anko consoled.

"That's true," I said, smiling softly.

"They'll be just fine."

"Mn!"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

My eyes snapped open and I shot upright, my breathing heavily as sweat clung to me. My heart was hammering and fear gripped me. Several minutes passed of me blinking and breathing, slowly calming down and regaining my senses.

I closed my eyes, letting out a small breath before reopening them and climbing out of bed. Already the first night of Naruto and the others in the forest seemed to be dragging on. Not to mention the nightmare I had just experienced was rather...

I shook my head, ignoring the after images that seemed to pop up before my eyes. Instead I grabbed a pair of clothes and went to the shower.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Changed in clean overly large shirt, shorts and undies, I headed towards the kitchen, intent on making myself some warm milk and cookies, seeking general comfort. When I stepped into the living room to head to the kitchen, I frowned, finding Obito sitting on the couch, watching a movie with a bowl of mostly eaten popcorn in his lap and a bottle of pop in his hand.

He glanced up at me, raising an eyebrow.

It wasn't all that unusual to find Obito doing midnight raids in my fridge or watching television or reading a book late at night at home. He claimed to have a sort of insomnia and not need as much sleep due to the Senju DNA in him. He didn't _need_ a lot of things either, after all, only half of his body was really human. He could function with half of the things we needed without any sort of problems, including sleep.

However, sometimes I wondered if he perhaps didn't _want_ to sleep. If something else aside from biological reasons was keeping him up at night.

"You're up _awfully_ early," Obito observed.

"No. Just... Bad dream," I finally finished.

I hesitated in my next choice. We were still at odds with each other, even if talking about Kakashi seemed to help. Things weren't _back to normal_ between us and I wasn't sure what I could and couldn't do anymore without overstepping the boundaries. But staring at him, I could see that maybe he was unsure as well. There was a tense underline in his posture, and his eyes didn't seem quite as light as they used to.

I thought of my dream. Of that _horrible_ dream.

I didn't like it. I didn't like seeing myself fail and everyone die for it, especially knowing that it was entirely plausible in the future. I was playing a dangerous game and things were only going to escalate as time went on. At that moment I _needed_ to be sure that everyone I cared for was _alright_. Even if I could logically say it was a dream, my heart was telling me something different entirely. But I couldn't. Naruto and the other children were in the forest, Anko would be taking over the night shift soon enough, I had _no clue_ where Kakashi was and the Akatsuki were generally out of my reach (not to mention I doubted we were friendly enough that I could simply wake them up in the middle of the night to comfort myself, though I guess _some_ of them wouldn't mind too much). And Obito... Obito...

...Was out of my reach by my own hands.

I didn't want to talk about _Her_. I didn't want him to find out why I didn't like _Her_ , or why I was acting childishly jealous. I didn't want that to happen, because the risks of it backfiring stupendously were too great.

But I was equally tired of having this drift between us.

So I made up my mind.

I crossed the space between us, lifted his popcorn out of his lap, took his pop from his hands and set it on the coffee table. I then lifted up both his arms, wrapped them around me and rested my head on his chest, curling up beside him.

"Must have been a pretty bad dream," Obito observed, his posture still stiff.

I closed my eyes. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

With one hand, I lazily gestured between us. "Amegakure. I'm sorry. I don't... I'm not _ready_ to talk about the reasons of my actions, but I promise you that I will tell you. I just... Want some time, okay? I'm sorry for being stupid about it, too."

At my words, Obito seemed to relax. "I'm sorry for pushing it. I realize now that even you deserve to have some privacy to your thoughts. I know I don't share _everything_ with you, and it would be hypocritical of me if I didn't expect the same of you."

I only nodded in acceptance.

There was a slight pause before Obito moved his hand to place it over my head, and slowly, he gently brushed my hair.

"Go back to sleep, Mia. I promise I'll keep the bad dreams away."

"Thank you," I whispered.

Oblivion took me gladly.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"The preliminary matches are over already?" I asked Anko as she exited the forest.

She gave me a grin. "Yep. The teams should be arriving shortly enough. Sorry that you couldn't come and watch."

"I'm not," I confessed. "It's one thing knowing in the back of your mind that they're out there fighting, it's a whole other thing actually watching it up close. I don't think I would have been able to restrain myself if I had. I'd be going ballistic on their opponent. God, I don't even know if I'll be able to handle myself in the tournament."

Anko laughed. "That doesn't surprise me! Anyway, the match ups are: Naruto vs. Neji in the first round followed by Kankurō vs. Sakura, then Shikamaru vs. Temari, Hinata has a bye and finally Sasuke vs. Gaara."

I beamed. "Hinata-chan and Sakura-chan made it, then?"

A difference already from Canon. It was ironic how Sakura was fighting a novice puppet-user when she herself would be training under a legendary one. Still, it was wonderful she had made it. And the fact that Hinata made it as well, not to mention Neji had made it, too. That could only mean they _hadn't_ fought each other in the prelims, which seemed rather odd, but I guess that proved it really _was_ a random match up (which was _weird_ , because I could have sworn they had rigged it, but whatever). And it seemed that, maybe, just maybe, Konan's influence on Hinata helped her.

I was still essentially a nobody in Konoha, so I wasn't able to spend much time with Hinata outside of the Academy, and when she graduated the time I _could_ have spent with her went directly to her new team and whatnot. So I was glad that she had been able to grow without my direct involvement. I was proud of her for it.

I had the utmost intentions of baking her cinnamon rolls to celebrate and shower her with undivided love and attention. It had been a while since I was last able to do that (back when I was still working at the Academy and the girl ate lunch with me nearly every day), and damn it, I missed it.

"Well, I better get home and get lunch ready for everyone," I concluded, glancing over at Anko. "You wanna come along?"

Anko pouted. "I can't. Ibiki's being a meanie-butt and making me do paperwork!"

I patted her head. "There now. At least you're way hotter than he is, and when you're done, I'll make you some dango."

Anko beamed. "Damn it, I knew there was a reason I loved you."

I beamed back at her.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

" _Why can't it be perfect? 'Cause love's not even real. Why don't I cry for you? Love was dead from the start. I don't want you, I don't need you, I'll forget you—what does it matter? I'll play along, writing our song, we are perfect. I love you. No, this is all wrong. Why aren't you gone?_ " I faltered in my half-assed signing when I heard the door open.

" _Tadaima!_ " Naruto exclaimed.

I continued to cook at the oven, the frying pan being lifted up and held over the hot stove. "Okaerinasai."

Naruto had run into the kitchen, grinning brightly at me. His clothes were torn and tattered, but otherwise you wouldn't have guessed he had been through the second phase of the Chūnin Exams; a nice bonus to housing Kurama.

I smiled adoringly at him, setting the pan down and opening my arms. Naruto beamed at me when he ran into them and I kissed the top of his head.

He held me tightly and after we were done squeezing the life out of each other, I pulled back and eyed him seriously. "Naruto-chan?"

"Mn?" Naruto hummed, tilting his head and frowning slightly at my more serious tone.

I smiled. "I'm proud of you, you know."

His eyes widened and his cheeks took on a bright red hue. He abruptly looked down, a small smile on his face. "A-Ah."

"Good boy. Now go wash up. Will the others be joining us?"

"A-Ah! Teme and Sakura just went to change, and um, Kakashi-sensei said he'll show up whenever."

"Alright."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** Red Hood for teh smexiyness, Deadpool for the Epicness, and Red X for the mysterious-ness.
> 
>  **Question:** Favorite villain?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	18. Part II - Pictures and X

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I gave a jaw-breaking yawn, glaring tiredly at the person in front of me.

Kakashi merely gave me his eye-smile.

"Why am I here again?" I asked, yawning again. My voice sounded husky and a bit cracked at the end.

"Because I need the company."

I gave him a venomous look.

"... Because you're my best friend."

It was turning mutinous at this point.

"... Because Gai found out where you live and was going to pester you all day."

I relaxed, shifting a bit on Kakashi's couch.

"When are you and Sasuke-chan leaving to train?" I inquired, yawning for hopefully the final time that early, early morning.

"Some time later today," Kakashi replied. "... Why don't you sleep with pants on?"

I gave him a blank look. "I don't know. Why do most men I know sleep in nothing but their boxers? Be happy I sleep in underwear, at least."

"I'm not complaining," Kakashi said, handing me a cup of warm tea. He then sat down across from me in his own living room chair, holding his own cup of tea. "I was just curious, actually."

"You have a weird sense of curiosity," I informed him.

Kakashi shrugged, unminding.

"Thanks for rescuing me, by the way," I said dryly. "Even if it is... way... too... earl—how in the hell are you up at this time anyway?"

"The sun is up, so I am, too, and you're welcome. Besides, I still kind of owe you for the tickets— _backstage passes, too_?!"

I shrugged. "As far as I'm concerned, we're even. I've been able to read the first book and damn. That thing is just... friggin' amazing. Thanks so much for loaning it to me." **(1*)**

"Yeah, well..."

We lapsed into comfortable silence, until...

"Shit. Did either of us leave a note for Naruto?"

"Uh... Nope."

"Jiraiya's and my son is going to kill me. Then Anko's and my daughter is going to have to resurrect me, and then our son is going to kill me again for not remembering to leave a note— _again_ —because Naruto is going to wake him up at an ungodly hour and he'll be pissed as hell, and—"

"We have a son?"

I briefly recalled my words with Tsume, my promise to her in attempting to coerce Kakashi into joining our little family.

"Sasuke-chan. Naruto-chan and Sakura-chan mentioned he felt more relaxed around you than any other adult besides me, so that automatically makes you the father."

"I don't recall agreeing to this."

"You don't want to be Sasuke-chan's surrogate father?"

"That's not it, well, kind of... I mean... I..."

"That's the whole point of taking on a Genin team, though, isn't it? The shinobi's way of adopting."

"Where did you hear that?"

"Tsume, Anko, Jiraiya..."

"... Yes, well..."

I raised my eyebrow at him. "It wouldn't be any different from you and Minato-sama's relationship."

Kakashi gave me a tired look. "I take it Jiraiya-sama informed you, then?" At my nod, he gave a small sigh. "I'm not... complaining. I just... never really thought about it. It's different. Very... different."

I frowned, setting down my cup of tea on the small table. "You're worried."

Kakashi didn't reply.

Understandably so. It was a different responsibility, but their relationship in that manner had seemed so obvious to me that I hadn't considered how it might have seemed to them at first. I knew Sasuke wasn't looking for new parents— _nothing_ could replace a parent—and he would more than likely feel awkward and uncomfortable around the surrogate parent if he figured out what he felt. Part of him would, more than likely, feel guilty for allowing himself to think of another in a parental light and think he was replacing and thus insulting his own birth parents. The other part of him would be angry at that surrogate figure, or at least have his own anger directed at him... It would be an uncomfortable thing, at the very least.

Naruto didn't mind me mentioning Jiraiya as his own Tou-san, and Jiraiya just rolled with it. Jiraiya did get a bit uncomfortable at first, but it was after seeing Naruto's delighted expression that he seemed to accept the title, and Naruto definitely didn't mind referring to me as his Kaa-chan. Sakura was a bit different, as she still had two living parents. However, she didn't really seem to care when Anko and I get a little... _crazy_... and start referring to her as our daughter. She seemed delighted to be a part of it, actually, giggling right alongside us.

Kakashi... Kakashi was Kakashi. He didn't really have family ties, and it was for that reason that Tsume pushed me towards him. Kakashi was now part of our family and it was obvious that Sasuke viewed him highly. Kakashi was nothing like Sasuke's birth father, but he was the type of man and sensei that Sasuke needed, at this point in time, to look up to.

Then again, Kakashi would make a good surrogate father for just about everyone. With the way Naruto's been pushing, I was starting to think he wanted _two_ surrogate fathers...

 _Maybe I should tell Jiraiya-sensei that he has competition_ , I mused quietly.

"Don't be," I said quietly. "You're a very good man, Kakashi, and an even better influence. I'm not saying you have to accept Sasuke in a son-like manner, I'm just... asking that you continue doing what you're doing. Don't change a thing."

Kakashi seemed contemplative for a moment before he gave me an eye-smile.

"Mn. I can do that."

There was banging at the door. "Kakashi-sensei! Kakashi-sensei! Kaa-chan's been kidnapped!"

"Dobe's right. She's gone—"

"Kakashi-sensei, you have to help us find Mia!"

"Jiraiya is Naruto's, Anko is Sakura's and I'm Sasuke's," Kakashi mused aloud. "There's just one little problem with that, Mia."

"Oh?"

Kakashi chuckled, standing up and moving towards the door.

"They're _all_ mine."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Do we have to do this?" Jiraiya whined.

"Yes," I said. "Of course I want to take numerous photos of us in the always brief time you're in Konoha."

"Kaa-chan," Naruto whined alongside Jiraiya. "We need to go train."

"Train later. Pictures first."

Naruto and Jiraiya gave an exaggerated sigh and eye roll at the same time. I snickered at the display, adjusting the camera. "Just three, okay? One of you and Naruto-chan, one of all of us, and one of you, Jiraiya-sensei."

"Oh, alright," Jiraiya sighed, ruffling Naruto's hair before shoving him out of the photo in a friendly manner. "Move it, brat."

Naruto stuck his tongue out in response before moving to stand beside me as I held up the camera. "Say... Icha Icha!"

Jiraiya laughed loudly and I snapped the photo. "Okay, Naruto-chan, move in."

Naruto gave a mischievous smile as he rushed over to Jiraiya, running up to the tree behind him before flipping backwards off it and landing on his shoulders. Jiraiya gave a grunt of annoyance scowling as Naruto stood on his shoulders.

"Sit down, sweetie. I can't fit you in the frame if you don't."

Naruto then plopped down on Jiraiya's shoulders, and Jiraiya had to hold him up there to steady him because he nearly fell off three times. Naruto held up both his hands, giving a thumbs-up while Jiraiya only rolled his eyes-just as I snapped the picture.

"One more of all of us," I said, setting the camera on the stand and hurrying over to them. Naruto rolled backwards off of Jiraiya and I wrapped my arm around Jiraiya's back, just as he slung his own arm over my shoulders. Naruto stood in front of us, my hand resting on his shoulder and Jiraiya's other hand on his head. The camera flashed and we broke apart, but before I could move grab it...

Jiraiya flickered towards it, grinning brightly. "How about I take some pictures of you two?"

"No more pictures," Naruto whined.

"Nope. Now hug your mother."

I laughed, turning Naruto around and bending down. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders before planting a kiss on his cheek. The camera flashed and Jiraiya snickered. "Alright. One solo of Mia, then one solo of Naruto."

Naruto moved away and I shifted my weight to the balls of my feet. "Hmm... So much potential for this one... You have no idea how tempted I am to do something completely inappropriate. I don't know why, but whenever I'm taking a picture by myself, I always have the urge to do that..."

I tiled my head before shrugging, moving by the three and relaxing against it.

"Say... Chocolate sucks!"

I gave a gasp of absolute shock and horror just as the camera flashed and Naruto and Jiraiya laughed loudly.

"That was mean!" I pouted. "Fine. Naruto, get your butt over here."

Naruto was still snickering as he moved towards the tree and I moved away.

"Say... The Hyuuga heiress as a thing for you!"

Naruto gave a very confused look, his mouth hanging open and his head tilted, with his face screwed up. "Wha..."

The camera flashed and I giggled.

"What do you mean by that?"

"You'll find out soon enough, sweetie. You're too young to date," I said.

Naruto gave a shrug before hurrying over to the camera. "Lemme see, lemme see!"

Jiraiya handed him the camera and Naruto grinned. "Alright! One more! This time of you two!"

I raised an eyebrow and leered at Jiraiya. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

Jiraiya opened his arms. I gave a running start before leaping up and into his arms. He adjusted me so he was carrying me bridal style and I gave a thumbs up at the camera, grinning widely. "I always wanted to take a picture like this."

"I know," Jiraiya said, nodding in agreement. "Same here. There's just something appealing about taking a picture with a beautiful woman like this."

Naruto snickered at our banter, holding up the camera. "Say... uh..."

"Just take the pictures. Leave the witty one-liners to us," Jiraiya advised, still grinning from amusement.

The camera flashed.

The pictures were done.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"I can't believe you pushed our son to exhaustion," I sighed, giving Jiraiya a mild glare as we walked down the darkened streets of Konoha to our apartment. Jiraiya rolled his eyes.

"Not my fault he pushed himself too hard."

I gave him a poorly amused look.

Jiraiya shrugged again, adjusting Naruto on his back.

"You staying with us, right?"

"Always."

Whenever Jiraiya stayed in town, at my insistence, he stayed with us. Our home wasn't really big enough for a spare bedroom, so he had to take over my own bed, while I bunked with Naruto.

When we reached the front door to the apartment, I unlocked it and opened it up. Jiraiya moved to tuck Naruto in bed, while I headed to my old side of the home, entering the kitchen and preparing some tea. When I was done, Jiraiya was already seated at the table and I handed him his cup.

"Are you going to watch him in the finals?" Jiraiya asked me.

I gave a small sigh. "I don't know. Just hearing about his C-Rank mission was enough to nearly send me into a panic-attack. God only knows how I'll react to watching all of my babies in the finals..."

Jiraiya chuckled. "Good point. Speaking of his C-Rank..."

"I'm sure he'll be delighted to tell you every gory detail in the morning."

"Excellent."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Lee-chan, don't you think you should be resting?" I asked hesitantly as I stared at the boy who was attempting push-ups in his hospital room.

"There is no time, Mia-sensei!" Lee declared.

"Uh-huh," I said, my fingers fiddling with an object I held in my hands. "Lee-chan, I really think you should rest."

"I-I must get stronger! My youth must shine through in this dark hour," Lee insisted, completely oblivious to the object I held in my hands.

"Sweetie, you know I adore you, so I'm only doing this because in this case, it really is the right thing to do," I said carefully, kneeling down beside Lee.

Lee looked up at me, his brow furrowed in confusion. "Wha-?"

I jabbed him with the syringe, injecting him with the sedative the nurses had given me. When it had become clear that Lee held a sort of attachment to me and that I held an attachment towards him as well, the nurses tended to call me down whenever they couldn't get Lee back in bed to rest.

He slumped over and I patted his head, sighing. "Sweet boy. Oh, well. Let's see if I can't get him back into bed."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"What am I supposed to do for a month, un?" Deidara asked, lounging in the couch in his and Sasori's suit.

I shrugged, flipping through more channels on the T.V. "Hell if I know. Sasori's training Sakura, Kakashi kidnapped Sasuke, and Jiraiya's hogging Naruto. Tobi's being Tobi and being too busy for the final preparations..."

Deidara gave a sigh. "This sucks, un."

"Yeah. Yeah, it does."

"Wanna blow up the Hokages' faces, un?"

"... Leader-sama would murder us."

"... It would be worth it, un."

"For you, maybe. I, however, actually intend to do something worthwhile with my life besides making old guys' faces go boom-boom."

Deidara shot me an annoyed look.

"Want to...go skydiving?"

Deidara seemed thoughtful. "Well... I guess I don't really have anything better to do. Alright. Got your goggles, un?"

"Left 'em at home. I'll grab them, and then we can go."

"Awesome, un."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

A routine settled in during that month. The only Akatsuki members I ever saw were Deidara and occasionally Sasori. It was really weird not seeing Tobi in so long, but I understood he'd been busy and we would hardly get a chance at being alone—what with Jiraiya staying with us and Deidara kidnapping me the rest of the time.

I rarely saw Sakura and Sasori as well. The puppet demanded the girl to be up earlier than the sun, and only retired with the sun, also. Not that she was complaining; actually, she was quite ecstatic that Sasori took up so much of her time. She explained their training was rather split for the moment, half of it was medical-ninjutsu (as Sasori could just tell that she would become rather prodigious in that field), the rest of it being puppetry. Sakura...a puppet master. It was something I would have never considered, but from what I could tell, she was doing pretty damn awesomely at it. She didn't have a puppet of her own, yet, but Sasori allowed her to borrow one of his own to train with and, if they both felt ready enough for her, to use in the tournament.

Naruto and Jiraiya were the two I saw the most of during that month. I usually walked them to their training grounds and didn't see them until they came home. During my day, I either spent it working, or skydiving with Deidara. Anko was busy with her own final part in the exams, so I didn't see her too often. I saw Ibiki more than I saw her, now that I thought about it.

The moms and I did get to spend a few weekends together, though, which was always nice.

Anyway, long story short: the month went by fairly quickly.

Soon enough, it was the day of the tournament.

"I've got my paper bags, vomit bags, pillow—in case I feel faint—along with my sedatives," I declared to Jiraiya the day of the tournament. The two of us were taking our sweet time to get to the arena, once there, I would take my reserved seat with a couple of friends, and Jiraiya would be heading out to scout the town (just a precautionary).

"Yep. You're all set," Jiraiya replied, shifting his arms a bit. He was carrying me over the massive crowd at shinobi speed. Why? Because I wanted to get there fast to see my babies, and he felt like it.

"I hope so. It's going to be painful to watch, but if it makes them happy..."

"Exactly. Besides, they aren't going to die. Have a little faith in them."

"I know they aren't going to die, but I'm their mother! It's my job to worry needlessly and the occasional nagging."

"You nag?"

"According to Naruto, I do."

"Huh."

I shrugged.

"And here we are."

I looked down at my seat, glancing around the already crowding arena before gulping nervously.

"See you around, Mia," Jiraiya chuckled before heading off. I gave a small, weak chuckle in return before taking a seat. Deidara and Sasori wouldn't be seated with me—they would be with Kakuzu, assisting in the plan.

"Hey there, awesome girl," Anko purred, sliding into the seat next to mine.

"Hi," I returned weakly.

"Oh, don't be nervous. Our baby girl will be just fine,"Anko assured me. I gave a small whimper.

Anko slung an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close and gesturing dramatically to the arena. "It will be a glorious battle, though. However, our little girl will handle it just fine. She will face a strong opponent, but she will win. And when she does win, it will be _epic_."

"If you say so," I said dubiously.

"I can't _wait_ to see her kick ass. You know, I _really_ wanted to train her for this, but Ibiki started harping on me about remaining an unbiased judge—can you believe that? I mean, _come on._ That's our _baby_. Of course I'm automatically biased! It wouldn't hurt to let me train her."

My lips twitched. "You do have a point."

" _Oooh_. Look at that guy's ass."

I followed Anko's appreciative gaze to a shinobi who had his back to us—he was leaning against the railing in the front. I cocked my head, staring unabashedly at his asset. It was a _very_ familiar ass. An ass I had _definitely_ checked out, but I couldn't quite place it.

"It is a _very_ fine ass," I allowed, still a little confused to _who's_ ass it was.

"Oh, shit. They're starting. Ooh, looks like it's Naruto and Neji first thing."

I stood up from my seat. " _Kick his ass, baby doll!_ "

Naruto looked up at the stands at my shout and saw me waving my arms frantically. He flushed, abruptly looking away.

"Aww, look, the first time he's been embarrassed by his mom in public," I cooed, sitting back down. "They grow up so fast. I remember the time where he used to adore my random shouts at him in public..."

Anko wrapped a consoling arm around my shoulders. "There, there..."

I took a deep breath, already feeling anxious to see the fight begin. I knew who would win, but it was still _painful_ to watch. I couldn't really understand how so many people gathered around and found such things _amusing_. They were _children_ , for God's sakes. Naruto hadn't even hit puberty, yet he's expected to fight to the death in a tournament—to be expected to prove his worth as well as entertain all these people? It sickened me. It disgusted me. Then again, I fully acknowledged that if it wasn't _my_ baby down there, and if I _had_ grown up in this world, I would probably be just as entertained as the rest of them.

That didn't make it _right_. Given the different set of morals in this world, it didn't even make it _wrong_ , either.

It just was.

I winced, cringing at a particularly nasty blow to Naruto.

"Mia, you're pale, need to take some medicine?" Anko asked softly, her eyes on me.

"Y-Yeah. I think I do," I whispered shakily while Anko prepared the anxiety medication. I swallowed it dry, feeling it go down my throat like a cold stone, and drop to the pit of my stomach.

It was going to be a _long_ day.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

When Naruto's match finally ended, I was torn between relief (from it ending and him being alive), anger (that he had to have a match in the first place), anxiety ( _Hello._ Invasion), and panicking (because there would be many more fights ahead).

The next match was Sakura and Kankurō and Anko leaned forward anxiously, dying to see the match—

"I forfeit!"

Anko blinked in disbelief.

Sakura—who had already come down to the arena, carrying a wrapped bundle... a puppet, I suspected—stared in disbelief, as well. Before a furious expression took over her face, " _You little shit! Get your fucking ass down here before I rip your tiny little dick off of you and_ make you! _Fight me, you coward_."

"That's right, bitch!" Anko shouted. "You tell that wuss who's boss! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Somehow, Anko managed to get the entire stadium shrieking and demanding a fight and while Kankurō looked thoroughly embarrassed, he would not fight. So Sakura had to grumble and mutter and whine all the way back to where the competitors were staying and I breathed out a sigh of relief.

Shikamaru's match was significantly easier for me to watch—maybe for the lack of such strong connections, perhaps for the lack of constant near death and beatings like it was for Naruto's, or maybe the medication just started kicking in. Regardless, the match went nearly exactly Canon and soon... far too soon.

"Ah... Sasuke and Gaara now," I murmured, staring down at the two boys who were then alone in the arena.

"This should prove interesting," Anko observed.

I shrugged, uncomfortable with the situation.

And it began.

I was tense, taunt like a bow, while I watched. I knew that when the invasion began, I was to pretend to be asleep like the other civilians and _stay out of harm's way_ and wait for Tobi to come for me. It would be hard—excruciatingly so—to follow the orders. I wanted to go to them. I _needed_ to go to them. I needed to make sure they were alright, and that they would _stay_ alright.

But I couldn't.

Not just because of the plan, but because of what they are—who they are.

They weren't just children, not in this world. They were _shinobi._ Adults. I couldn't coddle them. I couldn't hide them. I couldn't cover their eyes and ears and tried to shield them. In this world, it would cripple them.

It was painful.

So.

Very.

Painful.

So I sat, perfectly still. And I stayed, perfectly still. And when the genjutsu was cast and Anko dispelled it around us and told me to sit perfectly still, I did. While she went off to help her fellow shinobi, I sat perfectly still.

That was about when the man with the very familiar butt, sat down next to me, draping an arm around my shoulders. He turned to face me and I finally recognized who he was.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**FLASH BACK**

I glanced up from my desk, raising an eyebrow as I saw Anko—along with multiple ANBU—drag in a young man. I eyed the masked man curiously before Anko noticed me and she grinned at me. "Well, boys! Take 'em to the cell. I'll get to him in a little bit."

As the ANBU dragged the man away— _damn, that's a nice ass... I really shouldn't be hanging around with Anko so much_ —Anko sauntered over me, humming. "I totally saw you checking out his ass."

I shrugged. "It's a _very_ nice ass."

"You do realize he has magnified hearing, so he can hear what we're saying?"

I flushed, glancing over towards the masked man, he turned his head back around and tilted it. I had a feeling that was his version of a wink and grin. I hesitated. "Well, then, if he ever gets out..."

"Please. You still wouldn't go on a date with him."

"I don't know. It's the mask. There's just something about it..."

"Your sarcasm is noted," Anko said dryly, sitting on my desk. "Speaking of notes, did you get mine?"

"Yes, Anko. I got your vulgar drawing of the... the, uh... the _thing_ on my desk, first thing in the morning, right beside my coffee. I couldn't look at my coffee for the rest of the morning without feeling horribly guilty. I hope you're satisfied."

"Not until I see you and Kakashi performing that _thing_ ," Anko mocked.

"You will _never_ see that," I told her firmly.

"You're right. That'd be weird. Not until I _know_ you two performed that _thing_ , then."

"You're a very good drawer, you know that," I said, changing the subject. "Very detailed."

Anko leered. "All part of the job description, baby."

"I figured as much," I muttered, recalling all the times we had played _Guess That*_ at the Akatsuki. I felt my lips quirk up. "There's just _one_ thing. You forgot my birthmark."

Anko blanked out. "... What?"

"You forgot my birthmark."

"... _What_? You have a—the only way I could _not_ have known about it is if it was on your ass, or your boobs. Which is it? _What_ is it?"

I smirked slyly. "It _is_ somewhere on my body, and you actually _have_ seen it. You were just very _, very_ drunk. On this picture you drew, it would be somewhere visible."

Anko gave a cry of disdain. "What is it? Damn it, woman! Tell me!"

"You'll _never_ find out if you don't stop with sending me these pictures of Kakashi and myself," I sung."

Anko cried out in frustration. "Don't do that! That's low."

I snickered.

"Well, well... has anyone else seen it?"

"One other," I admitted.

"Who?"

"... Tobi."

Anko gasped. "... You two didn't...?"

"No," I said quickly, flushing. "None of the _thing_ happened between us. He just... He just walked in on me changing a few times, alright?"

"Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, but _three times_?"

"Trust me, he had _no_ control over it, whatsoever," I assured her.

"Okay, fine, whatever. At least give me something to go with this birthmark."

"Considering where it is, and what it looks like, it's completely inappropriate," I told her. "So much, that I'm actually very careful of the bathing suits I pick out and the sunscreen I use. Sometimes even going so far as to put _cover up_ on it."

Anko gave a whine. "Now I _really_ want to know."

"There is one way you can find out," I sung.

Anko glared at me.

"... Fine."

I smirked, motioning her to come closer. She leaned towards me and I whispered in her ear.

She sat back, her eyes wide. "That's... completely awesome. Seriously? _Seriously_? Can I see?"

I debated on it for a moment. "... I _guess,_ but you can't tell anyone else about it."

"Deal," Anko said immediately, dragging me off to the nearest bathroom.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

After the two of us exited the bathroom, an explosion shook the building. Anko and I exchanged glances before Anko left me, heading towards the explosion. I let out a small breath of annoyance, heading towards the exit—as per protocol—and walking out the door. I continued to walk, heading towards Anko's and my own favorite dango shop, knowing she would head there after the explosion was taken care of and inform me to head back to work.

I glanced up at the dark sky. I knew Jiraiya would be watching over Naruto and the two of them were preoccupied with training, so that was why I had agreed to work late with Anko so we could cover Ibiki's shift (the poor guy was actually sick). I sat down at our usual booth, completely content for the moment.

That was when the guy from before—the prisoner—walked in and sat in the same booth as me, staring straight across at me.

I stared at his completely black mask and tattered black cloak, tilting my head. "... Hi."

"Hello," he said, his voice coming out rough and distorted. "Mind if I join you?"

"They will find you soon enough," I informed him, shrugging. "Until then, sure. It's all on me."

He seemed amused. "You don't seem very scared."

"You could say I deal with 'bad guys' on a daily basis," I said, shrugging again. "Enough about me, what's your name?"

"You may call me whatever you wish," he replied. "It makes no difference."

"Then I'm going to call you X," I said, nodding to myself.

He tilted his head.

"Because I always wanted to say I knew someone named X," I explained. He chuckled, amused.

"You're entertaining," X mused.

"You still have the nicest butt I know," I said.

"Thank you. Yours isn't too bad, either," X replied.

"Thank you," I chirped. "Do you want anything to drink? Eat?"

"I'm alright for the moment. So what, may I ask, is _your_ name?"

"Mia," I demurred. "Just Mia."

"Mia-chan!"

I glanced up, blinking in surprise to find Tobi skipping into the shop. "There you are! I was so worried when I heard about the explos... Who is this?"

I nearly snorted at the sharp edge Tobi held in his tone. "Tobi, this is X. X, this is my best friend, Tobi."

X and Tobi tilted their heads at the same time, acknowledging one another.

"Well, now, I suppose I should make my escape before others come," X chuckled, standing up and moving to stand beside me. He gave me a low bow, taking my hand and holding it up against his mask. The lower half of it slid up, and I could scarcely make out lips before they brushed against my knuckles. And in a plume of black smoke, he was gone.

I cocked my head. "... Damn."

Tobi muttered under his breath, "Oh, _brother_."

"You know him?" I asked, glancing at Tobi.

"S—Ranked criminal, renowned for his escaping ability. He's a thief and a bounty—hunter, plain and simple. No one's been able to hold him captive for more than an hour. Although, his outfit was a little different than in the bingo books," Tobi sighed, sliding in next to me. "We actually wanted him in the Akatsuki, but we couldn't track him down long enough to... coerce him."

"Pity," I muttered.

"What?"

"Uh, nothing. Nothing at all."

"Why pity?"

"He just would have made some nice eye—candy, alright?" I defended. "His ass is _perfect_."

Tobi seemed to be glowering at me. "It is _not_."

"It is _too_."

"Not."

"Is."

"Not."

"Is."

" _Not_."

" _Is._ "

"Just for that, I'm not giving you back your laptop," Tobi sniffed.

"Aw, come on, don't be like that. So what if his ass is completely perfect in every way? Yours is better."

Tobi spluttered. "You can't—you can't just _say_ something like that!"

"I can and I did. Yours is better. Now will you give me back my laptop, please?"

"No!"

"Aww," I whined. "Why not?"

"How can my own butt be better than perfection?" Tobi reasoned. "And why are we even having this conversation?"

"Yours is because I'm biased. I like you better than X, therefore anything X is, you are automatically superior at," I explained.

"Oh."

We lapsed into silence.

"Yours is very nice, too," Tobi said suddenly.

"... Thank you."

"... You're welcome."

"... Why do I feel like I just walked into an awkward conversation, un?" Deidara asked, strolling into the shop. "Oi, Mia, you finished with work, yet?"

"Oh, not yet. I'll be done in half an hour, though. I'll meet you at your hotel room and we can finish our game, 'kay?"

"Fine, un. Just don't cry when I kick your ass," Deidara chuckled.

"Oh! Oh! Tobi wants to play," Tobi chirped.

"No losers allowed, un," Deidara dismissed. "Later, Mia."

"Later, Dei-chan," I called back after he left. "... I should probably head back to work now."

"I'll walk you there."

"Thanks."

**END FLASHBACK**

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"X," I breathed

"Hello, Mia," X greeted cheerfully. "You know, I quite like you."

"...Thank you...?"

"I almost regret having to do this," X continued, his tone colored with mocking regret. "But, money is money."

I opened my mouth to question what he meant, but I never quite got the chance to, as my world had gone black.

And when I opened my eyes, I found them staring into the familiar yellow slits of Orochimaru.

"Fuck."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** Nagash. Ooooooh, I adore him.
> 
>  **Question:** Give me a funny quote. :) If you have nothing, then a joke. If you still have nothing, then just the first word that pops into your head.


	19. Part II - Tobi's POV

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧** _  
_

**(First Person POV – Tobi)**

I didn't mean for it to happen.

You know... you know... life can really, _really_ suck at times. It was hard— _is_ hard, but was especially hard at the beginning. I was an outcast to my own family, not only because I couldn't activate my Sharingan—my baby cousin activated it before me—but because I seemed hopeless as a shinobi in general. That wasn't the case, of course. It wasn't my fault. It was theirs. Their training methods were outdated and their structure crippled me. They didn't know it; I didn't know it, either. So to all appearances, I was a hopeless dead-last.

For a long while, I thought I was hopeless, too.

That was when I met her.

Her, being Rin.

I remember it being a bright day. To all accounts it should have been a _good_ day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the flowers were blooming... to everyone else, it seemed like, it _was_ a good day. For me, though? For me, it wasn't. I'll spare you the exact details of _why_. I've tried very hard to repress my childhood; it wasn't a very pleasant thing for me. My mother died young, she died shortly after my younger brother's birth. Father always blamed Shisui for it—well, not always. When it became apparent that Shisui was such a rising prodigy, he switched that blame onto _me_.

Father was...my father was a _very_ strict name. Traditional. Physical.

To all accounts... to all accounts he wasn't a very good father. He wasn't a very good man.

I still had them. The scars. The marks. Now, of course, they just look like markings from my near-death experience. Just more to add on, I suppose.

I remember that day because it was my birthday. Shisui had given me some of his candy he had bought. He was such a sweet thing. I didn't want him to die, but the ends justified the means, I thought.

I was lonely. I was tired. I was sore.

I wasn't expecting anyone else to show me the time of day, the exception being Shisui. Even my teachers at the academy just turned a blind eye when it came to me. The Uchiha, after all, were such a _prestigious_ family. It would be _preposterous_ if one of their own needed help—if one of their own actually wanted contact with an _outsider_.

Idiots.

I'm sorry, I'm getting off track. It was just a small gesture, but I suppose that was all I needed at that time. She came up to me and asked me, 'Why aren't you smiling?'

'I don't want to,' I told her.

And she smiled at me and held out a neatly wrapped box. 'It's your birthday, isn't it? I remember because you told the class during your introduction.'

What was contained in the gift wasn't important—what I needed the most at that moment was some sort of acknowledgement. I needed someone— _anyone_ —to have noticed me. I was tired of being pushed aside by the rest of my family, and when I _was_ noticed, it was only to be used as a dummy. I wanted someone to have paid the slightest bit of attention to me and to have _liked_ me.

This girl—a girl I didn't even know the name of—just gave me a present. She acknowledged me, _paid attention to me_ , and even _remembered_ something that had been said so long ago. I didn't know what to think of her.

That was about when _I_ started noticing _her._

Her smiles. Her laughs. Her gentle demeanor. The way she moved. The way she talked.

Everything about her was just so _bright_ and _sweet_. It was so vastly different than what I was used to—I was confounded to how I had missed her in the first place. It didn't take long of watching her that I eventually started to care for her. And from that point, it manufactured its way into love.

I was in love with Rin.

On the day that she died, I felt shattered. The person that had noticed me—acknowledged me—was gone. Someone who did not _deserve_ to be gone was taken away. The _one good thing_ that had happened to me was _stolen_ from me.

I was furious. I hated everything and everyone at that moment and I just wanted all of it to _stop._ I had considered for a while just following after her. It would have been so simple—I had nothing to live for anymore, but it was Madara who persuade me to stay. To listen. To watch.

I did, and in that time I discovered just how corrupt and horrible this world really was. I had thought to myself, _No wonder someone so bright as Rin never survived. She didn't stand a chance in this world._

And Madara had pointed out, that so long as the world remained as such, people like Rin would continue to die every day and every night, and people like me would lose their smiles, every day and every night.

It didn't seem fair. It didn't seem right.

So I set to _make it right_. I wasn't just doing this for Rin, for the girl I fell so madly in love with. I was doing it for _all_ the Rins, and _all_ the Obitos. Because _no one_ deserved that kind of pain. _No one_ deserved to have their light stolen from them.

It was true that I had to steal a couple of lights, regardless of how I felt, along the way. _But in the grand scheme of things_ , Madara had pointed out, _what's a few lights to a hundred?_

I didn't mean for it to happen.

For a long, long time, I had thought she was just a figment of my imagination, just something concocted in the back of my mind to help me deal with the trauma. Because, really, what were the odds of that _not_ being the case? I thought, perhaps, if I humored her—if I befriended her—she would go away and my mind would be at rest.

That was not the case.

When she started telling me things—things I shouldn't have known about—I was confused. It gave me pause to think that maybe, _just maybe_ , Mia was real. But that couldn't be right—it was too strange, too alien, to even think about, so I dismissed it as just coincidences. When I started to being able to _feel_ her world, feel her hand in my own, feel her arms around me, feel her breath on my—

—That was another thing. Her physical affections. In my world, or at least in my clan, it was frowned upon for such displays of affections—it was even more frowned upon if they weren't married in some way. I remember how awkward I was with the contact at first, but she had seemed so at ease with it, I felt like it would be wrong to deny her. Besides, she was just a figment of my imagination, so what if she was touchy?

I digress. Even when I started to be able to _feel_ her, I still dismissed her and her world as just a very vivid fantasy. I was too set in my belief that when she fell into my arms—not too long ago—I was...conflicted.

On one hand, I was very pleased to have found a true friend. After all, Mia and I _had_ formed a very strong connection and I knew I could trust her with anything. On the other hand, I had just told an _actual person_ everything there was to know about me. I had confessed to her things that I wouldn't have even told _Rin_. I had felt so very naked, standing in front of her, her green eyes staring up at me. Never before had I felt so vulnerable and insecure and _tiny_ in her gaze. My worries and fears were cast aside, though, when she treated me in the same manner. That even though we both realized we were very real, and we both shared our scars, and she had seen every bit of me... she still accepted me.

She acknowledged me.

Much more, she still _wanted_ to be with me—adored it, in fact. She went out of her way to make _me_ more comfortable, and I couldn't recall _anyone_ doing that before. Even Rin kept her distance to some extent, yet there Mia was; someone who knew all my dirty little secrets and still loved me for them.

I had thought she was truly my greatest friend.

Ah, but then time played its role.

And no longer was she just a figment of my imagination—she was there, she was _real._

For years I had been able to remain ignorant of her, to be able to see her as only a very close friend. I never would have anticipated viewing her in a different light—the very notion at the beginning seemed so far-fetched it was laughable.

I couldn't tell you _when_ I started noticing her—oh, wait. Yes, I could.

It was a long day at Amegakure, some time ago, and Mia was exhausted. She declared, quite clearly, that she just wanted to shower and then head to bed. She had to currently stay in my room, as the prank war was currently active at the time and _her_ room was essentially demolished. It was a little after when _I_ had joined the war, but the two of us declared a sort of truce for the time being. Anyway, she had to borrow some of my clothes, as well, as her clothes were rendered. (Let's just say that Deidara was quite spiteful at times.)

She had stepped out of my bathroom—wearing only her underwear and one of my too-large-for-her shirts, grinning and snickering as she was undoubtedly thinking up another prank, and that's when it struck me.

_I kind of like her in my shirt._

I was so surprised by my line of thought, I was left speechless and she had to grab my attention by pulling on my arm and then I started to notice how long and smooth her _legs_ were and how bright her _eyes_ and how she smelled _really_ nice and—

It went downhill from there.

I tried, I really did, to ignore the signs. I resisted every step of the way.

I didn't want to be attracted to my only friend. I didn't want to risk losing her like I did with Rin. I didn't want to be hurt all over again.

I didn't want her like that.

It got worse, of course. The photographs didn't help solve the matters, either and then there was that whole _X_ fiasco and then _Kakashi..._

I really wasn't quite sure who I hated more: X or Kakashi.

On one hand, Kakashi stole Rin away from me and was spending an _awfully_ lot of time with Mia. However, Mia seemed to have thoroughly friend-zoned Kakashi, despite Anko's persistence and I knew full well that she would never do something to hurt me like dating Kakashi. I was quite confident that when it came down to it, she would undoubtedly choose me over him, and it was for that reason alone, I hadn't killed him. Yet. That, and for the moment it seemed like Kakashi held a strictly platonic view of Mia.

Which was fine. I wouldn't begrudge her the chance of more friends—she was friends with the other Akatsuki members, the majority of them male and I didn't get jealous over them, so why should I get jealous over Kakashi?

Well, that wasn't _entirely_ true. I suppose that I _did_ sometimes get jealous when she would steal Itachi away or Itachi would kidnap her away, and the two would go off and discuss rather secretive things that I had yet to figure out what they were about. I had a feeling, though, that it was Sasuke and Naruto related. Itachi _was_ just as much a mother-hen to Sasuke as Mia was to Naruto.

And _X_... Well, I just didn't like that guy. I had every intentions of killing him, as soon as I found him.

Bastard. How dare he not allow himself to be caught and killed by me already...

I digress again.

I wasn't an idiot, though. I could read the signs, no matter how much I tried to deny them, they were still there. I was attracted to her. I found her eyes and lips irresistible, and I loved the way she smiled and laughed, and I adored the way she walked and I was infatuated with her humor and quirks.

I was undeniably in love with her, both physically and mentally.

However... _However_...

While she was the most precious person to me alive, she was not my first. She was not there when I needed her, the way Rin was. She did not die in vain—nor would she ever, if I had a say about it—and she was still my closest friend.

I had faith, that in time, I would be able to love Mia the way I loved her before. I had faith that my love for Rin would persevere and that soon enough, things would settle down between Mia and myself. I had to have faith in that, because the alternative was unacceptable. Not only did Mia not return my affections, but the very thought of betraying Rin in such a manner—

No. Not even just betraying Rin, but betraying what I _stood for_ in the first place, the new reason I lived, was just unthinkable.

I lived to make sure there would be no other deaths like Rin's, and no other heartbreaks like Obito's. If I, Uchiha Obito, loved someone else... If I, Uchiha Obito, loved that someone else more than Rin, then what purpose did I have? I wanted to prevent what had happened to me, but if I ended up happy, then what am I preventing?

If I stopped loving Rin, then what would I be fighting for?

I would have no purpose, no drive. All my goals and everything that I had to destroy to get so far—all of it would have been for nothing.

Shisui, Yahiko, the Uchiha Clan, Minato, Kushina—all of them, every last one of them, would have died in vain.

I would have _murdered_ them in vain.

And that... _that_ was unthinkable.

I didn't mean for it to happen.

I didn't mean to fall in love with my best friend.

But I did mean, and I do mean, to not pursue it. I would make sure my feelings rot away, not just for myself, but for _them_. It would be selfish of me to stop now, and even more selfish to pursue my own happiness after destroying those of so many others.

My feet touched the ground lightly and I glanced around the stadium. I felt a frown tug at my lips when I stared at the place Mia should have been.

 _Please tell me you didn't go all mother-hen on me,_ I thought, inwardly sighing in annoyance. _You moron..._

However, as I turned to leave, I noticed something.

My brows furrowed in confusion, and I stared at her comfort bag. It was the bag she and I had prepared for her to watch the matches—she wouldn't have left it behind, especially given the circumstances. She knew she needed to remain calm, not only for herself, but for the others.

_The only reason it's here and she isn't..._

I felt my body chill to the bone and a cold fury washed over me.

_Fuck. No._

Red was all I saw, and instinctively my Sharingan activated. My hands were clenched so tightly into fists, they were shaking. I had to consciously grit my teeth and bite my tongue to make sure I made not a single sound. It took a full minute to calm myself down to the point where I could rationally think.

Mia was gone, and she did not leave willingly. It was just as possible for someone I didn't want her near to take her, as it would be for someone like Kakashi or Anko to take her someplace safe. Ah, but wait, Zetsu was monitoring all the safe-houses in case Orochimaru decided to make a grab for hosta—

I froze.

 _No,_ I thought. _He didn't_ really... _? While it's true she did openly declare herself as a member of the Akatsuki, he couldn't have just assumed she was a higher-ranking member from that one meeting, could he? No. That's too far-fetched, even for him. Which meant...which meant he had someone on the inside. A traitor amongst us? But who? Mia didn't mention anyone turning over to Orochimaru from the Akatsuki... Could the betrayal somehow be a domino affect from her presence? If that's the case, then how to discern the traitor...? It would be best if we took Orochimaru straight to Pein, but Konoha would want his body and we need to earn Konoha's trust if we want to proceed with the plans—we can't allow Konoha to take him alive, especially if he knows more about Mia's involvement with the Akatsuki that what is public knowledge. Damn._

I whirled around, throwing a kunai directly behind him. There was a blur of black before a shinobi stepped away from the shadows of the pillar, tilting his head.

"Calm down, Tobi," X laughed, a teasing tone in his voice. "It's just me."

I remained silent, eyeing the man before me.

X held up his hands in a peaceful gesture. "Believe it or not, I really do like that Mia girl, but money is money and I do love money. However, now that I already _have_ my money, I have no obligations to keep her in his company."

"You kidnapped Mia," I said flatly, shifting stances.

X shrugged. "Gotta do, what you gotta do. No need to try and attack me _now_ , though. After all, I can lead you straight to them."

"If you're lying, I will kill you."

"I'm sure you'll try," X assured him.

"You have not seen me when I _really_ try," I said, smiling coldly behind my mask. "Trust me, boy, you do not want to upset me."

X only shrugged, turning away. "Do you want to come or not?"

I cocked my head. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because she really does have the cutest little ass I've ever seen."

It took every ounce of self-control I had to not just snap his neck then and there.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(First Person POV – Mia)**

"What do you want?" I asked warily, fear pulsing inside of me as I scrambled away from Orochimaru.

"When it became apparent that I would not be leaving this place without having to fight the Akatsuki, I took the liberty of creating a plan to ensure my protection from them," Orochimaru said, stepping closer to me. It was then that I realized we were moving—some sort of enclosed cart, it seemed like.

"How'd you know to take me?" I demanded, glaring up at him, trying to muster up some sort of bravado. "I know damn sure that our current members wouldn't divulge just who I was to you. How'd you know to take _me_ as a bargaining chip—I mean... that is what I am, right? A bargaining chip?"

Orochimaru nodded, pleased with my assessment. "You are indeed, little hostage. You are correct on both accounts—none of your _current_ members would betray your little leader, and you are my ticket out of here."

"Current...then it was an older member, one of Kakuzu's partners, then," I muttered, frowning. "Possible. I didn't know them like I know the current members... Wait. If all you're trying to do is escape, why still have the Invasion?"

Orochimaru chuckled. "I'm never one to entirely abandon a plan, child. While I cannot take the life I currently want in this attempt, that doesn't mean that I can't at least destroy this wretched place as much as I can."

I glared at him, feeling myself relax minutely. I was a bargaining chip; my safety was guaranteed for the moment. "You're going to die either way."

"I very much doubt that."

I snorted, looking away.

"But while I have you all to myself, there are some things I would like to question you about," Orochimaru purred, moving towards me. I immediately scooted back.

"You'd just end up pissing them off if you hurt me," I warned him.

"I'm sure they won't care too much for the condition you're in, so long as you're alive and well, and frankly they already hate me and they're probably already mad at me—what do I care if I annoy them more?" Orochimaru reasoned, grabbing my arm and squeezing tightly. I winced, struggling to pull free.

I shifted stances, just like Tobi taught me, but didn't attack. I wasn't even going to kid myself into thinking that I could take on _Orochimaru_ in a taijutsu bout.

"What do you want?" I asked instead, glowering at him in an attempt to hide my growing panic.

Orochimaru gave a small chuckle. "It isn't much. What _are_ the current plans for the Akatsuki?"

"World domination," I deadpanned.

He tilted his head, smiling as his hand trailed down my arm to my hand. My heart pounded in my chest and I watched, frozen in shock, as he _twisted my wrist around_. There was a sickening cracking sound and sharp, burning pain raced up all the way up and down my arm. A gasp escaped my lips and I fell to my knees, cradling my broken wrist. Immediately, fury and adrenaline coursed through me and my leg snapped out, aiming for his knees. Orochimaru didn't bat an eyelash as he leapt above my kick before coming down _hard_ on my foot. I bit down on my tongue, hard, to keep from crying out as I heard _another_ crack and more pain surged through me.

I looked up at him, glaring with absolute loathing, trying to squash down the growing sense of dread that curled in the pit of my stomach.

"Let's try this again: What are the current plans for the Akatsuki?"

I swallowed roughly, feeling a sick hatred burn in the pit of my stomach. Fear was crawling over me, and I wanted nothing more than to do and say whatever it took to keep this man as far away from me as humanly possible. But the very idea of doing that—the very idea of betraying Tobi in such a manner, caused me more ache than any physical pain could provide. So I swallowed roughly again, looked up and glared at him. "Fuck you."

Orochimaru gave a small humming sound, before grabbing onto my hair and pulling me up. Instinctive tears pricked at my eyes and I bit down hard on my bottom lip. "We are moving, child; never in one location, and always staying away from the sightings of your beloved Akatsuki members. It will be a _long_ time until we are found, so I'll ask once: are you _really_ going to be so uncooperative?"

"Fuck you," I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut so I couldn't see what he would do next. I didn't need to. I felt Orochimaru's hand wrap around my left elbow and I felt and heard that familiar, sickening sound. I cried out, falling to my knees again and shaking. I was ashamed to allow the instinctive tears to fall, but my self-control wasn't so perfect that I could hold them back. When I opened my eyes, my stomach heaved to find my arm bent out at such a _wrong_ angle.

Orochimaru watched me, his eyes unreadable. "Such a fragile thing, aren't you? What use could you possibly have to garner such a high position? It couldn't be strictly emotional, the old leader would sooner place his little angel in such a position if _that_ were the case."

"F-Fuck y-you," I whispered again, hating that my bottom lip was trembling.

Orochimaru chuckled. "Oh well. We still have plenty of time, child. I'll find the answers to my questions sooner or later..."

I was about to respond with another oh-so-witty _fuck you_ , when the roof to the cart blew off. Orochimaru's head snapped up, his eyes narrowed and that was about when I saw Tobi come flying in, delivering a solid kick to Orochimaru's stomach. The Sannin was hurtled through the cart floor and straight into the ground, kicking up a large plume of dust and dirt in the processes. Tobi stared down at the hole, not even glancing at me before jumping down in it. My eyes widened and I shakily stood up, limping towards the hole, careful to not put any pressure on my _ohmygodIdidn'tknowitcouldbendthatway_ ankle. Several heartbeats passed before Tobi leapt up and out of the hole.

"See? Told you I could take you to her," X said, and I shot him an annoyed look. "Whoa, _that_ looks painful."

I gave him a sneer and Tobi whirled on him, his fist snapping out and digging into X's mask. X was knocked to the ground, his hands flying up to his face.

"Due to the fact that Orochimaru would have undoubtedly taken Mia without your help, and that it was because of you that I was able to find her so quickly, I've decided not to kill you," Tobi said, his voice quiet, but cold. "You have exactly ten seconds before I change my mind. Ten..."

X snorted, but disappeared in a plume of black smoke.

It was then that Tobi turned to me and stopped before me, his only visible eye—a bright red, signifying the use of his Sharingan—resting on my arm, the arm I was adamantly refusing to look at.

"I'm going to have to reset it," Tobi said softly, his hands moving towards it. My face screwed up and a whimper escaped my lips. Tobi hesitated, stepping closer. "I know it's going to hurt, but I promise it'll be all over soon."

I nodded, not trusting my voice. I closed my eyes and I felt Tobi's gentle hands wrap around my arm. There was another _snap_ and _crack_ and even though I was expecting the pain, it still had me weak in the knees. Tobi's arms quickly wrapped around me and he pulled me closer, hugging me tightly. "You're okay, Mia. You're alright. I promise, I won't let this happen again."

My good arm wrapped around Tobi and I buried my face in his chest, a choked sob escaping me.

"Shhh, it's okay. It's okay," Tobi whispered, and I was starting to realize that I wasn't the only one shaking either, and that Tobi wasn't really talking to me. "It's not going to happen again. Ever. I promise."

But that was okay.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Can I s-sleep with you t-tonight?" I asked as Tobi carried me away, my head resting on his shoulder as I curled up in his arms.

"Yes," Tobi said. "Don't worry, Mia, I'll get you to the hospital."

"I know," I whispered, closing my eyes. "I t-trust you."

"I won't let you down," Tobi promised. "Try and relax, Mia. The sedative should be kicking in about now. When you wake up, everything will be alright again. I promise."

I nodded my head, everything seeming sluggish. "Okay..."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

When I opened my eyes, I was in a hospital room. I looked over at my left arm, finding the majority of it in a cast. I gave a large yawn, sitting up in the bed and looking out my window. It was dark outside—the moon was high up in the air. I must have just been asleep for several hours, then.

"Awake?"

I looked back and found Deidara staring at me. He was seated in a chair at my bed, doodling away on a sketch pad.

"For the moment," I said, frowning. "What happened?"

"Well," Deidara began, "when we couldn't find Orochimaru, we ended up just fighting off the invasion for Konoha, un. Kakuzu-senpai said that would work just as well—our goal here was to just prove to Konoha that we were their allies. Turns out Orochimaru had kidnapped you though, and Tobi went to rescue you, un."

"I remember that much. He, uh... He confronted Orochimaru and got me to the hospital," I said.

"Mm-hmm. Knocked him out or something, because he was able to hold him long enough to take him to Otogakure. Hidan and Kisame were having a field day there, un. With the mass majority of their shinobi here, it was easy pickings for the most part—well, there were several difficult ones, from what they say, un," Deidara said thoughtfully. "They collected the bounties Kakuzu had assigned and when Tobi brought Orochimaru, between the four of them, they were able to deprive the information and keep him busy until Sasori-no-Danna and I arrived to finish the job, un."

"He's _dead_?" I demanded.

"We cut off his head, his hands, his feet, ripped out his spine and burnt the majority of his body to ashes—we had to make sure he was recognizable for Konoha, though. After _that_ , we took him back to Konoha and gave them him as a present, un," Deidara finished, smiling pleasantly.

I tried not to feel too pleased with that outcome for him. "What about Otogakure?"

"Pillaged and burned it," Deidara said with a shrug. "Kakuzu-senpai said the land could be used for farmers, un."

Nodding my head, I gave a thoughtful _humph_. "I could see that, gives us more money, too. Alright, so I take it we're on good terms with Konoha now, right?" At Deidara's nod, I continued, "Orochimaru's dead, Otogakure has been taken care of, I'm guessing all the bounties have been collected, so our plan was an overall success. Excellent work, Dei-chan."

Deidara shrugged. "Whatever, un. It was your idea."

Smiling sheepishly, I rubbed the back of my head with my good hand. "So then what are you doing here?"

"Watching for Tobi. He wanted someone to be here when you woke up, I took over Itachi's shift a little while ago. Tobi's been in a meeting with Leader-sama for a couple hours now, un," Deidara explained.

"Ah. Well, you're welcome to go back home and get some sleep, Dei-chan. I'll be fine, and besides, you deserve a good rest."

Deidara grinned at me. "Now _that_ sounds like a good plan. Alright, night, Mia-chan, un."

"Sweet dreams, buddy."

Even after Deidara left, I couldn't manage to go back asleep. I kept looking at my left arm and seeing it twisted weirdly and I kept hearing the _cracking_ sound. I told myself it was just my imagination, but the sheer persistence in my hallucinations kept me too on edge. An hour or so must have passed before Tobi finally came.

He stood before my bed and I looked up at him. Without a word, I moved over on my bed and he lay down beside me. I curled up next to him and buried myself as far as I could into him, focusing slowly on listening to his heartbeat and feeling his chest rise and fall. His arm curled around me and he rested his head on mine. "Go to sleep, Mia."

I closed my eyes. "Okay, 'Obi."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Aww, you don't have to feed me, Anko-chan," I cooed at her, smiling brightly. Anko gave me a glare and Kakashi shifted his weight, adjusting me on his back. Don't ask _why_ I was piggy-back riding Kakashi back to my apartment, I just was. It was _probably_ because he felt guilty (again, don't ask me _why_ , he was just being silly like that) that he didn't rescue me. That was why Anko felt the need to feed me.

"I should have made sure you were okay," Anko muttered, glaring down at the ground.

"But I'm alive," I pointed out. "And you had your job to do as a kunoichi. Besides, it's all good. My bestest buddy totally saved my ass."

"At least there's there," Anko grumbled.

"Seriously, don't feel guilty. Same to you, Kakashi," I said, patting his head.

Kakashi turned his head back and gave me an eye-smile. "What makes you think I feel bad?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Are you really trying to deny the fact?"

Kakashi remained silent, choosing instead to look away. I snorted. "That's what I thought... so my babies are at the apartment?"

Anko nodded, smiling. "Jiraiya-sama said Naruto wasn't allowed to visit you in the hospital, because he was too obnoxious, but seeing how you only had to stay overnight in the first place... well, they're kind of all gathered and anxiously awaiting your return."

"I feel loved."

Anko's eyebrows wiggled. "Something I'm sure Kakashi would be delighted to do to you—"

Kakashi and I sighed.

"Anko, sweetie," I said gently, "it's just not going to happen."

"That's what you think now," Anko sung, skipping up the steps to the apartment. "But look at how cute you two look. He's carrying you all the way home."

I rolled my eyes. "You're ruining the joy of being given a lift home, Anko-chan. Put me down, please, Kakashi."

As Kakashi set me down, Anko pouted and I brushed past her, opening the door to my apartment. I had only a second to blink before a blur of blond and orange barreled into me, knocking me to the ground.

"Oh thank the Ramen King you're okay, Kaa-chan! I was so worried, but I couldn't visit you in the hospital because Tou-san was being an ass and Teme said something about you just staying the night, so I thought it would be fine, but it wasn't because I was totally worried and I thought you had died and left me and that if that happened I would _seriously_ miss you and be sad, so you have to promise me that you aren't going to die any time soon, because that would just depress me and you know I love you, and Teme was worried too, so was Sakura-chan, and Hinata-chan and Kiba-teme and everyone came over last night to give me get-well gifts to give to _you_ and I put them on your bed, I hope thats okay and _oh_ , I'm just so glad to see you—"

"Breathe, child. Breathe," I said, hugging Naruto as close to me as I could.

Naruto sniffled, his face buried into my chest. "Sorry, Kaa-chan. I'm sorry I got embarrassed from you at the tournament, I'm sorry I made you worry, I'm sorry I made you come to the tournament in the first place, because if I hadn't then maybe—"

I kissed his forehead and cheek, cupping his cheek. "Hush, Naruto-chan. It wouldn't have made a difference where I was, and don't feel bad for being embarrassed, _I_ thought it was adorable. And I'll _always_ be worried, so don't feel bad about that, either, and you never _made_ me do anything: I chose to go because I knew how important it was to you. That's what mothers are for."

Naruto sniffled, his bottom lip trembling. "I'm sorry, Kaa-chan."

"Don't cry, sweetie," I said quickly, my brow furrowed. "If you cry, then I'll cry, and we'll just be a crying mess and no wants that."

Naruto nodded, choosing instead to just rest his head on me. I struggled to sit up, finally managing the feat to find Sasuke and Sakura staring at me with mixed expressions. Sakura was both pleased and relieved, while Sasuke was torn between trying to hold an indifferent face, and a relieved one.

Jiraiya was off to the side, smirking and holding up a camera.

"I swear to God, if you took a picture of me with my hair as horrible as it is now..."

 _Flash_.

"You're dead to me," I told him.

"I am not," Jiraiya retorted. "You love me far too much for something like that. Now how about food?"

"Fine," I muttered. "But I'll need help in the kitchen."

"I was thinking of going out to eat, but that works," Jiraiya chuckled.

"I'll help," Kakashi offered, helping me on my feet and gently prying Naruto off of me.

I nodded. "Thanks, buddy. Everybody cool for staying the night and watching something funny? I need a good laugh."

"You and me both," Kakashi muttered, walking away and heading towards the kitchen.

I smirked. "Just let me grab my green apron, then." *****

Kakashi twitched at that.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:**
> 
> "I'm bored. Think I'll go to the mall, find a great parking spot and sit in my car with my reverse lights on."
> 
> "Ever looked at your best friend and wonder: 'Why the hell aren't we comedians?'"
> 
> "Just remember if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English."
> 
> "Dearest Teachers,
> 
> If I sit next to my best friend, I'll whisper to them. If you move me away, I'll shout to them. It's your choice."
> 
> "Trust me, you can dance
> 
> -Vodka"
> 
> "The dog is OK. Beware of owner. Also, the cat is shady as fuck."
> 
> -Tumblr
> 
>  **Question:** The best thing you have ever eaten? Ever.
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	20. Part II - Comfy Position

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧** _  
_

I cracked my eyes open, twitching my nose in hopes of preventing the oncoming sneeze. After succeeding the prevention, I then glanced down to find myself curled up against Jiraiya, Naruto practically in my lap and multiple blankets around us. Jiraiya was snoring loudly, his head resting on the back of the couch and Naruto was body-hugging my legs and stomach, drooling on me. I looked up and noticed that we had left the T.V. on—I had fallen asleep halfway during our apparently final movie, Naruto already asleep on me and Jiraiya starting to doze off.

 _I guess Jiraiya didn't bother to wake us up and get us into a bed,_ I concluded reaching around the snoring Sannin to grab the remote and switch the T.V. off. Once that was done, I debated on how to extract myself from the position I was in.

_Hmmm..._

I shrugged, closing my eyes, pulling Naruto closer and snuggling back into Jiraiya. _Can't do it without waking them and they've just fought off an entire invasion. They deserve the rest, so I better just go with it._

 _And they are_ seriously _comfy._

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

When I awoke again, I found myself entirely alone on the couch— _how in the hell did_ they _get out of that without waking me? Damn shinobi_ —but not alone in the apartment. Kakashi was in a reading chair, a little ways from me, flipping through his porn.

"Wha—"

"My little cute Genin are off on a D-Rank mission," Kakashi explained. "They don't need me to supervise them, so I decided I would stay here and wait for them."

"Why here?" I asked incredulously.

Kakashi motioned to me. "Because you cannot take care of yourself on your own."

I shrugged. "Can to. It'd just be more difficult."

"Point. Breaking an arm and wrist and fracturing your ankle can make life difficult—especially when you don't have chakra to help speed up the process."

"Another downside," I sighed, moving to sit up on the couch.

"Is there _any_ upside to not having chakra?"

"Well," I reasoned, "I can't be placed under a genjutsu without my willing consent and even then I easily break out of it, and most shinobi or kunoichi can't sense my presence. Granted they could still hear or smell me, but..."

Kakashi gave a small hum of acknowledgement. "Doesn't seem worth it to me."

"It's not," I sighed. "Even the genjutsu stuff is annoying. My friend, Tobi, wanted to show me a couple of totally awesome things, and the way to do that was to just put me under a genjutsu and allow him to manipulate the genjutsu to what he wanted to show me. _However_ , because of my lack of chakra network, he can't do it the normal way. He actually had to concentrate on entering my mind—you know how genjutsu pretty much uses the part of your chakra network attached to your nervous network to mind fuck you, right? Right—and it was _still_ blurred. Not to mention, I could have easily pushed him out at any time I wanted—I can't really explain _how_ , but it was just one of those..."

"Innate feelings?" Kakashi guessed. I nodded my head. "Sounds like it. So are you the only one...?"

"Nope. Everyone from my home w—land doesn't have chakra like you guys do," I said, smiling. "We make up for it in technology. I've shown you my laptop before, and you were still baffled by its ability to have a touch-screen that doubled as a tablet, right?"

"Right. I've never seen anything like it before," Kakashi agreed.

I nodded again. "Well believe it or not, my laptop is actually pretty outdated. We've got flying airplanes—think of them as vehicles that actually lift you off the ground and allow you to be flown anywhere you want in the world—and submarines—like the airplanes, only they go underwater—and we've got the _best_ gaming consoles—" I broke off, swallowing down the reflexive lump that came whenever I thought of my home. "It's... well, we're pretty damn awesome when it comes to technology."

"It sounds like it. Could you build a—what did you call it?—an airplane?"

I hesitated. "I've built a _model_ airplane before. I know the basics, but it's not my area of expertise."

"What is?"

I blushed. "Physics, actually. Theoretical to be more precise, you know, the theory of gravity and all that. I wanted to go into the renewable energy department, see what I could do there, but then the whole thing about dark lightning—a burst of high radiation was found right before actual lightning, struck an airplane or something, I think—and then our engineering teacher started getting into the theory of black holes and, well... one thing lead to another..."

"Dark lightning?" Kakashi echoed.

Waving my hand in a dismissive manner, I said, "Doesn't matter now. None of that stuff really applies here. I'm just lucky that my grandfather and father were such mechanic nuts and passed on enough information to me so I could survive. Enough about me, though. Did you always want to be a shinobi?"

Kakashi cocked his head. "Of course."

"Really?"

"Really."

"... Care to elaborate?"

"Nope," Kakashi said, giving me his eye-smile.

"You're no fun," I pouted, waving my hand in a dismissive manner.

"Kaa-chan! Kaa-chan!"

I glanced up to find Naruto crawling into the window, grinning bright as can be. "Can't stay long, but you're totally okay if Tou-san takes me on a journey to find some old hag, right? Right? He wants to leave like, right now, and I thought that'd be okay with you, and stuff because you're cool and all, and you know... We're good, right? Right! I'm just going to get my bag packed!"

I blinked in dumbfoundment and shock as Naruto raced off to his room and started to frantically pack.

Kakashi turned his head, stifling his amused chuckle when my brain finally caught up to Naruto's words. I paled and I gave a whimper. " _What?_ What do you mean you're leaving now? Young man—the invasion wasn't even all that long ago!"

Naruto rushed back into the room, his eyes wide and pleading as he hurtled himself on the couch next to me and looked up at me. His bottom lip quivered comically. "But... but... Kaa-chan... Tou-san promised to teach me this _super awesome_ move if I come along, and you know... Please, Kaa-chan? I really want this. _Please_?"

I felt my heart break at his eyes. "Oh, _Naruto_... oh... _fine_. Just... just give me a hug, okay? And I want to talk to Jiraiya. _JIRAIYA, GET YOUR ASS IN HERE NOW._ "

Naruto gave a snicker as he bounced off the couch—swooping down a moment to give me a quick kiss on the cheek—before he ran off into his room. In that instant, Jiraiya appeared at the window, giving me an almost sheepish look.

"I didn't think it would be a problem," Jiraiya whined, as I gestured for him to take a seat next to me. Jiraiya did so, and I raised an eyebrow at him.

"It's _not_... it's just that, you know..." _I mean, I was pretty much expecting him to leave to hunt down Tsunade, but half of me was also expecting him to stay 'cuz the Hokage was still alive._ "Mind at least elaborating on what you're supposed to do?"

"Who's the old hag?" Kakashi asked.

Jiraiya gave a sigh. "Well... the invasion put a tremendous strain on the old man... he's decided enough was enough and it was time to settle for the next Hokage before he croaked. He, er, wanted _me_ originally, but I was able to persuade him to keep an open mind."

Kakashi shook his head. "Don't tell me you're off looking for _her_."

I smirked. "Good luck, sensei."

Jiraiya gave a humorless smile. "I'll need it."

"When do I get my kid back?"

"A month or so, I expect," Jiraiya estimated, his brow furrowed. "Maybe two months if we're unlucky."

I shrugged. "He's safe with you. I know that, and with Orochimaru gone... well, that's just one less threat to worry about."

Kakashi peered at me. "I'm surprised you aren't having a panic attack about this."

"I am," I assured him. "I'm just getting way better at putting myself in denial of it and ignoring it until it goes away. I have a feeling it'll be a very useful tool, or else my nerves will pretty much be shot within the next year or so."

Jiraiya gave me a pitying look, one that I successfully ignored. He then said, "Anyway, sorry that I'm kidnapping our son for a few days, but at least you'll have Kakashi around to help you."

I glanced over at Kakashi. "Not unless he's willing to stay over 24/7."

Kakashi actually gave me an eye-smile at that. " _Actually_..."

Frowning, I gave him a dubious expression. "Actually _what_? What's wrong with your place?"

"It got destroyed in the invasion," Jiraiya explained.

"Oh. That sucks. Then if that's the case, then _yes_ you _may_ stay with me—"

"How'd you know I was going to ask that?"

The three of us glanced up to find Anko, crawling in through the window.

"Why can't anyone ever use the _door_?" I asked rhetorically. "Anyway, I didn't know _you_ were going to ask that, Anko-chan. Kakashi's place got trashed too, so... Well, you are _both_ welcome to stay here. I was meaning to buy another apartment and split it into a guest bedroom, this just gives me further reason."

"Does anyone else even live in this building?" Anko wondered.

"Nope," Jiraiya chirped.

"Cool. Alright, Kakashi, Anko, go find your own special rooms and I'll... go... down to the mission desk and hire some people to install connecting doors and whatnot. We'll grab furniture tonight," I said, once again finding how pleased I was to be spending all of Tobi's money in retaliation. Well, it still wasn't _Tobi's_ money—I hadn't even burned through _half_ of Yagura's money, interestingly enough.

Anko leered over at me. "Sounds like a plan. Besides, you'll need me and Kakashi around, seeing how you're completely helpless..."

I leered right back up at her. "Not _completely_..."

"Why do I feel like I _really_ want to say _kinky_?" Kakashi wondered as Naruto entered the room. Naruto's eyes bulged and he did a double take upon seeing Anko.

He pointed at her and exclaimed, "What are _you_ doing here? Weren't you have supposed to have _died_ in the invasion?"

"Mia! You're brat is being mean," Anko whined.

"There, there, dear, that's just how he shows affection," I cooed. "Just look at his and Sasuke-chan's relationship."

Naruto's face looked rutilant, and he stammered, "K-Kaa-chan!"

"Hush, darling. When are you and Jiraiya leaving, anyway?"

"Now!" Naruto yelled, giving a pleading look at Jiraiya and a wary look at Anko.

Jiraiya laughed. "Alright, alright. I guess we can leave now. Let's go, brat!"

"I love you!" I said quickly. "Be safe. Jiraiya, watch over our baby."

"Love you, too," Jiraiya and Naruto chorused, both exiting out the window.

Anko gave a snicker after they left. "Well, now that _they're_ gone... what do you say we have a giant threesome?"

"No," Kakashi denied immediately before I could even get the chance to.

Anko pouted petulantly.

There was a quiet knock on the door.

"Come in!" I called out. There was a slight pause before the door creaked open and a little boy with shockingly bright red hair appeared. He eyed the apartment blankly. "Ooh, you must be Gaara-kun. Naruto-chan told me all about you! Please come in."

I gave Anko and Kakashi a pointed look.

Anko rolled her eyes. "I'll go to the mission desk and grab us some Genin for installing the doors."

"I'll go pick out furniture," Kakashi said, and the two disappeared.

I smiled brightly at Gaara, sitting up on the couch and patting the seat beside me. Gaara slowly moved over towards me, taking a seat. "Hi, I'm Mia, I'm Naruto's mom."

"I... know," Gaara said softly. "He... told me about you. I was hoping for a chance to talk to Uzumaki before I left."

I gave him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, he's already left. You're welcome to talk to me, though, if you want."

Gaara gave a small shrug, glancing away. "... You know what he is?"

"Of course I do."

Gaara appeared to be struggling with something. He then sighed, looking back up at me. His appearance struck me as something familiar. It took a moment or two before I could place it... he reminded me of Naruto, when he accidentally called me _Kaa-chan_ for the first time. Ashamed, embarrassed, but there was a plain hint of hopeful want.

I smiled warmly at him. "I don't care if you're a holder, as well, Gaara-chan. You're a jinchūriki brother to my son, and that makes you _my_ son, as well."

Gaara's eyes widened in disbelief.

"Now, how about we play a little game?" I offered. "I know I have a deck of cards around here somewhere..."

Gaara gave a slow nod. "... I suppose I have time for a... a game."

I beamed.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I leaned on Tobi, the both of us sitting in my bed later on that night. I had informed Anko and Kakashi I was going to bed, only to find Tobi there waiting for me. He had set up some privacy and silencing seals, so the two of us could converse without worry of Anko or Kakashi interrupting or eavesdropping.

Really, though, it was just me pretty much falling asleep on Tobi's shoulder while Tobi read a book.

"Are you just going to be sleeping with me every night?" I wondered aloud, pretty much giving up on the fact of staying awake. The pain-killers the medical-nin had given me were heavy sedatives to boost, so I was starting to get a little dizzy and light-headed.

"... Probably for a while," Tobi quietly admitted. "I'm sorry if that bothers you..."

"It doesn't" I said quickly. "I like it, actually. I like sleeping with you."

Tobi gave a snort at the innuendo. "Also... I don't think you'll be spending much time in Konoha while Naruto is on his three-year training leave."

I blinked at that, tilting my head curiously. "Oh-ho?"

Tobi shrugged. "... Do you need help changing?"

I nodded my head, the action feeling sluggish and odd. "Just take off my pants, then I'll probably need help getting under the covers."

"Right," Tobi said, flushing. "I can do that..."

I gave a small _hum_ , feeling giddy and heavy at the same time. I fell back onto my bed, yawning widely while Tobi started tugging my pants off. "How-wow co _oo_ me?"

"How come what? Oh," Tobi cleared his throat. "I just... I would rather you stayed with me."

Nodding slowly at that, I yawned again. "Mmkay... Howeverrr... I w-would rrath _err_... y-you know... still hang with Anko-chan and—and shit..." My voice was starting to slur and my eyelids were unnaturally heavy. "Y-You know..."

"I would be okay if you stayed in Konohagakure for _some_ of the time—short periods of time—however, I would still insist that you stayed with me."

"'Kay," I said, agreeing. "Ar _rrre_ my pantssss off yet?"

"Yes," Tobi said.

"That'ssss gooooood," I drawled, turning over, closing my eyes.

I heard Tobi move about next to me, and I could feel him lift me off my bed and sling me over one shoulder. I opened my eyes and found myself staring at his rather cute butt, and I could see that he was moving the sheets back before he put me back into the bed. He moved over and turned the lights off before crawling into bed next me. I gave a final yawn before grabbing onto his arm and holding it tightly against my chest.

"Mia... what are you doing with my arm?" Tobi sighed, as he pulled the blankets over us.

"Shhh... it's g-g-going to keep the girrrrls compan-ay," I giggled.

"... We're changing your medication tomorrow."

I snickered.

"Good _night_ , Mia."

"Good _night_ , sexy."

Tobi gave a strained choking sound at that, and I had to smile at it, pleased at his reaction.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

When I awoke, it was to a unique position. I was practically on top of Tobi on my belly, my cheek resting on his chest and my left arm curled up next to me, with my right arm sprawled out away from us. Tobi was still asleep, snorting softly, his right hand resting on my lower back and his own left hand sprawled out next to my right hand.

I took a moment or two, to simply relax and savor the position.

I smiled, closing my eyes and deciding to go back to sleep.

_Comfiest. Position. Ever._

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer** : The very first cup of instant ramen. I know, how sad. However, it was also the very first time I ever watched an actual anime for the purpose of watching anime, so it was a very significant moment for me.
> 
> Gawd, that sounds horribly geeky.
> 
> Oh, well.
> 
>  **Question** : Weirdest word you know?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	21. Part III - A Kiss Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cute picture by Iluminate18 on deviantART.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Ah, and here we are again," I declared, taking a gentle sip from my hot chocolate and staring at the background appreciatively.

Tobi gave a small hum of acknowledgement, before he frowned and disappeared in a small puff of smoke. I stared at the blank space.

"Oh, so... I'm the only one telling the recap? Well, that's no fun."

I shrugged. "Alright, well, nothing of huge major importance occurred. Naruto went off to find Tsunade and succeeded, he made the same bet with her and won—learning the Rasengan in the process. Tsunade returned to Konoha, but because she didn't have to directly confront her phobia like she did in canon, she had to attend a couple months' worth of therapy. I know because the therapy sessions were actually in the T&I department, because she was getting them through Inoichi. She's actually become fairly close with Anko and myself. The three of us, make-up the rowdiest of kunoichis (even though I'm not actually a kunoichi) in Konoha. We have a nickname, like... the sinful trio, I think. I don't know. They don't ever really call us that to our faces, because Tsunade would kick their asses and Anko would emotionally scar them. As planned, though, Tsunade is our current Hokage, Hiruzen stepped down a couple years ago and is on as an advisor. She complains a lot about it, but I know she secretly likes the position."

I grinned. "She did train Sakura for a while, mostly fine-tuning all the medical knowledge Sasori passed down to her. Speaking of Sasori, the two of them actually went off on a training leave, just like Naruto! She actually traveled with Deidara and Sasori for a handful of months, before returning to Konoha, staying a couple months, then leaving again. I know Deidara and Sasori are quite fond of her, and she is equally fond of them. Sakura's a mean kunoichi when it comes to taijutsu, but her speciality lies in poisons, senbon, chakra strings, tactical-thinking and minor genjutsus. Basically she's the type of person who slowly drains her enemies strength and ability without hardly lifting a finger, before bothering to finish them off. She's damn good as a medical-kunoichi, too, but she's not as proficient in the area as she was in canon, choosing instead to focus on her own battle-area."

"She's not the only one to leave on an unexpected training trip. Hinata left, too. She stayed in Amegakure with me and Konan! I can't tell you how surprised I was by that one, but she was all for it. Konan absolutely adores her, and makes no effort to hide the fact. To be honest, I was surprised the two knew about the other's true identity, but Konan explained to me she had figured out who Hinata was a while ago and by that time, she was already fond of Hinata that she didn't mind that she came from Konohagakure. She only stayed in Amegakure for roughly a year and a half before returning to Konoha to further improve on her Hyuuga training, but damn... she's kind of like a mini-Konan, except way nicer and way warmer."

"I know Sasuke wanted to train with Itachi, or well, with his PenPal, but Itachi wasn't quite ready to explain to him the truth about the massacre, so he managed to persuade Sasuke to wait a while longer. Naruto wanted to meet up with his PenPal, too, but I was able to convince him to wait a while longer too. Let's see... Oh! Deidara wanted his own PenPal, especially considering how much he discovered that Sasori and Sakura seem to get along, and I've set him up with Ino-chan. Ino-chan seems to adore her PenPal, and that's been going on for a year and a half."

I hummed, stretching out onto the lush couch. "Kakashi and I are still friends, he's one of my two best guy friends aside from Tobi. The other being Itachi. Oh! Jiraiya knows about the Akatsuki, the truth, and the two of us... well, three of us including Itachi... have fine-tuned my grand plan. Jiraiya's also devised a seal to use during the bijuu-sealing that won't kill off the jinchuuriki. It's pretty bad-ass.... What else am I forgetting?...

Tobi popped back into existence, but because I was sprawled out on the couch—and thus had taken over his original seat—he pretty much popped back onto my belly.

"Oof! Get off, you're heavy."

Tobi gave me an amused look. "No. I'm comfy. You're nice and squishy."

"Get the fuck off," I growled, smacking his arm. "Never call a girl squishy unless you're talking about her boobies."

Tobi held up his hands in defense, standing up while I readjusted to sit on the couch. Once I was settled, he sat down next to me, casually draping his arm around the back of the couch. "Well... the Akatsuki is progressing nicely."

"That's right," I said, nodding my head. "We're accepted on a friendly basis in all of the villages and Amegakure is considered our capital city. Because of that, Amegakure is actually growing into quite the village, it's twice the size it used to be, believe it or not."

Tobi nodded his head. "We're actually planning on capturing our first bijuu soon, within the week, in fact. Mia's already got everything set up."

I nodded my head. "Gaara will be our first target, and one of the only targets I can actually help with. You know how Sasori was able to have his own mind-puppets? He implanted a seal that pretty much brain-washed, people. Well, he was able to develop a similar seal... It's like this: in his original seals, whenever people served him, they would have gaps in their memories. However, they felt compelled to fill in those gaps with fake memories. It's like... it's like how whenever you see something strange, you try to rationalize it, or you conclude it's some supernatural force. It's kind of like that, only they also felt compelled to feel like the fake memories they've installed are real, and they don't question them. Sasori's made a seal that will be implanted on each jinchuuriki during their process of extraction. After all, we're still trying not to get caught, so we're also carefully choosing to kidnap our victims during times where their leave can be explained. For Gaara, we'll be kidnapping him while he is on his way to Konohagakure. Sasori's special seal will also allow us to implant at least some influence into making the memories, for Gaara, his memories will ultimately be traveling with me for a day, before the two of us decide to make a slight detour to pick some herbs for Sakura and Sasori. It'll take an extra day to find the herbs, thus making Gaara's trip to Konoha four days instead of the normal three days at walking speed."

"Basically, yes," Tobi agreed.

"Anyway, I also traveled around with Tobi," I said, beaming. "We mostly just visited all the lands and goofed off a lot, it was awesome, but I did return to Konohagakure for a couple months before leaving and traveling again... and then returning for another couple months... you get the picture. We also stayed a lot in Amegakure. I've learned a lot! For instance, my lying skills have gotten significantly better."

"No, they haven't," Tobi disagreed. "You're still a horrible liar to those you care about."

"Shut up," I pouted. "Nobody asked you."

Tobi shrugged, unbothered. "Is there anything else we need to talk about?"

"Let's see... talked about Sakura... Sasuke trained in Konoha under Kakashi... Naruto's training trip was canon, everyone in the Akatsuki is pretty much canon, too... except Sasori and Deidara who are fond of Sakura, Konan who is fond of Hinata, and Nagato is way more relaxed and has a weird sense of humor that's a little too much like Naruto's for my taste... and Tobi, of course... Itachi's pretty mellow, too, actually. Kisame, Kakuzu and Hidan are virtually the same.... Zetsu's same... Everyone else is pretty much canon, too. I think we got it all."

Well, no, not all of it, I thought, as Tobi nodded in agreement.

"If that's the case, then I'm gone," Tobi said, disappearing again.

"Ah... one more thing... I can't really explain how this came about," I said slowly, "but Anko, Jiraiya, Tsume, Tsunade, Konan and Kakashi all agree it's one thing. You see, for the past couple years, there's been some, er, tension between Tobi and me, and they seem to think it's just sexual tension. But I know it's not, because that implies that Tobi likes me at least as much as I like him, which is wrong because he's still pursuing his plan. So, I'm not entirely sure what it is... I mean, I hope it's ST, but you know... gotta stay realistic."

"Oh, and Kabuto's gone AWOL. Jiraiya and I have already tried finding him, but he's still missing. I've tried locating Madara's remains, too, but I haven't had much luck. I intend to bring Jiraiya and Itachi in on the entire truth soon enough," I finished.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I stared at Gaara's unconscious body, sitting on Deidara's clay bird as the duo continued to carry the Kazekage away. There were two other guards that were supposed to escort us, but they were already under Sasori's control since long before, so they merely followed behind us docilely. The cave wasn't too far away now, and they would begin the extraction. Thanks to the safety-seal Jiraiya had designed, the extraction took twelve hours longer.

The seal was designed to allow a more gradual extraction. The main reason the jinchuurikis didn't survive the original extraction in canon was because their chakra systems heavily relied on the bijuu's, and without that support, they failed—thus killing their host. The seal also allowed a small portion of the bijuu's chakra to remain in the host, enough that the host could survive, but not enough that they could use the chakra. The chakra would gradually disappear and wane with time—years, actually—but the process would be slow enough to wean the hosts off of their bijuu's chakra without running into the danger of dying.

"I feel horrible kidnapping him," I said out loud, studying Gaara's relaxed face. He merely sipped on some tea, laced with Tsunade's special sedative. I knew it wasn't really going to harm him, and he wouldn't even know. The seal also gave the effect that the bijuu was there, but... well... since Gaara wasn't on friendly terms with the beast, it would merely seem to him that it was 'sleeping.'

"You'll get over it, un," Deidara retorted.

I shrugged, not too sure about that. "I suppose. Well..."

"Well, what?" Sasori inquired, drawing out his voice.

"So who's going to keep me company?" I asked. "We've already figured that at least one of you isn't required for the sealing to be on time, and Nagato-kun promised _someone_ would hang out with me so I wouldn't throw myself off a cliff from sheer boredom."

"Itachi will, un," Deidara said.

I frowned. "... I thought he was with Kisame..."

"No, we split up, so I could keep you company," Itachi said as Sasori and Deidara dropped Gaara off at the center of the cave.

"Oh, cool," I said, watching the holograms flicker to life and the sealing begin. The two of us lapsed into silence while the process began. Once it was started and it went on for a while, I turned back to Itachi.

"So... it's just you and me," I drawled out slowly, wiggling my eyebrows at him expectantly.

"For the moment it would seem that way," Itachi agreed. "We should probably move away from the others, though, or else we'd distract them."

"Aww, come on. We're going to be fucking bored out of our minds here!" Hidan whined.

"You'll live," Kakuzu grunted.

"Tobi wishes Itachi-chan and Mia-chan have fun!" Tobi hollered, waving his hand fanatically.

"Be safe," Konan murmured.

"Don't get her killed, Uchiha, un," Deidara echoed.

Itachi and I finished bidding farewell to our friends—well, they were my friends, not sure if he considered anyone, save Kisame, maybe, his friend—before taking our leave.

"We have three and a half entire days to ourselves. What do you want to do first?" I asked.

Itachi looked contemplative for a moment before he offered me a small smile. "... There was a village I passed by, not too far from here, that had a quaint tea shop. I would like to try it out."

"Sounds like a plan," I declared. "Are we leisurely walking or are you going to be a perfect gentleman and carry me?"

Itachi gave me an amused look. "I'm in no rush, why not walk?"

"Damn. Fine."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I wiggled my eyebrows at Itachi, and he stared at me. "Come on, please?"

"No, Leader-sama would be most displeased with us."

"Oh, please?"

"No."

"Fine! Then I won't share all my recent pictures of Sasuke-chan," I pouted.

Itachi glared at me. "... Alright. You win."

I squealed with delight, lurching from my spot on the booth to wrap my arms around Itachi. Due to the fact that he was sitting, and I was kneeling in his own booth, I ended up just squashing the poor boy against me. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Mia-chan," Itachi said patiently, his voice muffled. "Please quit suffocating me with your breasts."

I pulled back, ruffling his hair affectionately. Itachi gave me an apathetic glower (how he managed to do that, I hadn't the faintest idea, but trust me, he did), his hands moving up quickly to fix his hair.

Itachi placed money on the table, signaling to our love-struck waitress that we were done. The two of us filed out of the shop before Itachi swooped me up in his arms and lurched up into the air.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"I've got Tobi's boxers, I've got Tobi's boxers," I sung, skipping out of the nearest Akatsuki base and stringing them—along with Kakuzu's, Deidara's, Hidan's, Sasori's and Kisame's undergarments—among the tree branches surrounding the base.

Itachi merely observed my work. "This is incredibly childish."

"Yes, well, I'm feeling pretty childish and this is just part of my revenge from That Night."

"We didn't know you were such a light-weight," Itachi insisted. "And you were the one who agreed to Strip Poker in the first place."

"Because I thought you and Tobi had my back," I argued. "And I didn't expect Konan to have the best poker face out of any of you idiots! She was the only one to remain fully clothed at the end... well, her and Tobi."

"We did not know you were such a light-weight. We apologized for spiking the drink," Itachi repeated.

"And I told you all I would have vengeance," I retorted. "Tobi knew I was a light-weight, he should have at least told me..."

"He was a bit busy, recovering from Hidan's and Deidara's own anger at him for giving you his cloak when you ran out of clothes to take off during Strip Poker."

I nodded. "... That's true. He was a bit disoriented, wasn't he? And he knew that thrashing was coming the moment he gave me his cloak, but he gave it to me anyway... I suppose I can't be too angry with him... Although we both know he could have avoided the beat-down if he really wanted to."

"It wouldn't have fit with his current persona," Itachi dismissed.

I shrugged. "Well, I can't get revenge on you, because you're helping me, so I'll just have to use him as a scapegoat. Besides, this'll just make things even when he 'accidentally' set Kakashi's house on fire after it was just rebuilt from the invasion. THe poor guy has practically moved in with me now. Or at least, I think so. I don't know. I haven't been in Konoha for a while so his place might be rebuilt."

"You'll find out soon enough," Itachi demurred.

I beamed. "That's right. And I'll be seeing my baby boy after three years. Damn..."

Itachi smiled softly. "I am happy for you, Mia-chan."

I skipped over to my friend, throwing my arms around his neck and hugging him. "And soon, you and Sasuke-chan will be reunited."

Itachi gave a small noise, akin to a grunt (but of course it wasn't an actual grunt because Uchiha Itachi did not grunt). "I trust in your plan, Mia, but I worry still..."

"Everything will fall into place, don't worry," I assured him, pulling him away and smiling brightly. "My key player will come around, just you wait. In the meantime, you just enjoy your conversations with Sasuke, take your medicine and focus on living, okay?"

"I understand," Itachi said. "... Thank you."

I patted the top of his head. "So cute. You're welcome, buddy... Now help me chakra-glue all their furniture upside down."

"Yes, ma'am."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I pulled my laptop out before me, plugging it into the nearest wall-plug. Itachi pulled out his own laptop and mimicked the action.

It was interesting. After I had successfully rebuilt my laptop, I became interested in seeing if I could actually create a new one from this world. It took two years, but I had managed to replicated my laptop enough that it was acceptable. Granted, Itachi's laptop didn't have a touchscreen or tablet, it had no internet (not that mine had internet, either), nor anything super fancy. It was, in short, a gaming-watching-movies-someplace-to-write-and-or-store-pictures-on laptop. Honestly, it wasn't even a real laptop—more like a sort of basic console. I made it for the sole purpose for the members to be able to play the games they were addicted to without stealing my laptop.

So far each pair had only one 'laptop', but I was working on that. I made one for Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura, too, each modified and uploaded with things I thought they may or may not like. I also added a basic program allowing the laptops to connect—it was the same type of program used in NintendoDSs and onwards to connect to other Nintendo handheld devices. It had an extremely limited range, but it was enough.

"I'm going to kick your ass," I said, smirking at Itachi. Itachi merely raised an eyebrow as he waited for his laptop to upload.

"What exactly is this game?" Itachi inquired.

"Portals 2," I quoted. "It's amazing how much I've been able to recover from my harddrive—games I had thought I deleted, but never bothered to go back and check... it's nice to know being sloppy about that paid off."

"I see," Itachi replied. "It doesn't seem like a two... two... two-player?" At my nod, Itachi continued, "It doesn't seem like a two-player game."

"It is," I assured him, "but we can't access that part, yet. No, no, what I'll kick your ass in is beating the game before you."

"Is that a challenge?"

"It is."

"Challenge accepted."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

That was essentially how we spent our days. Goofing off on the laptops, elaborating my revenge, or visiting the local tea-shop. It was uneventful, true, but it wasn't horrendously boring, either. When it was time to return, Itachi decided to be awesome and spare my poor feet the brutal walk home, and just carried me to the spot.

After reaching the cave, we were greeted with absent enthusiasm, and the mind-controlled Suna guards entered the cave and carried Gaara out. I waved goodbye to everyone before trailing behind the guards at a sedate pace. We traveled a couple miles before they began to set up camp (it was nearly dark) and they set Gaara against a tree. I sat down beside Gaara, humming a soft tune to myself.

I knew that, soon, Deidara and Sasori would present themselves to us and offer us a quick trip to Konohagakure—as Deidara could carry us all on his birds more quickly than we could move—as yet another good gesture on Akatsuki's part. I could already feel their chakra signatures, just hovering a short distance from behind us.

One of the guards gave a sharp jerk, his eyes blinking furiously and I knew that he had been released from the daze before. He blinked a couple more times, Sasori's seal falling into place before he glanced over at me and smiled. "I'll go ahead and collect some firewood, Mia-sama, please take care of Kazekage-sama."

I nodded my head, unminding of the honorific. I had only visited Suna a handful of times, one of the times before Naruto even left for his training trip, and each time I made sure to smother the child in affection. Gaara had yet to refer to me as Kaa-san, but it seemed more like an unspoken statement. It was one of the things I was proud of about myself, and yet another reason I felt guilty about deceiving Gaara so. Especially considering how if things went according to plan, I wouldn't be doing the same thing to Naruto...

Fighting down the rising sense of guilt, I tried to preoccupy myself with playing with Gaara's soft hair. Why is that everyone I knew had soft hair, in comparison to mine? It had to be chakra-related somehow. Damn it chakra. Why couldn't I have been born with my own system? Or have grown one?

Stupid nature-chakra. I couldn't even use it. Well, I could... it was just very, very tiring. On the upside, I was no longer life-threatened... all the time... but on the down side, it was still chaotic and messy and draining.

Suddenly, Gaara's eyes blinked open. Pale seafoam eyes stared up at me and I smiled warmly. "Just now waking up, Gaara-chan?"

Gaara blinked several times, a confused expression flickering on and off his face. After nearly a minute of the actions, Gaara finally dipped his head in my direction. "Yes. I apologize for that. I didn't expect to doze off when we rested."

"It's no worries," I assured him eagerly. "I'm just glad you were able to sleep at all."

Gaara nodded again, this time the action came more slowly, more hesitant. "Since Jiraiya-sama looked at my sealing at your request, I have had an easier time of being able to slip off into a more sedate state without worry of the bijuu taking control. It is still foreign and strange, but... not unpleasant."

I gently patted his head. "I'm glad. Sleeping and dreams can be a wonderful thing. It's good that you're able to experience them. Are you hungry? I was about to make dinner when the guard returns with firewood."

"I could eat," Gaara said slowly. "... We should move quickly, however, in the morning. We have been too indulging on our whims and have gotten side-track. I am afraid that the others may be worried."

"Good point," I said. "We'll leave earlier in the morning than usual. We should reach Konoha soon."

Gaara nodded a final time, shifting slightly.

Serene silence fell between the camp, and I lost myself in my daydreams, waiting for the guard to return. The other guards were moving about the small clearing, pitching tents and unrolling blankets. It was oddly soothing, feeling them work around me.

Just then, I felt a cold sensation crawl down my spine and my eyes widened when Gaara's sand suddenly lurched around me. It moved in a slow, jerkish fashion and I watched, as I was lifted up into the air, Gaara beside me.

His brow furrowed. "I do not like how slow my sand responded... it would appear we have company and that the guard will most likely not be returning to us."

My eyes trailed down and I found that he was indeed correct. A group of unidentifiable shinobi and kunoichi had circled the camp, several of them already engaged with our guards. Gaara's sand broke apart and he set me down on a tree branch. "Stay here, Mia-san."

"What did I tell you about the san?" I muttered irritably, hugging the tree. I had been in very few dangerous situations involving humans with ill-intentions. The first time had been my bout with Orochimaru, the second time during my training trip with Tobi, and now this. Only one of the those times resulted in actual physical harm to me, but the second one had been more of an emotional catastrophe than anything. I didn't want a repeat of either of those battles here, especially not when I was still feeling guilty over deceiving Gaara (even if it didn't actually harm him and when everything went according to plan, it would be for the best).

Absently, my right hand drifted over to my left elbow and I could almost hear the discomforting sound of it breaking all over again. With so much killer intent flying around, I was amazed I wasn't having any more flashbacks.

It probably helps that Tobi's not around to get hurt, I thought softly.

However, no sooner had the thought left me was there a deafening explosion and in swooped Deidara.

"Oi! These guys are under our protection, un," Deidara shouted.

I waved at Deidara, and he winked at me, before his smile slipped. "Mia—look out!"

My head whipped around, just in time to feel a small cold-burning sensation cross over my cheek, but before anything else could happen, a familiar black-covered leg slammed into something out of my peripheral vision. Arms gripped underneath me and I was up in the air, in the arms of Tobi. I laughed at that and at the fact that Tobi wasted no time at all in carrying me away from the actual fight.

We landed a little ways from everyone.

I tugged off his mask, feeling my heart pound in the process, but I had this urge to do it. THis sort of warm, fluttering need, and as I pulled off his mask, he didn't fight it. When I tugged down his coverings, he peered at me through half-closed lids, a curious glint in his eyes.

My left arm was slung around his neck and I lifted my right hand up to cup his cheek.

"Mia," Tobi said softly, frowning minutely, "what are you doing?"

"Well," I whispered, feeling a little shaky, "I just called you my hero, didn't I? As the damsel in distress, it's my obligation to do this..."

Tobi's eyes widened in realization, just as I closed my eyes and leaned forward. However, Tobi had turned his head in the same process, and was stuttering out, "N-"

I felt my lips brush against something that was _not_ his cheek. Opening my eyes in surprise, I found myself staring into the equally surprised eyes of Tobi, while my mouth remained against his.

I'd been kissed before. My first kiss was an experience so downright disappointing, I like to pretend it just didn't happen. The second kiss was as plain and boring, and that's how I concluded that kissing was just a boring and overly romanticized thing.

I was proven wrong by that very instant.

There were no fireworks going off in the background, but I did feel very warm and tingly, and my head was spinning and maybe it was my imagination, but I could have sworn I heard something like a victorious shout in the back of my head.

We pulled apart and Tobi's eyes drifted down to my lips, a slight glaze washed over them. I knew my cheeks were probably a very bright red, and as he started to lean down, I found myself leaning forward.

Just before Tobi's lips brushed across mine, he gave a startled shout, dropping me on my ass and lurching away. His hands covered his face and he shook his head frantically. "No. No. _No_. _No_."

My eyes widened and I glared. "What do you mean no? You—You were going to kiss me!"

" _Exactly_ , I'm sorry, Mia, I don't know what came—"

"Stop," I said, standing up and still flushing. "You were going to kiss me. Willingly. You..."

My eyes widened further and my mouth fell open in surprise. "Oh my God."

Tobi looked panicked. "I-It's not what you think...!"

"You like me," I whispered.

"I—I—"

"You like _like_ me," I whispered again, feeling a smile crawl on my face. "I mean, you like me, too. _Oh my God_..."

Tobi looked as though I had struck him. "Too? _Too_?"

I blushed, smiling shyly. "Well... yeah. That would be the correct sentence, too as in also, as in I also like you. Like, _like_ - _like_."

He took a shaky step backwards. "You can't."

I beamed at him, grinning mischievously. "Oh, don't be silly. This is great! We both like each other so now—"

"No," Tobi snarled, his black eyes taking on a reddish hue. "No. This is not great. I—"

"Oh, don't you _dare_ give me that bullshit about how being with me would endanger me 'cause of your damn enemies," I snapped.

Tobi glowered at me. "Fine. However, aside from that, it's still not great."

"Why not?!"

" _Because I don't want to be with you_!"

I froze, my heart stopping and my mouth drying. I stared at Tobi, a mixture of disbelief and hurt slowly starting to take hold of me. Tobi looked pained, but he didn't back down. There was a light of hurt in his eyes, too, and he swallowed roughly.

"You don't... you don't want me?" I whispered, taking a step away, my vision starting to blur.

"That's not... that's not what I... I mean... yes. I don't... I can't..."

"Why...?" I shook my head, biting my trembling lower lip. "No. Don't answer. I don't think I want the answer..."

I wrapped my arms around me, feeling a storm of sharp needles racing through my bloodstream. I was trying hard to stamp down on my emotions, I didn't want him to see me like this, my pride wouldn't allow it. The sting of rejection was already too much for me to handle, I couldn't bear it if I allowed him to see me in such a weakened state by his own hands.

I closed my eyes, mulling over his words.

"Mia..."

"Don't," I said quietly, finally opening my eyes and glaring at him. "Fine. Fine. You... You don't want to be with me for some stupid reason, however, you still wanted me. You _still_ want me. You _can't_ deny that."

Tobi flushed, looking away.

I felt a white rush of anger at the action, at how he was _ashamed_ of wanting me. I stormed over to him, jabbing a finger in his chest. "You're so fucking hung over on that woman that even though she didn't give anymore of a damn over you more than some random kid on the street, you've still deluded yourself into thinking that you'd be cheating on her if you were with someone else."

His Sharingan whirled to life and he snarled, " _Don't_ _you_ —"

"I'll say what I fucking want," I snarled right back. "She didn't care for you. That's the truth, Obito. She didn't care for you, not like I do. And you're an idiot if you think I'm going to back down just because you're being delusional and selfish."

Tobi's eyes widened in disbelief. "What?"

"I'm not giving up on you," I declared, jerking my chin and glowering at him. "I've waited years for this moment, and I'm not letting some dead woman ruin them. I'm not letting the past ruin our chances of happiness, got me?"

"You're... you're not... you're not going to let this go?"

"No," I said, softening. "No, I'm not. Do you know why?"

Tobi shook his head, a pained expression crossing over his face.

"Because I think you're worth it," I said quietly. "I absolutely think _we're_ worth it. And I swear... I swear I _will_ make you see that, too."

I then turned on my heel and walked away.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** Perspicacity. I know, not as fun as your guys'.
> 
>  **Question:** I'm running out of questions! Damn... If you had to change lives with one protagonist from any story (but you could also gender-bend them if you needed to), who would it be and what story?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	22. Part III - Huge and Make-Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture by the lovely Cantrona on deviantART.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧** _  
_

When I re-entered the fray, nearly everything was taken care of. I didn't bother stopping or hesitating, I just moved straight to Deidara - he had landed on the ground - and tugged on the sleeve of his cloak. Deidara looked over at me, frowning.

"I need you to take me to Konoha. Now," I said quietly.

Deidara, noticing my tone, straightened and nodded his head.

We left immediately.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Deidara didn't ask, and I didn't tell him. He dropped me off at Konoha before informing me he would head back and inform the others. I bade him good day, grateful he didn't press the issue or question me. I opened the door to my home, idly wondering if Naruto was home, but immediately dismissed the thought - he wouldn't be home for a couple more days. The door opened with ease and I stepped in, muttering a _I'm home_ under my breath.

The smell of food penetrated my daze, and I blinked at that, confusion taking a hold of me for a moment or two before I realized what was going on.

"Kakashi?"

"Hm? Oh, welcome home, Mia."

I nodded at that, a frown tugging on my lips as I moved through the front room. I glanced in the direction of the kitchen before shrugging and moving on to my bedroom. I changed into a more comfortable attire - my pajamas, actually - and headed into the kitchen.

"You were supposed to have returned yesterday. Did you and the Kazekage get sidetracked?" Kakashi asked, not glancing up from his cooking.

"I guess you could that," I demurred, recognizing the food he was making and moving over to the stove. Kakashi glanced at me, murmuring a quiet _thank you_ , and the two of us set to making dinner in silence.

When dinner was made, Kakashi finally deigned to glance over at me, and he peered at me. "What's wrong?"

I glanced away. "Just got some bad news today."

"... Do you need to talk about it?"

I gave him a dry look. "I doubt it would do much good."

"You never know until you try," Kakashi pointed out. "I'm not going to push the issue, because I hate it when people to do that to me and I respect you enough to not force anything out of you."

"Thanks," I murmured.

"... But I'll ask again anyway because I'm told that's what friends do," Kakashi said, an amused glint in his eyes. "What happened?"

"Bastard," I accused, smiling. "You are _too_ going to pester me."

Kakashi gave a chuckle.

"... It's a love life problem," I allowed.

"Ah."

"... We both know you _have_ no love life, so you can't really be of help in this problem."

"Ah."

"... And we both know you're pretty clueless about that sort of thing, too. At least for stable relationships."

"Ah."

I smirked in amusement.

"You're right, I'm not going to be of much use," Kakashi agreed. "However, I can tell you this much: ...girl time?"

"Girl time," I repeated blankly, before my eyes widened. "Oh my God. Kakashi. I love you."

Kakashi nodded his head. "I know. Do you want me to contact them or...?"

"Nope," I said, grinning widely. "I think I'll contact them myself. It's about time I took a nice, long break from the general stupidity of men and immerse myself with the awesomeness that is women."

"I don't know if I should be offended by that or not," Kakashi said, his eyes closing and giving me his eye-smile.

I patted his shoulder, not bothering to confirm or deny the insult. "I'll be back!"

"You're leaving _now_?"

"'Course!"

"In your pajamas?"

"Yep!"

"... Do you need me to pick up some chocolate while you're gone?"

"... Yes, please."

"Alright."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I trailed behind Tsume, the woman had me by my upper arm and was guiding me to the hotsprings , Anko whistling an eerie tune beside her. I was content to allow the duo to guide me away.

Yoshino and the others were there, as well. Not even after I had told Tsume I was in need of serious Girl's night, a half hour ago, did she whip this out.

The hotsprings were warm and nice and I entered the changing room with the others.

"It's good to have you back in Konoha," Yoshino commented, undressing.

I wiggled out of my footy-pajamas (don't judge), smiling at her. "It's good to be back. I have a feeling I'll be staying for a while, too."

"You _will_ tell us about your trip," Nina said, smiling at me.

"Of course," I assured her.

"Ah! It's nice to be free of such restricting things," Anko sighed, walking into the hot springs in her birthday suit.

I rolled my eyes. "Restricting? You call those clothes _restricting_?"

Anko only cackled in response and I trailed after her, same attire. Soon all of us were relaxing in the hot water, completely content.

"So what's up?" Tsume asked, giving me a feral grin.

"Men are idiots," I sighed.

"Hell yeah they are," Anko agreed.

"Don't tell me you're _just_ figuring that out," Yoshino said, grinning wickedly.

I smirked. "No. I just had a reminder about it."

" _Ooooh_ , no," Akiko said, clucking her tongue. "Don't tell me it's something related to that Tobi-guy you've been mooning over."

I had the decency to blush in embarrassment and shame. "... It is."

Nina shook her head. "What did he do?"

Shifting in the water, I retold the events.

"That idiot," Anko concluded after I finished.

"I swear if Shikaku had ever done that to _me_ , I would have knocked him flat," Yoshino promised.

"I would have castrated him," Tsume growled.

"And that's why _you're_ divorced," Nina snorted.

"Please. That coward ran away because he didn't like the thought of a woman in charge."

"He ran away because you ripped off his dick when you caught him cheating," Anko muttered under her breath.

Tsume chose to ignore that and I had to cover my mouth with my hands to smother my snickers.

"So what do you plan on doing now?" Akiko asked.

"Well," I said slowly, "I'm not giving up on him." At their groans, I was quick to add, "I'm sorry gals, but I really do think we would be great together. I really want to at least give us a _chance_ , rather than move on and always wonder. I don't want to be the one singing _the one that got away._ "

Yoshino and the other married women nodded their heads, while Anko wrinkled her nose in distaste and Tsume shrugged. Yoshino said, "I don't blame you for that. You never know who can be the one, right?"

"I wouldn't go that far," I said, shifting nervously. "But I definitely want to give us a shot."

"And how do you plan on doing that?" Tsume asked.

I shrugged, frowning. "... I don't know. Seduce him?"

The women laughed.

"That's one way," Akiko giggled. "It would certainly be entertaining to see!"

I blushed. "W-Well I don't know what else to do! I'm not good with those sort of things."

"The way I see it, you either make him regret his choice," Nina drawled out, "or you give him no other option, but to accept."

"I like both of those options. Why can't I do both?"

"To make him _regret_ you could try making him jealous," Nina pointed out.

I wrinkled my nose. "I don't really like the thought of doing that. That implies I would be manipulating yet another person into this, and hurting them in the end. Or if I told them up front, it would feel too... too..."

"Too much like you were cheating on him?" Akiko guessed, her tone sympathetic. "You've got it bad, sweetie."

I nodded my head, sighing.

"Or you could just just show off what he's missing," Tsume said, grinning wickedly. "I still say you should flash him."

"I'm _not_ going to flash him!" I laughed. "And I'm _not_ going to strip for him either, or pant after him like some kind of freak. I'm way too proud to go chasing after him desperately."

"Then pretend nothing happened."

" _I can't!_ Now that I know he likes me, too...!"

"Well," Anko reasoned, "you don't want to actually fight over him, apparently, so that's your only other choice. That or move on, but you won't do that, either. So really... you have to ask yourself this... Is this guy worth fighting for? Is he worth risking embarrassment and shame, and rejection? Is he worth throwing caution in the wind and just trying your damnedest to win him over?"

I had no response for that, and my brow furrowed. "I..."

I closed my eyes, letting out a long breath as I carefully thought through my answer.

I've dated before, sure. Like I said, I had already had my first kiss and all that jazz. I wasn't impressed by either of the aforementioned, and frankly, I wasn't interested in falling in love. It didn't seem very practical or rational, and sure, I'd read all about it and it's wonderful in stories, but this was _reality._ There was no guarantee for a happy ending here.

I wasn't interested in falling love, yet I still did. He was my best friend Tobi... No, Obito... Obito was my closest friend. I knew I could tell him anything, and I knew that despite my confession, he would still be there for me. He was a constant in my life, he was my rock and my shadow and my sun and my...

There was no chance of returning to my old world. I had mourned my dream job and my family and friends a long, long time ago. Obito was the whole reason I was in this world, and he was the whole reason I was actively changing anything. The fact that I've been going out of my way to ensure his happiness, and the fact that I didn't despise him for taking me away from my home... I didn't even resent him for it... didn't that alone speak volumes of my feelings?

He... He made me laugh when I know I'm about to cry, and he knows all my favorite things and I can tell him about my dreams, and he's the only one who knows all my nasty little secrets, my most embarrassing moments and yet he's still my best friend. He's still been by my side and something tells me that _that_ won't _ever_ change.

He was worth risking my life over, he was worth risking my friendship with Konoha, and the trust placed in me... it would seem obvious that he was worth the possible heartache, too.

But if I pursued this path, I _knew_ there would be no turning back. If I went down that path, and if by some miracle he consented and we became a couple... There would be no backing out. He'd been through enough hell that if _I_ were to reject him - his closest friend - I feared it would break him.

That was a lot of pressure.

I wasn't sure if I was ready to handle that pressure.

And yet...

When I thought about being with someone, I couldn't wrap my mind around being with anyone else. For years, it seemed like Obito had taken precedence over everyone else in that department. The thought of moving on literally seemed _impossible_ (I knew it wasn't, but it just _felt_ like it).

Shifting in the water, I opened my eyes.

I was head of heels in love with Obito. That was something I couldn't deny.

I wanted for _us_ to happen. I wanted that in an almost desperate need.

 _I'll be damned_ , I thought softly. _It's always been the boy who chases after the girl, but now it's the girl who's going to chase after the boy... and damn straight that girl is going to kick ass._

"Alright," I declared. "Yes. _Yes_. He's worth it. _We're_ worth it. I'm not backing down without a fight, damn it!"

The women laughed at my declaration.

"So what's the plan of attack?" Tsume asked.

"No jealousy," I said firmly. "That just seems to end bad for everyone. And I'm not flashing. That doesn't mean I can't make him squirm, or show him what he's missing out on."

"Good girl," Yoshino amended. "First lesson in being a kunoichi - you are a _kunoichi_. You're not a _shinobi_ , you're not 'one of the guys' when you're on a mission as a _kunoichi_. You are beautiful, you are smart, and you are _lethal_."

"Making him squirm, huh," Nina said thoughtfully. "Now that your confession is out in the open, and you know he's attracted to you, there is going to be some serious sexual tension."

"Show him what he's missing...? Well, they always say a way to a man's heart is through his stomach," Akiko teased.

"Oooh. I've got an idea," Anko said, wiggling her eyebrows. "Why not grope him?"

" _Anko!_ "

" _That_ would be funny. Oh come on, I bet his reaction would be hilarious," Tsume snickered.

"Ladies, please," Yoshino said, grinning as she turned to me. "If you're going to grope him, do it when he least expects it - "

"I cannot believe what I am hearing," I laughed

"Oh, hush. Guys can do it to girls, why can't we do it to them?" Akiko questioned.

I grinned, rolling my eyes. "I'll think about it, but either way... Now that _my_ issue has been resolved, how is everyone else doing?"

"Mn. Ino's been taking sculpting classes, did you know?" Nina said.

"What, really?" Yoshino asked. "I wouldn't have pegged her for a sculptor."

Nina shot me a sidelong glance and I ducked my head. "Well, the PenPal Mia's set her up with is an artist. From what she's told me, he's quite passionate about it and is a very skilled sculptor."

"He is quite the artist," I agreed. "Not to mention he's a bit of a pyromaniac. Has she started showing interest in fire jutsu?"

"As a matter of fact, yes," Ninja laughed. "Even though it's not her nature-type... She's also been fiddling around with more explosives than usual. Not that I'm complaining, she's taking her training more seriously now, saying that Sakura already got to train under her PenPal."

"Sasori's quite a poison master," Anko said, frowning thoughtfully. "Sakura seems to really idolize the man. I'm starting to feel left out."

I patted her shoulder consolingly. "Don't be. You'll always be her first sensei, and we'll always be her second and third mothers."

"If only I could get Shikamaru as motivated as Ino is," Yoshino sighed.

"Good luck with that," Akiko snorted. "PenPal or not, I don't see _him_ getting motivated over anything."

"On the PenPal subject..." Yoshino drawled, "how's Hinata and her PenPal, do you know, Mia?"

I smiled. "Yeah. Her PenPal, Konan, seems to be doing well last I checked."

"That's right, Hinata-chan went to Amegakure to meet her and train under her for a year, right?" Tsume said, giving a small frown.

"It was a more political measure than anything," Nina dismissed. "A gesture from Konohagakure to show that they trusted the Akatsuki enough to place one of their valued Clan heirs in their home. I heard she was personally escorted by Jiraiya, but he didn't actually go in Amegakure, and he kept a disguise."

"I can't confirm or deny _that_ juicy bit of information," I told her, giving her a regretful look. "I _can_ tell you, however, that Jiraiya-sensei has yet to formally meet Konan or the Akatsuki leader."

" _Really_?"

"Really. Actually, _no one_ has formally met the leader of the Akatsuki that isn't an Akatsuki member."

"What? Is he that paranoid?" Akiko asked.

I nodded my head. "He has a lot of enemies. He doesn't want any of them coming after his organization - his people - just because they don't like _him_."

"Good leader," Yoshino murmured.

"One of the best."

"... So what else happened while I was gone?"

"Well..."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

" _Mia!_ "

I stopped in the middle of the road, the song I had been singing softly under my breath died in my throat and I turned around just in time to find Tobi grabbing me by the shoulders roughly, his Akatsuki cloak fluttering behind him.

"Where the _hell_ have you been? When I asked Deidara where he took you, he refused to answer, and you _know_ Zetsu can't track you, and when I checked out your home, you weren't there...!" Tobi cut himself off, retracting his hands from me and giving me a glowering look. "Do you have _any_ idea how - "

"Worried?" I interrupted, smiling slyly. He snorted. "... I'm sorry for worrying you, 'Obi, but I just needed time to cool off."

His shoulders sagged. "... I get it. I know. I'm sorry for snapping, I just... Mia... we need to talk about... about us."

I nodded my head, reaching forward and taking both his hands loosely in my own. I began to swing our hands side to side. "We absolutely do."

Tobi shifted nervously. "... Mia..."

"Shhh. Let me talk first. Look, I get it. I don't like it, but I get it, and... and I know how much it'd suck for you if I left. So... so I'm not going to make you choose. I'm not going to be so selfish as to say we're either together, or I'm gone. Not now, at least. I also know how it'd be hard for both of us to ask you to end our friendship, so I could properly pursue you, so I won't. Don't forget my feelings for you, 'Obi, but don't go out of your way to change anything. That's going to be on me, okay?"

"... What do you mean...? Are you saying you want to continue on like normal?" Tobi asked hesitantly, an almost hopeful tone in his voice.

"For the most part," I replied. "The only _real_ difference is that I'll be seducing you with my mad cooking skills and I'll be hitting on you a lot more. Which reminds me, want to go on a date?"

"What? Now?"

"Sure."

"No!"

I nodded, expecting as much. "You'll say yes eventually. Statistics are on my side."

Tobi gave a strangled laugh. "That's not..."

I squeezed his hands, smiling. "I already told you that I'm not giving up."

He didn't respond right away. Without warning, he pulled my hands behind, and caught off guard, I stumbled. In that split second, though, I realized what he was trying to do. My arms wrapped around him and he wrapped his arms around the lower half of my back, resting his chin on my head.

"... We just got into a fight," I mumbled, "... so now we hug and make-up, right?"

"That's right. We hug and make-up."

We lapsed into silence.

"... Mia, if you _ever_ walk away from me in the middle of a damn battleground..."

"I won't, I won't, jeeze."

"You said that _last_ time and look what happened."

"Okay! Okay! I get it, _hey!_ Tobi, you're squeezing me. I can't breathe!"

"Yes you can. What are you doing out here anyway?"

"Well, I _was_ having a girl's out, but then Hana came and told Tsume that one of the dogs were sick and she also mentioned that Shikaku set the kitchen on fire trying to fix his dinner, so Yoshino had to... well, we rescheduled for another time... Currently, though, I'm off to drop _this_ off."

I held up an envelope. "... It's an order from Nina's flower shop to send Gaara a whole bunch of flowers."

"... Why? Don't tell me you _still_ feel guilty over it? I thought we already went over this. We needed the bijuu. We would have taken it either way, with or without your blessing. Either we killed him and numerous shinobi in the process, or we gave him a nice, happy memory and took it without his knowledge. Besides, he doesn't even _want_ the bijuu, it didn't hurt him, and it probably saved his sanity."

"I violated his trust!"

"And he will never know the wiser."

"But _I_ do."

Tobi gave a pained sigh.

"Let's face it," I said reasonably, "due to my guilty conscience, I will probably forever be his bitch."

"That's a lovely image in my head, thank you. Seriously. _Thank you_."

"Oh, hush. You'll live. Speaking of which... you sure you don't want to go on a date?"

" _Mia!_... Wait. Mia. Is... Is that your hand on my...? Oh my God. _Oh my God. GET YOUR HAND OFF MY ASS!_ "

"Priss!" I laughed, happily turning and skipping away. _I am going to have way too much fun with this._

****(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question: Dream job?
> 
> Reviews are love!


	23. Part III - Welcome Home!

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧** _  
_

There was a knock at the door.

It was a quiet knock, and I looked up from my cup of coffee towards the door, frowning. Kakashi sat across from me, having woken up earlier than I. We weren't expecting anyone, so... I moved up from the couch, opening the door.

My cup slipped to the floor, where it shattered.

"Mia?" Kakashi asked, alarmed.

But I paid him no heed. My eyes watered and I swallowed roughly. "Welcome home."

Naruto, my baby boy, gave me a sheepish look. "I lost my keys."

"Idiot," I said before I grabbed him towards me, just as he started moving towards me. The extra momentum and having been caught off guard, cause us to fall backwards, but I didn't mind getting the wind knocked out of me, or having my back and butt sting like crazy because _my baby boy was home_.

I kissed the top of his head, words caught in my throat.

He didn't say anything, but he was relaxed.

When he looked up, he grinned brightly at me. "I take it you missed me?"

"Of course I did," I laughed, wiping at my eyes. I kissed his cheek. "Are you hungry? Can I get you anything?"

"Eh. I could eat. We haven't had breakfast yet... Kakashi-sensei? What are you doing here?"

"My house is currently dead," Kakashi explained.

Naruto nodded. "That sucks. Wait... is Anko staying here, too?"

"... I don't know," I admitted. "I don't _think_ so, but if she wants to, she's welcome to, as always."

Naruto pouted. "But she's insane!"

"She's something alright."

I looked up, Jiraiya leaned in the doorway, grinning. I beaned. "Ah, I guess I should start making breakfast for you two now, huh? What would you like to eat?"

"Ramen!"

"Not ramen," Jiraiya said firmly.

"I can do both," I said, grinning.

"So is Sasuke or Sakura here?" Naruto asked.

"I just got back yesterday," I admitted, slowly sitting up, "and I told Anko to bring Sakura over around noon. Sasuke's on a mission at the moment with team 8, but they're scheduled to be back tonight."

Naruto nodded, rolling off me and yawning. "Damn, I'm tired."

I kissed his cheek, still feeling incredibly giddy at the fact that he was _home_. "Would you rather sleep first?"

"Nah. I'll eat... _then_ I'll probably sleep."

"Okay," I said, standing up. "Breakfast for four, coming up!"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

With Naruto, and Jiraiya (he was tired, too), both sound asleep, Kakashi headed off for the day to... do... whatever it was he did. I asked him to inform Anko that I would be taking a day off today, due to the fact that my son had returned home. Around noon, both other occupants were still asleep, and I was in the middle of doing chores when Sakura entered. She rushed in, her eyes bright. "Mia!"

"Shhh. Naruto and Jiraiya are asleep. Hello, dearie," I said, smiling and wiping my soapy hands on a towel. I stepped away from the sink and hugged Sakura. She hugged me tightly.

"It's been _way_ too long," Sakura said seriously. "Oh, have you seen Sasori-sensei lately?"

"I have, and he's fine," I said, my eyes shining. "He and Deidara will actually be permanently staying in Konoha as Akatsuki representatives."

" _Really?_ " Sakura asked, her face brightening. "That's... that's so amazing!"

"Mm-hmm. Check my bag, I think I have letters for everyone. Do you know where Ino is?"

"I do. Do you want me to take her letter to her?"

"That would be awesome," I said, smiling, "but you don't need to rush. Anything happen while I was gone?"

Sakura shook her head. "Sasuke and I have been shuffled to different teams, since Naruto was gone for so long. He's currently with Hinata-chan's team actually and I'm with Ino's. How about you?"

"Nothing much," I admitted. "Traveled with Tobi, hung out with the Akatsuki, had some tea... confessed my love for Tobi and got rejected... you know. Usual stuff."

"Wait... _what?!_ "

" _Shhh!_ "

Sakura continued to gape at me. She gave me a stern look and whispered furiously, " _Mia!_ Why didn't you tell me this sooner? This is _huge_! We have to talk about it."

"Well, we _were_ hoping to schedule a girl's night this week. Can you wait for that?" I asked.

Sakura huffed. "... If I _have_ to."

"You do."

"... _Fine_ , but you have to tell me this much: _what are you going to do?!_ "

"Persist. Statistics is on my side," I said confidently.

Sakura patted my arm. "I'm rooting for you."

"Thank you," I said. "Can I get you anything to eat?"

Sakura shook her head. "I already ate, thanks, though."

"Mn."

"... Actually, there's something else I was supposed to tell you..." Sakura trailed off, then brightened. "Oh! Tsunade-sama's wanting a word with you."

"Really? Well, okay. I should head out then."

"I'll grab Ino's letter and follow after you. I should probably get back to work. I'm on a courier mission - I should be back in time for dinner, if you don't mind...?"

"Not at all! Sasuke should be returning about that time, too. See you, sweetie."

"Later, Mia."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Tsunade smiled. "Mia, I'd like you to meet Yamato. Yamato, you may present yourself now."

"As you wish."

I whirled around at the voice, watching as Yamato slowly appeared from the wooden floor, giving me a smile.

"... Hi," I said, smiling.

"Hello. It's nice to meet you, I've heard a lot about you," Yamato said, beaming. "I look forward to working with you."

Flustered, I bowed my head. "Likewise. Kakashi's mentioned you a couple times."

"Sempai did? Really?"

"'Course. You were technically his first apprentice."

Yamato rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I suppose so..."

I cleared my throat. "So, as awesome as it is to meet you and all... can I ask the purpose of this?"

Tsunade smirked. "Mia, how would you like to go on a mission with Yamato?"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

With the last touches of dinner being made, I brought the last of the food over to the table. Naruto, Kakashi, Sakura and Jiraiya were in the living room - the T.V. was on, but I heard voices, so I assumed they were in the middle of a conversation.

I headed out, glancing over at the front door. "I take it Sasuke's not here yet?"

They looked up at me, Naruto opening his mouth -

"I am."

I covered my mouth with my hands, smothering my surprised squeal. Whirling around, I saw Sasuke on the ceiling, looking down at me with a smirk on his face. "You ass!"

His smirk widened and he flipped of his ceiling while I glared at the group of snickers. "You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. That was _mean_."

"Sorry, Kaa-chan. It was all Sakura's idea," Naruto said and Sakura slugged him on the stomach.

"Idiot! You aren't supposed to _tell_ her that," Sakura snapped.

"Anko is a horrible influence for you," I told her.

Sakura smirked. "Actually, it was Sasori-sensei's idea."

"I'm so going to kick that puppet's ass," I muttered. " _Well_. Are you guys ready for dinner?"

"I am!" Jiraiya said quickly, grinning and practically skipping towards the kitchen. "Oh, boy, oh boy. Eating a beautiful woman's cooking - what could be better?"

I leered. "I can think of a few things."

" _Ewww_ ," Naruto whined. "Stop it. Please, Tou-san, Kaa-chan."

"Yeah, Kaa-chan. Don't be so gross," Sakura giggled.

"You're such a horrible influence," Sasuke added, smirking.

"You three are brats," I said. "I can't believe I missed you."

Sakura giggled, grabbing my hand and tugging me towards the table. I took a seat next to her, noting that Jiraiya was already happily eating away. Naruto sat down on my otherside, in between myself and Jiraiya, and Sasuke took a seat next to Sakura. Kakashi sat across from me, and I had to admit that at that moment, the table seemed comfortably full.

"How was your mission, Sasuke-chan?" I asked.

Sasuke shrugged. "Uneventful. Surprisingly nothing went wrong. I'm starting to think only team 7 has trouble with missions."

Sakura snorted. "I know, right? The only time I've ever had trouble with missions was with team 7."

"That may be true," Naruto said loudly, "but you have to admit that they're a lot more fun that way."

Both teenagers considered this.

"Yeah," Sakura admitted.

"I'm not _complaining_ ," Sasuke grunted.

"You know, my team was the exact same," Kakashi commented thoughtfully.

"Maybe the reason we have such dramatic missions is because of you," Naruto said, grinning widely. "You're bad-mission luck from your old team carried over to _this_ team."

Kakashi snorted.

"Actually, _my_ team was the same," Jiraiay said, amused. "So was Minato's team..."

"Then it's _your_ fault," Naruto accused. "You're bad-luck carried on to Minato, which carried on to Kakashi, which carried on to us!"

"More like it was the first Hokage's fault," Jiraiya pointed out. "It was the same for Sarutobi's team, and Hashirama _never_ went on an ordinary mission."

"Damn Hashirama," Sakura muttered.

"Damn Hashirama," I echoed.

"Damn Hashirama," Naruto said, grinning.

"Is that what we're doing now?" Sasuke questioned, raising an eyebrow. "Everytime something goes wrong, it's clearly Hashirama's fault?"

"Clearly," I said, nodding my head. "Especially regarding missions. _Speaking_ of missions..." I smirked. "I'm going on a mission tomorrow!"

They stared at me.

"What?" Naruto asked blankly.

"Really," I said, priming. "You see, Konoha got a request from a wealthy merchant in the Land of Iron. They're a bit paranoid, so they requested a civilian to negotiate and I'm the only civilian in Konoha that Tsunade trusts enough with this. And I've had experience dealing with it, due to my association with the Akatsuki. I'm allowed a team of bodyguards, and one bodyguard to actually enter the room with me. I've already met him - Yamato. And I've decided, _if you guys want_ , you can be my team to go with me."

"Of course we will!" Naruto exclaimed, his eyes bright. "This is going to be _so_ awesome!"

"I don't know," Sasuke said slowly, "we _just_ finished talking about how team 7 is cursed with missions. This is going to be dangerous."

"I'm sure I'll survive," I dismissed. "And you guys will, too. We don't have any huge enemies right now, so I _think_ everything will be okay. I'm not jinxing anything, though, so I'll bring along my weapon of choice."

"And what _is_ your weapon of choice?" Kakashi asked politely.

"Uh... I haven't, uh, finished making it, yet," I grudgingly admitted. "But my skills in defense has improved significantly! And I can totally run away. Unless my babies are in danger. Then I'm jumping in all kamikage-style."

"I think I would prefer it if you ran away," Naruto said.

"Who's Yamato anyway?" Sakura asked.

I gave Kakashi a pointed look. "He's Kakashi's first apprentice... technically."

Understanding dawned in Kakashi's eye. " _Oh_. Him. He's... acceptable. I'm sure we'll be able to handle the mission. When are we leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning!" I declared. "Nine o'clock sharp."

"Pity I won't be with you guys," Jiraiya sighed. "I have some business to take care of in Konoha."

"I figured. I'll make up some meals for you, sensei. As always, you're welcome to stay here."

"And as always, _thank you_ , and I most certainly will."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

_**Small explanation**_ _\- My official A/N will be at the very bottom. The following, though, are two omakes. They were inspired from Rock Lee and his Ninja Pals spin-off, but they are not canon._

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

_Autumn is chock full of seasonal treats. Is anyone else out there partaking a bit too much?_

Tenten grabbed the last part of her outfit, slipping it on and preparing to finish tying it together in the back. However, when she couldn't quite reach the two sides, she blinked in surprise. "Huh? Why is this so tight?"

She paled, staring in horror at herself in the mirror. "Don't tell me..."

Quickly, she hurried to her scale, staring at it apprehensively. With a shaky foot, she took one step onto the scale.

She stared at the results.

She screamed in horror.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"You called for me, Tsunade-sama?" Gai asked, stepping up to Tsunade's desk. Tsunade glanced up from her paperwork.

"Ah, you're here. It's about our kunoichi. Those who've been participating in your recent special training sessions have found them a bit overwhelming. Can you try to find something more appropriate?"

"Huh? What do they mean by 'overwhelming,' exactly?"

"Um... Overwhelming, you know... too harsh," Tsunade said, sweatdropping. _I can't tell him it's his personality that's more overwhelming than the exercise._

"I must remain true to my convictions," Gai declared. "I absolutely will not change my methods! If they endure my harsh training - "

"Only being harsh is the wrong way to go," Tsunade said, sighing. "Sometimes women need a little simple kindness!"

"Simple kindness, is it?"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Everyone ready to order?" inquired the waitress.

The four girls and one young woman, glanced up at the waitress.

"I'll just have ice tea," Tenten said hesitantly.

"Me, too. My stomach's so full," Sakura added, equally hesitant.

"I'm... not hungry," Ino murmured.

"Neither am I... My chest's so full already," Hinata said, looking down.

"That doesn't seem right," Tenten muttered under her breath.

"I'll just have the tea," Mia added, looking longingly at the chocolate desserts they had displayed.

Within a minute, the waitress arrived with their tea. Mia and Sakura both took a sip from their tea, as Tenten eyed each girl.

"Oi. Is everyone on a diet?" Tenten asked.

Sakura spewed her tea, Ino struggled to hold on to hers, Mia fell out of her chair, while Hinata looked down, ashamed.

 _So obvious_ , Tenten thought, sweatdropping.

"Everything's so delicious that you can't help but overeat," Hinata said, glancing down.

"I hear that," Mia echoed, looking down. "Even with all the training Tobi's been putting me through... _ttt_."

"I know, you would think..." Tenten sighed. "I've gained **** kilos."

"Please, you're fine," Ino dismissed. "I'm up **** kilos."

"**** kilos," Sakura admitted.

"What about you, Hinata?"

"***** ***** kilos," Hinata whispered.

There was a moment of collected, depressed silence.

"This is bad," Sakura said. "The boys have no tact. If they found out..."

_"Emergency! Kaa-chan put on **** kilos!" Naruto shrieked._

_"To think Tenten's gained ****** kilos!" Lee screamed in despair._

_The two of them were screaming in the middle of Konoha's bustling street, everyone the girls knew being there, including the members of the Akatsuki. "Gaah! We can't let anyone find out about this!"_

_"I swear to protect the girls' secret!" Lee declared._

"We'd be doomed," Ino moaned. "We can't let them know!"

Hinata and Mia exchanged sympathetic glances. Hinata said, "Not a single one of them."

 _Especially not Tobi_ , Mia thought.

"That settles it. We've gotta lose weight quick," Sakura.

"But how?" Ino demanded.

"We'll just have to be harsh, brutal even," Hinata said.

"Harsh... that's it! We just need to do some of Gai-sensei's special training!" Tenten exclaimed.

"I wouldn't survive that!" Mia whined.

"But remember what Kakashi-sensei said about his radio calisthenics?"

 _"You'd burn off a whole day's worth of calories if you ran into Gai first thing in the morning._ "

"Remember?"

"True..."

"We might even lose a little extra."

"I'll do it."

All of them turned to face Hinata in surprise.

Hinata looked up, fire blazing in the background. "I'll do whatever it takes to lose the weight!"

"Then I'm in, too," Ino declared, fire blazing behind her, as well.

Mia beamed, suddenly caught up in the other girls' passion. "Alright! I guess it wouldn't hurt to try."

"Okay, count me in!" Sakura exclaimed, her eyes burning.

"That settles it," Tenten said, holding out her hand while the others' placed theirs on top of hers. "Let's burn the butter, girls!"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"What? You want to train with me?" Gai asked, his eyes bright.

"Yes! We all talked about it, and we came to ask you together!" Ino said. All of them had surrounded guy, each brimming with determination.

"We want the harshest training you can imagine!" Hinata added.

"Please!" they chorused.

Gai blinked in surprise at that, frowning. _What's going on? This isn't what Tsunade-sama said. Wait a sec! This may be her way of evaluating me. Very well, I'll follow Tsunade-sama's order and try things her way._

"I'll be happy to train with you!" Gai exclaimed.

 _I will lose this flab!_ Tenten thought.

 _Before the boys know anything_! Ino continued.

 _Gotta lose *** kilos!_ Sakura thought.

_There's no way I'm going to let Tobi hold this over me!_

_I don't want Naruto to be grossed out by me!_

"Okay, for our first exercise... Let's see... Ten push-ups."

" _Ten push-ups_?!" they exclaimed.

Ino glowered. "Gai-sensei, are you making fun of us?!"

"If that was a joke, it wasn't funny," Hinata added.

Sakura scowled. "We wouldn't have come to you if we wanted something easy."

"Make it harsher," they chorused.

Gai looked taken back. "O-Okay, in that case... Try and keep up with me!"

Then dropping backwards, he started crawling quickly away, belly up, his arms and legs working furiously.

 _That's what he calls harsh?!_ Tenten thought disbelieving. _And they're actually doing it?!_

After running (crawling) around the training grounds like such, Gai began wrapping himself around one of the wooden poles. "Next, try this!"

"Why on earth should we do that?!" Tenten howled.

"Don't tell me you can't do it," Gai retorted.

"No normal person can do _that_!" Tenten returned before she noticed that the others were already mimicking Gai's actions. "What?! You guys just jumped right in?!"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Mia wiped the sweat off her face with a towel, panting heavily. The others weren't better off, each of them clearly tired from the insane exercises Gai continued to bring up.

Gai looked over at the girls, pausing in his push-ups as he recalled Tsunade's words. _Simple kindness, right. Okay._

Mia sniffed, paling as she recognized the scent.

Each of the girls' head snapped in the direction of what they _knew_ to be temptation. There, Gai, was carrying a tray of delicious, sweet, chocolate and whip-cream coated ice-cream, drizzled in savory goodness.

"Great job," Gai said, presenting the treat to them. "You've earned a break. Help yourselves to a treat."

 _A carrot and stick policy should be just right,_ Gai thought.

They looked longingly at the delight. Both Sakura and Mia had to fight back sobs.

"What's the matter? Don't you want any?"

"N-No thank you," Mia gasped out, wiping furiously at her eyes.

"Just continue the training, please," Ino grounded out, looking away.

"Something tougher!"

 _Wh-What is this?_ Gai thought, completely surprised. Then, not wasting any time, he turned to the nearest dummy, and jabbed at it. "Here's the next exercise. Try and keep up!"

"No way. We're not doing the Thousand Years of Death," Tenten snorted, then gave a gasp when she noticed the others were already mimicking Gai's actions. "We _are?!_ "

 _Perhaps they felt too much pressure to not accept the carrot part,_ Gai thought. _I should ask Lee for help..._

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧** _  
_

"Great work, everyone."

They glanced up, wiping away their sweat, to see Naruto, Lee, and Neji each carrying a bag of treats towards them. Neji smiled. "We heard you've been training hard..."

"So we brought you a little treat," Naruto said, holding up the bag.

Mia whimpered, covering her face. Sakura and Ino groaned, burying their faces in Mia's sides while Hinata looked away. Tenten started longingly at the food.

"Go ahead, dig in," Naruto said, beaming.

Gai gave a smirk, his eyes closed as he thought, _Later on they'll say..._

_"Wait, you did that, Gai-sensei?" Sakura exclaimed, surprised._

_"You're much sweeter than you look!" Ino said, smiling._

_"How manly of you," Hinata gushed._

_"Mn! I'll be sure to invite you to mine and Kakashi's wedding - I'll even make sure you'll be his best man," Mia said, beaming._

"Yosh! And I will be the _best_ best man!" Gai exclaimed out loud, grinning. _An indirect carrot and direct stick policy. There's no way this will fail._ "

"W-We're okay..." Tenten managed, glancing away from the food with a pained look.

"We're just here to train..." Sakura whispered.

"I appreciate the thought, but you can take this all back," Ino said, her gesture dismissive, but her face torn.

_W-What?! Hold on. A I just overthinking things? Do they really and truly just want to train under me with no ulterior motive?_

Gai's eyes widened as he took a closer look at them. _That aura... it's like they're burning! Now we're talking. I'll take them as far as they can go!_

And with renewed vigor, Gai chose not to hold back anymore.

"Let's go ladies! We'll run straight to the sea!"

"Right!" they exclaimed, sprinting after Gai as he took off.

 _I'm so happy!_ Gai cried. _They finally understand my hot-blooded passion for training!_

The narrator cleared his throat. _That's what he thought, at least_.

 _I will shed this fat,_ Tenten thought vigorously.

 _I don't understand the point of any of this..._ Ino thought.

 _And he's way too intense, but..._ Sakura thought.

 _It's all to get in shape..._ Hinata thought.

_There's no way I'm quitting now!_

They sprinted past him.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

_And so..._

They all glanced down nervously at the scales in front of them.

Then one by one, they stepped on them.

Petals swirled around them as the girls were flying high on Cloud Nine.

"I made it!" Tenten whispered, tears in her eyes.

"It was all worth it," Sakura said, her eyes bright.

"Yes, we did a great job!" Ino cried.

"We should all be proud!" Hinata exclaimed.

"Well done us!" Mia said, wiping at her eyes.

"Yes! Indeed you should!" Gai said, entering the scene. "You all endured a lot. Right now, I'm... I'm... I'm bursting with joy!"

"Gai-sensei!"

The girls ran to him, and Gai cried out. The six of them hugged.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Now then... everyone eat their fill! Consider it a your reward for a job well done," Gai said.

They stared at the deliciously cooked BBQ.

"Delicious!" Lee exclaimed, wolfing down the meat.

"Thanks for letting us tag along," Naruto said, shoveling food in his mouth.

"Hinata-sama, please, have some!" Neji said.

They stared at the food in horror, before swallowing roughly.

 _Can't hold out much longer... the hunger meter is nearly full,_ they thought, staring longingly at the meat.

"To hell with it!" Mia cried out before grabbing a plate-full of food and scarfing down as much as she could.

... _And so they rebounded and the ultimate autumn diet ended in a failure. Gai-sensei will never understand the fickle hearts of young women._

"So... fulll..." Mia bemoaned.

Tobi poked at her stomach and she glared at him. "Yadda, yadda... just means there's more to love."

"I don't know if I should be flattered or insulted," Mia grumbled.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

_Ah, what another beautiful day in Konoha. It seems everyone is enjoying this wonderful days, from the small birds to the - Oh, wait. What's this? It looks like there is at least one person in Konoha, who isn't enjoying this day._

Mia let out a sigh. Her eyes were downcast and she was curled up on the couch. In her lap, she held a laptop, and every couple of seconds, she would hit the right arrow key and sigh all over again.

It was about the tenth sigh, that Tobi entered the room, wearing his standard Akatsuki uniform. Mia paid him no need, too absorbed in her thoughts. Tobi eyed her a moment, no listening to her sigh a couple times before he cleared his throat. "... Something wrong, Mia?"

Mia looked up, frowning dejectedly and shrugging. "... Just... looking through some old photos."

Tobi tilted his head and moved to sit next to her on the couch. Mia adjusted the laptop so it was presentable to Tobi, as well. On the screen was Mia, dressed as Madara, with two other cosplayers on each arm - a Naruto, and a Hinata. The three girls in the picture were all smiling brightly.

"... What is this?" Tobi finally asked.

Mia gave a soft smile. "Halloween. You remember Halloween, don't you, Tobi? That's Marry and Leslie. It... it was a good year."

"... Are you okay, Mia?" Tobi asked again, placing a hand on her shoulder.

She shrugged again, looking away. Quietly, she whispered, "I guess... I don't know. Yeah. I'm fine, don't worry, Tobi. Anyway, I should get going... Jiraiya and I won't be back for a few days, so I'll see you then."

Tobi didn't respond, as Mia put her laptop away and headed out.

He gave a quiet sigh when she left.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"I was thinking I'd hold a festival, as a reward for everyone for working so hard," Tsunade said, as she overlooked the village. Shizune, who stood behind her, blinked in surprise.

"A Fall Festival?"

"Mn. Of sorts," Tsunade said, glancing back at Shizune and grinning. "Mia told me about this holiday of hers back in her old land. It's called _Halloween_. I don't know much about it, truth be told, but from what she described of it, it sounds like a lot of fun. Besides, something tells me it would make a nice surprise for her when she returns to the village."

"Ah, that's right. She and Jiraiya-sama are visiting the nearby village so they can pick up Naruto's birthday present they specially ordered. Although, we still have a week before his birthday to pick up _our_ presents for him, Tsunade-sama..." Shizune trialed off thoughtfully. "Who are you going to put in charge?"

"Who indeed?"

Tobi, who had previously been on his way to deliver a message to the Hokage on behalf of the Akatsuki, tilted his head in curiosity. Then before either of the women noticed his presence, he left.

 _Halloween, ne?_ Tobi thought.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Tsunade-sama herself put us in charge of the Halloween festivities," Tenten exclaimed, her eyes lit up. "Let's all work extra hard!"

"What can we do for Halloween?" Neji asked, his arms folded across his chest. Lee appeared thoughtful as he considered the question.

"I'm not really familiar with it," Lee admitted. "Plus we don't have much time."

"Well, Halloween is... you know," Tenten said.

"I know?"

Tenten gave a pained smile as she thought through of all the things she new regarding the holiday. "There's um... pumpkins, and stuff."

Neji gave a soft hum. "Pumpkins... They _are_ in season now."

"Then we'll decorate with pumpkin jam and soup, lanterns, roasted squash, citrons – "

"Ah, ah, ah. It's not the winter solstice," Tobi chuckled as he appeared before the group in a plume of smoke.

"Tobi?" Neji inquired, blinking in surprise. The Hyuuga was vaguely familiar with the man, as Hinata had described him to him during her stay in Amegakure, not to mention he had seen the man frequently with Mia.

Lee, who recognized the man because he was almost always with Mia, exclaimed, "Are you here to help with the festival?"

"Tobi guesses Lee could say that," Tobi said. "Ah... Tobi's noticed that his best friend has been feeling a little homesick lately, you see. When Tobi found out about the holiday from Mia's homeland, he thought it was a good chance to cheer her up! So Tobi decided to help out."

"That's so sweet, you must really care for her," Tenten said, smiling.

Tobi rubbed the back of his head. "Eheheheh..."

"So you must know a lot about Halloween," Lee exclaimed, grabbing Tobi's hand as his eyes sparkled. "Please teach us all about it! You're a lifesaver!"

"Tobi will try," Tobi said. "Let's see..." Tobi held up his index finger, tabbing the bottom of his mask where his chin would be. "Tobi remembers Mia telling him that everyone cosplayed during Halloween. They walk around the streets, trying to scare others. That, or they walk up to a door and knock. When someone answers, they (the ones who knocked in the first place) say _trick or treat_. Then the person who answered the door is supposed to give them candy."

"I'm still not getting it," Neji said flatly.

Tobi scratched the back of his head. "The point of Halloween, Tobi thinks, is different for each age group. When Mia was little she would dress up as a witch, or a cat, or an angel, or some other creature. She would walk around her... 'village' with her friends and go up to each door that had a light on and ask for candy. She and her friends would normally visit a couple of haunted houses on the way. Ah! They aren't _real_ haunted houses, but rather, they're places that have been redesigned and made to scare those who go inside."

"That sounds like fun," Tenten said.

Tobi shrugged. "When Mia got older, though, she spent more time going to the haunted houses or doing something called a 'Courage Test.'"

"Courage test?" Lee echoed.

"That's right," Tobi said, nodding his head. "It's where a whole bunch of friends get together and try and scare the heck outta each other! Tobi remembers that Mia said the last one who still remained in the chosen area (normally a 'haunted' house, or even a graveyard) wins and everyone else had to be their slave for the rest of the night!"

"Hmm," Neji said, frowning. "Well, I think if we get enough people, we could do the 'Courage Test'. As for the whole trick or treating... I refuse. Pestering people is the same as stealing. The children of the village would feel the same."

"Don't be stick in the mud," Tobi deadpanned. "Mia said that if a family didn't want to participate, all they had to do was keep the lights off."

"So what we need to do," Lee said, "is create the perfect haunted house! And we need to tell everyone in the village about trick or treating."

"We have until tomorrow night, when Mia returns," Tobi said, "so we better get to work!"

"Alright! I say we get the gang together first," Tenten exclaimed, "with Naruto's shadow clones, the whole village will know within the hour, and we can all focus on the 'haunted house.'"

"Excellent suggestion, Tenten! Yosh! Let's go!"

"Ah," Tobi said, "Tobi thinks that he'd like to tell a few friends of his and Mia's. Tobi thinks they'd be able to help, too."

"Great. Let's meet back here in an hour, then," Tenten said, hurrying off.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"... so that's it," Tobi said, finishing his explanation to the Akatsuki members.

"Of fucking course I'm in," Hidan snickered. "This sounds almost _too_ good to be true."

"Hm," Sasori said. "I suppose I wouldn't mind helping out. I'm sure the brat will need assistance."

Deidara smirked. "I'm sure Ino wouldn't mind the extra hand, either. With _our_ artistic abilities, we'll be able to come up with something _truly_ terrifying."

"Don't be absurd," Sasori dismissed. "Sakura and myself will undoubtedly have the greatest creation."

"As entertaining as this sounds," Kakuzu said dryly, "I'll pass."

"I think it sounds fun," Kisame said, grinning. "You can count me in."

Itachi glanced away. "... I'll assist if it's that important to Mia. I'll need to borrow one of your masks, though, Tobi."

Tobi gave Itachi a thumbs up. "Not a problem!"

"Same for me," Konan said gently, smiling softly. "If Jiraiya will be there, I will need to borrow a mask, Tobi."

"I'll decline," Pein said unblinkingly. "Konan, be sure to give my regards to Hinata-chan."

"As you wish."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

" _Eh_? A festival for Kaa-chan?" Naruto said, blinking in surprise. "Of course I want to help! Just tell me what to do."

"You misheard me, Naruto," Tenten uttered, her brow furrowed. "The festival isn't really _for_ her, well, I guess you could say it was. Tobi's helping us out because he said she was a little homesick and all."

Naruto waved his hand in a dismissive manner. "To-may-toe, to-mah-toe. As far as I'm concerned it's for Kaa-chan. What do you need me to do?"

"Can you use your shadow clones to tell everyone about the festival?" Neji asked.

"Of course I can! Hmm... I wonder if Kakashi and Sasuke will be able to make it back in time for the festival from their mission?"

"Not sure. When were they scheduled to return?" Tenten inquired.

"... Another week," Naruto admitted.

"Probably not, then," Neji deadpanned.

Naruto grinned. "No matter! I'll get everyone together, no need to worry!"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Tobi looked across each face, nodding. "Alright everyone. We have a lot of work to do! Since Naruto's clones are already working on spreading the word, Tobi wants everyone else to split up into two groups. Group one for costumes and decorating the village as a whole, and group two for the haunted house!"

"Sakura and I will, of course, be at the haunted house," Sasori said swiftly, and Sakura beamed, staring adoringly at her sensei.

" _Hmph!_ Then Ino and _I_ will work on the village. Who would want to work with some lousy wanna-be artists like _you two_?" Deidara sneered. "Besides, decorating the village will be an important task, un. Can't leave it to the likes of you, Sasori-no-danna."

"Say what you will, _brat_ , but we all know Mia will appreciate the haunted house, more than the village."

"Oh, yeah?" Ino challenged. "Deidara-sempai and I will make this village the _best_ Halloween village _ever_!"

"Yeah, right, _pig!_ " Sakura huffed.

"Ahaha..." Tobi laughed weakly. "W-Well, who else for the haunted house and for decorations?"

"Hmm... I should _probably_ help with decorations," Naruto sighed. "My clones will be a huge help."

"I-I'd like to help with decorations, as well," Hinata said quietly, glancing over at Naruto. Naruto caught her eye and smiled brightly, and she returned his smile with a shy one of her own, her cheeks rosy.

"I want to do the fucking house!" Hidan howled. "That place is practically _screaming_ to have my touch to it."

"I will assist in decorations," Konan said softly, the woman stood behind Hinata and Hinata turned back to smile warmly at her.

"Then Kisame and myself will work the house," Itachi decided, adjusting his mask.

"Shino and I will work with the village," Kiba said. "Akamaru will, of course, be with us, too."

"Yosh! Then we'll work on the house with Sakura-chan!" Lee declared passionately.

"We will?" Tenten said, blinking in surprise. "I kind of wanted to the - "

"We won't fail!" Lee shouted.

"... Idiots," Neji sighed.

Tobi rubbed the back of his head. "Ah, um... Tobi has a few things to work on for Mia-chan, but he'll help with whatever group needs the most help when he's done."

"Then let's get to work!" Lee exclaimed.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Excellent work everyone," Tobi said, as the group gathered together. The sun had set, and the sky was turning a dark purple-blue. Everyone was looking pleased with their work. The village glowed from the jack o'lanterns as decorations were strung about all around. Deidara and Ino had even added several mazes into the village, and nearly all the candy stores were emptied out - along with the costume shops. Already the group could see the majority of the village participating in the Western holiday.

The haunted house sat above the Hokage's mountain a little ways into the forest - an old abandoned place, with all sorts of traps and surprises inside. There was a long line waiting to enter - but it wasn't set to open a while longer.

"Mia should be here within the hour," Tobi said. "Tobi will make sure to show Mia around the village before taking her to the haunted house."

"Where _we'll_ be waiting for her," Sakura interjected, shooting Ino a smug look. "And we'll show her what a haunted house is all about."

"Well _we'll_ be waiting for her at the maze," Ino retorted. "She's bound to have more fun in our maze than your stupid house!"

"Pig!"

"Billboard-brow!"

"Ah, well, I don't care whichever one she likes the most," Naruto said loudly, smiling and glancing at Hinata. "I actually had fun doing this, and I'm sure that's all Kaa-chan cares about."

"Naruto-kun is right," Hinata said, blushing. "Konan-sensei and I also had fun and I'm glad I was able to help out."

"Either way, we'll find out within the hour," Kisame chuckled.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Mia blinked in surprise, finding none other than Tobi waiting for her at the front gate, a bundle of cloth and red armor behind his back. Jiraiya smirked and patted her head. "Ah, I got the message from Tsunade-hime about this. I'll see you later, Mia-chan."

"Oh... okay, sensei," Mia said, still a little unsure of what to expect.

When Jiraiya left, Tobi moved closer to Mia.

"... So what's going on?" Mia asked.

Tobi then held out the bundle to her. "Here. Put this on."

Mia took the clothing hesitantly, holding it up to see what it was exactly. She gasped. "Tobi...! This is _Madara's_ outfit."

"Mm-hmm."

"What's going on?"

Tobi gestured to the village behind him. "We're having a Halloween in Konoha. _That's_ your outfit."

"But... Konoha doesn't celebrate Halloween..."

"It does now," Tobi said, looking back at her.

"How did they even know about it? How did they even do this...?"

Tobi shrugged. "Tsunade said you mentioned it before. She had Gai's team in charge of the decorations. Everyone else just sort of... fell into place."

"I didn't tell her enough about the holiday so she'd know how to do _this_ ," Mia said, turning to Tobi, her eyes bright. "You did this, didn't you? 'Obi..."

"You were homesick," Tobi pointed out, looking away sheepishly.

Mia beamed, leaning over and kissing Tobi's mask. "Thank you, 'Obi."

"Don't thank me, yet. Ino and Deidara expect you to thoroughly enjoy their maze and decorations, just as Sasori and Sakura expect you to be scared witless in the haunted house," Tobi said.

"And I'm sure I will," Mia said. "... Seriously, though. _Thank you_."

Tobi grabbed Mia's hand. "... Whatever. Come on, let's find somewhere you can get changed."

Mia giggled. "'Kay!"

_Ah, and so is the start of Konoha's new tradition - Halloween!_

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** Right-hand person. I don't know. I always wanted to be someone's right-hand person.
> 
>  **Question:** Favorite Naruto omake episode? Spin-offs count.
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	24. Part III - Nostalgic

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧** _  
_

_You. Me. Date?_

_Love,_

_Mia_

I finished the last bit of the note, before I set it on top of my pillow. Tobi hadn't drop by since I was given the mission, so I hadn't had a chance to tell him I was leaving. Not that he actually _needed_ to know, because I would be well taken care of, so he had no reason to worry.

 _PS: Off on a mission with Team 7, plus Mr. Wood. Don't worry. Kakashi's being a perfect gentleman and offered to carry me the majority of the way. I made some cookies last night, Jiraiya's staying, too, but help yourself to the cookies. If they're still there. Jiraiya seemed to_ really _like them, so I'm not entirely sure. I'll make more if you didn't get the chance._

I grabbed my pack, swinging it on my shoulder and I slipped on my sandals. Leaving my room, I closed the door gently and headed off to wake Naruto. The young man was sleeping soundly in his bed, body-hugging his pillow. I gently shook him. "Wake up, sweetie. It's time to go."

Naruto blinked groggily, staring up at me moodily. "Wha' 'ime is i'?"

"Eight ten," I replied. "We have fifty minutes to get to the gate. Breakfast's already made, so come on out."

Naruto yawned, slowly sitting up in his bed and rubbing at his eyes. "Mmkay."

Feeling spontaneous, I kissed his cheek and ruffled his bed-head-hair. He shot me an irritated glare, grumpy from being woken up and tired from staying up too late last night. Moving away, I headed across the apartment and opened the door to Kakashi's place. I found him already awake, reading a book I didn't recognize as he rubbed a towel across his wet hair.

"Morning," I chirped. "Breakfast's ready."

Kakashi glanced at me, awarding me with his eye-smile. "Thanks. I'll be out in a minute."

"'Kay," I said, leaving the room. As I closed the door behind me, I had the strongest sense of _Déjà vu._

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Flashback 1)**

There was a knock on my bedroom door, and I yawned groggily. I looked over at Tobi, who was slowly opening his eyes. We both glanced at the door, before I quickly untangled myself from Tobi and the sheets, heading to the door. I opened it slowly, blinking in surprise to find Kakashi, looking sheepish.

He rubbed the back of his head, chuckling nervously. "Um..."

"... Yes, Kakashi?"

Tobi sat up in the bed, making no noise in the process, and frowned.

"I believe Anko stole these from you and placed them in my shower this morning," Kakashi said, holding up a pair of -

I blushed brightly, grabbing my underwear. "Sorry. Yeah..."

Kakashi then looked even more sheepish. "... I'm missing a pair of..."

"Oh, damn. Yeah, I'll let you know if I find them."

Kakashi sighed. "Thanks."

After he left, and I shut the door, I rolled my eyes. "I'm starting to have doubts about letting Anko stay with us. That girl is too determined."

Tobi snorted, glaring sulkily at the garment.

"I'm not even going to be able to wear these anymore," I whined. "And they were _comfy_ , too."

"We could always repay her," Tobi suggested, suddenly brightening.

I smirked. "Then she'll just return the favor tenfold. She'll lose interest eventually when it becomes apparent that there's _nothing_ going on between Kakashi and myself."

Tobi looked disappointed. "Are you _sure_ we can't...?"

"Yes, Tobi. I'm _sure_. We can take our frustration out at the Akatsuki, though."

Tobi smirked. " _Another_ prank war?"

I shrugged, using my cast-wrapped arm to gesture between the two of us. "We _do_ make the best alliance."

Tobi snickered. "That's true."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

" _Kakashi!_ " I hollered, crossing my arms over my chest and glaring up at the ceiling. There. Above my shower, nailed in, was a certain pair of boxers.

Kakashi knocked on the door.

"I'm decent," I muttered, still glaring at the boxers.

Kakashi stepped in, tilting his head as he stared up at his boxers. "... She nailed them in. I'm not going to be able to wear those any more."

I patted his shoulder consolingly. "There, there. We can go clothes shopping later, if you like."

Kakashi chuckled. "No, I'm good. Alright, thanks Mia."

"Sure, sure."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I let out a blissful sigh, relaxing in the bubble bath. I had both of my casts wrapped in plastic to keep them from getting wet.

There was a knock on the door.

"This better be damn important," I warned, glaring at the door.

"Kakashi refuses to peek on you!" Anko whined through the door.

"Good boy, Kakashi," I yelled.

"Welcome," Kakashi said back, but his voice was muffled, both from the distance and because of the door and walls between us.

" _Mia!_ There's something _wrong_ with him. Fine! But come on! You have to be a _little_ bit offended."

"Offended that an asexual person refuses to show signs of perverseness?"

"She's right," Kakashi said, his voice still muffled. "Mia has no reason to be offended."

Anko gave a groan. "Why are you guys so stubborn? You'd be perfect together!"

"How would you know?" I asked curiously. "Besides, I already told you, Anko, I'm already—"

"I give up!" Anko shouted. "For the moment! I give up. You two are impossible and _no fun_."

I smirked triumphantly.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I took another sip of my virgin strawberry daiquiri, licking my lips and feeling quite pleased with the drink. Kurenai was talking to Asuma on my left, and Kakashi was seated on my right. The four of us were at one of their (Kakashi, Asuma, Kurenai... and Gai) favorite bars. It was more or less a spur of the moment type thing, Kakashi and I were returning from grocery shopping and ran into Asuma, who offered to help carry the food back. We ran into Kurenai on our way home, and after dropping off the food, we decided to go out for a drink.

Well. _They_ were the only ones consuming alcohol, hence the _virgin_ in the name of my drink.

"... Ino ended up just shoving _both_ boys off the tree," Asuma finished, sighing.

"She sounds almost as aggressive as Sakura," Kakashi interjected. "Naruto made a remark that puppets were just stupid dolls and the girl put laxatives in his food and then beating the poor boy unconscious."

"Why would you let my daughter beat my son?" I wondered out loud.

Kakashi shrugged. "It amused me."

"Hinata's nothing like that," Kurenai said, smiling in fond entertainment. "I was worried about her lack of confidence, but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be. She's growing up into quite the little lady, I'm very proud of her."

Asuma nodded his head. "She has quite the lady as a teacher, I'm not surprised."

Kurenai blushed prettily and looked away, while I giggled.

"Hi."

Eyes shifted over to a rather pretty young kunoichi who slid into the seat next to Kakashi. She was smiling welcomingly at Kakashi, leaning towards him.

"Hello," Kakashi said politely, giving her an eye-smile. I felt his foot lightly tap against my leg.

Taking his hint, I slung my arm around Kakashi's forward, leaned across him and offered my hand to the woman. "Can we help you?"

She blinked in surprise, as if just noticing me. "Oh..." Her eyes darted to my arm, still slung around Kakashi's shoulders lazily. "I'm sorry, I thought... No. I just wanted to say hello."

I smiled politely. "Hello."

She flushed and hurried away. I took my arm back, taking a sip of my drink. Kakashi relaxed.

"Thanks, Mia," Kakashi sighed.

"No problem, buddy," I dismissed. "You'd do the same for me."

"Sure."

"Cute," Kurenai said, smirking. "Maybe I should tell Anko."

I glared at her. "Do that, and you're dead to me."

She giggled. "I won't, I won't, although... that reminds me of something I've been wanting to ask you, Mia. Will you return to the academy to teach?"

I blinked in surprise. "I hadn't planned on it. The only reason the civilians tolerated me being at the school in the first place was because the Hokage gave the reasoning I was there to 'keep Naruto in check.' When Naruto and everyone graduate, I saw no reason to return."

"I think you should," Kurenai said.

I gave her an incredulous look. "I _can't_. Like I said, the _only_ reason—"

"Well that's just _bullshit_ ," Kurenai muttered. "You were a _good_ teacher. The students loved you and I heard Iruka talking to Yuna that since you were there, fights between the students were at an all time low—so was the drop-out rate!"

I scratched the back of my head. "Well... I mean... it's not like I can do anything about it now, is there?"

"Maybe not, but I still think you'd be a good teacher."

Kakashi nodded his head. "I agree. There's just something about you..."

"Maybe you could apply for your own Genin team," Asuma joked.

"And teach them, what? How to cook?"

"You know self-defense and the basics. You know _how_ to teach it," Kurenai pointed out.

"But I _can't_ do any of the stuff myself," I retorted. "I wouldn't even be able to take them out on missions because I can't even properly defend _myself_ against a shinobi, let alone three children."

Kurenai sighed and I patted her shoulder. "Still think you should teach..."

"Yes, well, it's not happening."

**(End of Flashback 1)**

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I blinked away the memories before I slowly moved out of the room and headed to the table. The food was spread out and Naruto had slowly taken a seat down. He gave a massive yawn, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. I took a seat across from him, smiling brightly.

"Good morning, sleepy head," I said.

"'Morning," Naruto yawned, rubbing his eyes. "How'd you slee'?"

"Still waking up?" I asked, noting how he was still mumbling. "I slept fine. You?"

Naruto mumbled, "I still wan' 'o sleep."

I snickered, taking a sip of my water.

Lowering the cup down, I found my eyes glued to the water, another sense of déjà vu...

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Flashback 2)**

I stretched out in the chair, letting out a content sigh. Summertime sunshine warmed me, and caused my muscles to feel relaxed and loose. It was tempting to just fall asleep, but I wasn't in the mood for a sunburn.

Shouts echoed around me, and I lazily opened one eye to make sure no one was bleeding or severely injured.

Sasuke sat next to Shikamaru, the two talking quietly with their legs dangling in the water. Naruto was chasing Kiba, a water gun in hand and laughing maniacally. Akamaru was barking excitedly, wagging his tail as he chased Kiba, too. Kiba was shouting (and laughing) at Naruto, before he dove into the pool. Chōji and Shino, who were also participating in the water-fight, were currently trying to hide from Naruto's view. Ino was beside Hinata and Sakura, the trio of girls spread out on a towel and giggling.

Kakashi was in the lounge chair beside me, his book resting over the lower half of his face, and his eyes closed. Kurenai was on the other side of me, flipping through a magazine and Asuma had left to grab lunch for us.

Satisfied no one was dying or needed help, I closed my eye again.

A handful of seconds past before cold water streamed on my chest. I spluttered, lurching into a sitting position and blinking in surprise. "Wha—?"

Naruto grinned foxily at me.

I stared down at the top of my bathing suit, and at the water that drenched my chest. I looked back up at him, cocking an eyebrow. "You really wanna do this?"

"Do what?" Naruto asked innocently, tucking the water gun behind his back.

"I don't think _you_ want to do this, Mia," Sasuke called, smirking.

Kakashi lazily opened an eyebrow. "Now, now, are you guys picking on a _civilian_? I thought I taught you better than that."

The children continued to smirk.

Kakashi, Kurenai and I exchanged glances.

"Well, friends, it seems we have been issued a challenge," I said, sitting up slowly.

"Maa, maa. What a bother, but... I guess it can't be helped," Kakashi said, sitting up, as well.

"Who knows? It might actually prove entertaining," Kurenai mused, smiling slowly.

"Bring it on!" Ino shouted.

The three of us smirked.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Asuma returned to the scene, stared at it and shook his head.

I was sitting on top of the dog pile that consisted of Kiba, Chōji, Shikamaru, Shino and Sakura. Sasuke was sprawled on his back, staring in dumbfoundment at the sky, completely drenched. Hinata was fanning a catatonic Naruto, a worry frown on her face. Ino was passed out, floating in the pool, her eyes spinning. Shikamaru (who had wisely called a truce), was the only dry child, and he sat under a shaded tree.

Kurenai looked completely relaxed, flipping through a magazine, and Kakashi was lightly sleeping in his lunge.

"I don't think I want to know," Asuma said.

"I don't think you do," I agreed.

**(End Flashback 2)**

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"... Thanks for the meal," Naruto and Kakashi chorused, and I smiled in return.

"Happy to feed you guys," I said. "We should probably get going, though. Naruto, why don't you get ready while I get the dishes?"

"I'll help," Kakashi offered politely, gathering up half of the dishes. I murmured a quiet _thank you_ , and Naruto headed off.

The two of us placed the dishes in the sink and I turned on the hot water. Kakashi grabbed a towel, and as I washed and rinsed, he dried and put them away.

And soon, everything was ready.

The three of them left the apartment and started to head down to the gate.

When they arrived, Yamato, Sasuke and Sakura were already there.

"Right on time," Yamato said, raising an eyebrow in surprise at Kakashi. "Maybe it's a good thing you live with Mia-chan now."

Kakashi gave him an eye-smile. "Maybe."

"Are we ready?" Sakura asked.

"I think so," I said and Kakashi swept me up. "Yep. We're ready."

"Then let's go!" Naruto exclaimed.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

_Alright, well, because this is just a filler chapter (and is actually pretty short) and a looooot people seemed to really like the Halloween omake, I decided to continue it._

_You're welcome. ;)_

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

_And so Konoha's very first Halloween began!_

"God, I look so sexy as Madara," Mia said, posing in front of the mirror as she winked at herself.

"Please. You think _anyone_ dressed as Madara is sexy," Tobi dismissed. He was holding a glass of water—Mia had been thirsty and he had been a perfect gentleman in offering to hold her drink while she changed.

"He _is_ the sex god."

Tobi muttered under his breath.

"I'm sorry, dear, did you say something?"

"He's too old for you," Tobi sniffed. "What do you see in him?"

"His eyes, his face, his butt, his hair... his _voice_... just... _damn_."

The glass in Tobi's hand shattered as a dark cloud hung over him.

Mia blinked in surprise, having finally dragged her eyes away from the Madara look-alike in the mirror, only to find her water all over the floor. She then noticed the dark cloud that hung over him. She gave a nervous laugh. "You okay, buddy?"

"Peachy."

"Yes, well... where's your costume, anyway?"

"... In the bag," Tobi muttered moodily, gesturing to the black bag.

Mia smiled. "Then put it on, silly."

Tobi let out a sigh. "Yeah, sure... gimme a minute."

Sulkily, Tobi grabbed the bag and headed into the next room. Mia eyed him another moment before she giggled and went back to admiring (and daydreaming about) Madara in the mirror.

****(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧** **

"Stupid grandfather," Obito muttered as he started to change. "He's fucking over eighty and yet he's still got girls pining after him. He's got _Mia_ pining after him. _An old man!_ What's so great about him, anyway?"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Hooo? I'm almost glad we finished our mission so early," Kakashi said, giving Sakura an eye-smile.

Sakura smirked. "The more the merrier, right? You'll need to pick out a costume, though. I think the store's still open."

"You said there was a haunted house, right?" Sasuke asked, cocking an eyebrow. "You and your friend made it?"

"That's right. Scariest thing out there," Sakura bragged.

"I'd like to test that," Sasuke challenged. "I don't think you two have what it takes."

"Oh it is _on_ , Duck-Ass."

Sasuke glowered at her.

"What do you _mean_ you lost them?!" Ino shrieked.

"Well, we all went in the maze..." Shikamaru trailed off. " _So troublesome_. We all went into the maze, Chōji thought he smelled bacon, so he went off in one direction... Konohamaru and the others went off in another direction and now we can't find them."

Ino's eyes were bright red and flames shot out of her mouth as she yelled, "Those _brats!_ That evil, manipulative _brat!_ He _knows_ that Sandaime-sama is expecting us to watch over him and if we _lose_ him...! I'm going to kill him."

Shikamaru sighed and Chōji laughed nervously at Ino's last statement.

"There a problem, un?"

"Yes!" Ino said immediately. "The Sandaime's brat is missing."

Deidara frowned. "Seriously, un? Shit. We're going to have to find him. Leader-sama will _kill_ me if I ended up losing the old Hokage's brat, un."

"Don't worry Deidara-sensei," Ino said quickly. "I won't let that happen. We'll find him!"

Deidara grinned cockily. "I'm sure my apprentice will. Then I'll leave it up to you three, un."

"We won't fail," Ino said confidently.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Where do you want to go to first?" Mia asked Tobi, deepening her voice to mimic that of Madara.

"Stop talking like that," Tobi grouched irritably. He adjusted his Reaper costume, pulling down on the hood to better cover his skeletal mask. "We should hit the maze first. That way we can stay for the rest of the night at the haunted house."

Mia pouted at her friend disliking her Madara voice. She gave a sigh, her voice normal when she spoke again, "Alright. _Ooo_ , can we go trick or treating?"

"How old are you, again? I seem to have thought you were older than _five_ , but I've been wrong before."

"You can totally trick or treat as an adult!"

Tobi seemed glared at her.

She huffed. "No fair. _Fine_. So where's the maze?"

"Right around..." Tobi trailed off as the two of them rounded the corner, only to find Ino preparing a flamethrower, with Shikamaru and Chōji trying to restrain her.

Ino thrashed. "Let me go! I'm going to burn this whole fucking thing down! I can sense the brat's chakra in there. Let's see him come out when the entire thing is on fire!"

"Don't—you—think—you're—taking—this—too—far?!" Shikamaru panted, straining his shadow-technique against his frantic teammate.

"Just calm down, Ino," Chōji tried to console.

"Deidara-sensei is counting on me! I mustn't fail!"

"I miss you—being just—Sasuke's—fangirl—because he—didn't recuperate—anything so you—encouraged— _damn it, Ino!_ "

Mia sweat dropped. "Uh..."

"Mia-sensei! Help," Chōji said immediately.

"Ino, sweetie..." Mia said hesitantly, slowly inching towards her. "Sweetheart... I need you to relax, right now, okay? Everything is going to be alright. Just... just _calm down_."

Ino huffed, puffing out her cheeks in annoyance, but she slowly relaxed.

"Alright, now can someone tell me what happened?" Mia asked.

Quickly, Ino explained the situation.

Tobi gasped dramatically. "Oh no! Tobi's so sorry. If only there was something Tobi could do..."

"We could go into the maze and look for them," Mia suggested brightly. "I _am_ hypersensitive to chakra, I should be able to locate him. Then _you_ , Tobi-dear, can knock him out and restrain him."

Tobi sweatdropped. "Ah... Tobi isn't sure how he feels about knocking out a child... Isn't that child abuse?"

"His 'costume' is really a henge of Mia in sexy-jutsu form," Shikamaru said slyly, a gleam in his eyes.

Immediately, Tobi straightened. "That little _brat_ , no one's allowed to see Mia like that excep—er—Tobi means.... naughty, naughty boy. Tobi will help!"

Mia (who _obviously_ didn't hear Tobi's first remark because she was busy consoling Ino) threw her fist up in the air. "Alright! Let's go, buddy!"

"Right!"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"A haunted house?" Iruka echoed.

Naruto nodded his head excitedly. "Kaa-chan loves 'em."

"They're supposed to be r-r-r-romantic, too," Hinata managed. She and Naruto had dropped by the academy at Naruto's request—he wanted to make sure his favorite academy instructor knew about all the fun activities regarding the strange new holiday.

"Romantic? How so?" Iruka asked dubiously.

Naruto smirked. "'Cause the girl's supposed to be protected by the guy, right!"

"Or the other way around," Hinata giggled, recalling how Naruto had actually hid behind _her_ when they stopped by the house earlier. Naruto rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment, awarding Hinata with a knowing smile.

"It's a chance to get clingy without an overprotective family member cockblocking you," Naruto whispered to Iruka. Hinata had to smother her bemused smiled.

"R-R-Really?" Iruka stuttered, a flush crawling across his cheeks. "U-Uh, d-does Mia-chan have anyone going with her? I-I mean..."

"Huh? Well, I don't know," Naruto said, frowning in confusion. "Why?"

"Er, no reason, Naruto... I-I should get going! I need to get my costume."

"Have fun!" Naruto chirped.

" _There you are!_ "

Naruto turned white as Neji started charging at him and Hinata, an evil glint in his eyes. Naruto grabbed Hinata and started sprinting away.

" _Leave us alone!_ " Naruto howled.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"He's right down here," Mia said as she and Tobi ran through the maze. "Or, well, he's in that direction. I can't actually navigate through the maze, ehehe...."

Tobi swung Mia up in his arms before making both of them intangible and passing straight through the haystacks. Mia squealed, squeezing her eyes shut and clinging to the only solid thing.

After rows and rows of haystacks, the two finally found the trio.

Konohamaru not henged, gave a startled shout upon seeing them. "Wh-What?!"

"Oi, brat. Time to go with us," Mia said, as Tobi set her down.

"Uchiha Madara?!"

"If only," Mia muttered under her breath, spiking Tobi's annoyance.

"That little liar," Tobi grumbled, noticing how Konohamaru was _so_ not henged.

"I can't let you take me back," Konohamaru shouted. "I'm on a dare to stay the entire night in the maze. I won't back down."

Tobi ignored him and started marching towards him.

Konohamaru paled and gulped. "I-I'm warning you...!"

Tobi continued moving towards him.

"You leave me no choice! Sexy-no-jutsu!"

Only certain parts were covered in smoke, and the Konohamaru-henged-into-Mia, winked at Tobi, giggling.

Mia gasped, covering her mouth to try and smother her laughter.

Tobi, however, was frozen, his expression completely unreadable through his mask. That lasted about ten seconds, before he fell over, twitching.

Mia, still giggling, looked over at her friend in confusion. "Tobi? You okay?"

When he didn't respond, Mia glared at Konohamaru. "Konohamaru, you have exactly three seconds to get back to the start of the maze, or I _will_ make you regret it."

Konohamaru dispelled the henge and stuck out his tongue. "You can't make me."

Mia smirked and whispered, "Then I guess I'll just have to..."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Ino hopped from one foot to the other, anxious. "Do you think they'll catch him?"

"Probably," Shikamaru yawned.

"I just hope they don't get lost..." Chōji trailed off.

" _AAAAAAAAAAAHHH! Keep her away from me. Keep her away!_ "

The trio blinked in surprise as Konohamaru sprinted out of the maze, a horrified look on his face as he screamed at the top of his lungs.

Ino smirked and grabbed him by the collar, the boy starting to hyperventilate. "There you are, you little shit. You're coming with me."

Then with an all too smug look, Ino carried the boy to the other side of the maze (where Deidara was, at the exit). Shikamaru and Chōji exchanged glances, looking back to find Mia supporting Tobi, and the two of them wobbling out of the maze.

"... You guys okay?"

"I think so," Mia said, while Tobi gurgled.

"... What's wrong with you?" Chōji asked incredulously, staring at Tobi.

Tobi twitched, then turned away, making sure the others couldn't see his face. He then pulled off his mask and the three of them sweatdropped as a pool of blood poured out.

 _H-How can someone bleed that much?_ Mia thought.

Tobi put his mask back on and turned around, ignoring the deadpanned looks. "... Tobi is fine now."

"I can't believe the mask held all that blood," Shikamaru muttered. "Troublesome. Well, what are you two going to do now?"

Mia perked up. "Haunted house!"

"Have fun," Chōji said, smiling.

Mia squealed excitedly, grabbing Tobi's hand and starting to sprint away. " _Oooo,_ let's go, let's go!"

"D-Do you even know where you're going?!" Tobi howled.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Th-This is..."

Mia stared longingly at the house, squeezing Tobi's hand. Tobi immediately squeezed Mia's back and the two exchanged glances. Before they could take a step towards the rickety place, a familiar boy hurried out.

It was Sasuke. He wasn't quite running, but he _definitely_ wasn't walking. The moment he caught sight of the two of them, he hurried over to them, before pulling Mia out in front of him and ducking behind her.

"... Hi, sweetie," Mia said, frowning.

"I'll refer to you as Madara for the rest of the night if you don't tell _her_ where I am," Sasuke said.

"Deal."

"... Tobi wonders what Sasuke is supposed to be dressed as," Tobi said.

Sasuke snorted. "I'm a serial killer, _obviously_."

"Tobi thinks Sasuke has issues."

" _WHERE ARE YOU, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!?_ "

The two adults looked over to find Sakura, sprinting out of the haunted house, a mutinous look on her face.

"Hi, honey!" Mia greeted, waving her hand.

Sasori and Kakashi followed Sakura out of the house at a more sedate pace.

"Where is he?! That... that _jerk_! How dare he...!"

"What happened?" Tobi asked.

"Sasuke!" Sakura shrieked. "He wasn't scared a _bit_ after all the hard work Sasori and I put into that place. _And he didn't even blink!_ That's completely insensitive."

Mia smiled sympathetically. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm sure your house is _very_ scary."

"It's not," Sasuke muttered.

Sakura's head whipped around at the voice, and her eyes narrowed. "Mia..."

Mia laughed nervously. "Now just calm down... while Sasuke-chan may not have been scared of the house, it's obvious he's scared of _you_."

Sakura paused at that and Sasuke hit Mia's shoulder. "I am _not_!"

He still hid behind her.

"What's going on?"

All eyes turned to Iruka, who was dressed as a Western knight.

"Iruka-sensei?" Sakura asked in surprise.

"Iruka-kun?" Mia echoed, tilting her head. "I haven't seen you in a _long_ time. How are you?"

"F-Fine," Iruka said, blushing. "I came up for the haunted house... I wasn't expecting you here, Mia-chan."

Mia smiled politely. "Yes, well, I wanted to go through the haunted house, which reminds me, as much as I would love to see Sakura scaring the shit outta Sasuke, I'd _really_ like to give the haunted house a whirl."

"The house is ready whenever you are, Mia," Sasori said.

"Try not to get _too_ scared," Kakashi chuckled. "I think I'll head down to the maze now. Come on, Sasuke, I'll protect you from the big-bad Sakura."

"I do _not_ need protection!" Sasuke snapped, even as he switched hiding positions to hide behind Kakashi instead of Mia. Sakura smirked, looking quite smug at that reaction.

Mia snickered quietly as Sasuke and Kakashi headed away. Sakura smiled brightly at her. "Okay. We'll get the house ready for you guys. Wait one minute!"

Quickly, Sakura sprinted back towards the house, taking Sasori's offered hand. The two soon disappeared inside.

"Yatta, this is going to be _awesome_ ," Mia chirped.

"R-Right," Iruka said, still flushed. "Mia-chan... actually... I was hoping if maybe... you and I could go in... together?"

Tobi's head snapped around, a red vein appearing on top of his head.

Mia looked uncomfortable. "Actually, I was going in with Tobi. All three of us could go in if you like, though."

Iruka looked disappointed, but smiled. "I'd just like to get the chance to go in with _you_ , Mia-chan. I'm perfectly fine if Tobi-san wants to tag along."

" _Tag alone_?" Tobi repeated, disgusted. _You're the one who's_ tagging along _, you damn...!_

Mia beamed, taking Tobi's hand and heading towards the house. Tobi shot Iruka a smug look, and suddenly Iruka felt like he actually had competition.

Iruka swallowed roughly. _Maybe I should just politely back down...?_

Tobi turned his head back around, checking to make sure the third-wheel was backing down. Deciding that he _was_ , Tobi triumphantly wrapped an arm around Mia's shoulder and started guiding her into the house.

 _On second thought..._ Iruka thought, watching them. "Wait up, Mia-chan!"

 _You little shit,_ Tobi thought darkly.

Mia smiled as Iruka caught up to her other side, grabbed her hand and hurried her away from Tobi. Without a second glance, Iruka guided her into the house, leaving Tobi behind.

 _When this is over..._ Tobi trailed off, his eyes narrowed, before he hurried after them.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Roughly two minutes into the house, Mia was having to cling onto Tobi. Not because she was scared, so much as she was completely blind in the darkness. Thanks to Tobi's shinobi training (and his hax-Sharingan), he was able to navigate the two of them through the darkness.

Well. Three. Iruka needed assistance, as well.

"There's a table on Iruka's right," Tobi drawled.

Iruka cursed when a loud thud was heard.

"Oh. Tobi meant Iruka's left," Tobi said. "Watch out for the—" _Thud!_ "—oops, spoke too late. There's a loose board on Iruka's right." _Crack_. "Tobi meant left. Sorry. Careful, Mia, here, maybe Tobi should just carry Mia..."

"Maybe _I_ should, so _you_ can focus on directions," Iruka bit out.

Mia repressed a sigh, not quite sure what exactly was making Tobi so irritable. "... I think I see something up ahead."

"Mia has such good eyes!" Tobi chirped. "Tobi sees something to."

Without warning there was a loud cracking sound and the trio looked up to the ceiling. Mia screamed in alarm as _hundreds_ of _spiders_ fell onto them. She screamed, jumping up and down and swatting at herself. "Get them off! Get them off! _Oh my God get them off, please!_ "

"H-Hang on, Mia-chan" Iruka said, struggling to brush off the spiders that were crawling onto him.

"Hold still," Tobi said, ignoring the spiders on him (he immediately recognized them as Aburame spiders and knew he wasn't in danger... he also had to get adjusted to all sorts of bugs during his stay with Madara in the cave...), and starting to brush out the spiders off of Mia.

Mia shuddered. "They're crawling up me. _They're crawling up me._ "

Tobi stepped back. "Hold your breath, Mia. _Suiton: Bakudon!_ "

Water formed at where Tobi held his two fingers in front of his mouth, and immediately water rushed out of it. He kept it at a low-level, just enough to wash all the spiders off of her and drown the majority of them.

Mia spluttered, looking down at her ruined costume and shuddering. "That was... _ooooooh_ I'm officially an arachnophobic now."

Tobi patted her shoulder consolingly and Iruka cleared his throat. "Are you okay, Mia-chan?"

"I-I'm fine. Nervous, is all."

"Would you like to hold my—"

Tobi 'tripped' into Iruka, hard enough to send the man sprawling to the floor. "Oopsie! Tobi's sorry."

Mia sweatdropped and shuddered, recalling the fear of the spiders all over her. "Nasty. Nasty. _Nasty_."

Tobi offered his hand to her. "Don't worry, Mia. Tobi won't let anything hurt you!"

Mia blushed and took his offered hand. "Thanks, 'Obi."

Iruka grumbled under his breath, staring sulkily at their hands.

"Let's continue on," Tobi said, starting to head back down the hallway.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Sakura patted a mourning Shino. The two of them had watched everything transpire through the eyes of one of the portraits in the wall. "There, there. We won't let your family's bugs deaths be in vain. We'll scare them so bad, they'll have regretted coming in here!"

Shino only nodded.

Hidan smirked a little ways from them. "Well, shit. This looks like things are about to get interesting."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

The two turned down another hallway, Iruka trailing behind them and still glaring at their hands.

The first door on their right creaked open and the trio stopped, turning to look inside. Mia gave a whine, and hid behind Tobi. "Oh, _hell_ no. The Ring already scarred me enough!"

It was a child's room.

Tobi patted her shoulder, completely unbothered because he had _never_ seen the movie before and had absolutely no intentions of seeing it. Iruka, also not bothered by it, peered inside. "No one's inside..."

Tobi let go of Mia's hand long enough to enter the room and survey it. Iruka mimicked is action, and Mia stood alone in the hallway, still shuddering from the spider incident.

Her eyes widened and she screamed in surprise when two arms wrapped around her.

Both men whirled around, only to find Mia gone.

"Mia?!" Tobi asked, his eyes wide as he frantically looked around.

"We have to—"

Tobi had already sprinted off in the darkness, leaving Iruka.

"... save her," Iruka finished quietly.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

When Mia was released, she was in a completely different part of the house.

She was breathing heavily, her eyes darting around. It was dark. Too dark. Dark enough she couldn't even see the hand in front of her face.

She groped around the room, biting her bottom lip and regretting very dearly she even stepped foot in that place.

Her foot caught onto something and she fell to the ground.

She let out a small curse, scrambling on to her backside and trying to peer at what she hit. Of course she couldn't see it, so she sat up slowly and rested her hands on the dirt floor. She moved them around until they caught hold of a the familiar object.

She frowned. It was warm, actually. Soft, too. Squishy, almost. Wet... and it smelled faintly of copper... Actually, it reminded her a lot of a...

Her heart stopped. She groped around the object, traveling up it... feeling the _thigh_ , then the _torso_ , and at its neck, she stopped.

Because there was no head.

Mia started panicking. Fear and adrenaline coursing through her.

_It's not real. It's not real. This is all just an attempt to scare you. Don't panic. Don't panic._

And suddenly the lights flickered on and Mia had only a second to see the mangled corpse.

It was a corpse that looked _exactly_ like herself.

She screamed.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Would you _stop_ that already?" Iruka muttered, having finally caught up to Tobi.

Tobi had kept 'accidentally' tripping Iruka.

"Tobi doesn't know what—"

"You do, you're just being an ass!" Iruka argued. "I get it, okay? You like Mia, too."

"Tobi does _not_..."

Iruka gave Tobi a very dry look before he sighed. "I don't blame you or anything. She seems to like you, too..."

Tobi didn't respond, choosing to head down another corridor. When a little girl popped out of a wall, her mouth dripping with blood as she smiled and opened her mouth to speak, Tobi idly cut off her head with his scythe and carried on.

 _Sakura, meanwhile, was starting to_ really _hate Tobi._

"I can't blame you for liking her, too," Iruka sighed, stepping around the fallen girl. "But..."

"Tobi doesn't like Mia," Tobi muttered stubbornly.

Iruka snorted. "Y—"

A blood-curdling scream split the air and both men stopped, recognizing the voice.

Tobi clenched his hands into fists. "That's _it_! Tobi said _told_ everyone that when they were making the house they weren't allowed to even _touch_ the participants and you go around and _kidnap_ Mia. Tobi is putting an end to this charade!"

Tobi held up his hands in his favorite fire-style.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

_Three minutes later..._

"All that hard work... all of it burnt to an ash..." Sakura moaned as she and the other members of the Haunted House watched their beloved piece burn down.

"In fairness, we probably shouldn't have kidnapped Mia-chan," Kisame muttered to Itachi. "We Akatsuki members _know_ how Tobi gets."

"It certainly wasn't a wise move," Sasori agreed quietly. "However Sakura really wanted to add realism to it..."

"She certainly scared the shit outta Mia," Hidan observed, watching as Mia body-hugged Tobi and absolutely _refused_ to let go of him and how Tobi absolutely _refused_ to let go of Mia... or allow anyone near her at the moment. "Look at Tobi. He's all fucking paranoid now."

"It's going to take a while to calm him down," Itachi sighed, his voice coming out muffled from the mask he wore. "He won't calm down until Mia does, and even then... he's definitely not pleased with us."

Kisame laughed quietly at that. "You can say that again. I wonder if I should go hide all my valuables now, before he gets the chance to add a 'Tobi twist' to them."

Hidan winced, still recalling the last time he pissed off the masked-man. His poor hair... "... Yeah. Fuck this shit. I'm outta here. I need to go hide my things."

As Hidan turned to leave, the other Akatsuki members considered this.

"Damn. I do, too," Kisame muttered.

"What a bother," Sasori sighed.

Itachi only appeared mildly annoyed. He knew he could hide his things as Mia's place and his friend would keep them safe from Tobi's wrath, but it was a _bother_. "... How annoying."

"Come, brat," Sasori beckoned, dragging a mourning Sakura away. "Let's get you something to eat. I _know_ you haven't had dinner, yet."

"All that work..." Sakura whined.

"Yes, yes, I know..."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Mia—still clinging onto Obito for dear life—gave a tired yawn.

Obito patted her back, adjusting her so he could open the apartment door. "Come on, Mia. Let's get you inside."

"It's been so long since I was able to have a Halloween," Mia mumbled, tugging off her wig. "Thank you, Obito."

"Mn," Obito murmured. "Where's Naruto?"

"Hell if I know," Mia yawned, slowly releasing her hold on Obito. She started tugging off her costume and heading towards the bathroom. On the way, she found a sticky note on the door. "Oh. He's staying over at Sasuke-chan's place tonight with the rest of the boys. They're having a movie-marathon."

"Just us tonight, then?" Obito asked.

Mia didn't respond for a while, until she was dressed in her t-shirt—actually it was Obito's, but he left it there, so that automatically made it forfeit—and sweats. Obito was already changed out into his t-shirt and sweats and was laying down in the bed, an arm slung over his face.

Mia sat on top of him and he lazily peered up at her.

"Seriously," Mia said, smiling warmly at him. "Thanks. I might have been scared witless, tonight, and I'm probably scarred for life, but... but it's still a piece of home to me. So... thanks."

Obito stared up at her before he lifted his hand and brushed back some hair from her face. His hand lingered a moment or two on her cheek. "Mn... We, uh... we should probably get some sleep, though."

Mia nodded her head. "Yeah... I'm body-hugging you tonight, though. I hope you realize that."

"I realize that and I am _perfectly_ fine with that."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** Hinata is Neji's Cousin / Naruto is Hinata's weakness, I think. That was the first episode of Rock Lee and his Ninja Pals I watched, so I'm biased. I liked the Akatsuki ones, too.
> 
>  **Question:** Two characters you absolutely despiiiiiiiise in Naruto?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	25. Part III - I'm Going to Murder Them

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧** _  
_

"This... is... awesome!"

Kakashi looked over his shoulder at me, awarding me with an eye-smile. I kept my arms wrapped firmly around his neck, and my legs wrapped around his waist as he carried me through the trees.

Naruto grinned brightly, slowing down to run beside us. "I'm glad you're having fun, Kaa-chan."

I beamed at him. "Of course I am. I have some of my favorite people in the world with me, I'm getting a free piggy-back ride, the wind is rushing through my hair and I have chocolate in my backpack! Totally awesome."

"Why do you like piggy-back rides so much?" Kakashi wondered.

I shrugged. "Hell if I know. There's just something nice about the thought of someone carrying you around."

Sakura giggled. "You would think that, wouldn't you? Anko told me, though, that it wasn't so much you enjoyed being carried around, so much as the _position_ \- "

" _ALALALALA!_ " Naruto shrieked, screwing his eyes shut and placing his hands over his ears. "Kaa-chan is innocent! Kaa-chan is innocent!"

Naruto slammed into a tree due to his lack of sight and I gasped. "My baby!"

"He's fine," Sasuke dismissed, and the group didn't falter, pressing on. "He's survived worse."

" _Worse!?_ I don't want to imagine my baby going through anything worse than a tiny little itty-bitty bruise. And even _then_..."

"How have you _not_ gone insane from your anxiety?" Yamato asked, smiling in amusement and glancing back at us.

I shrugged again. "Luck. And denial. Lots of denial. For instance, Naruto has _never_ broken a bone before. Ever. At all. Not even a little bit."

Naruto, who just caught up with the group, looked confused. "What? Yes I have. I think I've broken at least _all_ the bones in my body _at least_ twice - "

"Yep," I said, completely ignoring him. "Not a single bone in his body has ever been harmed. He hasn't even had a scratch on him before."

"Ignoring what just happened a minute ago," Kakashi said slowly.

"What happened a minute ago?" I asked.

" _That_ is some heavy denial," Yamato declared.

Sakura shrugged. "At least it works. I'd rather have a happy Mia in denial, than a sad Mia having anxiety attacks every other minute."

I smiled. "Don't be silly, sweetie. I wouldn't be _sad_. More likely, I'd just snap, build a machine gun and head off to slaughter the world, or die trying."

"That's even worse," Naruto whined.

"Don't worry, sweetie. My denial is pretty damn strong," I said firmly. "And I make sure I always carry around my anxiety pills."

"And I brought her sedatives," Sakura chirped.

"Then we're all set," Kakashi said dryly.

"Gosh, how long are we going to be running, anyway?" I wondered.

"Forever," Kakashi deadpanned.

"Well, shit, I'm already bored."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Snow!" I squealed, as soon as we reached the land of iron and the scenery was covered in a beautiful white blanket. I squirmed on Kakashi's back. "Let me down! Please!"

Kakashi obliged, dropping down to the forest floor and placing me on the ground. I clapped my hands happily and scooped up some snow. My fingers were already growing numb, and Sakura pulled out my jacket as she landed next to us. The rest of the team landed in the snow, pulling out their own cloaks and whatnot.

I patted the snow into a ball and while Kakashi turned away to kneel down to grab his cloak out of his bag, I moved towards him. I then dropped the snow on his head, smiling brightly and dancing away.

Kakashi shook his head, using his hands to brush the snow out of his hair. I slipped on my heavy coat, and my gloves that I kept in its pockets. I pulled on my hat, and I grabbed Tobi's scarf, wrapping it around me. "Yes. I _love_ snow. Why can't Konoha be in, like, the tundra?"

"I like Konoha just where it is," Sakura said pointedly. "Sasori says it's a good place to make puppets, because of all the excess wood."

"Suna is too hot, Kiri too wet, Kumo too windy, Iwa too bland, Tetsu no Kuni is too cold, and Konoha is too... normal," Sasuke grunted.

Sakura gave him an incredulous look. "Is there _no_ place that satisfies you?"

Sasuke was quiet for a moment, considering her question. "... Nothing comes to mind."

I shrieked in surprise when I felt snow shoved down the back of my shirt. Twirling around, I found Kakashi giving me a smirk. "You ass!"

"Revenge is best served cold," Kakashi told me.

"Oh, it is _on_ ," I said, scooping up some snow. However, when I straightened up, a snowball was rudely introduced to my face. I spluttered.

"Preemptive strike," Kakashi said.

"Oi! Be nice to Kaa-chan," Naruto threatened, grabbing some snow and hurling it at Kakashi. Kakashi sidestepped with ease.

"Guys, don't do this..." Yamato began hesitantly, but then Sakura nailed him with a snowball in the face. Yamato wiped the snow out of his eyes. "Oh, it's on, bitch."

"Bring it tree-fucker!"

"Idiots. I'm surrounded by idio - " Sasuke's sigh was cut off when Kakashi's snowball hit him in his open mouth. " _I'm going to murder you_."

Kakashi gave him an eye-smile. "Bright. It. _On_."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I shivered in my clothes, sneezing. I was soaked to the bone from all the heavy snow-damage I had taken. Despite Sasuke and Naruto's best attempts to keep me out of the cross-fire, my stubbornness to be in on the mass-chaos that was shinobi-snowball fighting was too strong. After our fight, we realized we burnt too much of our time and had to sprint the rest of the way.

Being soaking wet in a snowland, going pretty damn fast on a shinobi's back (thus causing the wind to blow straight through me), was _not_ the greatest feeling in the world.

I sneezed again and Kakashi looked back to give me a sympathetic look. Unlike the others, I couldn't generate chakra inside of me to warm me up.

"Almost there, Mia," Kakashi said soothingly. "Then we'll get you some hot chocolate. How does that sound?"

"Heavenly," I confessed, sighing. I buried my face in his hair, hoping to keep the wind off my face for a while. I had already lost feeling in the tip of my nose and cheeks. I didn't feel like losing the rest of what little feeling I had in my face.

I could hear that one of them had moved closer to us. And after hearing them speak, I determined them to be Yamato. "Still love the snow."

"We're destined to get married someday," I mumbled into Kakashi's hair.

Kakashi chuckled. "Does Tobi know he has competition?"

"Oh, yes. His biggest enemy, though, is chocolate."

"I'm not surprised." Kakashi said.

"But there's no competition for your favorite child, right?" Naruto asked, and I could practically see the grin on his face.

Sakura giggled. "That's right. _Of course_ it's me."

"Bitch! I don't think so," Naruto snorted. "It's _me_. I'm the one who lives with her, _and_ I've known her the longest."

" _If_ she has a favorite, it would be me," Sasuke reasoned. "I'm not hyperactive _or_ insane."

"You _are_ insane, though," Naruto retorted. "Anyone who swears vengeance on Valentines Day because they get _too much chocolate_ is insane."

Sasuke was probably glaring at Naruto, because Sakura giggled again.

"I love all of my children," I said through Kakashi's hair. "But Naruto is _technically_ my only child. The rest of you refuse to let me legally adopt you, _so_..."

Naruto gave a triumphant shout and Sasuke and Sakura cursed.

"It's not that I don't want you as my kaa-chan, so much as my biological kaa-chan would probably be a bit upset if I legally made you my kaa-chan," Sakura objected.

"I don't care too much for you having legal rights over me. I don't care too much for _anyone_ having legal rights over me," Sasuke said bluntly.

"I'm the favorite, I'm the favorite," Naruto sung.

"By being her only child, you also realize you're her _least_ favorite, too, right?" Yamato pointed out.

Naruto gasped. "Lies!"

"That's right, baby, you tell that hater. I don't have a least favorite," I said, my voice still coming out muffled from having buried my face in Kakashi's hair. "Kakashi. You're hair smells wonderful."

"Thank you."

"And it's insanely soft. What shampoo do you use?"

"Yours."

"What?"

"I got lazy, I figured you wouldn't mind..."

"... I don't. I just... why can't my hair get as soft? That's not fair."

"It's because you don't have chakra, obviously."

"... I knew it."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Aaand.. we're here!"

"Oh, thank Video-Game King," I exclaimed. "I've lost feeling in my ass!"

"Too much information, Kaa-chan," Naruto said, shuddering. I ignored him, stiffly releasing my grip on Kakashi and placing my feet on the stone ground. I looked up, finding myself staring up at a large fortress of sorts. Yamato was already moving towards it, knocking on the large wooden door with the giant handles. My eyes drifted away from it, and I looked up at the clear, night sky.

The doors opened, and my attention returned to them.

"Hello," greeted a young women, "my master has already prepared for bed, and would request that the meeting be postponed until morning. I'll show you to your rooms, however."

"Thanks," I chirped. "We'll follow you, then."

_**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧** _

I stared around my room. I was several rooms down from everyone else, and I was given the largest room (which I thought was kind of weird, but then I remembered that I was technically the only one who would be representing Konoha, so I was kind of the leader of the mission, too...).

Yawning tiredly, I crawled into my bed and sprawled across the covers. I stared up at the wooden ceiling, before my eyes slowly drifted closed.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

With a snort, I woke up, blinking my eyes rapidly. I was shivering, and I clutched my bare arms. My head was pounding something fierce, and it took several minutes to gather my thoughts.

Feeling lightheaded, I looked around my surroundings.

_What... the... fuck...?_

I wasn't anywhere near civilization, from the looks of it. Instead, I was plopped into the snow, in the middle of a completely white land. Thankfully, it wasn't snowing, but if the oppressive clouds were anything to go by, it would be... _soon_.

From the fact that I hadn't died from hyperthermia and I still had some feeling in my fingers and toes, I estimated that I couldn't have been placed here too long ago. However, glancing around, I saw no trace of anyone having been here - I couldn't see _any_ footprints, and I knew the window or snow couldn't have covered them, because _I_ wasn't covered. Not to mention the snow didn't even look disturbed - it was perfectly smooth.

I sneezed, shuddering. Rubbing my forehead, I did a quick check to what I had. Thick sweatpants, Tobi's t-shirt, socks, slippers... and that's it.

My eyes roamed about, a small panic starting to run through me. Nothing. Just mountains and snow. Not even a single tree. There wasn't a mountain near the fortress for tens of _miles_.

A harsh wind blew through me and I shivered, my teeth starting to chatter. Already, I was beginning to lose feeling in the tips of my toes.

I had to move.

I lifted my right foot up, yanking it out of the two-feet snow. Caught off guard from the lack of resistance from the pull, I lost my balance and fell into the snow. Spluttering and spitting out the snow, I shivered again.

_I really have to get moving. Get the blood flowing._

Scrambling up as quickly as I could, I stumbled again. However, determination (and fear) pursued me to continue on. Due to lack of sun (and time), I wasn't able to figure out which way to go, so I ended up picking a direction and moving.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I couldn't tell you the exact time that I had been moving, but I could tell you I had _no_ feeling in my feet, my hands, and I was the coldest I had _ever_ been in my entire life. Little flakes of snow were descending from the clouds, and I was feeling more than hopeless.

_Not a sign of civilization. No proper gear or clothing. No sign of warmth anywhere. It's starting to snow. Middle of goddamn nowhere. Lost feeling in my feet - shit, I hope I don't have a serious case of frostbite. Can't be tracked by normal means, due to lack of chakra. Doubt anyone knows I'm gone yet, judging from lighting._

_I'm fucked._

_Royally._

_Fucked._

Closing my eyes, I shuddered again, coughing and sniffling.

Still, I kept moving, because it was better than the alternative.

Every part of my joints were sore, and my body seemed to be screaming at me to just _stop_ , to just _lie down_ and _sleep_ , because it was time to face it - _there would be no rescue_.

Snow fell around me, obscuring my view and forcing my eyes closed for the majority of the time.

When I stumbled again, falling into the snow, and having erupting into a coughing fit, I finally realized... I was actually going to die.

I was actually going to _die_ if I kept doing this.

I curled up in my place, biting my tongue to try and still the chattering - it did no good.

And suddenly, I thought of green.

Which reminded me... there was _something_ I could do.

 _Either I die for sure from this,_ I thought, _or I die potentially from doing_ that.

"F-F-F-F- _Fuck_ this shit," I declared, closing my eyes. I could feel the warm thrum of chakra around me, and after years of pushing it away, I relaxed my guard. Instantly, I could feel it surrounding me, pressing around me. Opening my eyes, I found myself wrapped in a glowing green warmth.

I shuddered again, but this time from the drastic change in temperature. I willed the chakra to wrap tighter around me, to keep me _warm_. It wasn't as dangerous as manipulating it against something it wanted - here, _here_ it _wanted_ to be warm, and I was all too happy to oblige it.

I laid in the snow, my entire focus and concentration on the chakra. While the chakra wanted to be warm, I had to be careful in using it. My control _had_ improved significantly from that first attempt - I could manipulate it enough to sense others, and regulate my body temperature, _however_ , it took a significant amount of concentration because nature chakra was just a fickle thing.

It reminded me a lot like a prissy bitch who couldn't make up her mind on if she wanted the _red_ shoes, or the _black_ shoes, and if she couldn't decide, she would be prepared to take her frustration out on her pillow - _me_.

Opening my eyes, I stared up at the snow, watching it fall down and slowly bury me.

_I can't move while I'm concentrating on the chakra. It looks like I'll have to move a bit without the chakra, stop and warm-up, then start all over again._

Dejectedly, I closed my eyes again.

_I'm going to fucking murder whoever did this to me._

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

It was long. It was cold. It was painful. It was the second hardest thing I had to _ever_ deal with in my entire life. I walked on and on, and just when I thought my fingers would fall off, I would stop, warm-up, and start all over again. I was soaking wet, my stomach was demanding food, I was sporting a migraine from concentrating so frequently on such a difficult task, and I was still in the middle of the goddamn nowhere.

_Cock-socking, bitch-licking, cunt-guzzling..._

Listing off every curse word I knew, I continued on.

 _Whiny-pansy-greasy bastard, bumbling fucker who can't fuck-fuck-_ fuckity-fuck!

When I ran out, I gave a strangled cry of frustration, and looked up at the sky. " _Stop snowing already you cruel bastard!_ "

Of course, though, the sky completely ignored me and snowed onwards.

"I hate you," I muttered under my breath, shooting daggers at the clouds above me. "I hope that you are somehow sentient and that you die a horrible and painful death, you _rude pricks!_ "

Before I could curse the sky anymore, though, I was racked with another coughing fit, and judging from how the tips of my fingers were starting to turn blue, it became a safe estimate that it was time to stop again.

"It's official," I grumbled, "I _hate_ snow."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Finally, _fucking finally_ , I found a road.

When I saw that beautiful, beautiful thing, I felt ready to cry from joy. I stepped onto its specially made chakra-rocks (rocks that were coated in a chakra-ink and then given an overlaying jutsu to effectively repel and keep snow _off_ the road), I lowered down to my knees and kissed the ground.

"Thank Video-Game King," I whispered happily, wiping my lips with the back of my hand. Standing up, I looked in both directions of the path. "Alright, so I _may_ not recognize it, but it'll still lead me to _some_ form of civilization... right?"

 _Now to decide which way..._ I thought, frowning. ... _At least it stopped snowing. Okay... I know Konoha is East, and I'm pretty sure it's morning now, judging from how it was insanely dark when I first started and it's gotten pretty lighter... The clouds may be thick, but I might be able to see where the light is brightest at..._

Scrutinizing, I peered up at the sky, looking both directions.

_Okay, it's brighter to the right, but not much. It could just be because the clouds are not as heavy over there, but... it's the best I've got._

Turning to the right, I set off.

I only hoped I didn't have to walk _all_ the way back to Konoha. I was pretty damn sure I'd be screwed if that was the case, but hopefully I'd run into a familiar village or caravan on the way. Or, actually, just _any_ village would do.

_Please let this be the right way to go..._

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** Kabuto and Sai.
> 
>  **Question:** Favorite dessert for winter?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	26. Part III - Welp, Tobi's Gonna Be Pissed

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Third Person POV - Obito)**

Obito moved around the apartment, his patience growing thin. The apartment was kept relatively neat, with a few things out of place, and as he paced around the apartment, Obito absentmindedly put them away.

 _Where the hell is she?_ Obito wondered, his brow furrowed behind his mask.

At the thought of Mia, Obito stilled. Part of him could feel the small flutter in his chest, and the nervous churn in his stomach; the other part of him felt the resentment, both at himself and at her. She was never meant to be anything more than a friend, and she definitely wasn't meant to be _pursuing_ him.

Not that Obito wanted her to pursue anyone else. He _definitely_ didn't want that.

But he didn't want her to pursue him, either. He just wanted things back to the way they were when she first came. Before she got all attractive and she started smelling _really_ nice. When she was just plain old Mia.

He resented her for changing that. Just a small part of him, though, because he could never even really stay mad at her, so there was no way he could actually dislike her for long.

Another part of him was pleased. Very pleased. The thought of _Mia_ wanting _him_ , and believing that _he_ was actually worth the potential heartache... was nice. It made him feel warm in the pit of his stomach, and the warmth spread all over him. He liked Mia, _very_ much. He was in love with her, actually.

But like the part that resented her, this part of him was largely ignored.

"Damn it, Mia," Obito sighed, moving through the apartment and finally entering the kitchen. Immediately, a bright neon-green sticky note caught his attention. He moved towards it, a frown tugging on his face.

_You. Me. Date?_

_Love,_

_Mia_

_PS: Off on a mission with Team 7, plus Mr. Wood. Don't worry. Kakashi's being a perfect gentleman and offered to carry me the majority of the way. I made some cookies last night, Jiraiya's staying, too, but I help yourself to the cookies. If they're still there. Jiraiya seemed to_ really _like them, so I'm not entirely sure. I'll make you more if you didn't get the chance._

Obito stared at the note a couple of seconds.

 _She... Mia..._ my _Mia is off on a mission with_ Kakashi _with_ unlucky team 7 _and she told me via sticky note?_ Obito thought in mild disbelief and denial (Mia's denial had _nothing_ on his level of denial). _No. That has to be a mistake. Surely._

Obito stared at the note for a solid minute before he crumpled it in his hands, a cold rage overtaking him. There was _no way in hell_ he was leaving Mia's life in _his_ hands. There was no way he would leave her life in _anyone's_ hands except his own. Konoha failed stupendously at protecting her in the invasion, Gaara's men were worthless in the attack, and not to mention if she was on a mission with _that_ team...

 _I still can't believe she didn't tell me face-to-face,_ Obito thought sourly.

 _But then again, she didn't really get the chance, did she? I_ had _been avoiding her a bit... and if she did tell me face-to-face, undoubtedly she knew that I would do everything in my power to prevent her from going on a mission and she wouldn't care too much for that_.

Obito suddenly felt very tired. _Oh, no. She wouldn't care for that at all. This would be her first mission with Naruto, after all and she loves that boy._

 _Maybe... Maybe I shouldn't go after her. She_ is _a grown woman, who is intelligent and I have taught her everything I could. Not to mention she_ is _with people who love her and would do damn near everything to protect her. Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura love her like family. Tenzou's probably already started to consider her like a friend and Kakashi..._

... _and Kakashi..._

Obito tilted his head.

 _Who the hell am I kidding? Of_ course _I'm going after her. I can't trust_ Kakashi _with her. He literally fucking killed the last girl I was in love with when he was trying to save her. What if he tries to 'save' Mia and puts a Chidori through_ her _chest? It would be the Sanbi-incident all over again, only this time I would actually have to murder Kakashi this time and then I can just imagine how pissed off Mia would get at me..._

"Damn it, Mia," Obito sighed again. "Why do you have to be so difficult?"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Third Person POV - Kakashi)**

Kakashi already sent Pakkun out to Konoha to inform them of the change in plans. The mission's priority shifted, a new civilian would have to come to negotiate with him, while team 7 headed out to track Mia.

Kakashi woke everyone else up from the team and informed them of the events that had transpired. It didn't take any convincing for them to release the mission and shift priorities.

Within the hour, team 7 had left the fortress.

"The one thing I remember with Minato's teleportation, is that it had limited range," Kakashi said. "I have two ninken for each of you, if they find the scent, they'll let you know and one of them will report back to me, while the other two pursue. We need to find Mia, _soon_."

"No need to tell _me_ twice," Naruto growled, and Bull gave a loud bark in agreement.

"What are we waiting for?" Sakura demanded.

"Nothing. Let's go!"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(First Person POV - Mia)**

My stomach snarled at me, and a sharp pain pierced through it. I shuddered, stopping for a moment. My head was pounding and hunger gripped me tightly. For the most part, I had been eating snow, but while that took care of my _water_ situation, it did _not_ help my hunger much. I was climbing up hill, too, and my legs were screaming and burning in protest, as were my feet.

Letting out a sigh, I looked around at the white landscape. There wasn't a cloud in the sky for the first time, and it was bright. The sun was behind me, starting to set.

"Just a little longer, Mia," I whispered to myself. "Just a little longer..."

With a tired sigh, I put one foot in front of the other and continued to climb up the hill.

The path turned up at the top, disappearing from view and wrapping around the tall mountain. When I reached the top, and turned around, I gasped, my hands flying up to my mouth.

"Oh. My. _God_."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Third Person POV - Obito)**

Obito appeared at a tree branch, a little ways from the fortress. He stared at the fortress for a moment or two, his chakra suppressed as he concentrated on the other chakras inside.

 _They aren't inside,_ Obito concluded, his eyes narrowing in annoyance. _But Konoha received the message that they safely reached the fortress... which could only mean that they left._

 _Now_ why _would they do that?_ Obito thought. _Now I have to go track them down._

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Third Person POV - Kakashi)**

Kakashi stared down at the snow, his eyes closing in grim acceptance.

There wasn't a trace of Mia or her kidnapper within _miles_ of the fortress. Not a scent was caught by any of the ninken, or Kakashi, and there was no sign of them being anywhere _near_ the fortress in the first place.

There was nothing.

Kakashi fought down the growing sense of guilt, knowing from experience that it would do him no good. He refused to just _give up_. To just roll over and accept that one of his closest friends was just _gone_. Taken. Stolen. He _had_ to find her. He couldn't - he just _couldn't_ lose another one. Not again. Not ever.

His hands clenched into fists.

_This just means he can teleport a little farther than Minato-sensei. It doesn't mean... it doesn't mean that it's too late._

"Hatake Kakashi, Tobi hopes you weren't _sleeping_."

Kakashi froze, his eyes snapping open. He looked up at the tree branch that Tobi perched on above Kakashi. "Tobi. There's something you need to know... I already sent Pakkun out to Konoha, but I don't think he's reached Konoha yet."

Tobi tilted his head, peering down at Kakashi.

"A teleporting shinobi has kidnapped Mia," Kakashi said bluntly. "We've searched the radius that the Yondaime would have been able to teleport in, seeing how he's the last known teleporter. She has to be nearby - teleportation hasn't been perfected enough to take her far."

Tobi stiffened, and for a moment, Kakashi could have sworn he saw red in Tobi's only visible eye, but that couldn't have been right.

"Kakashi is wrong, "Tobi said flatly. "Tobi knows... Tobi knows that there is at least _one_ jutsu that has perfected teleportation. Tobi does not think... Tobi does not think it is so far-fetched to believe someone else has been able to perfect teleportation, too."

"What are you saying?" Kakashi asked, his body seeming to grow cold, and not because of the snow.

Tobi was quiet for a moment.

"Mia could be _anywhere_."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(First Person POV - Mia)**

"I'm in Narnia. Holy shit, Tobi is going to _kill_ me."

Right after I exited the frozen hell with _six foot deep snow,_ and turned around the corner, I was greeted by _green_.

Green grass, bright and beautiful, with flowers dotting everywhere and rolling hills and a clear blue sky. The path was no longer made of chakra-rock, but was just dirt and continued along. And to my left, might you ask?

The ocean.

No.

 _Seriously_.

Even the temperature was better. Granted, it was still freezing cold, but in comparison... well, I doubt I would be getting hyperthermia as easily _here_ than I could back _there_.

_I'm in Narnia. There's no other explanation. There is not a single land I could think of in the Narutoverse that has such a drastic change in temperature and environment. The only place I can actually think of off the top of my head is Narnia, ergo, I'm obviously in Narnia. Maybe Aslan will give me a lift back home?_

My stomach snarled.

_Er. Food first, actually..._

I looked around the clearing, my eyes finally settling on the flowers. I moved towards them, stumbling a bit. My legs demanded a long rest, and I was starting to feel a little dizzy. I sat down, hard, on the grass, surrounded by flowers. I stared at the flowers - all the same kind - as my mind rummaged through the survival skills Tobi drilled into me.

 _These flowers are edible_ , I concluded, finally recalling their names - Hyssop. I ripped out the nearest one, plucked off the petals and leaves and shoved them in my mouth. A nutty, peppery taste washed over my tongue. I repeated the process for all of the flowers near me, eating and eating until my stomach was satisfied.

I still felt a bit woozy, but I definitely felt better. The sky above me was a dark purple-blue. With a great yawn, I laid down in the grass. Immediately, the chakra surrounded me.

I didn't, however, try to control it. It was naturally warm enough this time that I felt safe enough that I wouldn't be receiving hyperthermia for a while.

So with a tired, tired yawn, I closed my eyes and let exhaustion take me.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Third Person POV - Naruto)**

Naruto paced anxiously at the camp. Everyone had gathered together, along with that Tobi-guy. He rubbed his face with his hands, pausing in his pacing for a moment, before turning around and starting over again.

He was nervous, anxious, worried, afraid, but mostly... he was furious. Only once had he nearly lost his mother, and that was the scariest moment of his entire life, easily. Killer intent had _nothing_ on the thought of losing his most precious person. And when they wouldn't even let him in her hospital room to see her... that wait seemed to drag on for _months_ in his mind, even if it was in actuality just a handful of hours. He had been extremely cautious with her for a long time afterwards, and even then he was still overtaken with fits of panic that she wouldn't be there for him. That one day... she would be _gone_.

He wished he could trade places with her. He wished that _he_ had been kidnapped instead. He could take care of himself. He was strong - not _extremely_ strong, but strong _enough_. Kaa-chan... Kaa-chan _wasn't_. And she _couldn't_ be strong enough... not... not in this world.

It infuriated Naruto that he failed stupendously in protecting her. That he failed _again_ where it mattered the most. That no matter how hard he trained it... in the end it meant nothing if he couldn't save her now.

Which was why he _would_ save her.

He swore he would and damn it, Uzumaki Naruto did _not_ go back on his word - that's his nindo, his shinobi way!

"Where do you think she is?" Sakura asked, his voice somber and her expression devoid of its usual amusement.

"Mia-chan could be anywhere by now," Tobi said, his voice flat. He was sitting on a tree branch earlier, but stood up then. "Tobi doesn't have time to waste on explaining everything. Tobi will contact the Akatsuki and the Akatsuki _will_ find her."

" _I'm_ going to find Kaa-chan," Naruto said, looking up and glaring at Tobi. "I'm... I'm going to save her. The Akatsuki is welcome to help if they want."

Tobi snorted, and Naruto had the distinct feeling he was sneering at Naruto - which was uncharacteristic of Tobi, so Naruto dismissed it. "Oh, well, Tobi definitely believes in Naruto. Tobi knows how much Naruto _loves_ Mia-chan."

Naruto frowned, uncertain if Tobi's extremely happy tone was sarcastic, or not. He could never tell with that guy.

"Enough," Sasuke cut in, his tone sharp. "We need to think about this logically. Who would want to kidnap Mia in the first place?"

"Any enemy of the Akatsuki, Konohagakure, Sunagakure," Kakashi said. "Tobi, do you know if the Akatsuki has any current-standing enemies?"

Tobi shook his head. "All the smaller lands love the Akatsuki, and the big-bad lands like Fire and Water are on really good terms!"

"Then it's an enemy to everyone," Sakura concluded. "Someone who would want to hurt not only the Akatsuki, but the other lands, too."

"Like who?" Naruto asked, frowning.

"A warmonger," Tobi muttered, before he straightened. "Ah! Tobi has an idea! Tobi thinks that team 7 should start looking into any suspected warmonger. Tobi will check some leads of his own. See ya!"

No one tried to stop him as he flickered away.

"A warmonger...? Like who?" Naruto asked, frowning.

"I'm not sure," Sakura said hesitantly. "But... But I bet I could find out. Sasori-sensei already has been in partial control of his spy-network... give me a couple hours in the nearest town. I'll have something."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(First Person POV - Mia)**

I woke up tiredly, the sun high in the sky. My stomach growled, I had to pee really badly, and my entire body felt stiff and sore. With a painful groan, I sat up, and then I stood up. Blood rushed up to my head too quickly, and I swayed for several seconds.

_Eat flowers. Eat some snow. Go pee, then hit the road, again._

With a weary sigh, I set to work.

After all my biological needs were taken care of, I took to the road again.

 _I can't believe I just peed in Narnia,_ I thought. _I wonder how I'm going to find Aslan, anyway._

I faltered in my footsteps. _Wait... what if I'm_ not _in Narnia? What if I'm like... in the Pokemon world? And there was just a whole bunch of Abomasnow with the Snow Warning ability in there and me, being super oblivious by nature, just didn't notice them? Not like I was looking for them anyway._

I rubbed my tired eyes. _Or maybe I'm in the Soul Society from_ Bleach. _Maybe the same world as Kid Death? Or, shit. I'm in the Potterverse and that was just some old cursed place. Oh._

Oh!

_I'm in the DC Universe. I was just caught in one of Freeze's hideouts or something. Oooo. I bet Batman would totally help me with this. He's the goddamn Batman, after all._

A grin lit up my face. _That would be awesome. Wait... but those were chakra-rocks back there, right? So then... Unless chakra exists in the DC Universe?_

 _That would explain_ so _much._

With a bit more of a skip-in-my-step, I picked up my pace a bit. I was anxious to finally meet Batman, after all.

Hours passed by, and with it, my enthusiasm started to dwindle. I was tired. Sore. Cold (not super cold, though - it was starting to significantly warm up as I moved further and further away from the frozen hell). Hungry. Thirsty. And worst of all - I had _no fucking clue_ where I actually was.

The road seemed endless. It just kept going on and on... the moment I start to think that a town _had_ to be nearby, I was proven wrong when I rounded the corner on the hill and it was just another expansion of a dirt road.

When the sun was starting to dip down (I still had a couple hours before sunset), I rounded yet another hill and I stopped short.

I stared.

And I started to laugh.

It wasn't a happy laugh, relieved laugh or even a laugh for the sake of laughing laugh.

It was a hopeless laugh. It was a I'm-officially-screwed kind of laugh.

I knew exactly where I was.

Those tall stones loomed before me, one of them still cracked from Naruto's Rasengan.

I was in the Land of Spring.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** Hot chocolate and s'mores.
> 
>  **Question:** Top sixteen (because sixteen is a good number) favorite stories on FanFiction in the Naruto fandom? If you can't think of sixteen, then just gimme what you can. :)
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	27. Part III - Thanks, Hubbie

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I continued to laugh, slowly sinking down to the ground and curling up. I pressed my forehead against my knees, wrapping my arms around myself, as I silently shook.

_On the bright side, I'm not lost anymore._

_On the downside, I'm not near a village for a couple days walk._

_Even more on the downside, I have no money, transportation, no allies in this land, no way to send a message whatsoever to the others._

_Indefinitely on the downside, the Land of Spring is a damn island a week or so journey via ship from the elemental nations._

I blew out my lips, finally having stopped laughing. I rubbed my face and laid back in the grass, staring up at the sky.

_How in the hell am I going to afford a ship back home? I can't even afford a messenger hawk. Then again... I just need to afford a messenger hawk, send a message to Konoha and Tobi'll come for me. But how can I do that? Offer to work? In torn, soaking wet pajamas? I can't even steal anything! I'm not a kunoichi - I'd get caught instantly and locked up. Feh._

"Oooooh, fuck my life," I sighed, rolling over on the grass, reaching over and plucking another edible flower. Chewing on it, I considered my options.

 _They're bound to check out this land eventually,_ I thought slowly, _but then again, who knows how long_ that'll _take? Wait. Didn't Naruto - my son - rescue the princess? Maybe if I could get an audience with her, explain everything, she'll sent a messenger hawk to Konoha for me. That could probably work... let's see... what do I remember from the geography lessons at the academy? Yuki would live in the capital, and I don't think they changed the capital when it switched from Snow to Spring, so that'll be... roughly half a week walk from here as a civilian? That sounds about right._

I rubbed my eyes. _At least I have a plan now... ah... I'm tired. Now that I'm in a relatively safe place, and I won't be catching hyperthermia anymore... I guess I could try and catch up on my sleep..._

With a great, big yawn, I rolled over on my other side, closed my eyes and slept.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

A poke awoke me. Blinking my eyes open, I blearily stared up at my poker.

I gasped, sitting up straight and staring in disbelief. " _X?!_ "

X tilted his head to the side, squatting down next to me. He lifted one of his hands lazily and wiggled his fingers at me. "There's my favorite ass. Although, now I can't see it with you sitting on it..."

I stared at him in mild disbelief for another moment. "... Did you kidnap me?"

X stared at me a moment. "... Is that why you were here? You were kidnapped again and you managed to escape?"

"I... I don't entirely know," I confessed. "One moment I was sleeping in my bed, the next I'm dumped out... _there_."

Gesturing in the direction of the frozen hell, I gave a sigh.

"Wow, _seriously_? That explains why you're such a mess. How did you survive it in there anyway? Assuming you only had what you currently have now, _and_ that you don't have chakra...?"

"I was able to warm up a bit at a time using nature chakra before I had to carry on," I explained quietly.

"So you walked a bit, freezing, stopped and warmed up, then repeated? That had to have been hell."

I shrugged, not disagreeing.

X tilted his head. "... I think it's safe to say you _were_ kidnapped."

"And left for dead," I muttered. "I can't decide if my kidnapee wanted me to die, or if something went wrong in the kidnapping."

"Depends. Are you staying near here?"

"No. I _was_ in the Land of Iron."

X stared at me.

"I'm not joking."

"I believe you. I just... I haven't met someone that could teleport that far, except for myself."

"You can teleport?" I asked, blinking in surprise.

"How else do you think I constantly escape?" X retorted. "Of course I can."

"... I don't suppose you'd be willing to take me back to Konohagakure?"

"No can do, sweetheart. I have business here and such a long distance teleportation would leave me drained for days. I have to take care of this, first. Then, _maybe_ I _might_ consider giving you a lift back home. So long as - this is why I approached you in the first place - you help me."

I stared at him. "... I'm not really in the best condition to help."

"I wasn't done. I can also provide you with clothes, food, water _and_ shelter until I'm finished."

"... What do I have to do?"

"Help me steal a few things, of course," X said brightly. "You know you want to. Come to the dark side of the law, that's where all the hotties are."

"While I won't entirely deny _that_..." I trailed off. "... I _have_ always wanted to the bad-guy at least once in my life. Not the gray bad-guys, but the legitimate evil-laughing kind."

"I don't actually have an evil laugh."

"Hush. Yes you do."

"No, I - "

I patted his shoulder. "It's okay if you're too shy to admit it. _Anyway_. What I'm saying is, _yes_. I'd be delighted to help. And I'm not just saying that because you're kind of my only hope for getting home in any reasonable time and in fairly good condition."

X chuckled. "Alright. Here's why I need your help - the women I'm targeting keeps her items in a very secure vault. The problem is, while the vault's security features are activated, _no one and nothing_ that holds chakra may enter. That's how it works - it senses the chakra that emits from everything entering it. If it finds even an iota of chakra emitting from the object, it goes into a fail-safe and destroys everything inside."

" _Destroys_?" I echoed, blinking in surprise.

X nodded his head. " _Well_ , most of the items inside are too dangerous to allow into the wrong hands, if you know what I mean."

My lips quirked. "A vaulted filled with epic weapons? Sounds delicious. Just who keeps all these items anyway?"

"Her name is Numi Sayako. She's one of those historian collectors and evaluators. People send their artifacts they stumble upon either through heritage or raiding, and she evaluates it - sees if it's official - and measures just what it does. As in, she finds out what the hell it's for, and all the interesting little things about it. She's a reputable kunoichi, remaining neutral with _all_ her clients and purely professional."

"You've done your research," I observed.

"Of course I have. I'm a professional."

I smiled at that. "Alright... so I guess I enter the vault somehow, and then what?"

"The seals around the vault don't measure the chakra _inside_ the vault - this is because some of her items are rather erratic with their chakra."

"And all these people who loan their things to her are perfectly okay with the risk of having them destroyed?"

"It's more or less a deterrent. Unless someone insanely stupid was _trying_ to destroy rare and precious artifacts, there's no actual risk of being destroyed. I mean... it's not like there are actual people that have no chakra... well. At least, there weren't _supposed_ to be anyone," X chuckled, and I could practically see him smirking.

Nodding my head, I opened my mouth to question the situation more, but my stomach snarled. Sheepishly, I ducked my head.

"Hmm. I suppose we better get you taken care of first, though, huh?"

"Yes, please."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

It had taken several hours to reach the nearest village, traveling shinobi-style. It took ten minutes for X to have me in his checked out room, and a spread of food and water laid out before me. X had stepped out, saying something about getting me a change of clothes. Not that I cared. I had _food!_

I had wolfed down half of the buffet when he returned, carrying a couple bags that he dumped on the bed.

Swallowing another mouthful of _delicious_ meat, I said, "So how am I supposed to get into the vault anyway?"

"I've scheduled a meeting with Sayako tomorrow to discuss with her about a new artifact I've... found. You'll accompany me as my wife, and excuse yourself to the bathroom. I've drawn a layout of her estate, as well as found the perfect route for you to take given the specific time you will need to leave."

"What about guards?" I asked, my brow furrowed.

X snorted. "That's the idiocy of having a supposedly 'perfect' security. It gives them a false sense of security, and they become over-confident. I've seen plenty of wealthy merchants rely so heavily on their 'guards' that they forget to do the simplest things - locking their doors and windows for instance. Even forgetting to place silencing seals to prevent others from eavesdropping..."

Frowning, I thought carefully about that. I suppose it was true. When I thought about it, I actually didn't bother to lock my door all that often - and I definitely didn't bother to lock my window. Why bother, right? I figured with having two of Konoha's strongest shinobi living with me - and Tobi (along with many other shinobi and kunoichi) consistently dropping by that no one would be so stupid as to bother. Not to mention I lived in _Konoha_. A place so damn secure that kids could run about and parents wouldn't need to actually worry.

I guess if you were some hot-shot shinobi or kunoichi, you'd figure that you were good enough to not need security in the first place. And if you actually had a damn good security (like Sayako's, for instance), you easily could be lulled into a false sense of security.

"So," X continued pointedly, "she will have _no_ guards."

"... Anyway, why don't you just deactivate the seals?" I inquired.

"I can't," X said simply. "Deactivating the seals without Sayako's _and_ one of the owners of the items inside explicit permission results in termination of everything inside. And I do mean explicit - the activation and de-activation seal measures the actual will of the users. Complex stuff."

"Yet you were able to recognize it," I said, impressed.

"Of course I was. I _am_ a fuinjutsu master."

"You are?"

"All the great ones are, so _of course_ I am," X dismissed. "Now hurry up and finish eating. Our appointment is tomorrow and you need to memorize the layout, as well as know how to enter the vault - and you _need_ a shower before I even consider sitting down with you for a long period of time to help you memorize."

"I understand," I said, nodding my head. "There's just _one_ tiny-itty-bitty thing."

X sat down next to me on the bed, cocking his head to imply that he was listening.

"Isn't it just a _little_ strange how I've suddenly and magically appeared in the very same land that you needed me in?" I asked slowly, smiling politely and raising an eyebrow.

Perhaps I was just being cynical or overly-cautious, but I didn't think I was. I knew from experience that X wasn't the killing sort - I've reviewed his rap-sheet many times with Tobi. He never killed someone unless absolutely necessary, or unless he was hired ( _expensively_ , Tobi would emphasize) to kill them. When _that_ happened, though, he _always_ made it happen in some theatrical way, and he _never_ played around with his target aside from that. The fact that he approached me in the first place, offering me food, water, shelter and requested my assistance gave me a clear sign that he wasn't out to harm me.

That didn't mean he wasn't the one who kidnapped me in the first place, though.

The fact that he admitted that he could teleport, too, also had me believing it was him. And that he said he would be 'drained' for days afterwards - perhaps that was why he left me. He needed time to recover, or else he was afraid that I would somehow overpower him or something equally ridiculous.

X stared at me in silence.

"Alright, so I _was_ going to kidnap you," X admitted. "But someone beat me to it."

"And you expect me to believe that... why?"

"Because if _I_ kidnapped you, I wouldn't have done it in the middle of the night. I would have done it in broad daylight. Preferably right in front of Tobi to rub it in his face that I did actually kidnap you. Again."

Snickering, I shook my head. "Okay, well, that _does_ sound like you..."

" _And_ I wouldn't have flunked my teleportation like that loser did," X said, waving his hand dismissively.

"Wait, _what?_ "

"Whoever kidnapped you is _obviously_ an ameteur," X snorted. "When I caught wind of you leaving Konoha, I knew my chance would be available. I knew Tobi wouldn't be far behind you, and I had to finish this job before the week was up, so I had a very specific time frame. I reached the fortress before your team even made it, bribed one of the maids to show me which room you would be using, and placed disrupting seals all over it."

"Dis... rupting...?" I asked hesitantly. While I _had_ been studying seals under Jiraiya, and I was fairly good at it, there _were_ some spots in my knowledge.

X held up his left hand, flipping it over so the back of his hand faced me. I stared at his black gloved hand, and frowned when he peeled back a bit of cloth from it. The cloth was hiding an intricate design of seals.

I whistled lowly. "Impressive."

"A disrupting seal temporarily disrupts _all_ chakra within a small range for ten seconds. If someone is in the middle of casting a jutsu, the jutsu can either be overwritten by the seal-master, or completely canceled. I figured Tobi would be using his teleportation jutsu, so I specially rewrote the seal to change the _direction_ of the jutsu, and canceled the originator."

"The... direction?"

"Correct," X said, nodding his head. "Ingenious, isn't it? I knew the moment I revealed myself to Tobi, he would try to get you out of there - he would probably take you to Konoha, but I needed you in the Land of Spring, so I had the seal change the direction of the jutsu to the Land of Spring. Granted, I couldn't give it an _exact_ location - just a general area. The second part of the seal would prevent the caster of the jutsu in completing it for themselves - _they_ wouldn't teleport, but _you_ still would. If _Tobi_ had been taking you away, he would have instantly recognized what was happening and stop the jutsu - and so _neither_ of you would have teleported. In that instant, _I_ would have grabbed you and teleported you. The seal I have drawn on this glove is what prevents me from being influenced by my own disrupting seal."

"Wait, how would Tobi have known? And what do you mean stopped? Stopped the jutsu? The sealing...?"

"When you're an experienced teleporter, you just _know_ how it's supposed to feel," X said simply. "Tobi would have felt you being teleported away from him by his own jutsu and stopped instantly using the jutsu. If Tobi stopped using the jutsu, the seal would be null and void and neither of you would be teleported."

I shook my head. "But you said it canceled for him, anyway. So what's the difference between the disruption-seal canceling his teleportation, and _him_ canceling his own teleportation?"

"Will and intent," X said, as if that explained everything.

I stared at him.

X sighed. "Like the vault, this seal measures will and intent. If Tobi _intends_ to cancel the jutsu, it stops. If he didn't intend to, the seal continues."

" _The physics in this world are just... so... fucked up,_ " I muttered in English.

"... What did you say?" X asked, confused.

"Nothing," I dismissed. "Okay. So how did the kidnapper screw up?"

"He obviously didn't recognize something was going on. Not to mention he's clearly a fresh shinobi - he actually tripped my seals that I placed in your room, causing the disruption. I didn't even realize you were gone until I came by to check on you around midnight."

"He tripped the seals? How?"

"I had them set to begin going off when a nearby teleportation jutsu was used," X said. "I wasn't planning on Tobi kidnapping you off your own mission before I even revealed myself."

I frowned. "... Okay, so my kidnapper tripped the seals, and instead of realizing what's wrong, he continues on. Instead of taking me where he intended, the seals divert the jutsu to take me in this land - where it was just a general area, and not a pinpoint location. And being unlucky me, I landed in the one part of the Land of Spring that would forever remain the Land of Snow."

"Sounds about right," X said, nodding. "I _definitely_ wasn't planning on Tobi completing the jutsu and having you teleport to the Land of Spring via seals, and I _am_ sorry you had to go through that. The moment I realized what had happened, I teleported immediately to the Land of Spring. I was out of commission for a couple days, though, so I wasn't able to really look for you until this morning. Thankfully, it seems, that my desire to sight-see the famous stones was just what we needed."

"Thankfully I was too tired to carry on, though I guess you would have probably noticed me on the roads," I said.

X nodded again. "I knew you were smart enough to stick to the roads - regardless of what Tobi or the others taught you, you would have essentially been dumped in a strange land with only the clothes on your back. The smart choice would be to stay near the path as soon as you found one, and I had faith you would."

"Thanks for the vote of faith. Not cool that you kidnapped me. I would have probably helped you regardless that you didn't need to resort such measures. Thanks for indirectly saving me from another kidnapper. At least with the seals, I was placed in an environment I could _potentially_ survive, whereas with a kidnapper, I would be in _their_ environment on _their_ terms, something I _probably_ couldn't survive. Especially considering I have no fucking clue who would want to kidnap me, except you."

"Glad I could be assistance," X said brightly. "But I _am_ still a bit sorry for the whole... you know."

"I get it. And seeing how you've given me food, water, and are currently offering a hot shower, I can't say I'm mad at the moment. I'm sure I'll be mad later, but at the moment I'm just _really_ relieved."

"Then I'll take this time that you're not angry, and use it to begin thinking of my persuasive argument to _keep you_ not angry."

"Chocolate works best."

"I'll keep that in mind."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I stayed under the hot water, even after I finished washing. My entire body ached, and even though I told X I wasn't mad, that wasn't entirely truthful. Part of me was very grateful for his timely intervention, both in finding me and indirectly preventing the kidnapping. However, I was still a little peeved at the general idea of being taken against my will, it brought back memories of the Chunin Exams and I didn't appreciate it. However the part of me that was upset, was largely ignored in favor of staying optimistic. It would do no good to allow a sour mood to take me in this situation. If I managed to push X's patience too far due to my spite, it could end badly for me and at the moment, I couldn't risk it.

Besides, part of me was a little thrilled. Maybe being around the Akatsuki (and just crazy people in general) had rubbed off on me, but the thought of going on such an adventure was almost... appealing.

There was just something appealing in general for crossing the line. I would never be able to directly take someone's life, true, but that didn't mean I was _entirely_ a goody-goody.

Not to mention... the things inside that vault could prove _very_ interesting and the scientific side of me was _dying_ to see them and try them out for myself. Why should one girl get all the fun toys to experiment on? Likewise, I bet several of my friends would love to get their hands on some of those goodies. Anko would be positively ecstatic if I found something pointy and dangerous enough, and Kisame would be _very_ pleased if I found some lost legendary sword.

I stepped out of the shower, cutting off the water and beginning to dry myself. X had given me some rather nice robes to change into afterwards for the night. And after I was sufficiently dry, I changed into them.

Cuddling in the soft, fuzzy fabric and savoring the fact that I was _warm_ , _fed_ , and _clean_ , I stepped back out into the room, yawning.

I stopped, staring at the _single_ king-sized bed. "... Is that the only bed?"

"They didn't have any other rooms..."

I stared at it another moment before shrugging. "Whatever. I'm so sick of sleeping on the ground, and tired enough that I frankly don't give a shit who I share the the soft, warm bed with at the moment. Plus, I'm pretty sure you'll behave yourself."

"Please. I don't touch women who don't _want_ to be touched."

"And I _don't_."

X seemed surprised. "... Really?"

"I'm kind of in love with someone else," I explained.

" _Oh_. Let me guess, Tobi?"

"Nailed it."

X nodded. "I guess I'm not so surprised, then. But, you know... if you ever get tired of him..."

"You'll be the first to know, X."

"Good. Now, let's see if you can memorize the layout, and then we'll get some rest. We have a big day tomorrow, after all... wifey."

"But, _of course_... hubby."

We both snickered.

"Ah... X? Before we get started... do you know how long I've technically been kidnapped?"

"Well, this will be the end of your fourth day, actually."

"Huh. Almost a week. Wonder how everyone else is doing..."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Evening, Day 1, Obito's POV)**

Obito prowled through the halls of Danzō's home. He was ignored by the guards, not that it really made a difference. Anger churned in his stomach, and he had to consciously work not to lash out at the nearest thing. There was only one person Obito could think of that would benefit from Mia's permanent disappearance.

Obito phased through the door, and Danzō looked up from his tea.

"I was not expecting you, Madara-sama," Danzō said flatly.

Obito did not respond right away, instead he chose to walk around Danzō in a slow, almost lazy circle. He reeked of at ease, almost boredom, but there was an edge in his posture. Obito was like a cat circling its latest toy, and it was then that Danzō realized that this visit would not nearly be as pleasant as the ones before.

"... What happened?" Danzō finally asked, growing uneasy under in Obito's persisted silence.

"Someone has made a very stupid decision in kidnapping someone who works for me," Obito said, his voice silky smooth. "I don't suppose you would know anyone with a death wish?"

Danzō fell quiet for a moment, his eyes closed and head bowed. "... There have been rumors."

Obito cocked his head, showing he was listening.

"... I must emphasis on the unreliability on this information, Madara-sama," Danzō said slowly, opening his eye. "However, when Orochimaru... was taken care of... during the invasion of Konohagakure, and after Otogakure was dismantled... there had been rumors that there were, _are_ , still some shinobi who remain loyal to the Sanin."

Silence fell in the room as Obito contemplated this new information. Orochimaru had never died so soon in Canon, and it was after the majority of his leading henchmen were taken care of. While the Akatsuki had certainly slaughtered those in Otogakure, as well as those in all the hideouts they found, they didn't find _all_ of them. He knew there were still hideouts scattered across the land that he may very well _never_ find. It wasn't of concern, though, because the main threat was taken care of.

Or at least what he believed to be the main threat. Mia did warn him about Kabuto, and while Obito assured her Kabuto was taken care of... that wasn't _entirely_ the case.

She mentioned that Kabuto would be a willing ally in their cause, in their war... that he had single handedly perfected the Edo Tensei... the reanimation jutsu. Such a jutsu was a powerful asset in their war, and Obito wasn't one to nip the chance of a potential advantage in the war so quickly. So he left Kabuto alone, allowed him time to perfect his jutsu and wallow in his pathetic obsession. For years he had not heard of anything regarding him, but now...

"And these... shinobi," Obito said slowly, "for what purpose would they want with my subordinate?"

"I can only imagine," Danzō said, "that _if_ these shinobi existed, they would want vengeance for their master. They are zealous... you know how Orochimaru was. He demanded to be treated above all else and brainwashed those under him to revere the ground he walked on. And with him, in their eyes, being murdered... it would almost seem like he became their martyr."

Obito stopped in his walking, stilling. "And the Akatsuki and Konoha were the ones who took him down... that's the public story, at least."

"Indeed."

 _So to strike at us... or maybe to just grab our attention..._ Obito trailed off, his eyes narrowing. For a moment he felt the pang of guilt. Because if it was who Obito thought it was, and he ignored Mia's direct warning and because of that she was... But now wasn't the time to give in to his guilt, so he shoved it aside. Now was the time, if anything, to direct his anger into finding these idiots. And when he did...

_They're dead._

There was no vehemence in his thought. Just acceptance of the fact that yes, he _would_ kill them.

As Obito turned to leave, a new plan forming in his mind, he said over his shoulder, casually, "Danzō, I don't think I need to spell out what happens if I think for a moment that you're leading me on..."

"Of course, Madara-sama," Danzō said, a bead of sweat falling down his brow.

Obito smiled behind his mask, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Night, Day 1, Naruto's POV)**

"She's nowhere in the Land of Iron," Naruto finally bit out, frustration clear in his voice. "Where the hell could she be?"

"Calm down, Naruto, getting upset isn't going to do any good," Sakura advised, but her own tone betrayed her. "We need to stop looking aimlessly and think about this logically.

"Sakura's right," Kakashi said, his body and posture tense as he crouched on a tree branch above the others. "Maybe we're thinking about this all wrong. Maybe it's not Konoha or even the Akatsuki's enemy that kidnapped Mia. Maybe it's one of _our_ enemies."

Naruto furrowed his brow.

"Not just an enemy that's targeting the entire group, or groups as a whole, but one specific member. I don't... I don't _think_ I have any enemies, but Sasori..." Sakura trailed off. "The entire Akatsuki is comprised of missing-nin and Mia loves all of them and I know they're fond of her, too."

"I... I know I have made some enemies," Kakashi admitted carefully.

Naruto continued to frown. "... An enemy of one person...? There's an awful lot of women who don't really like Tou-san, but..." Naruto closed his eyes, thinking through every mission he had been on that could instigate some form of vengeance on _him_. "... The... Land of Snow shinobi? Maybe the mercenaries hired when we had to protect the prince on Crescent Moon Island?"

Kakashi shook his head. "I wouldn't think so..."

"What if Mia wasn't the target?" Yamato suggested. "Maybe she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time?"

"I don't know..." Sakura sighed. "I kind of think it's targeting just one of us, or just one of Mia's friends, but the problem is... who?"

Silence fell over the group.

"I think we should split up," Sasuke suddenly said. "Sakura... you're the only one out of all of us who have been to the Akatsuki base and knows how to contact them. I think you should follow that lead and work with the Akatsuki to see if one of them is being individually targeted. Naruto, Kakashi and I should look at our own past enemies - Naruto and I will track down the mercenaries while Kakashi looks at his own enemies. As for Yamato... I think you need to head back to Konoha, not only to coordinate with the Hokage, but there's numerous people in Konoha that is close to Mia. Talk to them. See if _they_ have enemies."

"Alright," Naruto decided, and it spoke volumes how serious he was taking the situation if he didn't bother to argue. "Let's do it. Any objections?"

No one objected.

"Stay in contact," Kakashi instructed. "Naruto, use your frog-summons, Sakura, your scorpion summons... be safe everyone. We don't know exactly what's going on, but we have little time to act before..."

"Don't even talk like that," Naruto croaked out, discomforted at the thought about what his mother was likely going through at that very moment.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** Naruto: Ramen Days (Rathanel), The Empty Cage (Rathanel), Swapping the Cage (Rathanel), It's For a Good Cause, I Swear! (Sarah1281), The Night The House of Cards Was Built (drakensis), Cheaters Prosper (drakensis), What An Excellent Plan (Tsume Yuki), Fire Rebirth (Nanosilver), Looking Straight to the Sky (Searching. For. Enadi), Scorpion's Disciple (nobody102), Naruto's BFF (Lucillia), The Leaf's Naruto (Morta's Priest), Unfortunate Events (Lonewalker), Paradise (xXSakura-Hime-SamaXx), Pulling The Strings (Hubris Plus)
> 
>  **Question:** If happiness / satisfaction was the world's currency, what work would make **you** rich?


	28. Part III - Gimme That Desk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture by KamiKaze-no-Ryuu on deviantART.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Day 2, Noon, Naruto's POV)**

Naruto turned his attention away from Sasuke as he paced back and forth in the small inn. Last night Naruto had sent out a frog summon to contact Jiraiya. While he knew his father would indeed be helpful in tracking Mia (as his tracking skills were greater than his or Sasuke's combined), it wasn't Jiraiya Naruto wanted so much, as his spy-network.

Naruto knew a handful of Jiraya's contacts in the network, and they knew him. He, like Sakura, was still training to take over the network and it would be a while before he (unlike Sakura who already achieved it) would be able to take cover the network in Jiraiya's steed. In his defense, Jiraiya wasn't all that concerned with passing on the spy-network so much as the Toad and Rasengan legacy (and eventually Sage). He also knew Jiraiya wanted to pass on his Fūinjutsu to Naruto, but it would be a while before Jiraiya felt comfortable to introduce the subject to Naruto.

Within hours the toads responded that Jiraiya would meet them within this very inn the next day at noon. The inn was stationed on the border between the Land of Fire and Iron.

"Relax, Naruto," Sasuke muttered under his breath. He was seated in the booth, and the duo were the only guests at the inn. The waitress who served them tea was still giggling and winking at Sasuke. The Uchiha steadfastly ignored her.

Naruto gave a snort, running his hands over his face and through his hair. "What the hell is taking him so long?"

"Relax. I got here as fast as I could."

Naruto whirled around, relaxing when he saw Jiraiya entering the inn. But, he didn't relax completely, there was an underlying tension inside of him.

"You need help finding your old enemies, huh?" Jiraiya said, raising an eyebrow and sliding into a booth. "I already have _some_ information for you. One, those mercenaries you mentioned are in the clear. Either they're dead, or have an airtight alibi, or it doesn't fit their psychological profile. The majority of them are dead, actually."

"Good riddance," Sasuke snorted.

Jiraiya waved him off. " _However_... when you mentioned teleporter... well, let's just say I found something interesting." Jiraiya gestured for Naruto to sit down, and with a growl of annoyance, the boy complied. Only when the teenager was settled, did Jiraiya lean forward and drop his voice to a low volume, "Rumor has it there's a shinobi who's been popping up in one place before disappearing within the same hour. In each instance, there's always a body to be found."

Naruto stilled, his eyes widening and Sasuke's eyes narrowed. Naruto swallowed roughly. "You don't mean...? That Kaa-chan...?"

Jiraiya looked down. "... I don't know. The thing with the bodies though... they all have one thing in common. They all have a registered kekkai genkai."

"... So this person has been targeting kekkai genkai users?" Sasuke inferred.

"Maybe," Jiraiya allowed. "We don't really know what his... or her's... goal is."

"Why are we just now hearing about this?" Naruto asked. "Someone killing kekkai genkai users... that's pretty big. And a teleporter to boot."

Jiraiya shook his head. "Because all the deaths up to the last one, not counting Mia's... possible outcome... have all been... covered up. Each kekkai genkai user was old and frail and died from a heart attack. Nothing unusual. The only thing unusual about it is the fact that they all willingly left their homes, traveled in the middle of the night out into a secluded area and then just... died. Weird. But nothing _criminal_ , not to mention the majority of the details have been... exclusive. Some villages refuse to share the information in general and it's a testimony to my skills to have been able to divulge _this_ much, if I do say so. The last death, though... was a young woman. Completely healthy. Died in the same circumstances as the others, though. There could be other deaths, I suppose. But they're either too covered up, or no one knows about them, yet."

"How many so far?" Sasuke asked quietly.

"Thirty-seven," Jiraiya responded somberly.

All three shinobi bowed their heads at the number.

Naruto swallowed roughly. His voice cracked a bit when he asked, "So... so then we don't have to worry, though, right? Kaa-chan... Kaa-chan doesn't have a kekkai genkai, right? Tou... Tou-chan?"

Jiraiya kept his head bowed for a moment longer. "Not... not _really_. However... however to protect her, and to mask her weakness... Konoha registered her of having one. Only those who are close to her, or have worked with her before know the truth about her... lack of chakra."

Naruto felt cold. "What... What's her kekkai gankai registered as?"

"Manipulation of nature chakra."

Naruto buried his face in his hands, letting out a slow breath. After counting to ten, he removed his hands and stood up from the booth in a jerky motion. His eyes glittered with determination. "Alright. Alright _fine_. So this idiot might have kidnapped Kaa-chan. There wasn't a body, though, so he didn't kill her. Maybe because Kaa-chan doesn't have a chakra system, he can't do what he did to the others. That gives us time. We're going to find her. _And we are going to save her_."

Jiraiya gave a grin and Sasuke smirked.

"Got any leads, Tou-chan?" Naruto asked, a feral grin in his face.

"As a matter of fact..."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Day 2, Evening, Sakura's POV)**

Sakura was covered in sweat and she ached down to her very bones. It was taxing to have gone from the Land of Iron all the way to Amegakure in such a short time, but it was all necessary. She needed to reach the rest of the Akatsuki. The sooner everyone started helping, the sooner they could find Mia.

Sakura ran through the rain, her breathing coming out in uneven breaths as she tried to control it. She ducked into the Akatsuki main building and yanked her glove off. She bit down into her thumb, a coppery-taste pooling into her mouth before she planted her bleeding thumb on a door.

The door slid open, the seals recognizing her blood and Sakura ran inside.

She knew exactly where Sasori's room was and she wasted no time in reaching it.

Sakura threw the door open. "Sasori-sensei!"

Sasori looked up from his tinkerings, setting aside the tools and the human head he held. He frowned at Sakura. "Sakura? What are you doing here? Did something happen."

Too out of breath, Sakura only nodded her head. After a minute of trying to catch her breath, she managed to say, "Get everyone... something happened... it's Mia."

Sasori stood up swiftly, placing a hand to steady his swaying student. "Go ahead and head to the meeting room. I'll get everyone together."

Sakura could only nod.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"What's this about Mia, un?" Deidara asked after everyone in the Akatsuki gathered (minus Tobi and Zetsu).

"Sakura. Tell us what happened," Pein commanded.

Sakura bowed her head to her leader. "We were sent on a simple mission. Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi-sensei, Yamato, Mia and myself... we didn't run into any problems along the way. However, when we reached the compound and headed to bed... about midnight, Kakashi-sensei noticed a strange chakra in Mia's room. When he went to investigate, the chakra and her were gone. We scoured the lands and we can't find a trace of her, or her kidnapper. Tobi arrived shortly after and headed away just as quickly - I guess he had a lead or something. Naruto and Sasuke decided to look into Team 7's enemies, Kakashi is looking into his own enemies, Yamato is returning to Konoha, and I headed here."

"Wait, so some fucker up and kidnapped our bitch?" Hidan asked, glowering. "The _hell_?! That's like... that's like an insult."

"Not _like_ , you imbecile," Kakuzu growled out, " _is_. Whoever took her could be hoping to strike at us. It could the Chuunin Exams all over again."

"But who could do such a thing? To be able to sneak past their team and to teleport so far away with Mia..." Konan trailed off, a worried expression on her face.

"Sasori," Pein began.

Sasori bowed his head. "I will check my spy network and see what comes back, Leader-sama."

"We thought... that it might not just be targeting at a group as a whole," Sakura began. "We thought that the kidnapping could be targeted for one _specific_ person."

The Akatsuki fell silent at that, chewing over the information.

"Tobi thinks that could be the case."

All eyes turned to Tobi as he strolled in the room, an underlying tension in his body that most of the members weren't used to seeing in the happy-go-lucky man. "Tobi wants to know if anyone here has any big-bad enemies that can teleport."

Pein was the first to respond, "I am certain that I successfully eliminated any possible enemies for myself and Konan. The only living enemy that remains is Danzō from Konohagakure."

"Danzō's cleared," Tobi chirped. "Tobi checked him out already! Anyone else?"

Hidan scratched the back of his head. "Fuck. I guess I could have pissed off someone. I kill a lotta people and they tend to have families or whatever bullshit."

"The same applies for me, at least to some extent," Kakuzu said dryly. "Although I doubt any of _my_ enemies did this. Mia isn't the way to get to me."

Deidara shrugged. "I don't _think_ I have any enemies that can teleport, un. At least if I do, I don't know about it."

Itachi shook his head silently.

Kisame frowned. "Same with Hidan, actually."

"I'm meticulous about my enemies. They don't live long enough to extract revenge," Sasori said dismissively. "And Mia isn't my most treasured person, so it wouldn't be as effective to kidnap her."

"Hmmm..." Tobi hummed, tapping his mask thoughtfully.

"I'll see if I can _find_ a teleporter first. It would probably be easier to look at all the long-ranged teleporters in the land than our list of enemies," Sasori said dryly.

"Fuck yeah," Hidan said, grinning.

"Come on Sakura. Let's get to work," Sasori said, beckoning his pupil.

Sakura nodded and followed behind him, anxious to find her friend.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Day 3, Early morning, Kakashi's POV)**

Kakashi loosened his grip on the rope and a scream cut through the air. Up high on a cliff that overlooked a flat valley, Kakashi stared down at the man tied to his rope. The man was dangling over the edge, his hands bound, and his eyes covered. The rope was wrapped around his feet, but it was loose enough that it could very easily slip.

"I will ask again," Kakashi said pleasantly. "Where's Ryozo?"

The skinny man gave a whimper, shaking his head. "P-Please..."

Kakashi released the rope for a split second before grabbing it, causing the man to free fall for a moment before stopping short. He gave a choked sob.

"Hmm. For a civilian, you're holding up surprisingly well," Kakashi told the man. "However my patience is thin. A friend of mine is in danger, and I don't have time for this. Last time before I end this and move on to the next source of information. _Where. Is. Ryozo?_ "

And again, Kakashi released his hold, and again he caught it.

" _Stop!_ Please! Okay, okay! R-Ryozo-sama i-is staying at the Furōtingu inn. R-Room twelve. Please, I swear that's all I know."

Kakashi nodded his head, despite knowing that the man could not see the action. "That's all I needed to know. Now, was that so hard?"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Kakashi henged into a nondescript civilian. He surveyed the inn with a calculating eye before he walked in. With ease, he casted a genjutsu over the civilian innkeeper - the innkeeper was given the impression that Kakashi was never even there and he would ignore any odd noises or things out of place. Kakashi went up the stairs, not making a single sound. When he reached the door, he opened it slowly, before opening it more widely. Ryozo stood by the window, his back to Kakashi. Kakashi could see the man holding his scratched out Kumogakure headband.

"I figured you would be coming, Kakashi," Ryozo said and Kakashi dispelled his henge. Kakashi didn't bother trying to deny it: Ryozo was a chakra sensor and while Kakashi's disguise was necessary for no one _else_ to recognize him, it was pointless against Ryozo. "I heard about your friend. Shame. You were close, weren't you? I heard you even lived together."

Kakashi did not respond right away.

Ryozo turned around slowly, blue eyes dancing with amusement. "And you came to me because you think I took her, or at the very least I know."

"I know it's true for at least one of those," Kakashi said, giving Ryozo an eye-smile. "We both know which of us would win in a fight, so let's save everyone the trouble and you just tell me what I need to know."

Ryozo chuckled. "I'm afraid I can't quite do that. Because I quite like the idea of this hurting you."

Kakashi nodded his head, accepting this. He had expected as much. "I don't suppose you could agree to take this outside of the village, Ryozo?"

"I think that sounds like an excellent idea, Kakashi," Ryozo said, sounding oddly pleased.

 _It's a trap_ , Kakashi thought to himself. Normally he would just backtrack and attack Ryozo then and there in the village before escaping to regroup, but he didn't have the time. He needed to defeat Ryozo as quickly as possible, and preferably without anyone else knowing he was doing so (as it might tip off Mia's kidnapper that he was on to them).

_But it's a trap I'm just going to have to spring._

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Day 3, Evening, Obito's POV)**

Obito paced restlessly back and forth. Zetsu had been sent out to find Kabuto's whereabouts days ago and he had yet to return. Obito was having trouble just randomly choosing places and searching for Mia. He knew that it would just make Zetsu's job harder to track Obito down after he found the information, but Obito _hated_ not doing anything.

He felt a surge of anger and frustration boil inside of him and his fist snapped out, slamming into a nearby wall. He broke through the wall, leaving behind a dusty hole all the way through to the next room. He yanked his arm out, his face twisted into a snarl.

 _It's been three days._ Three days. _She's been in the hands of an_ enemy _for_ three _days. She was only in Orochimaru's for minutes and she already had a arm and leg and now can't stand the sound of snapping. She still flinches when someone snaps a damn twig._

Three days.

_Three whole days._

"Oh _fuck_ ," Obito breathed, giving a sigh and sitting down on his bed. He threw his mask off because suddenly it felt too suffocating to wear. He rolled onto his side, staring at a picture on his nightstand - it was of Mia during her first festival. She was blushing brightly, but looked positively pleased.

Obito's hand drifted out to the picture and he picked it up, holding it above him as he rolled to lay on his back.

 _What if because I let Kabuto go, he's really the one who kidnapped her?_ Obito thought. _Because I was so focused on my war, I've lost... no,_ nearly... _I refuse to think that she's gone now... that I've nearly lost my closest friend?_

Obito closed his eyes, setting the picture back down on the nightstand.

"I'm sorry, Mia," he whispered.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Day 5, Noon, Mia's POV)**

"I look like an expensive prostitute," I declared, exiting the bathroom and sitting down on our bed. I tugged down at the end of my rather short kimono, giving X a puzzled look. "Are you sure this is the right size?"

"Positive," X said, staring at me. "... An expensive prostitute?"

I covered my chest with my arms. "Please. You could never afford me."

X gave a small whine. "You don't know that."

"Pretty sure I do," I said firmly, pulling up my white socks that went up to my knees.

X sighed, sitting next to me on the bed. I looked over at him. "Are you seriously wearing that mask? This is supposed to be our honeymoon! My husband is _so_ not wearing a mask when he's with me on our honeymoon. That just makes me feel like he's ashamed to be seen with me or something."

"I bet you'd let Tobi wear a mask on your honey," X pointed out.

"That's different," I said immediately.

"Well it doesn't matter what you think," X said petulantly. "You're just a trophy wife."

I gasped. " _Well!_ Why do _I_ have to be the trophy wife? Why can't you be the trophy husband?"

"I _am_ handsome enough to pull it off..." X trailed off. "But I don't want to be the trophy husband, so you have to be the trophy wife."

I folded my arms across my chest stubbornly. "I am _not_. I don't want to be the trophy wife."

"Fine. Then how about we're equal partners in the marriage?" X offered reasonably.

"But that's so boring."

X threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. "Well you don't want to be the trophy wife - "

"How about I'm an ex-slave and you're my rescuer who bought me off of an evil tyrant in the far off distant lands of Narnia," I suggested. "On the way to escape his clutches, we fell madly in love and eloped."

X nodded his head. "Good, but how about... I'm the long lost prince from the distant lands. For the majority of my life I thought I was, but a common man, and then my father, the king, died suddenly. In his will he told everyone of my birth and how he never got over my mother and he passed his throne to me. It was a rough start adjusting to my new life as a royal prince, but I managed. I also managed to bed every single princess I had ever come across and win the hearts of everyone with my charming personality and looks."

"Then what am I?" I asked, unsure of where I fit in his story.

"You're the maid that I shacked up with in a closet and accidentally got pregnant," X said plainly.

I hit his arm. "I am _not!_ "

"But you said you felt like an expensive prostitute - "

I hit him again and he held up his hands in surrender.

"How about we're two childhood friends who accidently fell into a whole other world and went on an epic adventure, falling in love along the way, before we returned home?" I offered.

"That's so overdone," X whined.

"Like your story wasn't."

"It was totally original."

I snorted. "Okay. Fine... I'm a time traveler who is currently stuck in this time period. I used to be the secret bride of Uchiha Madara, but I lost control of my kekkai genkai (which allows me to transport from one time to another) and was sent back into the distant future. Now I'm traveling back in time, one decade at a time, to return to my darling Madara. You are a dear friend, though, that I fell in love with while in this time period and are trying to coerce me into stay in this time period with you."

X gave a hum. "I'm not just a dear friend, though. I'm also a long lost prince, who - "

I held my hands up. "Fine. You can be a prince. But I'm sticking to the whole bride of Uchiha Madara, because _damn_ , that would be awesome."

"I thought you loved Tobi," X said slyly.

"It's _Uchiha Madara._ "

"Fair point."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

My arm was hooked through X as the two of us walked behind Sayako. She was talking to X about something, but I wasn't paying all that much attention. My stomach was fluttering with nerves and I clutched the small bag I held in my hands. Inside it were the emergency weapons in case there was an unexpected turn in the plans. Which I could almost guarantee there would be because I was technically still part of team 7 (because our mission wasn't done, yet... probably, I wasn't dismissed from the team) and there was _always_ a twist with that team.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I piqued up, dancing from one place to another. Sayako turned to me, raising an eyebrow and X looked over at me. "I'm terribly sorry, but do you mind if I...?" I gave the woman a pointed look and she seemed to understand.

She gave a thin, humorless smile. "Down the hall on your left, third door to your right."

"Thank you," I said in a rush, pulling away from X. I hesitated a brief moment before I kissed his masked cheek, keeping up the whole _we're-totally-on-our-honeymoon-and-not-at-all-going-to-steal-from-you_ facade. I hurried away, feigning embarrassment at my biological needs.

When they past the hall I had headed down, I waited a minute before I hurried to the vault. It was nerve-wracking running down the hallways to the vault. I kept thinking I would be attacked, or caught, or something. However it really did seem like she had _no_ guards around.

I skidded to a stop, stumbling a bit in my one-and-a-half-inch heels (shut up. I hadn't worn heels in over six years - Tobi was very strict about me not wearing anything I couldn't sprint in).

The entrance to the vault looked like nothing, but air. There were white-gold marble pillars with detailed designs on the bottom and top on either side. I knew the designs were actually seals, and they glowed a dull gold. However there was no door, no windows, no _anything_. It was an open area and I could stare straight into the 'vault'.

It was a _huge_ room with shelves that went higher than my apartment was tall. Most of them were filled to the brim with texts, items, _weapons_. There were some items that were too big or irregular to be placed on shelves, though, and they were placed over in a corner to the far right.

I let out a slow breath, my heart skipping a beat, before I crossed over into the vault.

Nothing happened.

I sighed in relief. X's theory had worked and I could safely pass in and out of the vault. I flexed my fingers. Alright. I had limited time to drag whatever the hell I could carry out of the vault before X's shadow clone of me was saw through by Sayako. X's shadow clone of himself would be coming by with the storage scrolls to store whatever I managed to get out of the vault and I would off and on my way.

The vault measured the chakra inside - measuring what _entered_ , but not what left. If any alien chakra entered the vault, everything inside went _bye-bye_ , and the mission would be a failure. However if I - a chakraless person - could drag the things _out_ of the vault, then X could use chakra to store it and _viola_. We win. They lose.

First thing was first, though, and that was finding the text that X was hired to find in the first place. Thankfully, Sayako seemed to have everything categorized alphabetically by who deposited the item. It didn't take long to find the old scroll and once I grabbed it and placed it outside, I set to work on _our_ prizes.

 _Ooo_. _That looks sharp, dangerous and devious_ , I thought excitedly, grabbing some sort of dagger and placing it out. I grabbed as many scrolls as I could carry (I kicked off my high-heels to increase my speed), along with anything that looked even remotely bad-ass (and that I could reach)

After some minutes, my eyes rested on a completely _awesome_ desk. I had no idea what the hell a desk was doing here (although from all the glowing red seals carved into it, I guessed it was there for a _very_ good reason), but I _wanted_ it.

I sprinted over to it, grabbing both ends of one side and tugged as hard as I could.

It didn't budge.

"You little shit," I muttered under my breath before moving to the other side and leaning my entire weight on it. " _Moooooove_ , you little _fffffuuuuucker_."

It creaked.

I glared at it.

Then a brilliant idea popped in my head. I clapped my hands and skipped over to my handbag, pulling out a strong, but small rope. I tied one end to a desk leg and threw the other end outside of the vault.

 _X could use his chakra to pull that baby out for me,_ I thought smugly. _Now back to stealing!_

There was a growing pile of items outside the vault, and I was starting to get a little worried that we wouldn't have enough room (and that something happened because X should have been here by now). However my worries were assuaged when X appeared, and gave me a thumbs-up.

"Nicely done, wifey-who-will-never-leave-me-for-Madara," X said.

"Thanks, slutty-hubby," I said, grinning. "Do you think you could grab that rope and pull the desk out? I can't move it, _please_."

"That desk looks positively expensive. I'd love to steal it," X said happily, grabbing the rope and pulling. The desk creaked and whined as it scraped across the marble floor, but it finally made it out of the vault. "Now I'm going to store everything in the scrolls, you place it in your handbag and return to the real-me and Sayako. We then walk out of here like nothing was wrong and _viola_.

"Yay," I chirped and X started to seal everything away. Once all the items we had snagged were taken care of, I placed them in my handbag, slipped on my high heels and gave X a nod of my head. "See you soon, hubbie."

"Later, wifey," X said cheerily.

After X poofed away, I turned on my heel and began to make my way to the meeting-room, however before I could exit the hall with the vault...

"What the...!?

I froze, my heart stopping.

"Where's my desk?!"

Slowly, I turned around and found a rather portly man with two shinobi flanking him. He was staring in disbelief, and then his eyes rested on me. "... You. Who are you?"

I panicked and reached into my hand bag and pulled out a handful of balls.

"What are you doing?" the man demanded and the shinobi started to advance slowly towards me.

I threw down the chakra-poison (a poison that attacked the chakra system and within seconds those that breathed it in were rendered useless - no chakra, so I was immune).

The entire hallway exploded in a gaseous purple and I coughed at the sharp smell of sulfur. I then turned on my heel and sprinted away, ignoring the sound of bodies dropping.

Within a minute, I had reached the meeting room, panting.

"Wifey?" X asked, standing up from his seat across Sayako, papers spread out on her desk in between the two.

"We've been found out," I told him.

"Excuse me?" Sayako asked coldly.

"Hmm... Wanna go out in style?" X offered.

"Do you even need to ask?"

X seemed to grin at me, as he wrapped an arm around my waist and positioned himself between me and Sayako.

"Just what the hell is going on? What do you mean?" Sayako demanded.

X pulled out two smoke-pellets and one poison-pellet. "I mean... we're going to gas our way outta here."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Answer:** FanFiction writing / Video-gaming.
> 
>  **Question:** If you could go anywhere in all the multiverses with any three people - where would you go, and with who?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	29. Part III - Now Where Could She Be?

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 5, Afternoon, Mia's POV**

X gave me a piggy-back ride back to our inn, both of us snickering the majority of the way at our dramatic exit, their dumbstruck faces, and the sweet, sweet victory of a job well done. X entered our room and sat down on the bed, smirking at him.

"That was... pretty damn awesome," I admitted, still feeling giddy from the success. "And you do this for a _living_? So bad ass."

X seemed to be smirking at me. "I know."

I grinned brightly, looking down at my lap and folding my hands together. X sat on the bed next to me, grabbing my hands and holding them in his. I frowned at that, raising an incredulous eyebrow at him.

"I know you had fun with this," X began, "and I had quite a bit of fun with it, too, wifey. So... maybe instead of heading back to Konoha, you could do just _one more_ gig with me. What do you say?"

I hesitated. The others _had_ to be worried about me, right? But it was _so_ much fun.

"... Well," I said slowly, my frown deepening, "... I guess I could, _but_ , you _have_ to pay to send a letter to Tobi for me. I _need_ to let him know that I'm okay. The poor guy must be having a panic attack."

"Okay, okay," X said. "Here... I have some paper here, and a pen. Write out your letter and we'll send it out now. Then right after dinner we'll teleport to our next destination. Sound good?"

"Sounds like a plan," I said, grinning brightly. "Now let go of my hands."

"But I'm your husband," X protested.

"This is exactly why I should just stick with Madara," I sniffed.

X gasped, appalled. "How _dare_ you mention that name in front of me."

I shrugged, nonplussed.

"Before we go, there are some pictures I want to get developed," X said brightly.

"Pictures?" I asked, blinking in surprise.

X pointed at the top of his mask. "I've got a hidden camera in here. I, uh... might have taken some pictures. I just want to develop them before you send off your letter, okay? And we'll send the letter after we've teleported, we'll be closer to Amegakure after we've teleported."

"... Okay. Lead the way, soon-to-be-ex hubbie."

"Sure thing, wi - wait, what?"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

_Hello, hello,_

_I'm sorry, you must be so worried about me. It's a long story, but don't worry. I'm perfectly fine and I'm with a friend - X, actually. We just stole a whole bunch of stuff and it was_ awesome _. Seriously, I'm surprisingly having a lot of fun, so I decided to help X out one more time. We'll be at Sōgen no Mura for a few days, so if you absolutely need to see me, you can. If not, I'll head back to Konohagakure after I finish this up and see you there._

_Don't worry, I really am fine, so you can stop having a panic attack._

_Love,_

_Mia_

I kissed the scroll and handed it to X. X turned around and tied the scroll to a messenger hawk.

X turned back around and placed an arm around my shoulder. "Right then. You all set to go?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."

"Let's go."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 4, Morning, Sakura's POV**

Sakura looked over the note from the toad, and glanced over as Sasori entered the room.

"Naruto, Sasuke and Jiraiya think they have our guy," Sakura said, standing up and holding out the note to Sasori.

"Let's hope so," Sasori said, his voice silky smooth, "because all the teleporters _I've_ found seem to be in the clear." He took the note and scanned over it, his eyes narrowing. "... If this really is our guy... we'll need to meet up with them and track him down. I will inform Leader-sama. You inform them, Kakashi, and Konoha of our plans."

"Yes, Shisho," Sakura said solemnly.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 3, Noon, Kakashi's POV**

Ryozo gasped, spitting out blood as he rolled over away from his heavily burned side. Kakashi, panting heavily, stood over him. Aside from a few scraps and burnt hair, he was relatively fine.

"Tell me what I need to know," Kakashi growled out, digging a foot into Ryozo's burn. The man writhed in pain, squirming and whimpering.

"Now," Kakashi bit out, digging his foot deeper in.

"What difference would it make?" Ryozo finally hissed out. "He failed!"

"Who failed?" Kakashi asked, his eyes narrowing.

Ryozo squirmed. "I-I don't know his name. I just know that he was after her... after her ability... her... her kekkei genkai!"

Kakashi blinked in surprise. _But Mia doesn't..._ oh.

"Then who has her?" Kakashi asked.

Ryozo shook his head. "No one knows! It seemed like someone interfered with the kidnapping - something took her before _he_ could!"

Kakashi took his foot out, chewing over this information. "... Any idea where?"

Ryozo shook his head again.

"I see," Kakashi said quietly. "Then you're of no more use to me."

There was a flash of metal, and the whimpers stopped.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 3, Two Minutes Until Midnight, Obito's POV**

Obito continued to sit on his bed, staring at the picture of Mia. Emotions swirled inside him and he cursed himself again for not getting rid of Kabuto the moment he laid eyes on him as Mia had instructed him to.

 _What if I really do never see her again?_ Obito asked himself. His fingers traced on the outline of her face. And what if he _truly_ never saw her again? What if he had failed _again_ in protecting the most treasured person he ever held?

_The Genjutsu..._

The Genjutsu wouldn't replace her.

The thought sent Obito reeling, both at its bitterness and it's ferociousness.

And it's honesty.

A mere projection of Mia could never replace her, because... because it would have been a projection that _Obito_ created. It would have been pulled from _his_ memories and _his_ perception of her, and that wasn't... that wasn't entirely true. Because there was more to Mia than he knew. There was more to her life that she didn't reveal (and he didn't press), and there was more to her story than what he currently had read.

He could never accurately bring Mia back to life through a mere projection... because there would have been too many holes. Even if he was her best friend (and she his), there were just some things that were better left unsaid. There were some wounds that both covered up and tried their damndest to repress.

And Obito would never get the chance to see hers. He would never get the chance to see them, and to... and to help them. To help _her_ like she had done to him so many times. And like she would always have done if _he_ opened up to her, too. He could trust her, couldn't he? She always had put him first, hadn't she? Even when he rejected her, she bounced right back and continued her pursuit. She didn't even make him choose then and there between the two. She _acknowledged_ his need to cling to _her_. And she loved him anyway.

Obito was a broken man. He wouldn't deny that, ever. He still woke up, frozen stiff and a scream caught in his throat from the nightmares of not only Rin's death... but his direct actions in _their_ deaths, as well.

He blindly followed the orders of a spiteful old man, a man revered as the Shadow of Shinobi.

He willfully had, and would continue to do so, make his sensei's son's life a living hell. He would eventually even kill the boy that Mia had grown to love fiercely like a son.

He would betray all his friends again, he would end the Akatsuki when he collected Nagato's eye forced the artist duo to go to war with their own students.

He would start another bloody, grueling, violent war.

He would kill many, many more.

And for what, now?

To bring a fake woman back into his world?

To ensure no one else has to go through what he went through?

Obito let out a long-suffering sigh and placed the picture beside him on the bed. He laid back on the bed, his eyes staring up at the ceiling, unseeing.

He failed.

He lost the one woman who did, and would continue to, accept _everything_ about him.

She didn't even know how he felt. Not really.

He _turned her down_.

And why?

 _Why_?

Over _Rin_?

Over a _girl_ who died over a decade ago? A girl, who while she was his first love, didn't actually... didn't actually _know_ him? Not like Mia knew him.

Why was he so hung up over _her_?

_What was so wrong with him?_

"We've found **Kabuto.** "

Obito sat up, his Sharingan swirling to life in both his eyes. "Take me to him."

Zetsu stared at Obito with unblinking yellow eyes. "Right away, _**Tobi**_."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 4, Evening, Kakashi's POV**

_Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Jiraiya and the Akatsuki are pursuing_ _ **InsertNameHere**_ , Kakashi mused softly, resting against the back of a tree. Pakkun laid beside him. The two of them were resting after a hard day's run. _Tobi's nowhere to be found - probably off on his own lead - but I have a feeling both teams are going to turn up empty._

Kakashi gave a sigh, closing his eyes.

"That's a heavy sigh," Pakkun said.

"This is a heavy mission," Kakashi muttered. "I can't put my fingers on it, but I just... I just get the feeling that whoever has Mia... is someone we haven't even considered. I feel like I'm missing something, almost."

"Maybe you are," Pakkun replied. "Maybe we should stop looking at her enemies. Ryozo said someone else took her away - who's to say it wasn't a _friend_?"

Kakashi opened his eyes, staring unseeingly at the treetop canopy. "I don't think Mia is friends with a lot of teleporters."

"Maybe she is. Think about it," Pakkun said, giving a small shrug.

And Kakashi did.

He ran through every conversation he could recall with Mia. Trying to think of names she may have mentioned. There were numerous names he didn't really recognize - Batman, Dragonborn, Nao, Breaking Benjamin, Linkin Park, Lilly!OCSakura, Howl, Will the Ranger, Halt, Firestar, Jayfeather, Naasica, Deadpool, Vocaloid, Spiderman, Harry Potter, Miwako, Tom Riddle, Skulduggery Pleasant, etc...

But there were some names he _did_ recognize, if only vaguely. Killer Bee, Ay, Mei, Omoi, Nagato, X, Kakuzu, Chōjūrō...

Kakashi rubbed his hands over his face. He knew for a fact that most of them weren't even real. He dismissed those one quickly and focused on the ones he knew were in this world. He could discount all Akatsuki members and all shinobi that were allied with one of the villages. If either of those actually had Mia, she would have been found by now, as Jiraiya's spy network would have undoubtedly noticed her. Not to mention the Akatsuki wouldn't keep Mia from Tobi, and all the great villages were allied with the Akatsuki. Mia was a known member, a known closely- _allied_ member of the Akatsuki and keeping her from them would undoubtedly incur their wrath.

That left the missing-nin; missing-nin that were _not_ attached to the Akatsuki.

Which left only one other person.

"X?" Kakashi asked out loud, frowning behind his mask. "... I don't _think_ he's a teleporter."

"But do you know for certain?" Pakkun countered. "No one knows how he's able to escape. It wouldn't be so far fetched as to think..."

Kakashi's eyes widened. "Really? Pakkun... Pakkun you don't think..."

"I think that we've exhausted our other options, and I agree with your gut-instinct about the other suspects. I think X is our best bet," Pakkun admitted.

Kakashi stood up. "Then what are we waiting for?"

"Do you want me to send a message to the others?"

Kakashi shook his head. "No. I'll confirm this lead on my own. Besides, I'm sure the world wouldn't miss the other suspects."

Pakkun gave a grin. "No arguments here."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 5, Four minutes after midnight, Obito's POV**

Obito appeared at the base of a cliff. From Zetsu' information, Kabuto was inside the cliff. Obito wasted no time in making himself intangible and stepping through the rocks. He didn't care too much for phasing through something, but after using it extensively, he grew mostly indifferent to it. It took several steps of walking through before he finally reached a dimly lit hallway.

His heart quickened.

This was the place. This was where Mia was. She had to be here. He could hear faint moans down the hall on his left, and fearing the worst, he followed them. He knew Kabuto was essentially alone in the base - alone in the sense that he had no underlings or assistants or guards. He was defenseless, as far as Obito was concerned.

_If he's so defenseless, then how did he capture Mia?_

Obito discarded the thought almost immediately. Kabuto was no match for him. It was as simple as that. Obito moved through the halls, the quiet moans and soft cries growing louder as he neared. He felt his heart quicken again, and a knot formed in the pit of stomach.

Part of him hoped Mia wasn't anywhere near the source of those tortured cries. He hoped she was far, _far_ away from this place and that she never fell into Kabuto's hands for _three days_. Another part of him hoped that she would be there. That she would be there, curled up in a corner, eyes downcast. Hurt, but _alive_. Frightened, but _safe_ in his arms again.

Not knowing where she was, how she was, who she was with... it ate him up.

He reached the end of a hallway, and stood before a steel door. He phased through it, and took in the sight.

Blood splattered across the cement walls, thin, raspy, bony people were chained to each other and the floor. Some of them were missing body parts. Most of them were stark naked and huddled together. There were seals drawn on some, and horrible disfigurations erupting from others.

Obito swallowed the bile down his throat and forced himself to examine each of their faces.

They all stared at him in undisguised horror, some even trying to crawl away from him.

None of them had green eyes.

Obito let out a slow, shaky breath. Mia wasn't here, at least. That didn't mean she wasn't in the vicinity. He turned away, phasing through the door and walking away. After he was done with this place, he would send Sakura and the artist duo to claim it for the Akatsuki. If they found those group of people and Sakura wanted to help them... well, that was no bother on Obito's part.

Mia had no chakra for Obito to sense, and he wasn't skilled in tracking her by smell. Obito could sense Kabuto's chakra in the hideout, in comparison to his prisoners, Kabuto had large chakra reserves and was easy to sense. Outside the hideout, with all those blocking-seals placed, he wouldn't have been found. But because he was too trusting, and felt too cocky in his little twisted world, he didn't bother trying to suppress his chakra like Obito was expertly doing.

Room after room, gruesome sight after gruesome sight. Obito meticulously searched the hideout but couldn't find a trace of Mia.

 _What if he already took her away?_ Obito thought, a rising sense of panic starting to boil inside him. _What if she really is gone from me? For good, this time? No... No... that can't be true. There's still so much I want to do with her. So much she needs to see. She always wanted to go to the Land of Spring and see the stones. A-And she wanted to go to the chocolate factory, and... and..._

The only other places in the hideout Obito hadn't checked, were the places that Kabuto kept moving in.

 _I have to know. I have to know what he's done to her,_ Obito thought, starting to sprint to where he felt Kabuto's chakra. Unconsciously, Obito's Mangekyō Sharing swirled in his right eye and a kunai slid into his hands. He wasn't quite sure what he was going to do when he encountered Kabuto. Logically he knew he should pause, think of a plan, _consider_ his actions. But logic seemed silly and pointless and he threw it in the wind because his panic and anger was far too demanding.

So the moment he phased through the final wall, already sprinting towards him, he didn't even falter when he attempted to make a killing blow on his turned back.

What he did not expect was for Kabuto to turn around and dodge his attack, if only barely.

Obito stopped in his attacks, feeling a cold anger take him as he watched Kabuto slowly stand up and adjust his glasses.

"My, my, I wasn't expecting any visitors," Kabuto said smoothly, smiling pleasantly.

Obito turned to face him. "Where is she?"

Kabuto's smile widened. "Where is who?"

Obito took a step towards him. "Tell me now, or I will force you."

"Come now, I'm sure we can make some sort of agreement here," Kabuto said gently. "We both have something the other wants."

Obito's hands clenched into fists. "You threw negotiations out the window the moment you took her."

Kabuto clucked his tongue. "Then you'll never find her. You probably already searched the place - she's nowhere here, am I right? Kill me and you'll _never_ find her."

Obito's jaw tightened and he narrowed his eye furiously. A part of him was tempted to just use his other Sharingan to cast Izanami on Kabuto and force him to divulge the information, but the more logical part of him had him pause. Kabuto was _too_ at ease. He already saw Obito's Mangekyō Sharingan, so he undoubtedly knew what Obito was capable of. After all, Obito _knew_ he shared his previous master's enthusiasm for the Sharingan and Kabuto would have done everything he could to secure his late master's work and information on the Sharingan. Work that definitely included the Izanami and Izanagi.

Kabuto _knew_ how dangerous Obito was, but he seemed perfectly at ease.

Swallowing his anger, Obito said lowly, "What do you want?"

"I _wanted_ Mia," Kabuto admitted, seeming to take glee in Obito's stiffened shoulders. "Orochimaru-sama died because he took her. I wanted to know who had taken Orochimaru-sama. I figured if I took her, they would come running again - and I _knew_ it wasn't just any old idiot Akatsuki member. And seeing you... An Uchiha even Orochimaru-sama didn't know about? Just who exactly are you?"

Obito did not respond.

"However it seems that something came up," Kabuto said, frowning. "My creation was unable to capture her. It seems someone else beat me to it."

"Then what good are you to me?" Obito spat.

"Nothing," Kabuto admitted, laughing quietly. "I just wanted to see who you were. Now I know what I need to prepare for."

"You seem to be under the impression that I'm just going to allow you to leave this place alive," Obito growled quietly.

Kabuto smiled. "But you see... you already have."

And Kabuto dissolved into a pile of water.

Obito was frozen, anger and confusion dominating the majority of his emotions. He had his Sharingan activated the entire time. _That_ was not a clone. That could not have been -

And then Obito watched as the water start to sink through the cracks - " _Suigetsu was his name," Mia chirped. "Pretty cool guy. He could turn into water at will. How neat is that?"_ \- and Obito snarled a curse and phased through the ground as the rest of the water sunk through.

Obito continued to travel down, but after fifty meters and nothing came up, he was forced to head back up.

He could no longer sense Kabuto.

"Fucking bastard," Obito spat.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 6, early morning, Kakashi's POV**

Kakashi read the note that Jiraiya had sent him. The moment Kakashi had considered X, he knew he needed Jiraiya's spy network to get a good sense at where X was. Jiraiya had replied as quickly as he could, giving Kakashi a vague idea at where X was for the moment. Or at least, where his latest contracter sent him after the Land of Spring.

It was a small town a ways from here, Sōgen no Mura.

Kakashi crumpled the note and burned it, silently praying that Mia was there by the time he arrived.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 6, late evening, Obito's POV**

Obito stared at the envelope in his hands, tentative hope coursing through his veins. An expensive, very fast, messenger hawk had flown straight to Amegakure and a shinobi brought the message to its addressed person.

There, in Mia's tilted handwriting, was _To: Tobi (Hi, buddy!)._ It was undoubtedly her handwriting and Obito could scarcely believe it. He swallowed roughly, his stomach churning as he opened the envelope and pulled out the letter.

_Dear Tobi,_

_I have Mia._

_You can't have her._

_Haha._

_Love,_

_X_

Obito stared at the note in his hands for a moment, disbelief dominating the majority of his emotions before he crumpled the paper. He then pulled out a single picture along with the letter, scrawled on the back was:

 _You should see what I have her wearing_ now _._

_X_

Obito turned over the picture and stared at Mia in a rather... nice... kimono. A dark cloud seemed to loom over Obito as his mood took an even sharper turn to downright murderous.

" _X_ ," Obito snarled in a long, drawn out hiss, wiping at his nose.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Question:** If you had to be reborn in three universes / multiverses in a never ending cycle (as in after you die in one, you go straight to the next one, and then the next one... and then start all over), which multiverses / universes would you choose?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	30. Part III - I Want a Divorce

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 5, Evening, Naruto's POV**

Naruto was breathing heavily, his hands clenched into fists as he stood outside the mountain. Sakura was on his left, and Sasuke on his right. Kisame, Sasori, Deidara, Hidan, Kakuzu and Jiraiya stood behind the trio.

This was it.

This was where _that kidnapper_ was.

Naruto could feel his anger spike and his fingernails dug so deep into his palms, they pierced the skin.

"We'll split up," Kakuzu said, his voice coming out in a low rumble. "Hidan, with me. We'll go around the right side of the cliff. Deidara, Sasori, Sakura, you go up and over. Kisame, and Jiraiya, take the left. Naruto, Sasuke... you'll go down the road, straight to the base. Let's get this over with."

"Hang on, Kaa-chan," Naruto said quietly. "I'm coming for you."

Jiraiya moved past Naruto, placing a hand on his shoulder before exchanging glances with Kisame. "Let's go, Big Blue."

Kisame laughed, jumping down from the tree to the ground and running out of the forest. Jiraiya jumped down, following behind him. The two turned left at the massive cliff, the peak of the cliff looming above them.

"Sakura," Sasori said, cocking his head. "Come."

"Hai!" Sakura exclaimed, clenching her hands into fists and following after her sensei. Deidara summoned up a clay bird and the puppeteers both jumped up onto it.

Naruto didn't say anything more, just sprinting straight down the middle. Sasuke followed right behind him.

Hidan snorted. "Man. What an annoyance. I can kill anyone, right, Kakuzu?"

"As painfully as you'd like."

Hidan grinned.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 6, Night, Obito's POV**

_Keep calm, Obito,_ Obito thought to himself, finally setting down X's letter. _Anger will only cloud your judgement. You need to think clearly to find X. Just... Just lay down, close your eyes, and count backwards from one-hundred until you're calm._

Obito laid back on his bed, turning his head to look at his nightstand. The picture of Mia stared back at him, green eyes sparkling. Another spike of anger churned in his gut and he forced himself to close his eyes and look away.

_One-hundred. Ninety-nine. Ninety-eight. Ninety-seven..._

Slowly, Obito began to count backwards. As he did, the hot anger he felt slowly cooled, turning into more of a frozen rage. But, in the process, he started to feel drowsy. He technically hadn't slept in about a week, and while he could get by a couple more days without sleep, it was getting more difficult to stay awake.

 _She would scold me if she knew I hadn't slept_ , Obito thought softly. He could practically hear her voice.

"Honestly, Tobi, what are you thinking? No sleep for a _week_? You grouched to me when I didn't sleep the days before my finals, so don't you be a hypocrite and give me that bullshit! March your booty to our room, strip off those pants and shirt and get your ass in bed."

Then Obito would say: "... Why do I have to strip?"

Mia would then roll her eyes, huffing, as if the answer were the most obvious thing in the world. "Because I deserve a little payment for having to put up with your insanity! Now show me that sexiness."

Obito would, of course, become flustered and stammer out some defense against his strippings. He would strip in the end, naturally. It's not like he hadn't slept in just his boxers before, and he knew Mia wouldn't do anything (or force anything... or imply anything, really) he was _actually_ uncomfortable with. Besides, it was always nice to feel desired.

She would push him into the bed, strip down to her cammie and undies then crawl in after him. He would say, "Don't be so indecent."

Mia would stick her tongue out at him and curl up next to him, but neither would argue about their positions or circumstances. Although Obito would never admit it, he loved feeling Mia against him. It was like a constant reminder that he wasn't alone. With her beside him, the nightmares never came.

Her heartbeat was his perfect lullaby most of the time.

Not that he would _ever_ tell her that.

Obito would usually wait about five minutes before Mia had fallen asleep. He would stay up a bit longer, staring up at the ceiling (which was the real reason why he had a skylight installed in Mia's room - he preferred the stars over the ceiling any day). He wouldn't really think, or dream, per say, so much as just... be.

There was no plans, motives, lies, hurt or love in those times. There just... was. There was just Obito. There was just Mia. And there were just the stars.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

When his eyes would grow heavy, and he was ready to sleep, he would always pull her closer to him. Not because he wanted her closer, so much as because he just _needed_ reassurance that she was still there; that she wasn't just some figment in his imagination.

Just thinking about the scenario caused Obito to let out a large yawn.

Obito let out a soft sigh, his body finally sagging from the weight of stress he had been facing for the past week.

_Maybe when I open my eyes, it'll just have been a bad dream._

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 6, Evening, Kakashi's POV**

Kakashi faltered in his sprinting, looking up and finding Zetsu appearing from a tree.

"Hello, Kakashi," Zetsu greeted. " **Just checking up on everyone. Where are you headed?** "

Kakashi hesitated a moment before shrugging. "I want to see if I can track down X. My latest information on him said he was going to Sōgen no Mura."

Zetsu's eyes widened. "That's... **interesting.** Thank you, Kakashi."

"How is everyone?"

" **Fine,** " Zetsu said. "The Akatsuki, as well as Naruto, Jiraiya and Sasuke have eliminated Hiruko. I would imagine **Tobi is going to Sōgen no Mura, too**."

"Then maybe I'll see him there," Kakashi said softly.

"Maybe," Zetsu muttered, disappearing into the tree.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 5, Evening, Jiraiya & Kisame**

Jiraiya and Kisame both stopped short about halfway around the cliff. The ground beneath them erupted and they were forced to jump back. A man, spinning like a drill, flew up into the air before coming back down.

Jiraiya took one look at him and whistled. "I'm going to take a wild guess and say you're into bondage, what with what you're wearing."

The man scoffed. "I can't let you pass, you know. The master isn't ready."

"Master?" Kisame echoed. "A little S&M action going on, too?"

His eyes narrowed dangerously and he bit his thumb, slamming the palm of his hand into the ground. "Kuchiyose, Soutouja!"

Navy blue dual-headed snakes erupted from the smoke, hissing and spitting furiously as they dove towards the duo. The man grinned. "Dakoumou!"

Then both of the snakes spat out a tongue, which was actually another pair of dual-headed snakes, and _those_ snakes spat out dual-headed snakes...

"That's just nasty," Jiraiya whined.

"I got it," Kisame said, sucking in a big gulp of air before bellowing several shark bombs. Each attack hit one of the masses and when the smoke cleared from the attack, the snakes were gone. "I thought Sasuke was the only living person with the snake contract."

"Well, Orochimaru _is_ pretty old. Maybe he's not _completely_ asexual and had a bastard son," Jiraiya suggested.

Kisame looked disgusted by that. "That's gross."

" _Hmph_ ," the man said. "You two aren't as bad at combat as you look."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kisame demanded. "Mia says I'm the sexiest blue person she's ever met, I'll have you know."

"I think you're the _only_ blue person she's met," Jiraiya reasoned. "Which also means you're the ugliest blue person she's met."

"Don't take that compliment away from me, Big White."

Jiraiya grinned. "Sorry, Big Blue. What do you say we finish this just like we finished that drinking game last time?"

"Stripping drunk on a table?" Kisame asked, confused.

"No. In _style_."

Kisame laughed, pulling out his Samehada. "That's a good idea, Big White."

Jiraiya grinned. "After you, then, Big Blue."

Kisame laughed again, swinging his Samehada and sprinting towards the snake-man. He swung his massive sword at the man and the man's arm transformed into a hardened, navy blue snake. Samehada's sharp scales struck out against the bandages, digging into the snake.

The man's eyes widened and he jumped back. "Wh... What did you do? My chakra...?"

"I'll let you figure that one out for yourself," Kisame said, grinning maniacally. "In the meantime, Big White and I will be slicing you up into itty-bitty pieces, _keheheh._ "

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**?, ?, ?**

There was whiteness. Just whiteness. Even the sound wrapping around him was... whiteness. He was on his knees, staring at nothing, but the whiteness. He was alone. No one was around for kilometers upon kilometers.

He swallowed roughly, blinking slowly.

And then Rin and young Obito stood in front of him.

The older Obito stared at the two, his mind going blank and white like the landscape that surrounded them.

"What are you doing, being such an idiot?" young Obito demanded, his cheeks puffing out. "You have a total babe all over you and you're just wasting it! Man, I thought I was going to be cool when I grew up!"

Rin giggled.

The older Obito missed that giggle. He found his eyes resting on her. He wanted to tell her something. He wanted to ask her something. Yet his tongue wouldn't move, all he could do was stare at her.

"Obito-kun, don't be so silly," Rin said gently, her eyes dancing with warmth. "But he has a point, Obito-san. What _are_ you doing?"

"Fixing the world," Obito-san said.

He frowned after the words escaped his lips. It seemed wrong. That answer, somehow, seemed wrong.

Rin shook her head, her brow furrowed as she looked saddened. "Obito-san, you're not fixing anything like this."

Obito-kun grinned brightly. "Come on! You're supposed to be the next Hokage! Dump the Akatsuki, already. Come back to Konoha and be with Mia-chan."

Obito-san stared blankly at Obito-kun. "I thought you loved Rin."

Obito-kun rolled his eyes. "Well, _duh_. I'll always love Rin, but that doesn't mean I'll always be _in_ love with her."

Rin giggled. "For such a dummy, that's an insightful statement."

Obito-kun preened before he realized what Rin had said. He blushed brightly. "R-Rin-chan!"

Rin smiled warmly at both Obitos. "Obito-san, I know you'll always love me. I know what you've done, and while I don't... I don't really agree with everything you've done, I know you did it because you thought it was right. You'll always have my support, Obito-san, because I just want you to be happy, too. You _deserve_ to be happy, Obito-san."

"I let you die," Obito-san whispered.

"I was meant to die, and I _chose_ to die," Rin said gently. "You can't pay for my mistakes anymore, Obito-san. Besides..."

Rin trailed off, glancing at Obito-kun and smiling fondly. "Obito-kun is right, you know? I know you'll always love me, and I'll always love you. But I will never be _in_ love with you Obito-san, just like you aren't _in_ love with me now."

Obito-san's eyes widened. "No. That's not true. That's not true at all, Rin-chan, I - "

She raised her hand, cupping his cheek and smiling softly. "Obito-san, would I lie to you?"

"No, but I - "

"Then why are you denying this?" Rin asked quietly.

"'Cause he's an idiot," Obito-kun declared. Rin giggled again, using her other hand to cover her mouth.

"There's nothing to deny," Obito-san said firmly. "I'm only in love with you, Rin-chan. I only... I only _like_ Mia."

"Is that your final choice?" Rin asked.

"Yes."

"Obito-san, you're a horrible liar," Rin said, lifting her hand away from his cheek and placing it on his head, "but that's okay. You regret my death, I know. But whose death would you regret the most now, I wonder?"

Obito-san's brow furrowed. "What...?"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 5, Evening, Sakura, Deidara & Sasori**

"Ah, so it's you guys who chose to come this way," a young woman purred. "I was hoping it'd be you. My babies have been itching to play with such strapping young men."

Sakura's eyes narrowed dangerously and she positioned herself in front of Sasori. "Oh. _Hell_. No. Bitch, you're _mine_. Dibs on this one. I want her body as my latest puppet."

"It's all yours, Sakura," Sasori said smoothly, hopping off of Deidara's bird. Deidara grinned and did the same.

"Here, Sakura, use my bird, un," Deidara offered.

Sakura smiled brightly at both them before hopping on top of the bird. She pulled out a red scroll and unraveled it. In a puff of smoke, three puppets appeared. A puppet of a deformed bird, a scorpion and a snake.

The scorpion was the bulkiest, comprised hardened, black, chakra metal. It clattered when it moved, its red eyes glowing and the tip of its tail dripping with some sort of red liquid. The snake was the longest, entirely wooden, dyed to a dark purple. It wasn't the strongest, but it was the most flexible. Small – toothpick small – spikes covered every centimeter of its form, the exception being the underside. The toothpicks were pricked with acidic poisons – acidic only when it came into contact with flesh. The bird was smallest, roughly the same size as Sakura herself. It was wooden underneath, but red feathers covered every inch of its form. It was the fastest.

"One touch of my poison and your precious pets are history," Sakura cooed, hopping up onto Deidara's bird.

The woman sneered. "That's _if_ you can catch them."

Sakura's fingers twitched and the snake darted forward, opening its mouth and letting out a spray of acid at the summoned beasts. The beasts leapt up into the air, and the bird dove for them.

Unable to dodge in mid-air, the bird's claws scraped across both their faces, more specifically, their eyes. The beasts howled in pain, falling down the ground where the snake sprayed even more acid on them.

"My servants... How dare you?!" the woman snarled. "Come my servants!" The woman slammed her palms together and in a puff of smoke another beast appeared beneath her. Before Sakura could even process what kind of creature it was, the woman called out, "Chimera no Jutsu!"

Sakura blinked in surprise when she found that the woman had merged with her newly summoned beast, the upper half of her body sticking out from the top of the turtle's head. She held out a whip, a bloodthirsty gleam in her eyes. "Now comes the fun part."

"Oh, _please_ ," Sakura said, rolling her eyes. She guided Deidara's bird to circle around the woman.

Sakura's bird puppet dove down to the woman and the woman laughed. "Give me a break!"

She swung her whip, but stopped short and glanced back to find that the scorpion had wrapped its tail around it, stopping it. She sneered and was forced to release her whip, so she could dodge the bird's attack.

"It's over for you," Sakura said, smiling pleasantly. Her snake puppet darted around the turtle, wrapping around and digging its poisoned spikes into it. "With that body, you're too slow to keep up with me."

The woman glared up at Sakura. "Hmph! I don't need to be fast to – "

Her eyes widened, her mouth opening into a small little _o._ The scorpion had dug its tail through her chest from her back.

"Bye-bye," Sakura sung, jumping off from the bird and swinging down a leg. She connected her leg as hard as she could against the woman's head, effectively decapitating her.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**?, ?, ?**

He only needed the Kyuubi.

The one inside of Naruto.

Mia didn't like it. Naruto was her son. But she couldn't hurt him. She wouldn't hurt him. She loved him fiercely, and she loved Naruto just as fiercely. She wouldn't voice the attack or the betrayal, so wrapped up in her own guilt.

She was supposed to be on the sidelines, far, far away from the battlegrounds.

He was almost complete in his endeavour. Naruto was on his knees, his clothes torn and bloody. He was out of breath and at the brink of exhaustion. Their army had fallen, unsurprisingly.

He was running. Sprinting, even, towards the Kyuubi. He just needed it, he just needed a _tiny_ bit of it and then it would be all over. The genjutsu would come to life and the world would become safe. He could finally be happy.

He really wanted to be happy.

His hand jabbed out towards Naruto, his fingers pointed.

But there was something in his way.

It was soft. Easily breakable. It shattered underneath his force and he sliced through it with ease.

Too much ease.

He saw.

He saw what he stabbed through.

It was... it was... Rin?

He was Kakashi now. The Chidori flaring to life from his right hand. The rain pelted hard against him. Rin was staring at him with those wide, dimming eyes. She croaked out Kakashi's name and then the scene shifted and he was Tobi again.

It wasn't Rin.

There was no Chidori crackling to life.

There was no shock, wide eyes.

There were soft eyes.

Eyes that loved and hurt.

And there was blood.

Lots of blood.

His breathing was becoming harder, more labored. He realized what had happened. He yanked his _redredred_ hand out of _her_ chest and he caught her as she fell. She was choking on her own blood, her eyes growing more and more lifeless.

"No," he whispered. "No, no. _No, no!_ "

He was rocking back and forth, cradling her. Not again. No. No. Not her. Not _her_. Anyone... _anyone,_ but her. Not... Not...

" _No!_ " he screamed, his sight blurring. "Not you. Oh, _God_ , Mia, please. Not _you_. Please don't leave me. _Please don't leave me_."

"Kaa-chan?" Naruto whispered, his voice cracked. "Kaa-chan, please...?"

"Please don't leave me," he moaned, pressing his forehead against hers. "Mia, _please_..."

"Kaa-chan... Kaa-chan, no... you... _she trusted you!_ "

He shook his head, grief tearing into him. It wasn't fair. Not her. _Anyone,_ but her.

He - he - he just -

"Please, Mia," Obito whispered. "Not you. I need you."

With a gasp, Obito shot up from his bed, his eyes wide and breath coming into a heaving pant. Sweat dotted his brow and he had to blink several times from the disorientation.

" **Tobi?** We have news for you."

Obito swallowed roughly. "Yes?"

" **We know where X is.** "

_But whose death would you regret the most now, I wonder?_

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 5, Evening, Naruto & Sasuke**

Naruto stared down at Hiruko's body.

Hiruko was planning to steal all the kekkai genkai's for himself. His plan wasn't supposed to come into motion for several more months. He wasn't ready. He was weak.

Sasuke stood next to Naruto, staring down at the body, as well.

Naruto swallowed roughly. "He didn't... he didn't even know about Kaa-chan."

Sasuke did not respond.

"She... She's not here, is she?"

Sasuke closed his eyes and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. He kept them closed, even as Naruto's bowed his head and his body trembled.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 6, Night, Obito's POV**

He appeared, his feet touching on the grass as his eyes scanned over the village. But something in his peripheral vision caught his eye, and he turned his head and... there she was.

Mia.

Just standing there, overlooking the village.

He staggered.

 _She's safe,_ Obito thought. _She's... she's not hurt. She's_ alive _and she's..._

_I almost lost her._

_I almost lost_ any _chance I had with her..._

 _We could have been happy._ I _could have been happy._

And then she noticed him and he saw her eyes and his mind went blank.

_I almost forgot how green they are._

Obito started moving to her, slowly at first, but then began to pick up speed.

_She could have been dead._

He was starting to take off his mask.

_She could have been broken beyond repair._

He threw it off the side.

_And she never would have known - she - she would have been like Rin._

He tackled Mia to the ground.

_She could have died without knowing anything about how I -_

... _about how much I'm stubbornly, idiotically, stupidly in love with her._

_Damn it, Mia. What did you do to me?_

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 6, Night, Mia's First Person POV**

"I'm going to go ahead and grab some dinner," X said, staring out at the village from a hilltop. "Want anything?"

I glanced over at the rising moon, and frowned thoughtfully. "Sure. Bring it back up here. It's too nice to _not_ eat here. I'll have whatever you're having."

"Sure thing, sweetie," X said easily, flickering down the hill and entering the village. I watched him leave until he was out of sight before I gave a wide smile and stretched my arms above my shoulder. The next mission wouldn't take place for a while longer (as our target, who was supposed to be resting in this village on their trip hadn't arrived yet), and we had time to kill.

I idly adjusted my kimono and took off my shoes, standing in the soft grass bare-footed.

And that's when I noticed him.

One moment he wasn't there, and the next he was.

He stood there, staring at me and my eyes widened.

"Tobi?" I asked hesitantly, frowning slightly.

He took a step towards me, moving almost robotically. And then he was sprinting towards me, running across the hill and throwing his mask off. And before I could even react to the fact that he took his mask off in public, his lips were on mine and he had tackled me into the ground.

My mind went blank as my heart thudded and my stomach flip-flopped. Every inch of my body was singing praises and I felt kind of tingly. All I could think of at that moment was that _Tobi was kissing me_.

Fiercely, too, might I add. His lips pressed down on me and one hand ran through my hair while the other trailed further down. It took me several moments to finally finish processing what the _hell_ was happening before I all too happily closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck.

Far too quickly for my liking, he pulled back, his cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling. He straddled me and bent down for another kiss, this one more gentle and quick. He rested his forehead against mine, his nose brushing against mine. Softly, he said, "I found you."

"I am _very_ glad you did," I said, dazed.

He smiled at me and kissed me again. His left hand cupped my cheek, his thumb brushing gently under my eye. "Do you..." he kissed me again. "... have any..." again, he kissed me, " _idea_ how much trouble this has been?"

"I take it the good kind of trouble?" I asked, still bewildered.

Tobi shook his head, looking almost bemused.

"So, uh... can I ask what brought this on?" I asked hopefully. "I have to say I _really_ like this treatment and want a repeat. Multiple repeats. _Many_ multiple repeats."

He gave a strained chuckle. "I just... I really thought I lost you there, Mia. And I started thinking... Mia... there's so much I still don't know about you. And there's _so much_ I want to experience with you. Just you. And... And I don't know."

"So... so does this mean we're...?" I looked up with hope.

Tobi closed his eyes, moving down to kiss the bottom of my jaw. "What do you think?"

I bit my lip, my heart fluttering. "Don't mess with me like this, Obito. I swear if you're going to back down..."

"No. I'm not running away from you anymore. I don't want to risk losing you like I almost did, and I don't want to chance not giving _us_ a try."

My heart was pounding loudly in my head as Tobi looked up at me, catching my eyes with his. "Mia, will you join me tonight on a date?"

Unable to properly form coherent words, I only nodded my head, brought my arms around Tobi and pulled him in for another kiss.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 5, Evening, Hidan & Kakuzu**

"Fuck!" was the only word Hidan could say before he blew up.

Kakuzu, who had hardened his skin in time and thus became invulnerable, stared blankly at his partner. He calmly watched as Hidan started to howl every single curse he knew, before he finally decided to look up. A man on some sort of bat summon was grinning down at them.

"I guess my aim wasn't good enough," the man said.

Kakuzu stared blankly at him, before he glanced down at Hidan who had lost his head, his right arm, and both his legs. "... No. It was. Hidan is just... very difficult to kill. Trust me. I know. I've tried."

His threads slowly came out of his arm, and Kakuzu guided his threads to Hidan's severed body parts. He began to stitch his partner back together while the flying man frowned at them.

"Immortal? That's going to be annoying."

"You have _no_ idea how annoying this immortal is," Kakuzu muttered darkly.

Hidan, now back together, glared furiously up at the flying man. "What the hell, you fucking shit-face?! What the hell are you _wearing_? Oh, Jashin, are you one of those weird bondage people?"

"Says the S&M freak," Kakuzu muttered.

Hidan sneered at him. "You're only defending him because you're into that weird shit, too!"

Kakuzu slammed his fist against Hidan's cheek, knocking off the immortal's head. "I think I'll do this fight on my own. Now shut up."

"Oi! Kakuzu! The hell man?! Put me back together. Hey. _Hey!_ "

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 6, Night, Mia's First Person POV**

"What the hell? Get your own fake-time-travelling wife," X said with an accusing tone. Tobi's face was currently buried in my neck, and he didn't respond when X moved to stand above us. I looked up at X, retracting my right arm from around Tobi to wiggle my fingers in hello.

"I want a divorce," I told X seriously.

X gave a small whine. "But I'm such a catch."

"I know. But my heart belongs to another. It's been fun."

"X," Tobi mumbled into my neck, tickling me in the process, "I'm in a good mood at the moment. And it was because of your interveinal that Mia never had to deal with Kabuto."

"Kabuto? I thought you killed him," I said, my eyes narrowing.

Somehow sensing danger, Tobi kissed my neck, "Later, Mia."

"Don't think I'll let this slide, Tobi," I threatened darkly, but I don't think he was all that intimidated when he tickled me again and I giggled.

"So I'll let you get a nice head start. Because tomorrow morning, when I'm done here, _I will hunt you down and break both your legs_."

X snorted. "Whatever. I can take the hint. Until next time, Mia."

"Later, X. Thanks for kidnapping me and please do it again!"

"Don't do it again," Tobi muttered.

"I'll do it again," X promised before he flickered away.

Tobi pulled away from me, still sitting on me and smiling mischievously. "Shall we take this some place else?"

"Where?" I asked, as Tobi rolled off me. "Oh. You mean back to Konoha. Yeah, you're probably right. We should head back - if the others are anywhere near as worried as you were, it would be for the best."

Tobi shook his head standing up and picking me up. "Mm... Nah. Let them worry. Tonight, I want you all to myself."

"What? Then where are we going?"

"You'll see."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 5, Evening, Jiraiya & Kisame**

Kisame and Jiraiya stared at the pile of mush.

Because that's all that was left of their opponent.

Mush.

Gooey, gooey, burning, mush.

"We're just too much to handle, I guess," Jiraiya sighed.

"First we blow up the bar, and now we blow this guy up," Kisame said, shaking his head. "Oh, well. It was fun."

"Yeah," Jiraiya agreed. "Surprisingly... it was. Always a pleasure, Big Blue."

"Same to you, Big White. Let's go catch up with the others now and rescue Mia."

"Sounds good."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Day 5, Evening, Kakuzu & Hidan**

Kakuzu squashed the heart in his hands. "... Tt. Not even worth replacing. Let's go, Hidan."

"Fucking put me back together, then!"

"What? I can't hear you. I guess I'll just see you there," Kakuzu said, walking away.

"Hey! _Hey!_ Come back here. JASHIN DAMN IT KAKUZU! FUCKING PUT ME BACK TOGETHER YOU PIECE OF SHIT! _"_

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

_I drew a scene from this chapter - in my deviantART gallery, as per usual. HMM... You know.. this kind of signifies that the story is coming closer to an end._

_**Answer:** _ _First, Harry Potter, then Naruto, then Pokemon. Because after Naruto, I will NEED that extra fluff._

_**Question:**_ _Oh no! Your top ten favorite characters OF ALL TIME have turned into kittens and invaded your home. Only you can turn them back to their original self with a hug and hot water. Who are they?_

_Reviews are_ _**love** _ _!_

_**BONUS OMAKE BECAUSE I'M NOT UPDATING 'TIL AFTER FINALS / MAYBE UNTIL AFTER NEW YEARS. SO HERE YOU GO. ENJOY THE CRACKY FLUFF.** _

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Come on, Tsunade-sama snap out of it," Shizune pleaded.

"Is something wrong?" Gai asked, entering the Hokage office. He blinked in surprise when he found none other than Tsunade curled up under a blanket, her head resting on the table as a blue gloom loomed above her. Shizune stood in front of her, fretting over her.

"Just look," Shizune said, gesturing to her.

Gai gasped. "What's the matter, Tsunade-sama?!"

"It's so cold..."

"Well, a cold front's coming through," Shizune murmured.

Tsunade sighed. "I've been cooped up in here thinking about how cold my wallet will feel until payday, and how I've wasted my life amassing debt upon debt, and it's left my heart cold and depressed. I don't even wanna move until it warms up."

Sasori and Deidara stood just outside the door, exchanging the glances. As the Akatsuki ambassadors for Konoha, they had to visit the Hokage regularly for reports and meetings, and they had tagged along with Gai for their visit today.

"Oi, oi," Deidara said, frowning as he entered the room, "a Hokage isn't supposed to be so down, un."

Sasori scoffed. "It's bad moral for the village."

Gai nodded in agreement. "That's right! We'll just have to come up with a way to unthaw your heart, Tsunade-sama."

Tsunade sighed. "You can try."

"Maybe an art show, un," Deidara suggested.

Sasori sneered, "As if _your_ art is good enough – "

"That's it!" Gai shouted. "I know just what to do!"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Mia fretted over Naruto, pulling his scarf tighter around his neck. "Are you sure you don't need mittens? I have an extra set."

" _Kaa-chan_ ," Naruto whined. "You're embarrassing me."

Sasuke smirked. "Please. You embarrass yourself all the time."

"Mia-chan, leave the poor boy alone," Tobi sighed. Naruto looked triumphant as Tobi slowly pulled Mia away from Naruto and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

Sakura giggled at the display. "Besides, Naruto's head so filled with hot air, he'll have no trouble staying warm."

Naruto shot her a nasty glare and Sasuke smirked at her.

"There you are."

The five glanced up to see Sasori heading towards them. Sakura's eyes lit up and she hurried forward. "Sasori-sensei!"

Sasori frowned at her. "Sakura-chan, why aren't you wearing any gloves? And where's your scarf? You'll catch a cold."

Sakura flushed. "Sorry."

"Here, sweetie, I have an extra set," Mia offered, producing a pair of pink mittens.

Naruto looked horrified. "You were going to make me wear _those_?"

"Hinata-chan made them for me," Mia said brightly.

"Oh, well, if Hina-chan made them..." Naruto trailed off, smiling.

"Down boy, down," Sasuke snorted, hitting him over the head.

Sakura slipped on the mittens. "What's up, Sasori-sensei?"

"We're all going down to training grounds six," Sasori said patiently. "And yes, you _have_ to go."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"... And that's why we're holding a snow sculpting contest!" Gai exclaimed.

"Well, it certainly seems like fun," Iruka said brightly.

"Hmph. Ice-sculpting isn't real art, but it'll have to do, un," Deidara said, sharing a glance with Ino. Ino smirked.

"Exactly. But if it's for Tsunade-sama..."

"And it beats grading papers," Iruka said.

Shikamaru sighed. "I don't know, this whole thing seems troublesome."

Sasuke snorted. " _Everything_ is too troublesome for you."

Sasori and Sakura chuckled at that.

Naruto smiled at Hinata and she blushed brightly. "What do you think, Hinata-chan?"

"I-I think it sounds like fun."

"Yosh! Make a splendid sculpture that will warm Tsunade-sama's heart," Gai continued.

"It's too cold for all this hopped-up hype," Tsunade muttered, looking away coldly. "Just get on with it."

A cold wind blew through everyone.

"Tsunade-sama's eyes show that she's not expecting anything good. What a cold gaze," Lee said, frowning.

"It's so cold, it physically froze us," Tenten added.

"I'm starting to regret not wearing those mittens," Naruto muttered.

Mia huddled closer to Tobi, her brow furrowed. "I think I should have brought an extra scarf."

"Mia-cha can share this one with Tobi," Tobi said slyly.

Naruto glared at both of them before pointedly stepping in and hugging Mia. He stuck his tongue out at Tobi.

"Hinata-chan," Tobi whined.

Hinata gave Naruto a shy smile. "N-Naruto-kun, d-do you want t-to share your scarf with me?"

Naruto beamed and rushed over to her, only for Neji to incapacitate him with his 64-Palm Rotation. Neji glared at him. "Denied!

"Maybe this snow-sculpting thing wasn't such a good idea," Tenten murmured.

"Looks like you all aren't motivated enough," Gai observed. "Then I'll have to come up with a prize that'll light fires under all your rear-ends!"

Naruto snorted, picking himself back up. "Meh, it's just gonna be some lame coupon or a day off."

"No, no, no, it's much more romantic than that," Gai said, a gleam in his eyes. "... A _kiss_."

"... Huh?" Mia deadpanned.

"The winner of this contest will earn the right to kiss whomever they want!" Gai exclaimed.

Silence fell throughout the clearing, until –

"That's ridiculous," Tenten shrieked.

"Wait! Do you mean a protected kiss?" Naruto demanded desperately. "As in, no insanely overprotective family member can cockblock you?!"

Neji gasped as Gai nodded his head. Naruto and Hinata exchanged excited glances. Neji looked despairingly at Hinata.

"A-And it can be with anyone?" Iruka asked, looking shyly over at Mia. Mia, who didn't notice this, was too busy giggling at the entire situation, while Tobi, who _did_ , glared darkly at Iruka.

" _Anyone_ ," Gai said.

"Even if it costs me my life, I'll win this contest and kiss Sakura!" Lee exclaimed.

" _What,_ " Sasori deadpanned and Sakura cringed. "No one is kissing my student!"

Sakura's eyes widened and she stole a glance at Sasori. "... _Anyone_ , huh?"

Sasori, who definitely didn't notice this, started to pull out several poisoned needles. Deidara rubbed the back of his head and Ino's eyes took a fire to them. Ino declared, "I'm all for this!"

Meanwhile, an entire group of fangirls were squealing over being able to kiss Sasuke. Sasuke shuddered. "Oh, _****_."

"This is going to be fun," Mia chirped, looking slyly over at Tobi. Tobi gave her a sheepish look, before continuing to glare darkly at Iruka.

Gai stood up on the stage, shouting into a megaphone. "Who wants to go all the way to the top?!"

"Me!" shouted Naruto, Hinata, Lee, Ino, Sakura, Mia, and Iruka.

" _No_!" exclaimed Sasori, Tobi, Neji, and Sasuke.

"Who wants a kiss?!"

"Me!"

" _No!_ "

"Then _start!_ "

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"With their minds a torrent of emotion," narrated Shizune as she, Tsunade and Tenten sat at the judging table, "the contestants begin working!"

"Let your youthful passions guide you!" Gai exclaimed.

"No way in hell," Sasori snarled.

Tobi muttered darkly under his breath. "That cheeky Iruka... shoulda' killed him when I had the chance."

"Hehe, this is so much fun," Mia giggled, as Kakashi assisted her in building her sculpture. He wasn't actually in the contest, but seeing how Mia had the disadvantage of not being able to sculpt as quickly as the others (as they could sculpt with their chakra), he decided to help out.

Kakashi gave her an eye-smile. "Mn. I used to build snowmen with my Tou-san, you know."

Mia gave a surprised look. "I didn't know that. I did, too!"

"Hehehe," Naruto giggled, "Hina-chan, prepare yourself!"

"I'm so going to win this," Ino said smugly, "Deidara-sensei's taught me all about sculpting."

Sakura snorted. "Please. Sasori-sensei is the superior artist, so I'm bound to win this thing."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Done!" Sakura called out, just as Ino did.

Sakura's sculpture was that of Sasori, and Ino's sculpture was that of Deidara. Ony Sakura's sculpture had Sasori standing over a beaten-up Deidara, and Ino's sculpture had Deidara standing over a blown-up Sasori.

The two girls were glaring furiously at each other.

Sakura huffed. "As if Sasori-sensei would lose to your girly sensei!"

"As if Deidara-sensei would lose to your doll sensei!"

"Sakura and Ino's piece sends shivers up from my spine," Tenten observed, sweatdropping. "You can almost taste how much they both want their sensei's to be the superior."

"What's your take, Tsunade-sama?"

Tsunade stared at the sculptures for a moment before looking away. "That's just what they want to happen."

"Your passion just wasn't enough – this piece didn't resonate with Tsunade-sama," Gai declared. "You fail!"

"Done!" Neji shouted.

Neji's sculpture was that of him in a swimsuit, wearing a summer hat and eating a popsicle. "Nothing's hotter than summer! Here's a summer scene with the sun bearing down and the sweat pouring out!"

"Another straightforward sentiment," Tenten sighed.

"Tsunade-sama?" Shizune asked.

Tsunade looked away again. "He's just begging for attention."

Neji flinched, as if struck. Gai added, "Making the scene out of snow just amplified the cold. You fail!"

"Ah, it looks like Hinata's just finished. What could it be?" Shizune narrated.

Hinata stood in front of a covered snow sculpture, looking politely away. She murmured, "Think about it. If you don't truly understand the other person, you can never hope to warm up their heart."

"Good point," Tsunade allowed.

Tenten winked. "Of course, we all know who this'll be a sculpture of."

Hinata unveiled the sculpture, and it was of a giant bouquet of origami flowers. Hinata beamed up at it, and the Akatsuki members exchanged knowing glances. It was a nod off to Hinata's sensei, Konan, who loved making bouquets of origami flowers.

"Ah, flowers, but origami flowers?" Tenten said, frowning in confusion.

"Mmn," Hinata said, giving a secret smile. "They hold a precious meaning to me, and warm my heart when I think of them."

"But it's incomprehensible to the rest of us," Tsunade muttered.

"You fail, too!" Gai declared.

"Then I guess it's my turn," Iruka said, standing next to a veiled sculpture.

"Oh, no," Tobi deadpanned, moving closer to the sculpture, "I think I'm going to sneeze."

Tobi "sneezed" a Great Fireball at Iruka's sculpture, melting it almost instantly.

"Whoopsie. Tobi's bad," Tobi sung, turning away. "Tobi's turn, now!"

Iruka glared at him, his hands moving into hand seals before he released a small fireball at Tobi's sculpture. Tobi whirled around on, his Sharingan whirling to life. " _You_ _cheeky, little..._ "

"Uh, Mia, un..." Deidara trailed off.

Mia sighed, grabbing Tobi's hand and towing him away. "Come on, you, you know you're not allowed to murder any Konoha shinobi."

Tobi grumbled under his breath, "Then I just won't get caught."

"My turn!" Lee exclaimed, gesturing to his sculpture of Gai.

"No," Tsunade said flatly.

Sasori hummed. "Then perhaps it's my turn."

Sasori gestured to an intricate design of _ice_ , looping around each other in an abstract way. He had positioned it so that way when the sun caught it, the edges gleamed rainbow.

"Wow, how pretty," Tenten cooed.

"Tsunade-sama...?"

Tsunade gave a short nod. "... It's alright."

Sasori glared at her. " _Alright_? It's not a real work of art – it's not eternal – but it's more than _alright_."

"I think it looks wonderful, Sasori-sensei," Sakura said loyally. Sasori sniffed.

"At least someone other than myself has _true_ tastes in art," Sasori said pointedly.

Ino glared at him, before she grabbed a paper bomb and threw it at his sculpture. Deidara laughed with her when it blew up. Sasori and Sakura turned on them, both pulling out puppets.

Mia and Tobi had returned, Tobi looking much more calm, with his scarf wrapped around both himself and Mia. Mia waved at Kakashi and he moved to stand beside her.

"This outta be good," Tobi commented.

Kakashi sighed and Mia giggled.

"Bring it on, pig," Sakura snarled.

"Any time, _amateur,_ "

" _NOT IN MY VILLAGE_ ," Tsunade roared, deftly punching them all out of Konoha. Glaring furiously at everyone, she bit out, " _Next_."

"That would be me," Naruto said, gesturing to his. "Or, well, _us_. Sasuke and I teamed up for this."

It was a sculpture of Tsunade playing poker with Jiraiya, Anko and Mia. Tsunade and Mia were losing badly (as per usual), with Tobi trying to comfort Mia, Jiraiya making lewd faces at Tsunade, and Kakashi standing in the back, just sighing and reading his porn. Sasuke was hiding behind Naruto from Anko, who was trying to persuade him that Itachi was really a girl, and Naruto was hiding behind Kakashi.

Tsunade stared at the sculpture.

"Well, things may seem kind of cold now," Naruto said, shrugging, "but they haven't always been cold, right? And they won't always be cold. I just thought we could sculpt a happy moment. I mean, I know _I_ had a lot of fun at game night."

Tsunade stared at the sculpture another moment before she smiled softly. "Hm. I guess we have our winners."

"Alright!" Gai crowd.

"No!" Neji cried out in despair.

Naruto clapped his hands with glee and rushed over to Hinata, quickly giving her a kiss on the cheek.

" _Naruto, I'm going to kill you!_ " Neji snarled, and Naruto laughed, already sprinting away.

"Ha! You'll never catch me," Naruto howled with laughter.

The fangirls squealed at Sasuke and he just rolled his eyes and moved to Mia. He kissed her cheek. "There. Thanks for whatever, Kaa-chan."

Mia cooed and kissed the top of his head. "Aww. I love you, too, Sasuke-chan."

"N-Neji-nii-san, please don't kill Naruto-kun," Hinata called after her overprotective cousin, chasing after the two.

"Well, it looks like a happy ending for most people today," Kakahi laminated. "Although, I wonder when the artist quartet will be back. Team 7 was supposed to go out on a mission this evening and we can't exactly do that if Sakura's not here."

"They'll be back eventually," Tobi reasoned, "but I wouldn't plan on leaving for the mission on time."

"Probably not," Kakashi sighed.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**


	31. Part III - Reunions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture by Lammington on deviantART

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I pulled Obito's shirt over me, tugging it down. I lifted my hair out of it, tossing it back and brushing a stray bang away from my face. Obito walked back into the room, rubbing the towel over his wet hair and raising an eyebrow at me. "You stole my shirt."

"You ruined my kimono," I retorted, gesturing to the poor thing. "I can't wear it when I go back home. Besides, you have your cloak. You can survive going shirtless for a bit. I, however, _cannot_."

"Is that why you have my pants, too?" Obito asked dryly.

"Again: you have your cloak."

Obito rolled his eyes. "I take a shower and you steal my clothes. I'm pretty sure that's some form of bullying."

"Hey," I defended, "you _gave_ me your shirt last night to wear after you ruined my clothes."

"I didn't mean for you to steal it indefinitely. Or my pants."

I sat on the large, king-sized bed and reached over. Gripping Obito's Akatsuki cloak, I tossed it towards him. Obito gave a snort, pulling it on. "Fine. Be that way."

"You can change when we get back home," I retorted. "I did laundry before I left for the mission, so your clothes should be folded and put away in your drawer."

Obito waved his hand in a dismissive manner. "Fine, fine. Are you ready to go?"

A smile lit up my face. "Yep. Do we check out or...?"

Obito cocked his head. "That probably wouldn't be a good idea. Technically, they don't even know we're in this suit."

My smile slipped a moment before I snorted. "You mean we actually snuck in? That's illegal. Shame on you."

"You know me. Oh so shameful," Obito said sardonically. I rolled my eyes and stood up from the bed. Obito grinned at me, looming over me. He stared at me for several seconds, hesitating, and then he placed a soft kiss over my lips. It was tentative, as if he wasn't quite sure he should even be doing it in the first place.

 _I'll have to work on that,_ I thought.

"Now come on, let's get you home. As you know, last night I had Zetsu go out and tell everyone you would be home today, this morning. I'd hate to make a liar out of him."

I leaned against him, resting my head on his chest and wrapping my arms around his waist loosely. "Then what are we waiting for?"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Home was empty when we entered it, and I went off to the kitchen while Obito went into my - our - room to change. Humming, I opened the fridge - pleased to find it fully stocked - and I started to pull out ingredients. I had a pretty good feeling that Naruto would be famished when he came home. And I needed something to distract myself, waiting for them.

" _It's beginning to look a lot like this raid isn't going to happen. Murphy's law toda-ay. Our DPS is a clown. We can't get this boss down and I think our stupid warlock's AFK,_ " I started to sing, turning on the stove and setting the oven to the appropriate temperature. I began to pull out numerous ingredients, setting them across the counter.

Obito entered the kitchen. "Need any help?"

"If you want," I said. "Can you start cutting the meat?"

"Yes, ma'am," Obito said.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I was about finished when I heard the door open. It creaked, the sound seeming to echo across the home. I looked up anxiously, pausing in my work. Obito placed a hand on my shoulder. "Go on. I'll finish up."

Scarcely having time to respond, I ran out into the living room, finding a tired Naruto standing in the center of it.

"Okaerinasai," I whispered.

His head snapped around, eyes widening and bottom lip trembling. He staggered towards me for a moment before he slammed into me, knocking me to the ground and squeezing the life out of me. "Kaa-chan!"

My arms snaked around my son and I ran my fingers through his dirty hair. I cooed softly, "Hush, I'm here. It's okay."

Naruto was trembling. "Kaa-chan... Kaa-chan..."

I stroked his back, my vision blurring and I was struggling to keep my tone even. "It's okay, Naruto-chan. I'm here. I'm right here."

"You had us worried."

I glanced up, and Sakura had entered the room, along with Sasuke, Kakashi, Jiraiya, and Anko.

"H-Hey," I whispered, my voice wavering. Sakura sniffled and then ran towards us, tackling into us. Anko followed after her, grinning widely, and wrapping her arms around us. Sasuke sat next to us, refusing to meet anyone's eyes and Kakashi and Jiraiya sat around us, as well. "S-Sorry I was gone so long, guys. S-Sorry..."

Naruto just shook his head, squeezing me more tightly.

"You're an idiot for this," Sakura told me, resting her head on my shoulder. "What were you thinking? What happened to you?"

"I didn't _mean_ to get kidnapped," I insisted. "I just - some guy, I don't know who - just whisked me away. One minute I'm sleeping peacefully, the very next I'm in the snowy-part of the Land of Spring!"

Kakashi's only visible eye widened. "Land of Spring?"

I nodded my head. "I know, right? I met X there (who was originally planning on kidnapping me, but this guy beat him to it) and he helped me out (food, water, shelter, etc) in exchange for helping him. Then Tobi found me and brought me home and... and viola."

Sasuke gave a sigh, leaning back and resting his head on my other shoulder. Meanwhile, Jiraiya pulled out a tissue and started wiping away at my eyes. "Your hands are full, so I'll help you out here."

"Thanks," I said roughly, sniffling.

"Dinner's ready," Obito sung, switching into his Tobi persona. "Ah... Naruto, do you mind getting off Tobi's Mia?"

Naruto shook his head stubbornly.

"Sweetie, we're going to have to eat," I said patiently. "And you need a shower. Badly. All of you do, actually. S-So we're going to eat, and then everyone is going to take a shower, then we're coming back here and we'll just have a movie-marathon. Does that sound acceptable?"

Naruto just hugged me tighter.

Jiraiya snickered, grabbing his godson and lifting him up. However, he underestimated Naruto's hold on me and he ended up lifting me up, as well. "Come on, boy. Let's eat."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"What is this? A welcoming party?" I asked, raising an eyebrow to find Kisame now ducking into the room. His grin was wide, his sharp teeth gleaming.

"Yo, Mia," Kisame said.

Deidara entered behind him, and Kisame took a seat on the couch next to me. Sasori was next, followed by Hidan and Kakuzu. Kisame ruffled my hair and I laughed, leaning forward on the couch and hugging him tightly.

"I don't suppose you'd mind explaining what the hell happened, un?" Deidara asked, sitting down on the other side of me. "Zetsu just told us you would be here, so we came over."

Hidan rolled his eyes. "So where the fuck _is_ Tobi? I thought he'd be all over your ass."

"Tobi doesn't like how Hidan's speaking," Tobi pouted, skipping into the living room. "H-Hey! W-Wait a minute! Now where's Tobi supposed to sit?!"

"The floor, un," Deidara dismissed.

Kisame patted my back, when I finally pulled away and I fist-bumped with Deidara and Hidan. "Naruto and the others are showering and whatnot. They'll be back and then we're having a movie-marathon. You guys in?"

"Depends on the movies," Kisame said.

Kakuzu shook his head. "I'm just here to hand you the monthly reports for the Akatsuki. You'll need to return to Amegakure soon enough for the meetings. Let's go, Hidan."

Hidan sneered. "Fuck you, Kakuzu. Don't think I've forgiven you for what you fucking did back there! _Bastard_. Leaving me in pieces... I'll stick with the Advisor, _thank you_."

"If we're doing a marathon, I better tell Ino. She'll probably want to come over, un," Deidara said thoughtfully, standing up.

"While you're out - mind telling Hinata-chan, too?" I asked. "You remember where the Hyuugas live, right?"

Deidara waved his hand in a dismissive manner, already heading out. "We got enough popcorn and drinks, un?"

I glanced at Tobi. Tobi hesitated. "... Tobi thinks we need more drinks."

"I'll get them," Sasori said. "I take it Sakura is at her home?"

Nodding my head, I stretched. Sasori tilted his head in dismissive manner before heading out after Deidara.

"What movies _are_ we watching?" Kisame asked.

I shrugged. "We can decide when everyone gets here."

"Yosh! I'm ready," Naruto declared, entering the living room. "Eh? What are you guys doin' here?"

"Yo, Big Yellow," Kisame said, grinning widely. Naruto's face split up into a gleeful grin and he fist-bumped with Kisame. Kisame moved over so Naruto could sit in between us.

"Hey, Big Blue," Naruto greeted. "You stayin'?"

"Guess I am," Kisame said.

"I guess I better start getting the blankets and pillows out," I said, standing up.

"Tobi will help!" Tobi said quickly

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Everyone good now?" Anko asked, hitting the remote causing the DVD player to close, the disc inside. "Is someone sitting in between Tobi and Mia?"

"No, why?" I asked curiously, leaning into Tobi. Naruto was leaning into me, and Hinata was leaning into him. The four of us were on the couch, underneath one of the lighter blankets.

"Because we don't want you guys suckin' face during the movie and distracting everyone," Anko retorted. My face flamed and Tobi gave a whine.

"That's not fair!" Tobi whined as I said, "We weren't going to!"

"We weren't?" Tobi asked me.

"I assumed you wanted to keep your mask on. I'm not making out with a mask."

"Fair enough."

The others laughed.

Naruto, however, just gave Tobi a warning glare. "Break her heart. I'll kill you."

Jiraiya snickered. "I'll help him. Treat the mother of my child well."

"Tobi thinks that sounds wrong, somehow," Tobi said, tilting his head.

"I'll show _you_ wrong," Naruto threatened.

"If we're ready, I'll go ahead and turn off the lights," Kakashi said pointedly, flipping the switch.

"Let the movie marathon commence!" Sakura declared.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I was awoken by a poke in the cheek. I yawned widely, opening my eyes and staring around. Some people were up and stretching, some waking up (like me), and the rest were still sound asleep (namely Hidan and Jiraiya).

"Wha - "

"It's nine," Tobi whispered, "and everyone wants to grab some breakfast."

I looked down at Naruto, who was awake but still snuggled against me. "Sweetie, I need to get up now."

"Shhhh," Naruto hummed, his eyes still closed. "Hinata-chan's still asleep, too."

Hinata's bright red face (even if her eyes were still closed) told me otherwise, as she kept snuggled up against Naruto. Tobi clucked his tongue, before he substituted both of us with some pillows. Naruto opened his eyes to glare at Tobi, who didn't seem to care in the slightest.

Kisame squeezed Jiraiya's nose and the Sannin jerked away. "I'm up!"

"Let's go Big White," Kisame said, jerking his head. "We'll go ahead and reserve seats for everyone."

Jiraiya gave a yawn. "Yatta, yatta, alright."

"We'll go with you," Sakura offered, and Sasori nodded his head. The four of them left the apartment while Ino and Deidara started to wake Hidan up.

Sasuke re-entered the living room (I wasn't quite sure where he had gone in the first place). "Oi, Naruto, get up. After breakfast, Tsunade-sama wants us on another mission."

"So soon?" I asked.

"Probably just as well, un," Deidara said. "Remember, Mia, you need to come back to Amegakure for the meeting."

I sighed and Naruto rolled his eyes, yawning. " _Ttt_. Whatever."

"Tobi and Mia will head out to the restaurant now," Tobi said, taking my hand. "Later~"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**(Obito's POV)**

Obito glanced down, only to find Mia had fallen asleep during the latest movie. Unsurprisingly, the majority of shinobi were sound asleep (as they had been staying up late nights in search of her in the first place), all tuckered out from their endeavours.

It was weird. Conflicting, actually, to be with Mia. He wouldn't reject her anymore - he wanted her to be happy and _he_ wanted to be happy. However, after spending so many years pining for Rin, grieving for Rin, _living_ for Rin... to be with _anyone_ else was... weird.

Not bad.

Just different.

Obito turned his head back to the T.V., watching as the hero took on the serial killer with only a butter knife.

Obito loved Mia, that was true. But, he still loved Rin. He wondered if that would ever change. If he would one day stop loving Mia, or one day stop loving Rin. He didn't particularly want either of them to happen, but he also didn't think he would mind if he stopped loving Rin. At least, not as much as he would have before.

Besides... now he had to start seriously re-evaluating his life choices.

Namely... Madara's plan.

Because the one horrible thing about it, about this situation, was Mia's chakra-less body.

Which meant if the plan was complete Mia would be immune to the Genjutsu.

Meaning if the plan was complete... Obito would have to say goodbye to this Mia. To the _real_ Mia.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glorious new fanart. Thank you, TransformiceGurl!
> 
>  **Answer:** Hmmm... Madara, Hashirama, Naruto, Hinata, Nagash, Batman, Kisame (just re-watched his death, THE FEELS), Smaug, Hermione, and Deadpool.
> 
>  **Question:** Favorite author / authoress on FanFiction that does NOT write Self-Inserts? And then favorite author / authoress that writes professionally?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	32. Part III - Blind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"It's good to be back," I said, beaming. I was holding Tobi's hand and we swung our hands back and forth as the Akatsuki began to make their way to the HQ. Even Nagato and Konan left their private tower (on the other side of Amegakure) to greet us (though, Nagato still used his Deva Path).

Hidan snorted. "Just don't get kidnapped again, bitch."

"Seriously, un," Deidara agreed. "And next time, make sure that X guy sends _your_ letter."

I blushed sheepishly, ducking my head. "I didn't even think that he wouldn't."

"Which was idiotic," Sasori chimed in.

"I know, I know," I sighed.

Tobi squeezed my hand. "Tobi thinks that everyone's being too hard on Mia-chan. But, Tobi also thinks that if Mia-chan _ever_ does something so stupid, he'll have to punish her - no chocolate!"

I gasped in horror and flung myself away from Tobi and to Itachi. "Itachi- _chaaaan_ , do you see how mean he is to me?"

Itachi patted my back sympathetically. "It is definitely cruel to take away sweets."

"I'll take away _your_ sweets if you side with her," Kisame threatened. "Tobi has the right idea. Mia, shame on you for being so trusting."

With another dramatic sigh, I went back to Tobi and grabbed his arm. "Aw, come on, be gentle with me. Besides, I _totally_ stole you guys a bunch of shit."

"Oh yeah?" Hidan snorted. "And where is it?"

"... With X."

There was a collection of rolling of eyes, snorting, and exasperated looks.

Konan gave me a soft smile. "Did you at least have fun?"

"A little, yeah," I admitted.

"Shame on you, un," Deidara scolded. "You got to have fun while _we_ worried sick about you?!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't _mean_ to make you worry!"

"Sorry doesn't cut it, young lady," Kisame said, grinning widely.

"Damn," I said. "What do you want?"

Nagato (via Deva Path) shook his head. "It doesn't matter. What's done is done and you are home now. Let us focus on our plans again."

I gave a hum of agreement while the other members mumbled their own consent. I skipped ahead of the group, thankful that Nagato had canceled the rain for a bit, and reached the front door to the large building.

I placed my hand on the doorknob. "I guess I'll go ahead and bake a cake in celebration. I'm craving some blondie blast cake like no tomorrow."

And as I twisted the door knob there was a _keening_ sound and then arms were around me and we were leaping back, but not before I saw what had happened.

Fire erupted from the building, flaring up and going in all directions and my savior just wasn't fast enough to entirely escape the flames.

Because all of a sudden, with an indescribable sensation of utter _pain_ , my vision went black.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I woke up with a gasp, breathing heavily. I flexed my hands, noting my right hand was bandaged.

"Are you awake?"

"... Tobi?" I whispered.

"Hey."

"I can't see."

"Yeah."

"Why can't I see?"

"I think you know why."

I started hyperventilating.

"Shh, shh," Tobi said, and I could hear the rustle of cloth and the small squeaking of the mattress as Tobi leaned on the bed. I could feel his rough, leathered, gloved hands cup my face and his thumb brush across my cheek.

He smelled like ash.

"It's okay," he whispered softly. "It's just temporary. You're okay. You have some minor burns and your eyes will need treatment, but you're okay. I promise you."

I swallowed roughly. The sheets seemed too warm, and I squirmed under them. "... Everyone else...?"

"Hidan was severely burned, and so was Deidara. They'll be okay with treatment and Konoha is already sending a team along," Tobi whispered. "So don't worry, okay? Just focus on resting."

I managed a small smile. "I'm surprised you aren't in panic mode and super pissed. This... this was an attack, wasn't it? On the Akatsuki, I mean."

He grew silent.

At his silence, my lips started to frown.

"Obito..." I drawled, realizing something, "... this attack... you know who was behind it, don't you?"

I could hear Obito shift anxiously. "... Perhaps."

"This attack... it couldn't _possibly_ be because of a certain obsessed wanna-be that already tried to kidnap me...?"

Obito did not reply.

"You know," I said, my voice growing harder, "the one I _specifically_ said to _specifically_ kill for the _specific_ reason that he was _specifically_ not a good person and I reminded you to _specifically_ make sure he was _specifically_ dead?!"

"Now, now, Mia," Obito said hesitantly, "don't get worked up. It's all under control."

"Come here so I can hit you," I snapped. "I _told_ you, damn it. Now look what he's done - he blew up our headquarters! You're lucky no one _died_ , Obito."

Obito grabbed my hands, holding them in his. I huffed and I was tempted to withdraw my hands and ask him to leave - I _cannot_ believe he was so stupid to allow _him_ to live - but I held my tongue. Obito might not have been caught up in the explosion, but that didn't mean he wasn't hurt by it, either.

Obito said softly, "I'm sorry."

I sighed through my nose and moved over on the bed. "Mask off, and come here."

There was a rustle of cloth and the soft _tap_ as Obito sat his mask on the end table. He sat next to me on the bed and I wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close to me, sitting up straighter so I could rest my chin on the top of his head. I ran my fingers through his hair.

"It's okay," I said. "I'm not mad at you anymore - besides, it's nothing permanent." I smirked. "Maybe you just learned your lesson that I'm _always_ right."

Obito snorted, resting his head on my chest. "... Well, you're right in _this_ case, at least."

"Hush, you. You still haven't learned your lesson, then."

Obito snorted again, turning his head and wrapping his arms around me. "Shut up, pillow."

"Oh, I'm just a pillow now, am I?"

"Yes," Obito mumbled, burying himself against me. "It's your fault I wasn't able to sleep. The least you can do is act as my pillow now. Think of it as repayment for the movie night, too."

"Please; I was your blanket, I don't need to repay you in the slightest. _You_ , however, are _not_ my blanket for the moment so you _do_ need to repay me. So long as I'm blind, you have to be my se - er, I mean, slave. Just slave."

Obito snickered. "So long as you continue to be my pillow, I see no reason not to be generous enough and assist a blind person."

"Good," I said, nodding my head firmly. "Ah... You do know you're going to have to be my seeing-eye-dog now? Or does this mean I can actually get a seeing-eye-dog now? Ooo, that'd be _so_ awesome."

"That's actually not a bad idea," Obito admitted. "The whole getting you a ninken thing. I think it's pretty clear now that not everyone will be able to keep you safe... unless I put you in an alternate dimension..."

"Don't even think about it," I told him seriously. "But are you serious about getting me a dog? Really?"

"Sure. You're friends with Kakashi and Tsume, aren't you? We can talk to them when you return to Konoha."

I kissed the top of Obito's head, squeezing him tighter against me. "Yay."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"To the right, Mia," Kisame said.

I fumbled and turned to the right, my arms outstretched. "This isn't funny, guys!"

"Yes it is, un," Deidara said.

I raised up my hands in the air, flipping everyone off because I wasn't sure where the hell they were. My barefeet padded along the tile flooring of the Amegakure hospital as I tried (in vain) to find where the hell they had hidden my chair.

"I just want to sit down and listen to music," I whined. "Give me back my chair and laptop, you cruel sadists!"

There was a loud crash to my right and Kisame, Hidan, and Deidara started laughing. I turned my head in the direction of the crash. "What? What happened?"

If anything, they just started laughing louder.

"You guys are rude pricks!"

Hidan started howling and clapping his hands. "O-O-Oh, Ja-Jashin, _shit_."

My shin connected hard against some sort of table leg and I hopped backwards, shifting weight to my other foot so I could clutch the stinging leg. "Damn it!"

"Here, Mia," Itachi said softly. I guess he had just entered the room, because Kisame, Deidara and Hidan weren't laughing nearly as loudly. Itachi took my hand and placed it on his shoulder. "Your chair is by the door with your laptop sitting on it."

"Thank you, Itachi-chan," I chirped, following behind my spy-buddy. Due to the whole kidnapping fiasco and now this, Itachi and I hadn't really had a chance to talk about our plans. Not that we really needed to at this point - spending _years_ working on them had really nailed out the majority of the flaws. "I'll make you some cookies as a reward."

"Can you even do that?" Itachi asked incredulously, after a pause.

I pursed my lips. "... I don't know, but I'll try."

"Do not bother yourself, Mia," Itachi said gently. "Just focus on getting better."

Not replying, as I wasn't sure how to, I just grasped my chair. I bent down to pick up my laptop and I plugged in my earphones before I sat back down on the chair, uncaring where it was.

Before I turned my music back on, though, I heard three definite smacks and two oophs let out.

I smirked triumphantly.

"Just because Sasori and Kakuzu are away capturing the Rokubi (because you two are too injured to do so), doesn't mean you can misbehave. I will be informing your partners of your misconduct when they return."

Best spy-buddy, _ever_.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Damn, girl."

I immediately hit pause on the audio-recording of Bill Cosby and turned around. "... This better not be another prank, Akatsuki..."

A hand fell on top of my head. "It's not. Sexy Anko is back, baby!"

I laughed, setting my laptop on the end table and standing up from the chair. I hugged Anko tightly, and then there were more arms around us. "... Who else is here?"

"Me," Tsume said.

"Kuromaru," Kuromaru said, brushing up against me.

"We are, too," Hinata said softly. "That is, Sakura, Ino and I."

I grinned brightly, pulling out of the massive hug and beaming. "This is awesome! What are you guys doing here?"

"Girl's night, _tonight_ ," Anko said firmly, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "You went and got yourself blown up, so we figured you'd need a nice break surrounded by people who _won't_ let you get blown up."

"Tobi takes offense to that!"

"Go away Tobi," Sakura retorted. "This is a _girls_ night."

Tobi huffed. "Tobi was just making sure Mia-chan had her dinner. _Sheesh_!"

"I did, thank you, sweetie," I said. "So wait, you guys all just decided to come up?"

Hinata gave a soft giggle. "Not entirely. Because the Akatsuki representatives for Konoha had been... injured... and couldn't return to Konoha yet, Tsunade-sama thought it would be best if Konoha sent representatives to show their support. Ino and Sakura are technically those representatives. The rest of us are just volunteers to escort them here. We'll have to return to Konoha tomorrow morning."

Someone else wrapped an arm around my waist, I assumed it was Tsume as she sounded closer. "So we figured we might as well take advantage of the opportunity and whatnot."

"Ah, wait, so if Sakura's here, does that mean team 7 is done with their mission?"

"Yeah. Naruto's having another panic attack because he couldn't come 'cause Jiraiya-sama went and kidnapped him for more training. I think it has something to do with Sage...?"

I nodded my head sagely. "The Sage Arts, yes. Sasuke-chan's okay, though?"

"Well, you know him," Sakura said, and I had a feeling she was rolling her eyes. "He didn't outwardly respond to anything, but he's probably having a panic attack, too."

Anko snorted and then giggled, taking her hand off my shoulder so she could make some sort of motion. "Yeah, he's probably like _this_."

Whatever expression and motion she was doing must have been pretty funny, because the rest of the girls started to giggle. I tilted my head and Tsume retracted her arm to (what it sounded like) hit Anko on the shoulder. "Mia-chan can't see what you're doing. Don't be so insensitive."

"Sorry."

"It's okay," I said. "Let's grab a video camera before we leave, though. I wanna be able to see everyone's expressions _eventually_."

"Ooo," Ino said, "that's awesome. I'm _so_ photogenic."

"I'm not," Hinata sighed. "I'll be camera girl, then."

"We'll take turns," Tsume said.

"You'll have to be my seeing person," I said, smirking. I reached out a hand in the direction of Anko's voice before I hesitated. I then retracted my hand and reached out in Tsume's direction, then stopped again. "Damn it! I don't trust either of you to _not_ lead me into an embarrassing situation!"

The two women laughed.

"Here, Mia," Sakura said, taking my hand. "You can trust _me_."

"You're Anko-chan's student, I really can't," I disagreed. "Hinata-chan, guide me!"

Hinata giggled and I could practically _feel_ Sakura's pout. Soft hands gripped my own and HInata said gently, "Don't worry, Mia. I'm here."

I beamed. "Excellent. I would expect nothing less for my future daughter-in-law."

"Y-Yes, ma'am," Hinata squeaked.

"Ma'am? Do I _look_ like a ma'am to you?" I pouted.

"I don't know. You can get pretty scary," Anko leered, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and leaning in to whisper in my ear, "Just look at what happened at the t - o - u - r - "

Realizing what she was spelling out, and that we were in the company of _young_ and _impressionable_ girls, I elbowed her in the gut and hissed, " _Anko-chan!_ "

Anko laughed with glee. "No matter. Where shall we go first, ladies?"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"No, no, _no_ ," Sakura laughed. "In every horror movie, you are _forbidden_ from having sex. If you wanna live, you gotta stay a virgin. _That's_ the number one rule."

Anko huffed. " _No_. The number one rule is that you can't go anywhere _alone_."

"I would say you need to pay attention to your surroundings," Tsume put in mildly.

" _I_ would say don't run away. Carry several weapons and prepare to beat the _shit_ outta what's following you. If you're gonna die, better take that bitch down with you," I disagreed. I then giggled when the lady tickled my foot. There weren't a lot of spas in Amegakure (only one, I believe), so it was fairly crowded. Thankfully, we managed to stay seated near each other.

Hinata gave a giggle next to me (she was tickled, too, I assumed). "I-I would agree with Anko. Unless you're a couple. Couples should stay _far_ away from each other."

"Unless they can kick ass," Ino corrected. "Then they can go Mia's style and take those bitches _down_."

"Alright, that's two votes for staying together, what do you say, Ino?" Sakura asked.

Ino hummed. "I'll go ahead and go with Anko's rule, too."

"So _that's_ the number one rule for horror movies. What about thrillers?"

"Aren't those the same thing?" Hinata asked hesitantly.

"No," we chorused.

"What about haunted house horror movies?" Anko wondered.

"Number one rule: _leave the goddamn house_ ," I said firmly. "Don't even take your shit with you. Just _leave_. If that ghost wants to haunt their house in peace, _let 'em_."

Tsume laughed. "I'm with you on that."

Anko snickered. "I can agree with that. What about... slasher films?"

"Get a gun," I deadpanned.

"What's a gun?" Ino asked.

"Er... I mean... Get some bombs. Keep your distance. Kill 'em from a distance, that type of thing."

Ino was probably nodding at this, because she didn't verbally respond right away. "Hell to the yeah. Ooo. _Camping_ horror stories?"

"Don't camp in the woods," I said. "Unless you can kick major ass or run _really_ fast and have good hand-eye coordination."

Sakura gave yawn. "Nah. I'd say the number one rule is to stay in a fairly populated place. Not that secluded shit."

There was a collection of nods (I assumed), and I nodded my head in agreement, too.

"Speaking of secluded... how's your mentor, Sakura-chan?" Ino asked sweetly.

"Don't make me hit you," Sakura threatened. "Sasori-sensei is just _fine_. He'll be returning from his Akatsuki mission shortly, because unlike _your_ sensei, he didn't get himself blown up!"

Ino huffed. "Deidara-sensei didn't _blow up_. He just caught himself on fire. A little bit."

Tsume snickered. "Enough that he can't perform his duties."

I leaned over to my right, to Hinata and whispered, "How bad does it look, anyway?"

Hinata leaned to me and responded quietly, "Pretty bad. Both of his arms are completely bandaged and he was in a wheelchair last I saw."

I sighed. _Damn you, Kabuto._

"I just wish I knew who did this to him," Ino murmured.

"Kabuto," I said. "The same one who originally tried to kidnap me. Didn't Tsunade-sama tell you?"

There must have been an exchanging of glances, because silence followed my words.

Sakura sighed. "Not really. But... Kabuto... why does that name sound familiar?"

"Think back to your Chuunin Exams," I reminded her.

There were a couple of gasps. Sakura shrieked, "He _dares_ to hurt _my_ Sasori-sensei, that _weak little shit?!_ Aw, _hell_ no. Do you know where he is?!"

I shook my head. "Tobi told me he's looking for him, along with Zetsu, but..."

Ino growled, "He better tell us what he finds out, because I'll kill that son of a bitch myself."

"Not if I get to him first," Sakura snapped.

"Ladies, ladies," Kuromaru sighed, "this is supposed to be a _relaxing_ night. You can't do anything about it now, so don't get so worked up."

"Oh," I said, "I just remembered... Tsume-chan, do you have any suggestions on a type of ninken I can get? I want to get a temporary seeing-eye dog, and then I would like keep 'em and have 'em as a guard dog. Tobi seems to be under the impression I can't properly defend myself."

"You can't," Anko agreed.

"Not even a little bit," Sakura said.

"Sorry," was all Hinata said, "but you really can't."

"Not ever," Ino said sympathetically.

"Poor girl," Tsume chuckled.

"My poor ego can't take this many hits."

"Aw," Tsume said, laughing, "don't worry about it. So you can't fight, big deal. You're the brightest scientist I know - a real technology genius."

I hung my head. "You only say that because you don't know any better. If you came to my old wor - er - land - you'd think I was mediocre at best. And no, I'm not just saying that, that's just how it is. _But_ ," I looked back up, grinning, "I'm the best damn cook you'll ever meet!"

Tsume patted my shoulder (as she was on my left, with Kuromaru in between us on the floor), "'Atta girl. You're a damn good mother, too."

I blushed. "Thanks. You're nothing to sniff at, either."

"Now to answer your question," Tsume said pointedly, "as it happens, I _do_ have a suggestion. Two, in fact. As you know, a year ago Kuromaru and his mate had their last litter and we've been training them. The only two that aren't going to be familiarly bonded with clan members (as the clan members either already have their partner or are too young) are Haiiromaru and Shiromaru. If it's alright with Kuromaru - "

" - It is - "

" - then I would like to offer you either one," Tsume finished. "I know you'll take care of them, and Tobi has a fair point. You need _some_ kind of constant protection and what better than a ninken?"

I reached over to Tsume, grasping her arm, then trailing down to grasp her hand. "Thank you, Tsume-chan."

Tsume placed her hand over mine. "Welcome."

"You know," Sakura said carefully, "we should go to the beach some time. Maybe after Mia's eyes are all better we can go as a celebration?"

"Ooo," Ino cooed, "we should invite the guys, too. No offense Mia, but I like the Akimichi's family BBQ more than yours."

"None taken," I said honestly. "I do, too."

Anko snickered. "We can have a volleyball tournament. The winners get to make everyone else as their slave for the rest of the trip!"

Sakura, Ino and Tsume cackled with glee while Hinata (probably) rolled her eyes.

Sakura's voice had a tone that gave the impression she was leering at me. "Besides, I bet Mia's just itching to see Tobi in a swimsuit."

"You know," Anko said thoughtfully, "I've never actually seen Tobi in anything less than fully dressed and with a mask on."

Ino snorted. "I don't think anyone, save Mia, actually has."

"He's picky about his appearance," I said vaguely. "Besides, I'm sure you, Sakura, probably wanna see Sasori. And you, Ino, wanna see Deidara. And _you_ , Hinata, wanna check out my son."

There was a collection of denials and squeals from the girls and Anko and Tsume laughed at them.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

The rest of the night passed by smoothly. When it got too late to stay out, I was escorted back to Pein and Konan's tower (now the second Akatsuki HQ), and baded everyone goodbye (as they would be staying at the hotel). Itachi was the one waiting for me when I returned.

I placed my hand on his shoulder, and the two of us walked through the hallways. I gave a large yawn.

"Did you have a pleasant time?" Itachi inquired.

"Mm-hmm."

"We're going up the stairs now. There are twenty-two."

"Okay. Thank you. Is Tobi in our room?"

"I believe so. I'll take you there."

"Thanks."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"What's bothering you?"

Obito shifted in my lap, moving his head and rolling over onto his side. I placed my book down, and set my hands on his head, frowning.

"What makes you think something's wrong?" Obito asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I just feel like there is. So, what's wrong?"

Obito was silent. After quite some time passed, I began to think he wasn't going to answer me. However, he did, in a rather somber tone, "I've been thinking."

"Uh-oh."

"... I've been thinking about the plan and... and what to do. Mia... if I go through with it, you won't be able to enter the genjutsu with me. I would... you would essentially be the only person in the world," Obito said slowly, tiredly. "I can't do that to you. But, at the same time... I don't want all of this to have been for nothing."

"So what you're saying is," I said, feeling a smug smile crawl its way on my face, "you need help determining the next step to make?"

"Yes. Why are you smiling?"

I began to laugh. "And you're asking _me_ for help?"

"Yes. _Why_ are you laughing?"

I threw my head back and laughed harder. "A-And you're ready to d-do what I have planned?"

"Maybe. _Why are you laughing?!_ "

"B-Because," I giggled, "I've been ready for this for _years_. The whole reason Itachi and I have been hanging out in the first place to was to derive a plan for this moment. And guess what? We _have_ one."

"What."

I nodded my head. "Yep. I had a back-up plan in case you weren't going to back down, but I'm really glad you did. Saved us a _lot_ of trouble."

"What."

"Alright, so first thing's first," I began, switching my language to English in case anyone I didn't know was listening in and pressing onwards with the plan, "is that the war _has_ to happen. I know, I know, a lot of people are going to die - you are _not_ killing Neji - and all that, but the end result is _good_. Because it forces _all_ the nations to _work together_ to defeat a single enemy. We want peace, right? I know it's not perfect - it's just not possible to achieve world peace in one fell swoop, but it's a good start. A good step. Onoki even acknowledges that this war is different."

"What."

"So the whole Kage Summit needs to happen - the only exception being that it's not the _Akatsuki_ that are stealing bijuu, but a whole other group. We can use Sasori's spy network to spread the word of another group of wanna-be old-school Akatsuki and that _they're_ the ones stealing the bijuu."

"What."

"Oh, but first of all, you need to get rid of Kabuto. Just... seriously. He blew up Amegakure HQ, and is a royal pain in the ass. Do whatever you need to - just don't give him any more chances. Anyway, so while Sasori's spreadin' all those rumors, you and I will be watching the war - and yes, I'm finally allowing you all the juicy spoilers - so that way you can properly portray and manipulate the battle in your favor."

"Mia. _What_."

I stopped. "... What? Too much?"

"A little, yeah."

"I haven't even gotten to the good stuff," I pouted.

"It's just... you and Itachi have _seriously_ been planning this behind my back for... how many years?"

I frowned at the words _behind my back_ and said, "Don't make it sound like that. You know how I feel about you. I just want you to be happy, and I knew that one way or another... you'd need help. Did you honestly expect me to just sit back and allow you to dig your own grave?"

"Why are we still talking in English, anyway?"

"Because Zetsu will kill you if he finds out you're betraying Madara," I said simply. "He'll take over you because you're technically made out of him, or at least part of you."

Obito stiffened in my lap. "... Do I need to take him out?"

"... Before he takes you out?" I finished softly. "... Yeah. He can't be persuaded; he's _literally_ Madara's will personified. And Madara... as sexy as he is... is not a good person, and an even worse enemy."

Obito sighed. "... Alright. Then... this plan you have in store...?"

I smirked. "Mm-hmm. And, you know... if you want... it can even be arranged so that way you can be... _you_."

I could practically see Obito frown at that. "What do you mean?"

"I mean... to the world... do you want to be Uchiha Obito again, and _not_ be blamed for the war?"


	33. Part III - PenPals Revealed!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet fanart by ChocoGummies on deviantART.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I knocked on the door, Obito right beside me.

The door opened, and Itachi inquired softly, "Yes?"

"Come with us," I said.

Itachi did not verbally respond, but I could feel the _rush_ as Obito sucked the three of us in his world.

"He agrees to the plan!" I exclaimed immediately, unable to keep the bubbling happiness out of my voice.

"That is good."

I nodded my head earnestly. "I figured we should explain the entire plan together - you're better at this type of thing than I am, anyway. And the three of us can now work out all the kinks."

"Mia said I could be Obito again... without publicly facing the repercussions of being Madara," Obito said bluntly.

"You're Obito?" Itachi asked. "Uchiha Obito, Shisui's older brother?"

Obito seemed to be looking at me. "You didn't tell him?"

I shrugged. "It wasn't my secret to tell."

"... Yes. I am Obito."

There was a soft click as he removed his mask. Itachi fell quiet again, taking in this new information. "... I see. No matter, our plan was for one of us to learn Edo-Tensei. The perfected version. When we find Kabuto, I will place him in a Genjutsu and have him tell us the information regarding it. We will use Edo-Tensei in the war, so it won't seem so out of place. Then - "

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"You're going to have to tell Sasuke-chan the truth now," I told Itachi, after we had finished informing Obito the details of the plan.

"... I am aware of the fact."

"We'll have to do it before the war," I continued.

"... Yes."

"... Is he pouting, Obito?"

"A little," Obito admitted. Itachi must have been glaring at Obito, because he snickered and said, "A lot now, actually."

Itachi gave a quiet _hn_. "... Not yet, though."

I scolded him, "Don't procrastinate, Itachi-chan. I swear I won't let the war start 'til you and Sasuke-chan sit down and talk it out."

Obito put in mildly, "I doubt there would be a lot of talking between the two."

I huffed. "Fine. Beat it out of each other. Go all Therapy-Jutsu for each other, just stop this pointless feud."

"... I will try."

Nodding my head firmly, I took Obito's hand in mine again and said, "If that's all, then I think we're good to go. All that's left is to... take care of Zetsu... Kabuto... and set up the fake organization. Although, that shouldn't take too long, especially if we have the leader of said fake organization 'kidnap' Bee."

"Then we'll start the war, tie up the loose ends and be done with this whole mess," Obito finished.

"Sounds good," Itachi murmured.

"Although," Obito said, "I would rather not kill Zetsu. He is... well, he's not that bad. I know, Mia, you showed me what he did, but... I would like to take a different approach."

"What do you want to do?"

"Izanami. I have plenty of spare eyes to use and if I make the escape route for him to accept that Madara's plan was not the right path and our plan would be better..."

"Go for it," I said, beaming. "You have my full support."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Damn it," I cursed again, running my fingers through my hair.

There was the rustling of the cloth and I felt my bed dip down a bit as someone sat next to me. Gentle hands took the hair from my fingers and started combing through it. "Here."

Relaxing, I said, "Thanks. It's surprisingly harder than I thought it would be to comb my hair without being able to see it. Not impossible, just... kind of irritating."

Obito gave an amused rumble, "And your hair is just easily tangled, too."

We lapsed into a comfortable silence, Obito running his fingers through my hair and untangling it in the process. He was surprisingly gentle about it, and I found myself enjoying the experience. Some time passed before I realized what he was doing. My lips twitched. "Are you _braiding_ my hair?"

Although I could not see him, I had a feeling Obito shrugged at that. "It'll be easier to take care of that way."

"Did you braid _your_ hair when you had long hair?" I asked curiously.

Obito snorted. "My hair is nowhere near as cooperative as yours. No. I did not. I rarely even brushed it, to be honest."

Humming at this, I murmured, "What a waste. You have such nice hair... Come to think of it, why does every Uchiha I know have soft hair?"

"Genetics?" Obito guessed. "I don't know. I don't really care about that sort of thing, anyway, so..."

Obito finished braiding my hair and I felt him reach around me to our nightstand and grab one of the ponytail holders I kept there. Once he tied my braid, I turned around to face him. "Thank you."

There was a knock on the door, and then the door opened (I could hear it squeaking). "Oi, is it safe to open my eyes...?"

"Tobi thinks that if Kisame is going to just open the door and peek in, it's kind of silly to ask that," Obito said, standing up from the bed. "Besides, what does Kisame think Tobi and Mia are doing...?"

"You can't ever be too sure," Kisame defended. "Anyway, Mia's needed, so..."

"Did something happen...?"

"Er, sort of... Sakura and Ino are about to blow up half of Amegakure and Sasori and Deidara aren't really discouraging their fight and if Leader gets involved, they'll probably end up in the hospital, so we figured..."

"... Yeah. Okay, I'll see what I can do."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Girls," I said sharply, "take the fight _outside_ the village."

Obito placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me in another direction. "They're that way, Mia-chan."

"Thank you, sweetie. Girls. Outside. _Now_."

"No time, Mia," Ino said, and I could practically feel her glower. "This wanna-be _tool_ needs to be shown the _real_ definition of art, _stat_."

Sakura gave a gasp. "Oh. _No_. You did _not_ just call me a tool, you ameteur poser! I'm going to kick your ass _so hard_ \- "

" _Outside_ ," I snapped.

"Why?" Sasori inquired. "We _are_ at a training ground, are we not?"

I turned my head to look back at Obito and he leaned in and whispered, "We _are_ technically at a training ground. Training ground 3, I believe."

I pursed my lips and turned back to the girls. Obito had to reposition my head, again, though. "This training ground is way too small for _your_ guys' battle. Therefore: get _out_ of the village."

"No!"

"Tobi, please bring me to them so that they are within hitting distance."

Obito guided me across the muddy field and I could hear the girls huffing, but they moved to meet us halfway, too, knowing it would just annoy me if they didn't. I reached out and grasped both of their shoulders when I could, getting a good feel for where they were. I then stooped down, grabbed some mud, and planted it in each of their faces.

They shrieked. "What the hell?!"

I stopped down, grabbed some more mud and did the exact same thing.

"Stop that, Mia!" Sakura squealed. "The hell is wrong with you?!"

"If you are insistent on fighting this out here and now, I'll be insistent on throwing mud at you," I said.

There was a pause of silence before I felt the cold wetness of mud all over my face.

Ino giggled. "You call that a face-plant, Sakura? _This_ is a face-plant."

I felt Ino slam more mud into my face and I spluttered. "Is that how it's going to be girls? Attack a poor, blind lady? _Well_."

I bent down and just tossed a giant pile of mud in the air. The girls laughed and Obito gave an annoyed huff. "Mia-chan got mud all over Tobi now!"

Sakura giggled and I could hear a small _splat_ from the distance.

"Oi! You little brat, un," Deidara said.

Ino gasped. "Oh hell no!"

There was another splat and another curse and I laughed, stepping back into Obito as I heard more splats around. Obito bent down to whisper in my ear, "You just started a mud fight between the artist quartet."

I whispered back, "Better than an all out brawl."

"So what the fuck is going on over here - _WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!?_ " Hidan shrieked when I heard _another_ splat. "Oh you did _not_ just do that. You dickless cocksuckers, I'll fucking show _you_...! Kakuzu, hold my scythe."

"Please tell me you have a video camera nearby," I said, turning to Obito.

"I'll get one," Obito promised. "... And I'll see if I can _accidentally_ hit Kisame and Itachi with a mud ball and bring them in on this."

"Please. _Please_ do."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

A week had passed by, a relatively uneventful and pleasant week. I still had to stay in Amegakure (as did all Akatsuki members now, exception being Zetsu who was looking for Kabuto).

"Let's play a game," I said one time during lunch. Itachi had to assist me in the kitchen, but thankfully I was fairly familiar with it, so I didn't need _too_ much help.

"No," Kakuzu said flatly.

"Don't be such a spoilsport," Ino scolded the miser. "What do you want to play, Mia?"

"Hide and seek," I declared. "It's not like any of us have anything better to do, anyway. Besides, this is, like, the _one_ game I can play with you guys without getting my ass royally handed to me."

There was a collection of chuckles and laughs at the table. Hidan sneered, "Yeah, looks like not having chakra _finally_ pays off for something. Alright bitch, I'll humor you."

"Tobi thinks Hidan needs to stop calling his girlfriend a bitch," Obito hummed.

"You wanna make me?"

"Guys," Sakura cut in, "save the pissing contest for the game. Who wants to be it?"

"How about this," I added, "the winner wins back the rights for _all_ the blackmail I've collected over the years over them. All the pictures, the video tapes... _all_ of it."

Silence fell across the table.

Kakuzu cleared his throat. "... If _that's_ the case, then..."

"... And they also can take half of the blackmail material I have on _one_ other person," I finished, smiling smugly.

"I'm in, un," Deidara said immediately. "Sasori-no-Danna, no hard feelings when I exploit your weaknesses, right?"

"Sakura," Sasori said, "let's make sure this is interesting, mn?"

I grinned widely. "Alright! The person _it_ can win by finding everyone before night - and I mean night as in, _actual_ night. Not that sunset or dusk. _Night_. With the stars and moon out and everything."

"How about you can't moving keep moving?," Kisame suggested. "If the person who's it finds you, though, you can escape him and hide again, but that's the only time."

"And you have to stay in the tower, too?" Ino said.

Itachi cleared his throat delicately. "Alright. Then who shall volunteer to be it?"

"I will," Kakuzu said lowly. "You all have ten minutes to hide."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Obito carried me to the hiding spot I had asked him to carry me to - which was in the living room. We had waited for everyone else to leave. I then curled up into a ball and Obito draped a blanket over me.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" Obito whispered to me.

"The thing with you damn shinobi is that you tend to overthink everything, Kakuzu especially. No one would think I'd be dumb enough to hide in plain sight. Besides, with the blanket over me and I'm curled up like this, it just looks like I'm a bunch of pillows."

Obito chuckled. "Alright. Kakuzu doesn't have enhanced hearing, so as long as you keep your heartbeat steady and hold your breath when he enters the room, you'll be fine."

"Have fun," I whispered. "Try not to get caught too soon."

"You, too."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Kakuzu entered the living room, what felt like, an hour later. I could hear his soft footsteps as he moved uncaringly and indifferently.

"Stupid, un," Deidara muttered petulantly.

"I can't believe _I_ was the first one found," Hidan complained.

"Shut up," Kakuzu said. "Or I will knock you both unconscious again."

There was some mutterings, and then Kakuzu spoke again. "No one's here. Let's go."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

The second time Kakuzu entered the living room, Ino whined, "I'm sorry I failed you, Deidara-sensei."

"Don't worry about it, Ino-chan, un," Deidara consoled. "You did better than Sakura."

"Oi!" Sakura snapped.

Kisame laughed. "Although we still need to find Sasori, Itachi, Tobi and Mia."

Hidan huffed. "We haven't checked the basement, yet, money-fucker."

"Shut up, immortal idiot."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

The third time through, they were still muttering.

"Tobi thinks Itachi and Mia-chan are very good hiders," Obito said.

"Damn, it's almost dark, too," Sakura said.

Kakuzu grunted. "It just means they were overlooked."

Silence fell across the room and I willed myself to stay as still as possible.

Then, as if by some hide-and-seek miracle, they left.

I resisted the urge to yawn.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Is she really here, Tobi?"

"Where the hell is she?"

"Damn, never thought she'd last this long, to be honest, un," Deidara confessed.

"That's Tobi's girlfriend," Obito exclaimed.

"Hn. It doesn't matter now. It's night," Itachi.

Kakuzu muttered, "Now it's just a point of pride. I _will_ find her."

 _Is it really night...?_ I thought. _I fell asleep a while back... Or at least, I dozed._

"Mia-chan can come out now," Obito cooed, "it's night time!... And Tobi made sure to bring a video camera to record everyone's reactions!"

I threw off the blanket, holding my hands up in the air. "Ta-da!"

"Holy shit," Hidan laughed.

I could hear the smacks of several face-palms and I grinned triumphantly. "Looks like I'm keeping my blackmail, ne?"

"Damn," Ino sighed.

Kakuzu grumbled, "This was a huge waste of my time."

"It had potential, though," Kisame chuckled. "Nice hiding spot, Mia."

I beamed. "... Ah... but now I have to go to the bathroom _really_ bad and I'm _really_ hungry."

"Tobi will get started on dinner!" Obito declared.

"Ew, no, un," Deidara said. " _I'll_ cook tonight."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

After dinner and everyone went their separate ways, Zetsu came to Obito and myself. The two of us were preparing for bed when Zetsu entered the room and said, " **We found Kabuto**."

"Mia, please go get Itachi," Obito said softly. "... Zetsu and I need to have a private conversation."

Realizing where this was going, I backed out of the room, placing my hand on the wall to guide me through the hallways.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

When Itachi and I entered the room again, Obito said, "Zetsu told me the location. Itachi, you and Kisame will take care of him. Be sure to get _all_ information in regards to Edo-Tensei. Kakuzu and Hidan will back you up."

"... Where is Zetsu now?" I asked hesitantly.

"His _body_ is in the chakra-bounding prison cell at one of the older bases," Obito said. "Mentally, though, he's in Izanami. Which reminds me, I'll have to transplant new eyes sometime tomorrow..."

Itachi gave a soft response, "Do you need assistance?"

"No. I'll use a clone. I've done it plenty of times before. Just go ahead and inform Kisame and the others of the mission. I've already talked to Pein."

"Got it."

When Itachi left and we finished getting ready for bed, we laid in the darkness for a while, talking.

"... So I'll send the letters out in a few days to invite Naruto and Sasuke to Amegakure to officially meet their PenPals, right?"

"Right," Obito said. "I'll go ahead and start gathering the incriminating evidence to plant on Danzo in the meanwhile. The rumors have already begun spreading through Sasori's spy network - that the work of the missing bijuu are by a masked man."

"Excellent. Everything is going according to plan so far. I'm kinda worried something is going to screw up soon, though."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Besides, you and Itachi have had _years_ to plan for this. You have nearly _every_ possible scenario covered. We'll watch - well, _I'll_ watch and _you'll_ listen - the rest of the war arc tomorrow. Or at least try to. It's really quite long, isn't it?"

I nodded my head. "Yeah. But you're learning quite a bit, aren't you? Itachi's seen some of it, and now that he knows your identity, he'll be able to finish it, too."

I yawned. Obito turned to me. "Go to sleep, Mia. We'll talk more later."

"Mn. Okay."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"What?!" Sakura demanded. "Why can't _we_ be the ones to take that Kabuto loser out?!"

"Because Deidara is still too injured," Sasori put in mildly.

Deidara huffed. "I'm still more than a match for that freak."

"Doesn't matter," Sasori said. "It'd just be best if they went."

The girls still grumbled, and Deidara still huffed, but there weren't any more objections to the decision.

"What are we supposed to do now?" Sakura wondered.

"Train. Let's go, Sakura-chan," Sasori said, and I heard the rustling of cloth and the squeaking of chairs as the two stood up.

"Come on, Ino-chan. We'll show those to how training is supposed to be done, un," Deidara said.

"Hai!"

"Guess that means we'll be watching more episodes," I said, leaning into Obito.

"Guess so. I'll go pop the popcorn. Want anything else while I'm in the kitchen?"

"Tea would be nice, please and thank you."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

A little over a week passed by before the quartet returned, and one day after that passed before Sasuke, Naruto and Kakashi arrived in Amegakure.

It was time to move on to the next phase of the plan.

It was time they learned the truth.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

When the trio had arrived in Amegakure, it was a little after lunch. I had asked them wait in the living room, so I could inform their PenPals that they had arrived. I told the directions to Itachi's room to Sasuke and asked him to wait a couple minutes before following behind me, and I told Naruto I would come back to escort him to his PenPal directly.

"Itachi, it's going to have to come out eventually," I coaxed, gripping Itachi's shoulders. "You can do it. You've been talking to him for _years_ now."

Itachi did not outwardly display his anxiety, but I knew he was. "It's okay. I'm here. The Akatsuki is right outside the door and Sasuke still loves you. It's _okay_."

Itachi still did not reply, and he would not make even an iota of motion until Sasuke walked right in the door. Itachi stood up, and Sasuke stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes widening. "Itachi..."

I quickly stepped between the two, positioning myself based on their voices. "Okay, before anything really bad happens, Sasuke-chan, take a deep breath. You know I love you like a son and want you to be happy, don't you? Well, I love Itachi like a son, too."

"The massacre did not happen the way I made you believe," Itachi said softly. "Come here, Sasuke. Listen to this tale."

"You're just a liar," Sasuke spat.

"I am," Itachi agreed, "but I will not lie to you about this. I am Shi, Sasuke. And... I love you."

I could practically feel Sasuke's eyes narrow into furious slits from his scathing glower.

"If I did not," Itachi said quietly, "then why would I keep in contact with you? Why would I help you? Why would I be here... waiting for you?"

"Why did you kill our parents?!" Sasuke shouted.

"That is what I am here to tell you," Itachi said. "Now will you listen?"

I hesitantly placed a hand on Sasuke's stiff shoulder. "Sasuke-chan... please. At least listen. For me."

Sasuke shook off my hand and glared hatefully at his brother. "I will listen. And if I don't like your story, _I'll kill you_."

"... I think now's a good time to check in on Nagato and Naruto," I said, backing out of the room. "Don't kill each other while I'm gone, please and thank you, dears."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I grabbed Naruto's hand and the two of us maneuvered our way through the halls. "I can't believe I'm finally going to meet him!"

"He's anxious to meet you, too, dear," I said. Naruto tugged on my hand and pulled me into a room. "... What's up, Nagato-sama? I'd like you to meet your PenPal, my son, Naruto. Naruto, meet Nagato. Your PenPal."

There was a suck in take of breath (two, actually, and I realized that Konan was in the room), while Naruto gave a gleeful shout. "Oh this is so awesome! Hey, why do you have those rods sticking out your back?"

"Uzumaki Naruto... you are..."

Naruto was laughing. "This is just so... aw, jeeze, I'm really glad I can finally meet you, Nagato-nii-chan."

"A-Aa. Likewise..."

"Naruto-chan, do you mind getting a glass of water for me, please?" I asked.

"Huh? Oh, sure, Kaa-chan. Be right back!"

When he had left, I could feel two pinning gazes on me. Nagato demanded, "What's your plan?! You know... You know..."

"He's an awful lot like Yahiko, isn't he?" I asked, turning my head in the direction Naruto had left. "It'd be a shame if his dreams were crushed by someone he thinks so highly of."

" _What is your plan?!_ " Nagato growled. "You know... You know because of Akatsuki..."

"It doesn't have to be that way," I said quietly. "Peace achieved through illusion isn't true peace. And your concept on delivering all that unnecessary pain... do you still want others to suffer like you did? Or are you willing to put your faith in someone else?"

Nagato did not respond, and Konan did not, either. Silence followed my question, all the way up to when Naruto returned. He was grinning at all of us (I could feel his warm gaze). "Here, Kaa-chan."

"Thank you, dear. I think I'll go check on the other Akatsuki members. Enjoy your time here," I said, reaching out a hand and touching the wall.

"Do you need help, Kaa-chan?"

"No, I'll be fine. Have fun with your precious person, Naruto-chan... Nagato-sama, same to you. Look after your two precious people."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

After a while of stumbling around, I finally made it back to Sasuke and Itachi, stepping over the rubble and broken glass in the room. Itachi assisted me in finding a suitable place, while I listened in on his and Sasuke's conversation.

"I'll kill him."

"Of course, dear," I agreed readily. "But not yet. Tobi will implant incriminating evidence all over his ass as soon as he finishes figuring out who's ROOT and who's not. We can't very well have him become a _martyr,_ can we?"

Sasuke nodded, accepting this. "So long as I can kill him."

Itachi and I exchanged glances. "Are you okay with that, Itachi-chan?"

"I am," Itachi said. "Are _you_?"

"Okay with what?"

"... Your other son killing someone."

I snorted. "My children have _never_ killed anyone. They're completely innocent. Don't be absurd."

I just knew Sasuke was rolling his eyes and Itachi was shaking his head.


	34. Part III - War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fitting fanart by Mai-Shibata-Uchiha on deviantART.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Alright," Obito said, his arm wrapped around me. "I'll 'kidnap' Bee (but actually just Kumo think I'm kidnapping him and allow him to slip away) and in about three days the Kage Summit will be called. I will appear before them, claim I'm Madara and declare war, yadda, yadda. I'll rage the war, and Itachi will be performing Edo-Tensei. After _that_ point has been reached, I will be 'killed' by Naruto, Kakashi, Sasuke, Jiraiya and some of the Akatsuki. I get all of that... but what I don't understand is _why the hell is Kakashi involved_."

If I could have rolled my eyes, I would have. "Because you need to die before the shinobi alliance arrives or else someone will call bullshit. And you need to die by a nice variety, but still by shinobi we trust enough not to reveal your identity. And besides... Kakashi's missed you."

"I don't want to tell him," Obito muttered petulantly.

"He stands at your grave every day he's in Konoha for _hours_ on end, regardless of the weather or time."

"So?"

"He's so guilt-ridden by your death he doesn't think that he deserves to be happy."

"... So?"

"He devoted himself to your nindo and your sacrifice."

"... So..."

" _So_... come on, Obito. Have a heart."

Obito sighed. "Can't he just be one of those ignorant ones - "

"Obito, he deserves the truth."

"Mia..."

"Please?"

"Mia..."

" _Please_?"

"... Mia..."

"For _me_?"

Obito groaned. "Fine. _Fine_. When we go back to Konoha, I'll tell him the truth and the plan. Are you sure he'll even go along with the plan?"

"He will," I said, completely confident.

There was a knock at our bedroom door.

"Come in," I chirped, "Kakashi."

The door opened and Kakashi stepped in, closing it behind him. "You said you wanted to see me while Naruto and Sasuke were still talking with their PenPals...?"

"Hang on," I said, sliding away from Obito and grabbing the video camera. I fumbled with the controls a bit, and Obito sighed and assisted me. When the camera was properly positioned, Obito turned to Kakashi and cleared his throat.

"There's something you need to know," Obito said, dropping his Tobi persona. "First of all, I'm not actually _Tobi_. That's not my name. Second, you're a sentimental idiot. Third, this is going to take a _long_ time, so please take a seat."

Kakashi did not verbally respond, but he did grab a chair a and take a seat, because Obito continued. "If it were me, I wouldn't have told you, but... well... my life isn't really just mine anymore. I've made some... errors... in my judgement. I don't care to admit it, but... I was blinded by my anger and grief for a long time and now... now it's not so hard to see. However, I've done some things I'm not proud of. I've dug too deep a hole and a lot of my actions are regrettable. But, I would like to... to change that now. To do that, I'll need your help."

And then there was the soft click as Obito removed his mask.

Kakashi sucked in a sharp breath.

"... It's been a while since we were able to talk like this, Kakashi," Obito said softly.

Kakashi did not verbally respond, and for a long time, neither did Obito.

"... Do you need me to get you a tissue or something?" Obito asked incredulously.

When Kakashi spoke, his voice was rough. "... No. I just... Is that really you, Obito?"

"Yeah. You know it is."

"Why didn't you... why didn't you...?"

Obito sighed. "It's a long story. Are you prepared to listen?"

"Yes," Kakashi said quickly.

"... After I fell unconscious from the rock fall, I awoke to find myself in this strange cave..."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

"Hey, dear," I said, neatly mincing some carrots. Naruto had entered the kitchen and greeted me with a bright hello and a kiss on the cheek. "How's your meeting with Nagato?"

"Awesome!" Naruto exclaimed. "He's like... _so cool_! Hey, have you seen Sasuke or Kakashi?"

"Kakashi's sobbing his eyes out in my room at the moment and Sasuke's conspiring a plan for vengeance with his brother," I said.

"Wait... what?"

"Okay, so maybe not _sobbing_ , but he's very... clingy... right now."

"... I thought Sasuke hated his brother because he was evil incarnate or something?"

"It's a long story, dear. You'll understand soon enough."

"Understand what?"

The owner of the voice was so unexpected, I almost messed up my mincing process. "... Leader-sama? What are you doing here?"

"... I was actually looking for you or Tobi," Nagato said quietly, via his Deva Path. "I wanted... I wanted to discuss the Akatsuki plans with you."

"Oooh. Good. We can discuss them after dinner, if that's okay with you. I think I'll be able to pry Kakashi away from him long enough for that."

"... Very well."

"Naruto-chan is a good boy, isn't he?"

"Aa. He is."

"Hey, don't talk like I'm not here," Naruto pouted.

I set my knife down and turned my back to the counter, holding out my hand. Naruto took my hand in his own and I pulled him closer. I placed my other hand on top of his head and then I kissed the top of his head. "Go ahead and tell everyone that dinner will be ready soon, please."

"Aa. Come on, Nagato-nii-chan. Let's go, let's go! And you promise to show me that super awesome jutsu after you talk with Tobi and Kaa-chan, right? Right?"

"Aa. I promise."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

After dinner, I grabbed Kakashi by the hand and started dragging him away. "Kakashi, we're going to the bakery! ... Please make sure I don't run into anything along the way."

Kakashi squeezed my hand and sped up his pace so he could walk beside me. "... Is Tobi coming with us?"

"No."

Kakashi hesitated. "... Will he be joining us?"

"No."

"... Maybe I should just drop you off and - "

"Oh my God. Stop obsessing over my boyfriend. He's _mine_. You can't have him. I will fight you for him. Rawr."

Kakashi gave a quiet, nervous chuckle. "I'm not _obsessing_ over him - "

If I could look at him with my own eyes, I would have given a _look_ that conveyed: _You're-in-more-denial-than-I-am-honey._ Kakashi must have realized this because he cleared his throat and tugged on my hand, deftly allowing me to move out of the way of an upcoming obstacle and remain silent.

The two of us left the tower and headed out onto the streets. A place I was intimately familiar with, so I didn't need a guide anymore. Releasing his hand, I skipped down the street, shivering in the chilly rain. We traversed in silence, the sound of our footsteps and the rain the only sound around us. It didn't take long for us to reach my usual bakery shop, and I opened the doors with confidence once could only receive from familiarity.

The smell of baked sweets filled the warm air, and the bell on the door jingled. The sweet lady that ran the shop, Ana, said, "Welcome back, Mia-sama. Usual?"

"Yes, please," I said, reaching out a hand as I walked over to my usual spot. I grasped the soft chair and took a seat, grinning brightly.

The chair in front of me squeaked as Kakashi pulled it back and sat down. Suddenly, I felt the warm blanket that I normally kept here fall over my shoulders. I pulled it against me. "Thank you, Ana-chan."

Ana murmured a reply, before she headed away.

"I know you don't like sweets, but they do have some bitter chocolate here," I said. "Go ahead and order what you like. I have a tab here."

"You come here often enough you have your own blanket," Kakashi stated.

I shrugged. "It's nice and private. Tobi and I can eat here without his mask on. See the curtains? We just pull them back and viola. Instant privacy. We both like sweet food and with the one-way window-wall, it has a nice street-side view. Besides, the food is pretty damn awesome."

A grin took over my face. "I even have it set up so I can charge my laptop down here. Well, _all_ the laptops. Truth be told, this is our favorite place to do multigames. Sasori's usual spot is over there by the corner, and Itachi usually sits next to me. Hidan mixes it up, but Kakuzu is pretty loyal to the chairs by the door. Deidara likes the counter spot and Tobi sits across from me. Kisame normally sits next to Tobi, but sometimes he'll sit by Kakuzu."

Kakashi's voice was warm, and I had a feeling he was smiling behind his mask, "The Akatsuki don't really seem like a criminal organization."

"I know, right? I'm so proud of myself. I'm, like, the ultimate manipulator."

Kakashi actually laughed at that.

"Bringing all these high-class S-Ranked criminals to their knees. Sort of. We're more like a dysfunctional family at this point, especially with Naruto and Sasuke joining the mix. And Sakura and Ino. And Hinata. Which reminds me, I need to finish making their laptops... then I can start tinkering with the range capabilities..." I trailed off thoughtfully, wondering how I could do such a thing. It would obvious to just need amplify it from its current state - no need to overcomplicate it. Given how most of the parts on the laptops were chakra made, and how versatile chakra was and how in some cases, _amplifies_ things, I wondered if chakra could be used as basis for the waves. Maybe even produce the waves at such a higher frequency rate that it would have enough energy to -

Kakashi snapped his fingers in front of my face and I snapped back into reality. "Sorry."

"... Still, though..." Kakashi trailed off. "... You know, you never really talk about your homeland."

I stilled.

"You had a family, didn't you? One you left behind? I know it's not my business to ask, but..."

"It's okay," I managed, my stomach churning. I tried not to think about them a lot, to be entirely honest. I couldn't return home, and I couldn't think of a way to send any sort of message across to them. Even Obito couldn't replicate what he had originally done - it was something he did subconsciously and given how I had originally arrived (literally kicked out of my own world), I imagined it wasn't an open-door thing.

It was a one-way ticket.

So I tried not to dwell on them, because it was hard. Leaving everyone behind was _really_ hard. Coming into a new world was really _, really_ hard. It was easier to just ignore it, just focus on things that I could actually _do_ something about.

Momma always said it was pointless to worry over things I couldn't change.

I didn't even have pictures of them on my hard drive. Oh, sure, I had family photo albums, but they were hard copies. Things I left behind. What pictures I had on my hard drive mostly consisted of pet pictures and a handful of silly pictures with my friends. And a lot of cosplay stuff, but that was moot.

Although I could not use my eyes, I couldn't help, but turn my 'gaze' down. My chest was starting to ache and I bit my bottom lip.

 _Shit. If I cry, it'll hurt like a son of a bitch because of my condition,_ I thought, starting to rock in place. "Red."

"What?"

"I don't know. I'm trying not to think about stuff that's going to make me emotional because I _cannot_ cry now. If you make me cry, you're pretty much effing over my eyes even more so."

"Sorry, I didn't realize - er - so - um - I'm not obsessed with your boyfriend."

I gave a strained choking sound, in a vain attempt to laugh at that. "Bull shit. I don't have eyes and I can see you mooning over him."

"I am _not_ mooning over him."

"What? Are you my rival now? First I had to compete with Rin, now I have to compete with _you_? What the hell?"

"I am _not_ your love rival."

"Mm-hmm. Just remember your place. It's _me_ he'll always return to."

Kakashi snickered. "Yes, ma'am."'

"Do I _look_ like a ma'am?" I whined. "Jeeze, first Hinata-chan and now you."

"It's the bandages."

"I knew it. Damn these bandages."

"Does Tobi need help kidnapping Bee? Or in the war?" Kakashi asked. "I didn't get a chance to ask him last night..."

"No. He's fine."

"You sure? I could fake my death, too, you know, and help him..."

"Wow. You _are_ my love rival, what with the way you're bending over for him."

"Mia, you do _not_ need to worry about me in that regard. Or anyone for that matter. He only has eyes for you."

"That doesn't mean I'm okay with others throwing themselves at him."

"Seriously, Mia. I _promise_ you that I am not attracted to Obito in that manner, nor is he attracted to me in that manner. And I _swear_ we will _never_ be attracted to each other in that manner."

"Oh, fine. Kill my threesome fantasies then."

"What. _What_. You have threesome fantasies?"

"No. But now I _definitely_ won't _now_ because you just shot those chances with your cruel, senseless words."

"Here you are, Mia-sama," Ana said. I heard the soft _tink_ as a plate of sweet, delicious baked goods was set in front of me and a cup of hot, sweetened milk tea.

"Can I get you anything, Shinobi-san?"

"Hot black tea is fine, thank you."

Ana demurred a response before she left.

"Now comes the hard part," I sighed, reaching out hesitantly for the tea.

"Do you need me to feed you?" Kakashi inquired politely.

I huffed. "I don't need anyone to feed me."

"Tobi fed you last night."

"Only because I was intimidated by your presence and wanted to show you your place. He's _mine_."

"Oh my God..."

I grinned widely. "Oh, I'm kidding. I just like watching you squirm." I paused. "... Well, in my mind you're squirming, at least."

A hand was placed over my head, ruffling my hair. "Maa. You're more annoying than a little sister."

"I am _not_. I'm _just_ as annoying."

Kakashi chuckled.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I sneezed, sniffling. Another towel was placed on my head, the first and second towel being wrapped around me. The towel on my head began to move as he started to scrub on my wet hair. He sighed, "Honestly, Mia, you know better than to play in the rain for so long."

"I was stalling for time," I protested. "I didn't know when you or Nagato would be done talking."

Obito sighed again and continued to dry my hair. "We finished a while ago."

"And?"

"And he's willing to go along with _our_ plan. Him _and_ Konan. Meaning tonight, I'll 'kidnap' Bee, and tomorrow morning Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi will leave for Konoha. I'll go ahead and implant the evidence onto Danzo tonight, so by the time you three get back to Konoha (which would be in about two days), he'll already be on trial."

I perked up. "Do you think I could watch him be on trial?"

"No," Obito said patiently. "You're still a civilian and civilians aren't allowed to attend trials for shinobi... safety reasons, you understand. Anyway, Sasuke will have his revenge (justice), Itachi will be cleared and then the Summit will occur. You will accompany Nagato and Konan to the Summit - as they will represent the neutral lands, given their ties to the Akatsuki - and Nagato and Konan will be able to reveal their true identities in the process. Meaning, no more hiding."

I frowned. "... Is Nagato going to take a path?"

"No," Obito said. "He's going as himself. The Summit will commence then I shall interrupt, flirt with you, and generally just be awesome."

I giggled. Obito stopped drying my hair and set the towel elsewhere. He placed a firm kiss on my forehead then continued to talk, "War will be declared, yadda, yadda. Akatsuki will say they will assist in the war, but Itachi will explain his illness to Tsunade. Doubtlessly, she'll place him out of the war and to assuage Sasuke and Naruto (because you know both of them will be pestering her for it), she will treat Itachi to the best of her abilities before the war. When the war occurs, I'll fetch Itachi so he can use Edo-Tensei (as we have all the necessary supplies now, thanks to the fact Itachi remembered to ask Kabuto where all his supplies for the jutsu was) and then hide him away.

"The war will carry on for a while and I'll pretend to be defeated by the hands of Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi and the Akatsuki. Sasuke, Kakashi, Naruto, Nagato, Konan, Kisame, and you are the only ones that will know the full plan," Obito finished summarizing. "So. Big night tonight. Go ahead and get to bed - I'll join you after I take of the things."

I pouted. "No. I'll wait up for you."

"It'll be a late night," Obito warned.

"We can sleep in tomorrow."

"If you're sure..."

"I am."

There was a moment of pause before Obito started to gently push me down on the bed. "I don't know. Unlike me, _you_ need sleep. Just sleep for a little bit, I can wake you when I come back."

I reached out and grabbed the front of his shirt, bunching the cloth in my hand. I pulled him down on me and said, "Liar. You'd let me sleep."

Even if I couldn't see him, I knew he was smirking in amusement. His lips brushed over my own as he said, "Oh? Is that so?"

There was a knock on the door. "Obito? Mia? It's me, Kakashi..."

We both groaned in annoyance.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

I squeezed the life out of Naruto, and Sasuke. Sakura was a little behind me. She was staying behind (along with Ino), as she was still a Konoha representative. The only reason the rest of Team 7 was out here was because Naruto was _going_ to leave Konoha anyway to check on me. The PenPal thing was just a bonus. But enough time had passed and it was time for them to carry on with their shinobi career.

Kissing both of their cheeks, I stepped back, my hands still on their shoulders. "I'll be back in Konoha in about a week, so take care, both of you. Hopefully, by the time I return, I'll be able to see again."

"Be safe, Kaa-chan," Naruto told me. "Let Tobi open the doors first."

Sakura giggled. "Or Deidara."

"Be nice, you two," I scolded.

Sasuke cleared his throat. "... Is Itachi still coming to Konoha?"

"Yes. He and Kisame will leave a couple days behind you two," I said. "Don't worry, Sasuke-chan."

Kakashi cleared his throat. "And are you certain that you and Tobi will be okay? Does Tobi need any assistance with the plans? _Any_? At all?"

"Someone hit Kakashi for me."

There was a smack and Tobi giggled. "There you go, Mia-chan. Now shoo, you three. Mia-chan will be just fine here! Tobi will protect her."

Naruto huffed. "Because you did _such_ a good job last time."

"At least Tobi didn't let her get kidnapped."

"Guys, guys," I said quickly, realizing this was a downward situation. "Let's just relax. Take a deep breath. Love you, Naruto-chan, Sasuke-chan. Kakashi, you're still a cockblocker. I will see you three later."

There was a kiss on my cheek and Naruto said, "Later, Kaa-chan."

Sasuke (I'm assuming) patted my shoulder. "Stay safe."

Kakashi (again, just assuming) ruffled my hair. "See you."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Gentle fingers started unwrapping the bandages around my eyes. After a couple of seconds of silence, the bandages were completely off. My brow furrowed and I began to slowly open my eyes.

The room was dimly lit - just a couple of candles, yet, I still winced at the brightness. I blinked, ignoring the stinging sensation that pricked my eyes. My vision blurred and focused as I stared at Obito - maskless - in front of me.

"Damn," I said, lifting a hand and cupping his face. "You know, in my old world, my type of eye injury wouldn't even have been possible to recuperate from. Heh, yet in this world... even with Nature Chakra it took weeks to recover, yet..."

"You'll be very sensitive," Obito warned me. "I would suggest keeping your eyes closed for the majority of the day for a week or so."

"No objections here," I said, using my other hand to wipe at the reflexive tears that had gathered in my eyes from the brightness (well, bright to me). Obito grasped my hand that rested on his cheek, pulling it down and brushing his lips over my knuckles.

He then stood up. "We received the summons for the Kage Summit. Nagato is leaving with Konan and yourself."

"Why am I going again?" I asked incredulously.

"Because you wanted to go," Obito stated bluntly. "And it's not like Sasori wants to go anywhere unless Sakura is going with him, same for Deidara, and Itachi and Kisame are in Konoha and no way in hell is Hidan going. Kakuzu couldn't care less and I'm invading the Kage Summit, so..."

"Ah... that's true..."

"I'll pick you three up afterwards. You leave tomorrow morning, so try and get some rest now, okay?"

"Depends," I said slowly, smirking, "will you be joining me?"

"Well. This _is_ my room and you _are_ on my bed."

"Both are true. And look... Kakashi is nowhere near Amegakure in the first place."

A sly smirk crawled its way on Obito's face. "That _is_ true - "

There was a knock at the door. "Yo. It's Deidara. There's a ninken named Pakkun for you, Tobi - "

"I'm going to kill him," Obito said seriously.

" - I'll go ahead and let him in, un."

Realizing that Obito's mask wasn't in sight, I grabbed my boyfriend and pulled him over me onto the bed and squashed his face against my chest. The door opened and I turned my head, squinting at the figure that entered.

Deidara stared at us, his single eye widening, and he started to blush. "Oh. Sorry, un."

"This is why you ask to enter a room," I said plainly. "Pakkun, what's wrong?"

"Yo, Mia-chan," Pakkun said, nonplussed with the situation. "Kakashi just wanted to inform you guys about Itachi's state. Tsunade-sama's treating him now."

"And Danzo?"

"Executed. Also, thanks to... er... _someone's_ information... ROOT has been mostly _uprooted_ (get it? get it?), too, and several members are going through re-sensitization by the Yamanaka Clan. However, Tsunade-sama is uncertain if everyone from the ROOT has been found."

Deidara was blinking in surprise at Pakkun. "Wait... why are you telling this to Tobi and not Leader-sama, un?"

Pakkun shrugged.

"Because Tobi and Kakashi bonded, you saw how clingy he was to _my_ boyfriend," I said.

Tobi whined. "Don't make it sound like that, Mia-chan. Tobi swears it's not like that!"

Deidara laughed nervously, still looking mildly uncomfortable with the situation. "Aa. I guess so. Sorry again, un. Come on, Pakkun. I'm sure you want to say hi to the girls, too, and you're welcome to stay here for the night, un. Right, Mia-chan?"

"You took the words right out of my mouth," I said.

"I know, un. I make everyone speechless."

When Deidara and Pakkun had left, I released Obito, though he did not move right away. I tapped his head. "I don't mind you using me as your pillow, sweetie, but this position is a bit uncomfortable for me and I still need to change into pajamas. So, how about we get ready for bed and take it from there?"

"... Thank you," Obito said quietly.

"Aa... Make me breakfast tomorrow before I leave? I haven't had _your_ cooking in a while..."

"Sure. Whatever you want."

"Yes!"

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

My eyes were closed and I stood to Nagato's left, behind him and the banners. Even if I could not see anyone directly, I knew their faces and voices well enough to be able to picture the situation. For the most part, everything was canon - the exception being Danzo's group was replaced with Tsunade, and Gai and Kakashi flanking her.

Shizune was not chosen, because Tsunade needed her most trusted aide to continuously care for Itachi in regards to his illness. So she chose Konoha's best (mature) duo team - Kakashi and Gai.

And Kakashi had volunteered for the job.

Surprise, surprise.

There was an extra seat, right in between Gaara and Tsunade, where Nagato sat. There was no elemental nation banner behind him, but instead it was a blank canvas, which seemed to fit the situation well. Nagato was representing _all_ of the smaller nations - something that had never been done before. Yet, the Akatsuki were the smaller nations' pride and joy, their strongest protectors and greatest weapon against the larger nations. It made sense that Nagato, the leader of the Akatsuki (figure leader, at least) would represent them.

Mifune, who originally represented the smaller nations, was strictly a mediator this time.

Aside from Tsunade's eyes widening upon seeing Nagato and Konan for the second time in her life - and immediately recognizing them - (I made sure to keep my eyes open long enough for _that_ ) nothing else of note happened when Nagato took his seat.

I did wave at Kakashi and Gai, though, and they both waved back.

"Please remove your Kage hats."

I heard the rustling of cloth as each Kage removed their hat. The lighting changed in the room as the lights turned on. Despite keeping my eyes closed, and staying in relative darkness behind the banner, it was still rather painful.

"In response to Raikage-dono's request, the five Kage and Akatsuki Leader have assembled here. I am Mifune, your moderator," Mifune intoned. "The Summit Conference is called into order.

"I shall speak first. Hear me," Gaara said.

"There's such a difference in Kage these days," Onoki said, a condescending tone in his voice. "To be a Kage at your age is quite an accomplishment, Kazekage-dono. It seems your father trained you extremely well, except in area of proper etiquette."

Gaara's tone did not change from his usual apathy. "You're probably right. It is the reason why I can be here as Kagekaze."

Onoki laughed. "You certainly are cocky."

"Tsuchikage-sama, there's no need to make fun of him," Mei, the Mizukage, said reprovingly. "Kazekage-sama, please continue."

"I am a former jinchuuriki," Gaara said. "I have no memory of losing my bijuu, nor am I certain of how I am still alive. Yet, one day I found that my bijuu was gone. Whoever had done this, is certain to be a powerful enemy, yet when I had requested a conference with all other Kage, I was ignored, except by the Hokage. Over time, you have all started to notice that your own bijuu are missing, and only now with _your_ jinchuuriki missing, Raikage-sama, is this meeting called. Our response to this threat has been far too slow."

"It's an embarrassment to have our bijuu stolen, we are the leading villages, which is why it is common sense to resolve this in utmost secrecy. Seeking the help of other lands just because of that is nonsense!"

"Nonsense?" Nagato murmured coolly. "Kazekage-sama makes a valid point. _Your_ bijuu have long since been stolen, Tsuchikage-sama, yet you made no move to recover them or even attempt to seek aide. You say having your bijuu is an embarrassment, but what really is embarrassing is having an old man, far past his prime, unable to move past his ego and assist others."

I coughed in a vain attempt to cover my laugh, placing my hands over my mouth. Konan placed a hand on my shoulder in a calming gesture and whispered, "Don't laugh, Mia-chan. You'll make it worse."

Onoki did not respond right away, but when he did, I could feel the impalpable absolute irritation in his voice. "You would know all about embarrassment, wouldn't you, Akatsuki Leader? Your organization is comprised of reject shinobi and kunoichi."

"Watch your tone, Tsuchikage- _san_ ," Tsunade snapped, her temper flaring. "The Akatsuki have been invaluable to _all_ the villages. Due to their efforts, ties between the smaller nations and the larger ones are undeniably strong. While the majority of their shinobi are missing-nin, they have already proven that doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing. You and I are both old enough to have learned that in this world, there is no such thing as black and white - everything is grey. Nagato-sama and Gaara-sama have points. If we're to work together on this, _you_ need to swallow your ego."

Mei sighed. "Please, Hokage-sama, Tsuchikage-sama, restrain yourselves. This meeting was not called to fight or hold pissing contests between two rival villages. Raikage-sama called this meeting to discuss the issue in regards to our missing bijuu. In response to your point in our slow action, Kazekage-sama, having our bijuus stolen is no cause for immediate fear. Controlling a bijuu requires skill, knowledge and time."

"The jinchuuriki and the bijuu must mature together," Onoki said, "and adapt to one another. And still, controlling the bijuu is a difficult task. It isn't easily done, right, Kazekage-dono?"

I began to slowly creak my eyes open, squinting and wincing at the brightness. I could barely make out Tsunade rest her chin on her hands as she leaned forward on the table. "In most cases, that's true. The only ones who were capable of controlling a bijuu were Uchiha Madara, Hashirama-jiji, Yondaime Mizukage Yagura, and Raikage-sama's young brother, Killer Bee. But - "

A growled and stood up, raising his hand and slamming it down on his desk, completely shattering it. "Enough of this bullshit!"

In the same instance he had stood up, _all_ guards had jumped out in front of their Leader (the exception being me). I placed hand on Nagato's shoulder and whispered, "I'm here for moral support."

Nagato glanced back at me, his eyes lighting up in amusement. "Good. I was sorely lacking in that department. Konan, stand down."

Konan relaxed her stance, hopping back behind Nagato and recalling her paper shuriken.

"I'm here for moral support, too, Gaara-chan, Tsunade-sama," I said. Tsunade laughed and Gai gave me a thumbs-up. At Tsunade's laugh, Gai and Kakashi relaxed and took their positions behind her again. Gaara dipped his head and murmured a quiet response to his siblings, causing them to stand down.

"Chojuro, Ao, relax," Mei murmured, nonplussed. Chojuro glanced shyly back at his Mizukage before relaxing and moving to stand behind her again. Ao looked annoyed, but did not question his leader and moved back into position.

Unable to keep my eyes open any longer in the light, I closed them and stepped back into the darkness. I heard Ay and Onoki have their shinobi stand down, as well, and I heard the rustle of cloth and the _ting_ of weapons as they were sheathed and their owners stepped back.

"This is a place of discussion, please refrain from unnecessary violence," Mifune sighed.

"As I was _saying_ ," Tsunade said, and I could practically see the thin smile on her face, "there were very few shinobi who could control their bijuu. Among those, however, were two who could immediately control them. My grandfather, Senju Hashirama and his rival, Uchiha Madara. The reason action is now taking place to this emergency is because I am assuming that Raikage-sama has the same information on the matter that we do. Bear in mind, my fellow Kage, Konoha has only recently acquired this information."

A gave a grunt. "You would be correct, Hokage-sama. A few of my men witnessed the battle between Bee and his kidnapper. His kidnapper was undoubtedly using the Sharingan. We originally wanted to demand Sasuke from Konoha, but it was confirmed that the Uchiha boy was nowhere near Kumogakure at the time. And then... we found an interesting lead. The kidnapper of my brother, of _all_ the bijuu, it would seem to be... Uchiha Madara."

Silence filled the room, and a thick tension seemed to have entered it.

"Impossible," Mei breathed.

"I would agree, but knowing Madara... that man is a monster," Onoki growled.

"Konoha has also received information to support this," Tsunade said.

Nagato cleared his throat. "As have the Akatsuki."

Somber silence fell between everyone again.

"Madara is a serious threat, one that we cannot ignore," Nagato said. "We - "

"My oh my."

My eyes shot open (I immediately regretted that, as they started stinging like crazy), and I looked up to find Obito - cloaked entirely in black with a white mask with the pattern of a fire in the bottom corner that curled up around his left eye.

"Who are you?" Tsunade demanded. "How did you get in?"

Obito cocked his head, not responding right away. Arms grabbed me from behind and I threw my arms in front of me as Kakashi pulled me back and jumped up. Light exploded from beneath everyone as Kakashi kicked down the wall and hurled both of us out of the room.

The room exploded.

"I'm starting to hate explosions," I muttered, my ears ringing and my eyes closed again.

"Are you okay?" Kakashi demanded.

I snorted. "I'm fine. You actually grabbed me prematurely. Hopefully no one noticed. How is everyone else?"

"We're fine," Konan murmured quietly, appearing next to me. "Tobi was right in assuming that everyone would be able to react in time."

Creaking my eyes open again, I noticed that the entire room was gone, only an empty space that reached down several floors above and below us. _At least it was a nicely controlled explosion._

I looked around, only see Tsunade, Gai, Nagato and Ay. The smoke was too thick to make out the others, but I could still feel their presence.

"That didn't kill you?" Obito inquired, his voice echoing around everyone. "Shame. But, it's not like I actually expected it to. I just wanted a proper entrance. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Uchiha Madara, and I have come to talk."

" _Talk_?!" Ay snarled. "You nearly blew us up!"

"And if I _had,_ you couldn't really call yourselves Kage, could you?" Obito reasoned. "You weren't in any _real_ danger. Like I said, I just wanted a proper entrance. Now, I suggest you listen to me or things will get a bit unsavory for each of you. Keep in mind, Ay, that that you still don't have your precious brother. Besides, don't you _want_ to listen? Aren't you... _curious_?"

No one responded right away.

"I shall take that as a yes," Obito said, and I heard him clap his hands together - I still couldn't see him. A harsh wind whipped around us, and the flames and smoke cleared. Obito stood a floor above us, looking down. He then sat down, his legs dangling over the edge, uncaring. Through the holes of his mask, I could see his Sharingans coming to life as he looked down on all of us.

Onoki floated above the Kages a bit, his eyes narrowing. "What are you talking about? Why _didn't_ you kill us? Surely a man of your skill..."

"The injuries I sustained from my battle with Hashirama were too severe. I have no strength in me now. You could say I am merely a shell of my old self."

"Are you planning to restore yourself?" Temari asked.

Obito hummed. "You could say that. But that's not all. Project Tsuki No Me are my plans for the bijuu." He held up one, slim, finger. He paused. "All shall become one with me and result in a complete possession form that unites all."

"Become one? Unite all? What do you mean?" Ōnoki asked.

I just knew Obito was smirking behind his mask. "The Uchiha have an ancient stone tablet that has been passed down through generations. It exists underground in Konoha. Upon it are written secrets, engraved by the Sage of Six Paths himself. It cannot be read unless you possess ocular powers. With the Sharingan, Mangekyo Sharingan and Rinnegan, in that order, the contests become increasingly visible."

"You're story is unlikely. The Sage of Six Paths doesn't—"

"It's is the truth," Obito interrupted Ōnoki . "He did exist and he left the stone tablet."

"Don't change the subject," Ay growled. "What does your plan have to do with the Sage of Six Paths?!"

"Do you know why he became a legendary figure and a godlike figure that is revered as a god of shinobi? There lies the link between my plan and this man. He once saved the world from a certain monster," Obito said. "Gaara, you also had one part of that monster sealed inside of you. That monster was the combination of every bijū in existence. Something that possessed the most powerful chakra. The Jūbi."

"Aren't there only nine bijū?" Temari asked.

"I just told you," Obito replied. "It was the combination of _all_ the bijū. Ichibi, Nibi, Sanbi, Yonbi, Gobi, Rokubi, Nanbi, Hachibi, Kyūbi. The Jubi's chakra was simply divided up into nine bijū by the Sage of Six Paths."

"I don't like where this story is headed," Kankuro muttered. "Is that why the Akatsuki are gathering bijū?"

"The Sage of Six Paths developed a certain ninjustu in order to protect the world from the Jubi. Even today, that ninjustu is still being secretly passed down. It is the Sealing Jutsu process for jinchūriki. Yes, the Sage of Six Paths was the Jubi's jinchūriki. In order to suppress it, he sealed the Jubi within his body. The Sage, who saved a world terrorized by the Jubi became a savior and won praise as a god. But, if the Sage died, the powerful and demonic chakra of the Jubi would once again be released unto the world. Fearing this, at the time of his death, the Sage of Six Paths summoned every last ounce of his power to partition the Jubi's chakra into nine parts and scattered them across the world."

Obito shrugged. "Then, he sealed the Jubi's body, now devoid of chakra, and hurled it into the sky. And it became the moon."

"What a tall tale. As if a human could do such a thing."

"When he became jinchūriki of the Jubi, the Sage of Six Paths went beyond the realm of humans."

"I understand now that you seek that inhuman power," Mifune said. "by gathering the chakra of the nine, namely all, of the bijū. But what will you do with all that power?"

"Revive the Jubi," Obito responded. "And I will become the Jubi's jinchūriki. I will use its power to strengthen my ocular powers and activate a certain jutsu."

"What jutsu?" Tsunade asked, her eyes narrowed.

"A super genjutsu where I project my eyes off the moon," Obito answered. "Infinite Tsukuyomi. I will cast a genjutsu on every human that walks the earth. And in that genjutsu, I will control all humans and unify the world. A world without hatred or war. Everything will become one with me, everything will be united. That is the Project Tsuki No Me."

"Stop joking around! I'm not handing the world over to you!" A snarled.

"Peace that exists only as an illusion is deception," Gaara said. "Peace is only meaningful when it is genuinely achieved in the real world."

Nagato coughed at that and Konan and him exchanged sheepish looks.

"Like hell I'd let this pass," Tsunade said firmly.

"What would exist in such a world? There is no hope, no dreams! It's just an escape," Mei said.

"Unite the world, huh? But instead of sounding like you truly want such a thing, it only sounds like you want to make the world yours," Ōnoki said.

Obito chuckled, nonplussed. "All this talk and yet what have _you_ accomplished? You of all people should know by now... there is no such thing as hope! To hope is the equivalent to giving up and it's the biggest deception of all. Turn over the remaining Hachibi and Kyūbi and cooperate with my plan. Or there will be war."

"War you say?" Gaara asked.

A paused for a moment, as the implication that the Hachi was _not_ in Obito's hands finally sunk in. Pure fury lit in his eyes. "That idiot! He used that chance to slip away and now he's actually having the time of his life! Unforgivable! He's going to my Iron Claw!"

"We will not hand over Uzumaki Naruto," Gaara said.

"As if I would allow you to touch my student," Nagato murmured.

"I agree with him," Mei said.

"It goes without saying what I agree with," Tsunade said.

"There's no way I'll let him have my younger brother," A growled.

"I don't have the strength, but the bijū I've gathered so far do. You people have no chance of winning."

"We haven't given up hope," Gaara said.

"Very well. I hereby declare the start of the Fourth Great Shinobi War," Obito said.

"Fourth Great Shinobi War?" Ōnoki asked incredulously. "Are you mad?"

Obito scoffed. "Would you still underestimate me, _brat_? Did you learn _nothing_ since our last encounter?"

Onoki glared in silence at Obito.

"... Well then. The next time we meet will be on the battlefield, for most of you anyway," Obito purred, standing up. At the end of his sentence, he dematerialized and was soon out of sight.

When he was gone, Ōnoki dipped his head. "What do we do now?"

"We have to form an Allied Shinobi Force," Gaara said. "It's the only way we can counter the power of seven bijū."

"Let's form this alliance and settle this once and for all," Ay said.

"We cannot allow our last two remaining biju to fall into his hands," Mei said. "I think it is imperative that our Allied Shinobi Forces find the two first and place them into hiding."

"However we cannot even imagine the power Madara wields with the seven he already has," Ōnoki said. "Furthermore, he may possess a certain jutsu or a trump card for using the bijū. Otherwise he wouldn't have come on so strong. Perhaps it would be wise for the Allied Shinobi Forces to plan on using the Hachibi and Kyūbi as military weapons too."

"Absolutely not," Tsunade said, just as Gaara said, "That cannot happen."

They exchanged a glance and Tsunade dipped her head for Gaara to continue. "This is also a war to protect those two. There is a reason why Madara is waging war with just seven bijū he has collected thus far. It is too difficult for Madara in his weakened state and Akatsuki members to capture the Hachibi and Kyūbi. Even if they had succeeded, he felt the risk was too great. That is why he may be hoping to lure the two to his side through the war. In any case, using the Hachibi and Kyūbi for battle is not a wise strategy."

"I agree," Tsunade said.

"As do I," Mei said.

"I also concur with the Kazekage," A said. "If we consider the worst-case scenario, it will be like offering the Hachibi or the Kyūbi on silver platters. And besides, the Hachibi is my younger brother and 'military strength' is a foreign concept to him. I can't predict what he'd do. He may just create more chaos on the battlefield!"

Tsunade snorted.

"Naruto would do the same," Gaara said.

"An understatement," Nagato intoned.

"That's for sure," Kankuro said.

"I'll say," Temari chuckled.

I huffed. "My son isn't _that_ bad. He's just... eager."

Konan patted my shoulder. "Mia-chan, we need to talk about your denial... It's just too much now."

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Yawning widely, I reached out a hand and placed it on Konan's shoulder. I then closed my eyes, as she guided me through the hallways and the three of us began our departure.

"Tobi shall be here to pick you up," Konan murmured gently. "I believe we agreed to meet him a little ways outside so there's little chance a chakra sensor would recognize him."

"Mm-hmm."

Nagato sped up the pace. "Let us be done with this. I will return to Amegakure soon. We have much to prepare for." He gave a small, wispy chuckle. "I never thought I would be anxious for war."

Konan laughed lightly. "You are not anxious for war, Nagato. You are anxious to fight alongside Naruto-chan. I know. I am the same for Hinata-chan."

"While I sit on the sidelines and try not to have a heart attack," I sighed. " _Everyone_ I love is going to be fighting. _Ugh_."

Konan placed a cold hand over my own on her shoulder. "Do not fret, Mia-chan. We will not allow any one of our precious people to die."

"Easy for you to say. You can actually _do_ something."

"You have done enough. Now allow _us_ to do something."

I pouted.

"Mia-chan~"

Obito, in his childish persona of Tobi, glomped me from behind. I laughed and retracted my hand from Konan's. Obito leaned heavily down on me, forcing me to bend my knees. "You're squishing me."

He pulled away and placed a hand on each of my shoulders, dropping his persona. "I take it everything is going well?"

"They've accepted your invitation to war," Nagato said smoothly. "Are you certain you have enough Edo-Tensei candidates?"

_Kabuto already had thrice as many prepared than he originally did - each of them a powerhouse in some regards. Obito's been able to collect even more so quite easily, thanks to Sasori's knowledge of their whereabouts coupled with his ability._

"I have _more_ than enough," Obito assured him. "Well, I shall go ahead and transport all of us back to Amegakure. The war will begin in a week, I imagine."

"I'm going to be hospitalized with heart attacks within minutes," I pouted.

Obito squeezed my hand. "Don't worry, Mia-chan. Everything will be okay."

"No, it won't. I can't even go out to the battlefield. I have to _stay with the damn Feudal Lords!_ "

Obito squeezed my hand again. "I know, I know... But, you are still a high-ranking member of the Akatsuki. You _are_ the equivalent to a Feudal Lord for the Akatsuki, just as Nagato is the equivalent to a Kage."

"Wouldn't _you_ be the Kage?" I asked incredulously.

"Not anymore," Obito said firmly. "That paperwork is _all_ Nagato's."

"Thanks," Nagato said dryly.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

Two days after the Summit, Kakashi had arrived in Amegakure to "escort" everyone to the village.

I screamed in silence - my mouth working, but not a single sound escaped me. I continued to stare in dumbfoundment at Kakashi for several minute before I was finally able to speak. "What... _WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T SEE MY SON UNTIL AFTER THE WAR?!_ "

Kakashi winced at my shrill voice. Obito placed both his hands on my shoulder in an attempt to calm me down, but I barely noticed him. Kakashi said, gently, "The Kage thought it would be best if the jinchuuriki remained hidden, and stay with only shinobi that can defend them. You're, er, well... you can't do that."

My mouth worked, and I attempted to find some kind of response to that, but nothing came to me.

"And _you_ can't take her there," Kakashi said firmly, looking at Obito. "They have too many chakra sensors there, they'll be able to sense you and if Mia's with you... It'll look bad."

I was hyperventilating at this point.

Obito moved away from me, heading to the nightstand and pulling out a syringe. "Mia-chan, I think it's time for a sedative."

"I DON'T WANT A GODDAMN SEDATIVE, I WANT MY S - "

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

When I awoke, as in my bed in Konoha. I snapped up, my eyes widening and I scrambled from the bed, throwing on a robe and dashing into the living room. There, sitting on the couch, was Sasuke.

We stared at each other.

I rushed over to him, tackling him into a hug and squeezing the life out of him. "... You are forbidden from leaving me, too. How's Naruto? Is he okay?"

Sasuke patted my back. "I'll actually be joining him shortly. But, Tobi wanted to make sure we at least got to say goodbye for now. Don't worry so much, Mia. He'll be fine."

I sighed, releasing my hold on my second son and sitting down on the floor. "I just... I just..."

Sasuke patted my head. "I know."

Anko entered the room, leering at us. "Don't worry, Mia. I'll be escorting this guy to Naruto. Have a little faith."

I sighed again.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

The week before the war was the longest week of my life, easily. Thankfully, I was able to stay in relative constant contact with the rest of my babies. Hinata would be fighting alongside Konan in the war, just as Sakura would be working with Sasori, and Ino would be with Deidara, Shikamaru and Chouji. When it was time for me to leave and stay with the Lords, it was with a heavy and anxious heart.

It did not help that I didn't know a single one there.

What _did_ help, however, was that my dear friends were kind enough to make sure that the hideout had 1.) a very large and nice kitchen and 2.) _lots_ of food.

I mixed the batter furiously, pacing around the kitchen.

The kitchen was an utter mess now, with not a single free space. The war, I knew, would be over sometime tomorrow, and I knew that if I just kept myself distracted, time would go by more quickly. One of my better bad habits was nervous or angry baking. So that's how I found myself in the kitchen, creating yet another batch of lava cakes.

Another explosion rocked the outside and I whimpered. Mei and quite a few other shinobi were fighting to "protect" us. Not that we were in any real danger. Obito was just playing the role of a warlord.

"This is _horrible_ ," I moaned. "Obito can't even visit me because of those damn chakra sensors and everyone I know and love is _fighting_."

I stared at the batter of the angel cake I was making and sighed.

Looking over at the clock, I realized that it was already quite late and most of the Lords would be going to bed.

Heh. Like _hell_ I would be able to sleep tonight.

**(** **ﾉ◕ヮ◕** **)** **ﾉ** ***:** **･ﾟ✧**

There was a knock at the doorframe and I whirled around to find Kakashi, tired and a little battered, leaning on it. "Oi, Mia. Come with me."

I dropped the bowl of cookie dough and sprinted towards him. Tackling into him and hugging him. "Is everyone okay? No one died, right? _Right_?!"

"No one that you know, at least," Kakashi said patiently. "Come on now."

Kakashi picked me and left the hideout quickly. We were sprinting through the trees as Kakashi began to speak, "Out of all of us, I had the most energy left over, so that's why I'm coming to pick you up. Stop panicking, Mia."

"I won't stop until I see them with my own eyes."

We landed in a clearing, roughly half and hour later.

The clearing was, unsurprisingly, decimated.

I didn't care about that.

What _I_ cared about, was the blonde boy who was laying down on his back, panting, with Sasuke right beside him. I sprinted towards them. "Naruto-chan! Sasuke-chan!"

Naruto sat up slowly, his eyes widening and he opened his mouth to speak - just as I slammed into him and started squeezing the hell out of him. "Sasuke, get into my other arm, _right now_."

Sasuke, too tired to complain, just joined in on the hug fest.

"Awww," Sakura cooed. "Aren't they cute, Sasori-sensei?"

Sasori huffed. "I'm a little annoyed that Mia didn't trust us enough to handle the situation."

I just shook my head, pulling back from my sons and looking around. Killer Bee was passed out, snoring soundly, a little ways from us. I didn't see the Zombie Duo (I vaguely remembered they were supposed to be in control of another battlefield), nor did I see Ino, Deidara and Gai. It was only Kakashi, Sakura, Sasori, Naruto, Sasuke, Killer Bee, and... Obito.

Who was not squatting beside us, his mask long gone. He looked tired, and there was a giant hole in his chest. I stared at it.

Obito waved off my staring. "Mia-chan, you _know_ I'm fine. Everything went according to your's and Itachi's plan. Nagato and Konan are currently fetching Itachi now to get him back to Konoha before he's noticed missing." Obito yawned. "I need to change back into my Akatsuki robes."

"I have your spare set of clothings in my bag," Kakashi said, also giving a yawn. "Ah. The adrenaline is fading. I think I'm going to join Bee fairly soon."

Naruto yawned, too. "I know what you mean. Damn Tobi. I mean Obito. You're _really_ strong."

Obito didn't reply, just heading to Kakashi's bag (which was off on the side).

"At least this damn war is over," Sasori sighed. "Now we can go back to our lives."

Sakura nodded her head earnestly. "Aa. And I can properly join the Akatsuki!"

"And when did you decide on that?" Sasori asked incredulously.

"Just now," Sakura said, grinning widely. "Deidara has obviously chosen Ino as his Akatsuki partner (because she's joining the Akatsuki, too), so you'll need a partner now. Who better than myself, Sasori-sensei?"

Sasori shrugged. "I'm not complaining. If it's alright with Leader-sama, I see no reason why not."

Sakura beamed.

Sasuke yawned loudly. "... I refuse to fall asleep before Naruto. Naruto, hurry up and pass out."

Naruto just grinned cheekily. "As if. _You_ pass out first."

Sasuke sniffed. "No."

" _Both_ of you better fall asleep now," I scolded. "Because you _both_ need it. _Now_."

Deciding they were too tired to risk my anger, they both just laid back down on the ground and closed their eyes. I smiled and nodded my head at that, pleased with it. Kakashi sat down next to me, and then Obito joined us, still not wearing his mask.

"I say we _all_ go to sleep now," Obito said. "And let reinforcements carry us away."

"Sounds good to me," I said as Obito laid down and I rested my head on his chest.

"Sorry if I get any dough on you."

"I don't even want to know how you got that in your hair," Obito said. "We'll deal with it when we wake up."

"Excellent plan," Kakashi said tiredly.

Sakura huffed. "That's mean guys. Sasori-sensei can't fall asleep, you know!"

"No," Sasori agreed, "but I _can_ go into a meditative state. Care to join me, Sakura-chan?"

"I would love to."

And that was how we concluded the war.

Tired. Dirty. But... relieved.

It was over.


	35. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Ouch," I said, wincing.

"Hold still," Konan murmured, her fingers running through my hair. She continued to comb through it, tidying it up. "Anko-chan, would you please hand me the conditioner?"

Anko grinned widely and reached in front of me, and grabbed the tube of conditioner on the dresser. She handed it to Konan and Konan opened it, squeezing some out and starting to run it through my hair. "Good grief, Mia. Sleep restless last night?"

I blushed.

Haiiromaru gave a happy bark, wagging his tail. The Inu ninken had been with me for a couple years now. No longer a puppy, he was big enough for me to ride him (and in some cases I _have_!), with big brown eyes and a soft white underbelly and paws. His voice when he spoke in Japanese was still childish and higher-pitched. "She was! She was! She kept tossing and turning and I _told_ her she needed to sleep, but she didn't listen."

Shiromaru (Haiiromaru's twin brother - the exception being where Haiiromaru was a pretty orange-gold, Shiromaru was an ashy grey) nodded his head. His voice was deeper than his brother's, and he spoke more slowly. "She smelled anxious."

"Of course I was anxious," I muttered petulantly. "Besides, it was the first time sleeping in an empty bed for a long time."

"Hey!" Haiiromaru exclaimed.

"Okay, first time there were _only_ three in my bed," I amended. "But you guys kept kicking me, too. How is anyone supposed to sleep like that?"

"You had no issues before," Shiromaru retorted.

I pursed my lips and stubbornly looked away. Konan giggled and Anko snickered.

The door to the dressing room opened and Tsume walked in. "My oh my, don't you look pretty?"

My cheeks flamed again. "... Thank you. Er, is everyone ready?"

"Well, everyone's arrived at least. They're still talking now - no one has taken their seats, yet," Tsume said, smiling at me in the mirror. "Even Kakashi's arrived."

"So he actually arrived on time?" Anko asked incredulously.

"Well he _is_ the best man," Konan said, nodding her head.

I shifted nervously. "Where are the rest of my bridesmaids?"

"Here we are, Mia-chan," Sakura said, entering. She was smiling warmly at me. "The Toads are already here. I can't believe you let Naruto invite them."

I giggled. "They're his friends, Sakura-chan. I want everyone to be happy today, and if having his contracts here make him happy, so be it."

"Kakashi's ninken look adorable in their little kimonos," Hinata said softly, her eyes lit up. "I got a couple pictures. And the little bows you put on some of the scorpions are cute, Sakura-chan."

Sakura shrugged. "They asked for them. Speaking of summons, Anko-sensei, your snakes are about to get eaten by Sasuke's hawks."

"Damn it!" Anko cursed, hurrying out of the room.

Ino handed me a bubbly drink. "Here, Mia-chan. Drink this. This'll help with your nerves."

I took a tentative sip, then finding it to be rather delicious, I continued to drink. "... Thank you."

A comfortable silence filled the room.

"The wedding looks beautiful," Hinata murmured.

I smiled at that. We had decided on an outside wedding, simply because of space. I would have preferred a small, quiet wedding, but knowing how large our guests were, that was out of the question. Besides, a big wedding was just as fine. More the merrier, right? Thankfully, (and I _do_ mean thankfully) the weather was perfect. May weather in Konohagakure always was, but I was just grateful it wasn't raining or anything. The skies were a pretty blue with big white fluffy clouds and it was at that perfect temperature of being not too cold or too hot.

Our officiant and us would stand under a gazebo at the side of a large pond, filled with lily pads. Our guests would be seated in chairs on either side of a long white carpet that lead to the gazebo. After the wedding, we would transition to the Hokage compound (generously offered by Tsunade and her Hokage heir, my son, Naruto) for the reception.

I wasn't sure what the reception would be like, as my groom was the one who planned it.

"Thank you," I said. "Anko-chan did a surprisingly good job, didn't she?"

"I'm just surprised she isn't insisting that her Maid-of-Honor dress is see-through," Konan giggled.

I covered my mouth to keep from snorting with laughter at that.

"There," Konan said, stepping back and examining me in the mirror. My hair was no longer its spiky self, but it fell in nice, smooth, long, curls.

"It's a miracle," I exclaimed.

Sakura placed a hand on my shoulder. "You look breathtaking, Mia."

I smiled in sheepish embarrassment.

"You know," Sakura said thoughtfully, "even after a couple of years after the war, it still feels weird that Tobi isn't wearing his mask. I mean Obito."

I shrugged. "I'm just surprised no one questioned why he faked his death too much."

"Why would we?" Tsume reasoned. "He hasn't done anything _wrong_. There's no law against it. _And_ he's actually been helpful as Tobi."

"True enough."

" _I_ can't believe you're letting _Hidan_ be the officiant," Konan said, raising an eyebrow.

I shrugged again, snickering. "He asked to be. Besides, he'll behave himself. And you just _know_ it'll be interesting."

"It'll be something," Yoshino said, entering the tent. Shikaku's wife quirked an eyebrow at me, smiling. "Everyone's ready for you, Mia-chan."

I stood up from seat, brushing my hands over my white kimono. My stomach churned with nerves and my hands felt a bit sweaty. Yoshino stepped back out of the tent and Jiraiya entered. He let out a low whistle.

"Such a shame that another beautiful lady will be wasted on the ties of marriage," Jiraiya sighed, a teasing glint in his eyes.

I grinned. Anko entered the tent. "Alright, I've got the groomsmen ready and the best man. We ready?"

"Yep," I said.

Naruto entered the tent first, his eyes widening on seeing me. "Kaa-chan, you look amazing!"

He hesitated then shrugged and ran to me, hugging me. "Sorry if I mess up your dress or something, but I just _gotta_ hug you. You sure you wanna marry this guy? He's _awfully_ shady."

"Naruto-kun," Hinata reprimanded lightly, her hair pulled up in a bun with a little flower in it. Naruto smiled sheepishly. "Obito-san isn't shady."

"Sorry, Kaa-chan. Sorry, Hinata-chan," Naruto apologized, moving over to take Hinata's hand.

Sasori entered the tent next, giving an accepting nod at me. "Not bad. You almost look like a little doll, Mia-chan."

"Coming from you, I know that means a lot," I said, grinning cheekily. "After all, you _are_ a doll."

"Shut up," Sasori said, taking Sakura's arm. Deidara entered the tent, along with Nagato. Nagato and Konan didn't verbally say anything to each other, but Nagato just took Konan's arm. Deidara grinned at me, giving me a thumbs up.

"Not bad, Mia-chan, un," Deidara said, taking Ino's arm.

Kakashi peeked into the tent and whistled. "Aa. Obito's a lucky man."

"Don't you mean, _Mia's a lucky wife_ ," I teased.

"Will you _ever_ drop that?" Kakashi questioned. "So I was a _bit_ clingy in the beginning, but I've gotten better!"

There was a collection of snorts, disbelieving looks, and heads shaking.

"Shut up," Kakashi grouched, taking Anko's arm.

Jiraiya took my arm, and I stared at his arm for a couple of moments, lost in thought.

It felt odd. Getting married without my parents - my _real_ parents. I still missed them, but it wasn't such a terrible miss. When I had entered this world, I was about to leave my home anyway and start a new life. My own life.

And yeah, it was still premature, but it happened. I came to this world, for better or worse, and I _have_ found my own life. I have my own family. I have wonderful sons and loving daughters, and I have such close friends, and a place in this world to call my own. I'm about to be married to the most amazing man in all of the multiverses and we were going to start our own family - our _own_ life.

I missed my parents. I missed my old life.

But if it was between them and _this_.

I would choose this.

Hands down.

While I'm sure they worried for me, I had been gone from their lives for over nine years. They wouldn't have forgotten me, but I was confident that they had already mourned me. They were strong. They didn't cling to the past.

So neither should I.

And maybe one day we'll see each other again. We'll meet each other again, and I would be able to tell them all about my story. I would be able to introduce them to Obito, my future husband, along with however many kids we end up having. I would say, _This is your first grandson, Naruto. And your second grandson, Sasuke. This is your first granddaughter, Sakura, and your second granddaughter, Hinata._

They would love their grandchildren. I knew they would.

They would tell me about what happened while I was gone. How my cousins were doing, how my best friends had managed. Did they fulfil their dreams? Their goals? Did they fall in love or did they choose a different path?

And I would listen.

It was odd, holding Jiraiya's arm. But, it wasn't bad.

I couldn't cling to the past - that sort of thing nearly destroyed Obito. I lost my parents, but we would see each other again.

I smiled and squeezed Jiraiya's arm, watching as each pair left the tent.

"Nervous?" Jiraiya asked.

"A little," I admitted. "... Any word on Zetsu?"

Jiraiya shook his head, frowning briefly. "He's still in the genjutsu."

I sighed. "Maybe one day..."

"Maybe. Oh, that reminds me, X showed up, too."

"Did he now?" I asked, laughing. "Obito must be thrilled."

Jiraiya snickered. "Something like that. X said he brought along the best wedding gifts for you two, though. Something about a desk...?"

" _Yes_. I friggin' love that desk. It's about damn time he gave it back to me."

Jiraiya smiled at me and pulled the white veil over my face. While veils weren't part of a standard wedding in this world, I wanted one and no one was about to object it.

The music started playing and the two of us walked out the tent.

A gentle breeze ran through the grassy area, but I paid it little head. My eyes were on the man that stood on the steps of the gazebo. Obito's eyes lit up and he was smiling _so_ widely at me.

It was well past time to stop worrying about the past.

I had a future in front of me.

And I was not going to waste it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Latest fanart: Thank you, Midnighter67. :) Links on profile, or you can go to their deviantART gallery or my favorites (charredblossom16).
> 
>  **Answer:** Rathanel on FF, Mike Lee (atm) IRL because he wrote Nagash.
> 
>  **Question:** :) It's the ending, guys. So, of course my question is this: What's your happy ending?
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


	36. Bonus (Post Epilogue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Bonus! Isolation is both igniting and condemning my muse. What a trip. :)**

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

My eyes shot open and in a handful of seconds, I was out of our bed and dashing across the room to our bathroom. I threw the door open and made a dive bomb for the toilet, just in time to empty out last night's dinner.

A handful of seconds passed before Obito appeared beside me, a warm hand stroking up and down my back. When I was finished, he handed me a paper towel to wipe away the drool and I gave a low groan. "I _knew_ I shouldn't have had that fish! Naruto warned me something wanky was going on with their fish."  
"You were queasy yesterday morning, too," Obito said, his brows creased with concern. "Maybe you should see a doctor. Today."

I waved my hand in a dismissive manner, moving to the sink to brush my teeth. "You worry too much. It's just food poisoning."

Haiiromaru and Shiromaru padded into our bathroom, exchanging looks. Haiiromaru moved towards me, bumping his head against my thigh. "I don't know, Mia. Maybe you should."

"You smell funny," Shiromaru barked, cocking his head and bumping against me on my other side. Obito frowned at his words.

"I'm scheduling you an appointment this afternoon," Obito decided.

I sighed. "Fine. But it's just going to be a waste of time."

Haiiromaru gave a whine. "I hate the doctors!"

"No," I said, "you hate the vet. Doctors are vets for humans. He's not going to examine _you_."

He perked up immediately, his tail wagging furiously. "Oh. That's okay, then."

I snorted and Obito cracked a small smile. When I was done brushing my teeth (and Obito went ahead and did his, too), the two of us traversed to the kitchen.

"I have several more meetings today with the Akatsuki. We've almost finished the plans for the westward expedition," Obito said, grinning widely at that. The Elemental Nations had always been curious of the continent in the West, but never had it been peaceful enough that a full-blown expedition was thought possible. All of the villages had been coming together and planning this. The Akatsuki would actually be leading the expedition along with many shinobi and kunoichi from each of the villages.

Obito was taking a leading part in it due to his transportation abilities. Should an emergency happen, he could instantly take the crew out of it and bring them back home.

"Okay," I said, moving to the fridge and beginning to pull out some ingredients.

Our kitchen window opened, and I didn't even look up as Kakashi climbed through the window.

"Good morning," Kakashi greeted casually.

"Morning," Obito yawned, moving over to the stove to assist me in making breakfast. "After breakfast, I just need to get dressed and then I'm heading out. Do you mind scheduling Mia for a doctor's appointment, _and making sure she actually goes there_ , today, please?"

Kakashi nodded his head at this. "Don't worry. I'll take her there personally."

"I'm right here," I whined,

Obito rolled his eyes. "If Kakashi _didn't_ escort you, you'd just go to the park and play with the dogs all day, citing you forgot."

I pouted, not refuting that.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

It didn't take long to make or eat breakfast. Afterwards, Obito and I kissed (okay, maybe a _teeny-tiny_ bit more of a kiss... just a little bit...) each other goodbye, while Kakashi left the house to set up the appointment.

After Kakashi had returned, the four of us (my dogs went everywhere with me—Obito wasn't kidding when he said he wanted them to always be with me to protect me) headed out. The appointment was in the afternoon and we had several hours to kill before then.

"Jiraiya's supposed to be back in the village today," Kakashi commented, walking lazily beside me, his hands in his pockets.

I glanced over at him, blinking in surprise. "Is he? Good. It's been a while since I've seen him, and it's about time for the next _Icha Icha_ installment."

Kakashi's eyes closed as he gave me an eye-smile. "I know. Did you know that the third book is also being made into a movie?"

I gasped. "Really?! _Oooo_ , I can't wait now. I _loved_ the first two movies and the third book is my favorite!"  
Kakashi bobbed his head in a surprisingly enthusiastic manner (or as enthusiastic as Kakashi could get). "Same. Jiraiya wrote to me about it and already promised he would give us tickets to the premiere."  
A grin split across my face. "Friggin' awesome. Seriously. Just... love you for telling me that. Oh, hey, do you mind if we stop by the academy? I think I left my jacket in my classroom."

Yes. Classroom. While I still worked at TI as their secretary, I wasn't overly needed. So long as I kept up with the paperwork and kept my space organized, everything went smoothly (and sometimes _because_ it went so smoothly, it got a bit boring). And the teaching job was seasonal, of course, so I could juggle both jobs. Granted, times _did_ get a bit hectic and stressful when grading the students' homework along with all the paperwork at T&I, but those times were few and far in between I could handle it.

I couldn't teach my students everything, of course. I could teach theory, mathematics, language, decoding, encoding, history, taijutsu and things of that like, but when it came to chakra, things got a bit interesting.

I could explain chakra, and tell when they were using it correctly (or incorrectly) due to my chakra-sensor abilities, but I couldn't _demonstrate it_. Thankfully, I had plenty of friends and children that would be all too happy to attend a class to offer some demonstrations. Naruto and Hinata especially loved it.

"How _is_ your class this year?" Kakashi asked, glancing over at me.

"Very bright," I bragged. "At this rate, I think I might actually be able to win the bet!"

"Ah, yes. The bet between the teachers who has the brightest students. I'm pretty sure that's not very ethical," Kakashi commented.

I snorted. "The students don't mind, and a little competition is fun."  
"Uh-huh."

Haiiromaru barked when the academy came into sight. There were several students outside, despite it being a weekend. From what I could see, they were playing a game. Shiromaru rubbed against me in an affectionate manner while Haiiromaru bounced all around us, getting excited to see others play.

"When we're done here, wanna catch a movie?" I asked.

"Sure," Kakashi said.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

I shifted to the balls of my feet in Tsunade's office. "You know, some people could argue that this is favoritism."

Tsunade withdrew her hand from my forehead, her chakra slowly dying away, as a spark took to her eyes. "What? I can't treat one of my friends?"  
Kakashi shrugged. "She's the Hokage and if she wants to treat you, let her."

"She wouldn't be treating me in the first place if you didn't go to her," I retorted. "I know you're busy with the expedition plans."

Tsunade waved her hand in a dismissive manner. "Don't worry about it. Besides, I'm _really_ glad he got me now."

"What is it, Tsunade-sama?" Shizune asked.

Tsunade's lips widened into a smug smile. "Congratulations, Mia."

I stared at her.

I blinked at her.

Then the little light went off above my head and I gasped. " _Oh my God I'm pregnant?!_ "

Kakashi's eye widened, along with Shizune's. Tsunade nodded and I squealed with delight.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

After making the trio swear not to tell a soul, and bribing the dogs not to give anything away, I returned home to make a celebratory dinner. I asked Kakashi to go ahead and invite the gang over for dinner, so I could tell them.

Obito would be returning roughly an hour before everyone else arrived.

When he did return, he entered the kitchen and frowned. "Are we having a party or something?"

I turned around after setting in the two chickens in the oven, beaming. "Something like that. It's a celebration."

Obito suddenly looked anxious. "Is it somebody's birthday? Our anniversary isn't for a couple more months, right?"  
"Calm down. It's not something you forgot about, rather it's just some very good news," I reassured him. Obito sighed with relief and I untied my apron. Folding it gently, I rested it on the kitchen table and moved towards him. My arms wrapped around his neck loosely and he folded his arms around my waist.

"Good news?" Obito asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Mm-hmm. A new addition to the family."

Obito blinked in surprise. "New addition...? Is someone getting married?"

"No," I said, slowly dragging my right hand across his arm to grab his own hand. I then carefully dragged his hand across me to rest on my belly. "Not _marriage_ , per say..."

Obito stared at me.

Then his eyes widened and he gaped. "Wait... Mia... are you...?"

"Congratulations, 'Obi," I whispered.

"I'm going to be... a... dad...?"

"Mm-hmm."

Shiromaru and Haiiromaru both barked happily, circling around us and bumping into us affectionately.

Obito kissed me fiercely, pulling me tightly against him.

There was a knock on the door frame, and Obito pulled back long enough to glare at Kakashi who entered the kitchen. Kakashi held up his hands in a peaceful gesture. "Just thought I'd warn ya that Naruto and Hinata already arrived."

"Damn it," Obito muttered. "I don't even get a chance to celebrate this properly with my own wife?"  
"Not for a little bit, at least," Kakashi said apologetically. "Maybe not for a couple nights, either. You know how everyone is."

Obito huffed. "Stupid overprotective—"

" _Kaa-chan_! I went ahead and let myself in. Is that husband of yours being nice, or can I kick his ass?" Naruto sung as he entered the kitchen.

I giggled while Obito shot Naruto a mild glare. "Brat."

Naruto just gave him a cheeky grin. "So what's with the big dinner? Celebrating the next _Icha Icha_ installment or something?"

Obito's nose crinkled in disgust at that. "He's _still_ making that crap?"

"Don't be a prude," I said, gently patting his bum. Obito's cheeks took on a bright red hue, while Naruto looked positively sick and Kakashi gave me a knowing look. I giggled. "You _really_ need to get used to that, sweetheart."

"Anko is a _horrible_ influence," Obito grumbled, still blushing.

"She is not," I disagreed immediately, then paused and giggled. "Okay, maybe a _little_."

"So then what's the big news? Why are we celebrating?" Naruto asked.

"You'll find out when everyone else gets here," I promised, exchanging looks with Obito. Obito smiled back at me, leaning forward and brushing his lips across my forehead. Our hands found each other as we turned back to the kitchen. "Now go and watch some T.V. or something. I need to finish making dinner."

"I'll help," Obito said.

Naruto gave us a curious look, but when Kakashi guided him out of the kitchen, he wisely kept his mouth shut.

Obito cocked his head thoughtfully. "Look at that. A quiet kitchen just for us."

"Naruto and Kakashi are _just_ in the other room and there isn't a door between the rooms," I warned.

"Kakashi," Obito sung loudly.

"I've got you covered. Naruto. Let's go. We need to pick up some milk."

"What? But I just got here."

"Exactly. Now let's go."

"What are you trying to pull—hey! Give me back Gamma-chan! _Kakashi_!"

When the front door opened and closed twice, I cocked an eyebrow at Obito. Obito looked positively smug. "Oh. Look at that. A quiet _house_ just for us."

"Perv," I said, grinning and pulling him close.

"Thought I was a prude?"

"Shut up and strip."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**Seven months later**

"Would you calm down?" I asked, smiling in fond—if a bit exasperated—amusement. Obito's brow furrowed, and he only frowned (oh, he was _so_ pouting at my scolding). His fingers laced themselves in between mine, and he squeezed my hands. "Obito..."

"I can't help it," Obito insisted. He looked chastised for another couple moments, then he was back up, brimming and smiling. His eyes trailed down, and brightened.

"Do you want to listen to him, again?" I asked, bemused.

"May I?"

"Last time, then I _really_ need to get up and use the bathroom. Your son seems to believe my bladder is a soccer ball."

"That's my boy. Annoy the heck outta your mother, because I can't do that anymore. Apparently she can make me sleep on the couch now."

I grinned wickedly. "Damn straight."

Obito chuckled and scooted back a bit on the couch. He leaned his head down and pressed an ear against my round belly. His face became screwed up in concentration as he wholly focused on listening to the second heartbeat inside.

I withdrew one of my hands away from his hand, and I placed it over on top of his head, gently running my fingers through his hair.

Several moments of contented silence passed by, before the front door opened. "I'm back, and I've got milk."

"Welcome home," I returned, looking up as Kakashi entered the living room. He gave me an eye-smile in return. "Thanks again for doing the milk run!"

"Not an issue," Kakashi assured me. "I know that Obito doesn't want to be away from you at this moment—completely understandably so, given the circumstances."

"'Given the circumstances,'" I quoted back. "I'm _pregnant_. Honestly, between Obito's paranoia (and clingy-ness due to said paranoia—by the way, your encouragement of it is _not_ helping), and your clinical-ness, you'd think I was on a deathbed, or something."

Obito suddenly seized. "Don't joke about that. You and our son will be fine. _You and our son will be fine._ "

As Obito started to repeat that like a mantra, I tried to soothe him, while simultaneously continuing my conversation with Kakashi.

"I happened across Naruto at the store, too. He told me that Nagato told him the rest of the Akatsuki have arrived in Konoha. Everyone's officially gathered for your due date," Kakashi said.

"Shh, Obito. Do I need to get _your_ anxiety pills? That's wonderful, Kakashi, thanks for telling me that. Ah, do you want to listen to your godson, too?"

Kakashi cocked his head, shrugged, then looked down and shuffled his feet. The perfect picture of forced nonchalance. My lips twitched into a smirk, and I patted my belly. Kakashi shuffled closer and then sat down on the floor beside the couch. He rested his head on my belly, and Obito scooted over to give him some room.

"I don't need any damn pills," Obito grumbled.

"Mm-hmm," I hummed. We lapsed into a comfortable silence for a few minutes, 'til I cleared my throat. "Okay. Enough listening to our baby. _I have to pee._ "

They sighed in perfect unison, both standing up. After they stood up, Obito effortlessly lifted me off the couch and up onto my sore feet. Kakashi gave us another eye-smile, before bading us goodnight, and then heading up to his apartment, a floor above us.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**One month later**

Naruto fluttered around me, his brow furrowed. "Kaa-chan, are you sure you should be walking? You look like you're going to pop if something sharp touches you!"

It was a lovely day outside. Even if I was uncomfortable walking around being as pregnant as I was. Comfy sweats could really only bring so much comfort when each step taken friggin _hurt_. Not that I would admit that to my husband or anyone around me. So much as a peep and I would be carried for the remainder of my pregnancy.

And after the bathroom incident I would _not_ run that risk again. I understood being pregnant ran the risk of struggling with bladder control but it was still super embarrassing! Not to mention I couldn't even get up from the toilet on my own anymore. Obito had to install _rails_.

I sighed. "Sweetie... thank you, _so_ very much, for that mental image. I'm fine. I have you guys with me, don't I?"

"For once, I think I might agree with the idiot," Sasori said distastefully. Sakura nodded her head in agreement, adjusting her grip on the picnic basket.

"Yeah, come on, you... crazy-hen," Hidan said. He had been careful to limit his word choice around me, since discovering I was pregnant. Apparently Jashinism favored mothers. Go figure. I had a funny feeling he would use twice as many words (as if to make up for lost time) after the baby came, though.

"I won't be walking very far," I insisted, glaring defiantly at the many faces that stared back at me dubiously. " _And_ I'm not due for another week. Tsunade-sama is _very_ good at her job."

"I don't know," Obito said, giving me an uneasy look. He wrapped an arm around my waist, and pulled me a bit tighter against him. "Maybe we should have this picnic _after_ he comes."

"This is our anniversary for the end of the war," I protested. "We _have_ to have it today. Come on guys, please?"

Ino snorted. "Oh, let her have her fun. She won't get this chance after the baby comes, right, senpai?"

Deidara nodded. "That's right, un. Besides, it's not often _all_ of us can make it for this gathering."

Hinata placed a gentle hand on Naruto's arm. "Naruto-kun, calm down. Kaa-chan will be fine."

Naruto awarded his girlfriend with a skeptical look. She squeezed his arm and smiled, and he finally sighed. "Okay..."

I shook my head. "Good grief."

I could only hope we would have a peaceful time at the park up ahead for our reunion.

How wrong I turned out to be.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

"Watch where you're throwing that thing!" Obito shouted, as he narrowly dodged the Frisbee. Sasuke rolled his eyes, catching it from a little behind Obito and throwing it back to Ino and Deidara. After arriving at the park, the younger generation had split off into two teams and started a rather vicious game of Frisbee Tag. Poor Chōji had already been knocked unconscious when Hidan body-tackled him to prevent him from catching the Frisbee.

Obito was glowering darkly at them, pointedly positioning himself so his body was in between them and me.

"Obito, would you _relax_?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

Obito glanced over at me, and sighed, then nodded his head. "Yeah, alright."

"Come here," I said, gesturing towards me. Obito sat beside me and buried his face against the crook of my neck. I giggled, and I could feel him smiling against me. Kakashi sat on my other side, pulled out his favorite book, and started to read it.

Kakashi shadowing us was, sadly, something of norm now.

Sasuke leapt up and caught the Frisbee before hurling it towards Naruto. Naruto dive bombed towards it, but Kiba tackled into his legs. "Fuck!"

"Language," I chided absently, watching in fond amusement as Sakura proceeded to use Naruto as a stepping stone, and leapt up to catch the Frisbee. However, she soon found herself fighting against Ino in mid-air. With little choice, Sakura swung her leg out and kicked at the Frisbee, but she mustn't have had a good aim, seeing how it was sent hurtling straight towards _us_.

Obito spasmed, and then proceeded to launch himself in front of me.

I blinked in surprise when it actually connected against his forehead with a resounding smack.

The Frisbee fell lamely to the ground, and Obito straightened up, his eyebrow twitching. My eyes widened as I realized that Sakura had kicked the Frisbee hard enough that when it connected against Obito's forehead, it had actually drawn _blood_.

"Listen here, you little shits," Obito began, standing up. Kakashi immediately stood up next to him, slapping his book shut, "I think it's time I taught you all some _manners_."

"This sounds like fun," Kisame said, standing up from his spot beside Itachi, and grinning maniacally.

Naruto snorted, folding his arms across his chest. "What? Old guys like _you_? Please. _Bring it on._ "

As the Konoha Twelve flanked together, along with Deidara, Hidan, and Sasori (Sasori, probably only because Sakura was on that side), the rest of the Akatsuki, along with their senseis moved to stand beside Obito.

"Oh, dear," was all I said, and then all hell broke loose.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

I stared at the completely destroyed park. After the declaration of war, a brutal sparring match began. It eventually escalated into a free-for-all with no clear lines of alliances. Many had fallen unconscious by this point, or bowed out. Itachi was one of these, as he decided to stay out of it and make sure no stray attack managed to hit me.

"Tsunade-sama is going to murder them," I commented as I watched Naruto slam a Rasengan in the spot where Kakashi once was. Obito used this time to deliver a direct kick against the boy's midsection... only for him to disappear in a puff of smoke, thus signaling it was a clone.

Itachi thought about this for a moment. "Perhaps. Perhaps not. I think it is more likely that she only maims them."

Nagato sighed, he and Konan sat on the other side of me. "She will probably want us to pay for it."

"The brats can pay for it," Kakuzu growled from behind us. "It was their carelessness that started this in the first place."

"Or Obito's over protectiveness," Itachi lamented.

I sighed. "I love my husband. I really, really do, but..."

Konan reached over and patted my shoulder sympathetically.

Suddenly, I felt a distinct tightness around the baby, and my lower section. I let out a small gasp of surprise.

"Mia-chan?" Konan inquired.

I held up a finger, my brow furrowed thoughtfully. The cramping was intensifying, and it was certainly uncomfortable. A heartbeat passed, and then it died down... but not without leaving something behind.

Uncaring of my surroundings, I spread my legs, and pulled back my sweatpants. "Huh."

"Is something wrong?" Itachi asked.

"My water broke," I said, peering at the wetness. "Or I just wet myself, but it doesn't smell like urine, so..."

The reactions were immediate. Itachi effortlessly disappeared—undoubtedly to prepare the hospital, or get Tsunade—while Konan pushed Nagato away and grasped my hand. Nagato stood up and used his famous kekkai genkai to push _all_ the fighters down, and thus draw their attention.

"What the hell was that for?!" Naruto howled.

"Mia's water broke," Nagato said calmly.

In a split second, Obito had come to my side and picked me up, Kakashi right at his heel. Everyone else was already moving, running really, to the hospital where Obito would take me. I winced at the uncomfortable tightening sensation, and Obito gave me a worried look.

I smiled faintly at him. "Don't worry, I'll be fine."

"Alright," Obito said, resting his forehead against mine. "I'll hold you to that."

"Mn!"

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**Five hours later**

"SWEET VIDEO GAME KING SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME GODDAMN DRUGS!" I screamed.

"S-Sweetheart, you know that given your chakra-issue, and how fragile the baby's system is, we can't risk giving you drugs," Obito said hesitantly, his eyes wide with worry.

I cringed. _FUCK_

"Don't worry, Mia-chan. This'll only last... six more hours, maybe," Tsunade said.

I gave her a loathing look, then cried out when another contraption hit. "Fuckmefuckmefuckme—"

"Is there _nothing_ we can do?" Obito asked Tsunade anxiously. "I've never seen her in so much pain..."

"She'll be fine," Tsunade dismissed.

Obito gave Tsunade a very dry look. "Yes. Because clearly this is _fine_."

Tsunade's eyes narrowed. "Who's the trained medical kunoichi here?"

Obito muttered, "Technically I know medical—"

Tsunade's eyebrow twitched. "Out."

"What?" Obito asked, seizing up.

" _Out_. You're distracting me."

"You can't just kick me out!" Obito protested. "This is my _wife_ —"

"And _my_ friend. You aren't needed for a while longer, if anything you're distracting—"

"—She _needs_ the distractions—"

"—I think I know what she needs more than you—"

"FOR GOD'S SAKE STOP FIGHTING OR I'LL KICK BOTH OF YOU OUT."

They both fell silent, but still glared at each other. I groaned. "Obito, please... relax... I-I will be—fffffuckthathurts—fine."

Obito's brow furrowed. "But—"

"Your worry is endearing, b-but you're g-going to make _me_ f-flustered if you keep this up," I panted.

"Sorry," Obito winced.

The door opened and Sakura, and Shizune entered the room, dressed in similar attire to Tsunade. Sakura chirped, "Don't worry, Mia-chan. We're here for you."

"N-No need to reassure _me_ ," I wheezed.

The three women pointedly stared at a sheepish Obito.

"I'll be fine," Obito said, though he sounded more confident than he looked.

"Uh-huh."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**Ten hours later**

I was breathing heavily when the cry pierced through the air. Exhaustion pressed heavily upon me and pretty much everything below the waist felt like it had been put in a damn wood shredder then set on fire.

But, in that instant none of that mattered anymore. Because Tsunade had a blue-wrapped bundle in her arms and was approaching me. I tiredly lifted my arms, inwardly wincing at the line of sweat that shone on me.

Gently, Tsunade placed the baby in my arms.

He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

He was pink, squishy, and wiggly, with a tiny spot of black hair curling at the top of his head. His mouth was opened and he was making these little squeaking noises as he squirmed.

I swallowed roughly, my eyes burning. Beside me, the bed sunk in a bit as Obito sat beside me. An arm was wrapped around my shoulders, and I leaned weakly into Obito. With another hand, he carefully brushed my hair out of my eyes, wiping away some of the sweat.

"Hi," I whispered softly towards my— _our_ —son.

He made a cooing sound, and I dragged my eyes up to Obito. His eyes were unnaturally bright, and he had a huge smile on his face. Our eyes met, and his smile grew. "Thank you, Mia."

"Thank you, Obito," I responded, and then I looked back down. "He's beautiful."

Obito lifted one of his hands and softly brushed his finger against our son's cheek. "He is."

"Ryo," I said. "That's his name now, isn't it?"

"Mn. Uchiha Ryō."

Neither of us paid much attention as the doctors left the room.

It didn't matter anymore.

_Welcome to the family, Ryō._

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Obito bounced Ryō in his arms, easily keeping the infant fast asleep. We were all released from the hospital the following morning—after everyone got a chance to meet our newest family member, naturally.

Ryo, of course, had his own room, but Obito and I thought it would be best if he slept in our room while he was still so young. So we brought his large red, and blue cradle into our room, and it was filled with soft blankets and pillows.

Obito carefully set Ryō inside, and I leaned over and kissed the top of his forehead. Ryō squirmed for a moment, but didn't awake, and I pulled the blankets over him.

Obito and I stood back for a moment, and then Obito pulled me close to him and kissed me fiercely.

"I want another one," Obito said.

"My vagina says that's not happening for a while," I snorted.

Obito pouted.

I yawned, and Obito's expression softened. "... Let's get you into bed."

"Mmk," I mumbled. I waddled over to our large bed, and flopped over. Obito smirked, but effortlessly pulled the blankets out from under me and tucked me in. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Obito responded. "Now go to sleep."

"Not gonna join me?'

Obito shrugged sheepishly.

"You want to watch our son sleep, don't you?"

"He's so cute," Obito confessed.

"Good grief, you're turning into more of a woman than _I_ am," I moaned.

"Shuddup," Obito retorted brilliantly. "Or else there might not be any more chocolate left when you wake up."

"How dare you."

Obito grinned at me. "Go to sleep."

"Whatever..."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**Three weeks later**

Ryo gurgled happily at me, raising his arms up and trying to grab my bangs. I giggled and lowered my head and nuzzled him affectionately.

"So this is the new brat?"

My head snapped up. " _X_?!"

"The one and only," X said, stepping into the room from the window. "How have you been, my favorite prostitute?"

"Fairly well. Did you want to meet Ryō-chan?"

"Partly," X admitted, stepping close and peering at Ryō. With a black gloved hand he poked his cheek. "Also partly because I wanted to kidnap you again."

I considered this. "Obito would have a panic attack if I didn't tell him where I was going."

X held up a can of red spray paint. "Don't worry, I got this."

"I'm sure," I said dryly. "Just as long as it can be washed off."

"Of course," X responded. He walked over to our large bedroom window and proceeded to write out:

_Loser,_

_I kidnapped your wife._

_Love,_

_X_

I shook my head. "I don't have a sitter ready, so we'll have to take Ryō with us."

"Fine by me," X answered, then draped an arm around my shoulder. "Adventure awaits!"

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**Third Person POV – Obito**

Obito carried a couple of the grocery bags, with Kakashi, and Itachi carrying the rest. The trio walked in relative companionable silence, content.

Obito shifted all the bags over to one hand, and with the other hand he opened the door to their apartment. "Mia-chan, I'm home, and I got the diapers... Mia-chan?"

Silence greeted him, and Itachi moved past him to put away the groceries.

Frowning, as he had a very bad feeling, Obito carefully entered their bedroom.

He then turned his head and saw the message on the window.

"... Kakashi."

"I know a good place to bury the body."

"Good."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**First Person POV – Mia's**

"Thanks for the lunch, X," I called out, waving goodbye to my friend. X gave a mock bow, before he disappeared again. Ryō giggled at me, and I adjusted my grip on him, smiling down at him. We didn't _really_ go on adventure—X said when Ryō was old enough, he would be more than happy to play the crazy uncle and take him on all sorts of interesting adventures.

Which, I had to admit, partially terrified me, and made me happy. X had done a very good job at making _our_ adventures pretty safe, and I knew he would be careful with Ryō, but still... Ryō _was_ my baby boy.

Anyway, X just took us out to a quiet little café a couple villages away, and we debated upon what would be the best cover story that would fit in Ryō.

It was a toss-up between the long-lost son of Madara and (Lilly)Sasori who had, like his mother, been swept up and away due to events unforeseen and ended up in a different timeline... and the Sage of Six Paths reborn.

After lunch (which he did pay for), he dropped us back off at the entrance to our apartment. To be honest, I would be surprised if Obito _actually_ made it home before the whole ordeal was over. With a hum, I pushed our door open and stepped in to find myself face to face with an annoyed Itachi.

"You're in a lot of trouble," Itachi told me.

"What did I do?" I whined.

"We came home to find X kidnapped you, _again_ , with Ryō. How do you think your husband is taking it?"

"Hilariously?"

Itachi considered this. "... A little, yes, but also very, very, unhappily."

"He should know by now that X isn't going to hurt me," I sighed. "Where is he?"

"I will send out a summoning crow to bring him back here," Itachi said.

"Thank you."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

" _Uchiha Mia._ "

"Hi, honey," I said, then winced under his dark glare. "I can explain?"

"Where's Ryō?"

"Asleep in his crib."

"Explain yourself."

I shook my head, giving him an amused look. "I had lunch with a friend that took _way_ too much pleasure in teasing you."

Obito folded his arms across his chest. "You had lunch with a _criminal_ that kidnapped you for _Orochimaru_."

"Who also _saved my life_ from Kabuto," I retorted. "And technically he helped rescue me from Orochimaru, too. He's not a bad person, Obito."

Obito snorted dubiously.

I smiled coyly at him. "You worry too much."

"Do not," Obito muttered stubbornly.

"Mm-hmm," I responded patronizingly.

Obito glowered at me.

My smile grew and I sauntered over to him, throwing my arms around his neck. "I _am_ sorry I worried you. I really thought we wouldn't be gone long enough to do that. But, if it bugs you that much, I _promise_ not to go off on any more 'adventures' with X without you."

Obito relaxed. "Promise?"

"Promise," I agreed, pressing my lips gently against his. A warmth fluttered inside of me, spreading from the tips of my toes, to the tip of my nose when he returned it. We pulled back for a moment, and Obito smiled warmly at me. "Thank you for going shopping, by the way."

"Happy to help," Obito responded sincerely. "How are you feeling, by the way?"

"Better," I answered. "Although X and I _did_ discover something _interesting_ about our son."

Obito tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

"He _sneezes_ fire."

Obito chortled. "That's awesome."

"So you say now until he sneezes on you," I grumbled.

"Did he sneeze on you?"

"No. But he set our table on fire."

Obito chuckled. "Our little pyro."

"Mm-hmm."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**Two months later**

Sakura bounced Ryō up and down in her lap. "Sasori-sensei, isn't he adorable?"

"Mm," Sasori grunted, eyeing the babbling toddler.

I smiled at the duo. "How has your training been, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura beamed. "Wonderful! Sasori and Kakuzu are taking me hunting tomorrow so I can have my first completely human puppet."

"I... see. Congratulations, then. I take it it'll be a missing-nin?"

"It'll have to be, given our alliances," Sasori muttered. "It would be _so_ much easier if we could just bait an ANBU member, though."

"Naruto would never allow it," I laughed.

"True enough," Sakura sighed.

Ryo sneezed, fire blowing out of his mouth, but Sakura had already turned him around to face away from her. Sakura rummaged through her pockets before she pulled out a napkin and dabbed at the bit of ash that had managed to dust itself on his nose.

Ryo giggled.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**Six months later**

With Ryō now fast asleep, I stretched out in my green shirt. The sleeves were wide and loose at the end, and the actual shirt stretched down to my mid-thighs, so I was able to wear it without pants. Not that I normally did—it was mostly just a sleeping, or lounging in shirt at home.

I laid down on our large bed, and curled up, yawning tiredly. Sleep tempted me like hot chocolate on a cool day, but I resisted. The light was still on, and I was waiting for Obito.

I wasn't sure how long I waited—a minute, maybe more?—before Obito re-entered our bedroom in his all-black cloak. He smiled at me. "Sorry I'm late, Mia-chan. Took longer than I thought it would to find an open store with diapers."

"It's fine." I assured him tiredly. "Next time, let's just keep an extra set in Kakashi's apartment."

"Sounds like a plan," Obito said. He shifted to the heels of his feet, before moving to kneel beside the bed. He stretched out a hand, and his fingers brushed along my cheek before tucking my hair behind my ear. I turned my head and kissed the palm of his hand, reaching up and grasping it. His eyes softened. "Go to sleep, Mia. I'll take care of our son for the night and morning. I don't need as much sleep as you do."

"Then you can at least sleep until he wakes up again," I mumbled, my voice husky from the grogginess settling over me. Obito gave an affirmative hum, and then moved to turn off the light. With the light off, he discarded his cloak and shirt, and then climbed into bed. He crawled over to me, and I reached up, wrapping my arms around his neck and bringing his face to mine.

Smiling coyly, I said, "But, hey, if you're going to take care of him, then I can sleep in tomorrow... Which means I don't need to go to sleep _right_ away..."

"Hmm. What do you know... you don't," Obito purred.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**One month later**

"Thank you so much for agreeing to babysit," I chirped, kissing each of them on the cheek. Obito chuckled at my mood, and when I was done, he started to wrap his scarf around me.

"Happy to help, Kaa-chan," Naruto said, grinning.

Ryu cooed as he reached up at Kakashi's mask and started tugging at it. The ex-ANBU shinobi awkwardly shifted his arms and gently pulled the baby's hands back away from his face.

"Enjoy your night out," Sasuke said solemnly.

"We'll be back later, then," Obito, now wrapping the scarf around himself. "You all know where the food and whatnot is."

"See you later, darlings," I said.

"Shoo," Kakashi said. "Enjoy your date night. We'll hold the fort down."

Obito and I exchanged smiles before heading out.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

It was halfway through the movie when the urge hit me.

I started to fidget, my brow furrowing. Obito immediately noticed and turned his head at me, raising an eyebrow. I leaned towards him, pressing my lips against his ear and whispering. "I have a _bad_ feeling."

Obito chuckled, then lifted the arm rest between us. He put his arm around me and pulled me in, kissing the top of my head. "Don't be silly. Our son is in the middle of Konoha. The Akatsuki are _right next door_. He's with three people who love him and are more than capable of protecting him."

"But..."

"He's with Naruto, Sasuke, and... Kakashi..." Obito trailed off. "... They all... mean well... but... they have a habit of killing those they love..."

Obito seized, his eyes widening. "Mia, we need to go home."

"Oh, Obito, I don't think it's _that_ bad," I whispered quickly.

"Naruto means well!" Obito protested, "But he's an _idiot_ , and Kakashi has _horrible_ luck."

"Sasuke's with them," I objected weakly, trying to reassure both of us. "He's not an idiot, and he's not _that_ unlucky."

Obito gave me a look.

"We can't just show up after being gone for only an hour," I said, gnawing on my bottom lip. "They'll think we don't trust them."

"We don't."

"Why don't we just swing by Sakura and Sasori's place and ask them to check by our place?" I suggested.

Obito blinked. "That's... acceptable. Sakura, while insane, is a responsible young girl and can keep the boys in place. Leave now and come back to the movie?"

"The sooner the better," I agreed.

Little did we know that at that very moment Ryō had sneezed fire on the curtains while no one was watching and our apartment was being burned down.

They were not allowed to babysit again.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**Tiny little bonus of Mia 'bout to scold Obito:**

"Oh for the love of... Here, take your godson," I sighed, shoving Ryō into Kakashi's arms. My eyes narrowed into slits as I began to approach my husband darling dearest. Obito gulped nervously, smiling anxiously. " _Obito_..."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was sporadic, so apologies for the typos or inconsistencies.
> 
> Hope y'all have a lovely night.
> 
> Reviews are **love**!


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